


Lucky Like a Black Cat

by sinners0prayer



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - No Zombies, Crushes, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Drama, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Grief/Mourning, Humor, M/M, Pining, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-08 02:46:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 110,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8827351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinners0prayer/pseuds/sinners0prayer
Summary: Non Zombie AU where Negan moves into the house across the street from Rick's. Negan starts to make trouble with the neighbors, who are all like one big family, and a retired Rick has a front row seat from his porch. Only thing is, Rick can't help but connect with Negan's personal life, and things start to get complicated. Now he's feeling something he hasn't felt in two years, but it's with the entirely wrong person. How unlucky. Slow burn, it might be painful.





	1. New Neighbor

Rick hated getting up in the morning, and it always took a while for his brain to remember who he was and what his responsibilities were. But he had gotten the hang of retirement and single parenthood. He was stable now. Some days he felt lucky, not many pull through something like that without some serious hangups. Rick could have easily turned to alcohol, even drugs, but he kept his eyes focused.  
  
It was difficult for a long time, but Rick and Carl both were in a better place, and for once the two of them actually looked forward to the future. Rick was proud of the way Carl was turning out, and he knew that he could count on him to embody everything good about Lori. Rick would smile sometimes when Carl got frustrated; it was the same attitude that used to drive him nuts during couple spats. You don’t get all the good without some of the bad. Rick didn’t find it bad though, not now.  
  
Rick got out of bed and prepared for the day. Carl was already gone, he was in high school and got up early in the morning; he was independent enough that Rick could sleep in. Rick fed Judith breakfast and read the paper on the porch. It was a beautiful spring day and Rick was content with the idea of sitting there till Carl came home. He watched his neighbors begin their hustle and bustle and laughed to himself when he saw his neighbors Glenn and Maggie. They were a new couple with a new house and it was cute to see them struggle, in a ‘been there done that’ kind of way. They would often come over for advice or to watch Judith; Maggie absolutely adored her.  
  
Rick got along with all his neighbors, they were all great people and he was grateful he lived in a place where he could actually rely on the people around him. His gaze moved to the empty house directly across the street. It had sold, thank god. It was a mess to look at, the neighbor before had been cooking amateur drugs and an explosion almost took out the whole thing. The neighbor in question was in jail, and his brother Daryl had been over him for a while, and so didn’t offer to help him with bail. Rick knew Daryl from when his brother Merle had lived there, and had been around a lot trying to get Merle out of trouble. Not something a little brother should be doing. Rick always wondered how Merle afforded the house and after the explosion, he knew.  
  
Regardless, the house needed work, so he was hoping whoever had bought it was ready to fix it up. Rick’s yard was beautiful, after retirement that is, and he hated seeing the house across the street, and almost went over himself to fix up the eye sore.  
  
Just as Rick was contemplating this, a sleek black Cadillac pulled into the house’s driveway. A small moving van followed and parked alongside the curb. Rick tensed, this had to be the new owner, and consequently, the new neighbor. He peered over his porch.  
  
A tall man stepped out of the car, he had on a leather jacket, and he slammed the door, straightened up, put his hands on his hips, and looked at the house.  
  
“SHEE-IT.” He said, loud enough for Rick to hear.  
  
The man stared at his house for a while. He banged his fist on his car. “That’s what we get Lucille, eh?”  
  
Rick stared, first impression, the guy seemed like a major asshole. But Rick didn’t always believe in first impressions. He watched as the moving guy got out of the car and started unloading boxes. He and the man unloaded a sofa. Then the guy placed the last box on the man’s new lawn and started to hop back into the van.  
  
“You’re not gonna help me?” the man asked, not visible to Rick on the other side of the van.  
  
Rick couldn’t hear what the moving guy said, but it was probably something along the lines of “uh, no”, because the next thing the man said was, “Then fuck off then.”  
  
The moving guy left and as he drove off, the man was standing there staring straight ahead, he locked eyes with Rick. Rick put his paper up over his face and tried to ignore the situation. Judith sat in her playpen next to him. He started to read the article in front of him, but he couldn’t help feel a presence.  
  
“Hey little one.” Came a voice.  
  
Rick flung the paper down, “HOLY SHIT.” He jumped in his seat.  
  
“Hahahahahaha, hi neighbor, did I scare ya?” the man asked.  
  
“Y-ye, no, but, you startled me.” Said Rick, getting up.  
  
“I’m Negan.” Negan had a beard, like Rick, and they both seemed to be fighting gray hair.  
  
“Rick, Rick Grimes.” He shook Negan’s hand.  
  
“Oh-kay, Ricky, how about you help me move.”  
  
It wasn’t a question. Rick looked over at the boxes on Negan’s lawn. There were more than five boxes, but, it was definitely something Negan could do himself if he put in the effort.  
  
Rick didn’t say anything, he didn’t really know what to say. Then he thought of the best built in excuse he had.  
  
“Sorry, I’m watching my kid.”  
  
“Yeah I see that, the ol wife can’t watch her? Does she work? Some sort of feminist thing going on here?”  
  
“Uh. No. She’s dead.” It was abrupt, yes, but Rick had gotten to that point in himself, sometimes he didn’t have a filter about it. And most times he didn’t think he should have to.  
  
Negan looked surprised, it was a split second expression, but it seemed to shake him out of being a douche for a second. “Oh,” he said, “Shit. That’s my bad. I was being an ass.”  
  
Rick was impressed he owned up. “It’s okay, you’re not a mind reader. Maybe next time, don’t be an asshole in general.”  
  
“Heheh, probably not gonna fuckin happen buddy.”  
  
Just then Maggie walked up to the porch. “Hey Ri…” she stopped when she saw Negan. “Oh sorry.”  
  
Negan didn’t say anything, he turned and smiled, and eyed Maggie up head to toe. Rick looked at him, and turned to Maggie; he thought if he kept staring at Negan he might burn a hole into that leather jacket. “What’s up?” Rick asked.  
  
“I’m just returning Judith’s bibs, I didn’t tell you I had them from the other night, she got them dirty so I thought I’d clean them.” Said Maggie, ignoring Negan.  
  
“Well this is fucking peaches, she can watch lil Judith while you help me move.” Negan said.  
  
“Oh, you need a sitter?” said Maggie, ignoring Negan’s language.  
  
Rick felt overwhelmed, what the fuck was going on? Was his neighbor seriously pressuring him into helping him move? But Rick knew Maggie was eager to watch a baby, even if she didn’t say it, he knew she wanted one of her own. He let Maggie take Judith.  
  
“That’s the neighbor way.” Negan smiled.  
  
Maggie gave Rick a side eye, took Judith, and walked back down to the sidewalk.  
  
“Cool cool, let’s go.” Negan turned and started walking. Rick never did anything so reluctantly.


	2. Over You Already

Rick picked up a box and brought it inside Negan’s new house. Negan had already walked in to give it a look.

“So what do you do for a living Rick?” Negan asked, returning to the foyer from the other side of the house.

“I’m a retired sheriff’s deputy.” Said Rick.

“HOLY SHIT, really? That’s hilarious.” Said Negan.

“It is?” said Rick.

“Fuck yeah, look at you, all dad-ing it up and shit, you look like Mr. Goddamn Rogers sitting on your porch, I can’t see you taking anyone down.” Negan laughed.

“You’d be surprised.” Said Rick.

“Shit would I be?” Negan asked, staring at Rick pensively.

“Yeah. You would.”  
  
Negan continued to stare at Rick, a small smile forming at the corner of his lips.  
  
“What do you do?” Rick asked, getting uncomfortable.  
  
“I’m a gym teacher.”  
  
“A…” Rick stopped. This man was around children? This man? Around…children? “You’re a teacher?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Like. You. Teach. You teach children. You educate.”  
  
“Yes….?” Said Negan.  
  
“And they…they let you do that.”  
  
“Uh, yeah, why?”  
  
Rick decided to move on. “Nothing.”  
  
“Anyway, for a former meth lab, the upstairs floors are nice. Makes my job of fixing this place easier.” Negan said.  
  
“So you’re going to do all the work yourself?” asked Rick.  
  
“Yep, saves me money that way, and I’m pretty fucking handy.” Negan brushed past him to get the remaining boxes.  
  
‘Not handy enough to move your shit in yourself.’ Thought Rick. He looked at the boxes that they brought in. Once again, it’s not there were only a few, but there certainly weren’t a lot. Rick had more stuff than this all by himself.  
  
“This all of it?” asked Rick when Negan came back inside.  
  
“Yep this is the last box.”  
  
“No I mean, is this really all your stuff?”  
  
“Uh, yeah, got a fucking problem with it? Wanna buy me some new shit? Be my sugar daddy?” Negan huffed as he put the last box down.  
  
Rick rolled his eyes. “How about this sofa?”  
  
“Help me get it in.” said Negan. “Not something I often have to tell the ladies.” He let out the goofiest laugh Rick had ever heard. A stupid self-congratulatory laugh. Rick was over it already. He ignored Negan and walked outside to the couch.  
  
“Actually,” said Negan, “all my other furniture was already delivered. This is a new purchase so it came last.”  
  
Rick was relieved; at least he wouldn’t be hauling in furniture over the next few days per Negan’s demand. He grabbed the one end of the couch and Negan took the other. As they moved it up the driveway, Rick lost his balance, almost hitting the couch against Negan’s car.  
  
“WHAT THE FUCK RICK GRIMES! KEEP YOUR COOL AROUND LUCILLE!” Negan shouted, almost dropping the couch himself.  
  
Rick was shocked. “Sorry.” He said.  
  
“Heh.” Said Negan, still looking pissed. “I know she’s sexy, but she doesn’t like strangers smacking her on her ass alright? Only I’m allowed to do that.” He gave a big rabbit-toothed grin.  
  
“Ok.” Said Rick, trying to ignore practically everything that came out of this guy’s mouth. He was pretty sure his new neighbor was a serial killer, so he kept conversation at a minimum.  
  
They carried the couch into Negan’s living room and set it down. “Ah, thanks buddy.”  
  
“No problem.” Said Rick.  
  
“I can take it from here.”  
  
Rick started to walk out of the house when his foot kicked a box. The cardboard flaps shifted open and he saw a bunch of picture frames. He began to notice the shapes of Negan and a woman just as Negan pushed him forward.  
  
“Get the fuck out of my house now.” Said Negan.  
  
Rick felt the door slam behind him. He walked down Negan’s driveway, thinking about how that was probably the weirdest fucking experience of his life, and he was a sheriff’s deputy for god’s sake. Instead of going back to his house he turned and went to pick up Judith. When he got there Maggie answered the door.  
  
“What is up with that guy?” Maggie asked immediately. “Is he really my three doors down neighbor?”  
  
“Hey,” said Rick, picking Judith up off a playmat. “He lives ACROSS from me. Have some pity for the real victim here.”  
  
“Did he seriously make you help him move in his shit?”  
  
“Only half of it.” Said Rick.  
  
“This neighborhood has been perfect, Rick, I don’t want some asshole messing it up. Merle was a better neighbor and he cooked meth. Guess I shouldn’t say that around you huh?” said Maggie, smiling.  
  
Rick smiled. “I’m not with the law anymore. And frankly, I agree. Guess we’re just gonna have to deal with him best we can.”  
  
“Hm.” Said Maggie.  
  
“Well, thanks for watching Judith.” Said Rick.  
  
“Oh, of course! No problem! Did you get Carol’s message about the block party this weekend?” Maggie asked, getting the door for Rick.  
  
“Yep, already on what I have to get, soft pretzels, so no one needs to worry.” Rick smiled.  
  
“We can still have the same old neighborhood.” Maggie said as Rick was leaving. “Maybe he won’t be so bad.”  
  
Rick turned back to her. “I hope you’re right.”  
  
He walked back home, unsure about how his new neighbor would click with Rick’s favorite suburb. He was a total sucker for it, he knew, but it was nice to have a family, most neighborhoods just had drama. He looked over to Negan’s house as he reached his own, and walked back up to his porch; he wasn’t going to stay out there all day. Not anymore.


	3. Stay Away

Carl came home that afternoon and immediately noticed the house across from the street had its sold sign taken down. Rick watched him come up the lawn and opened the door.

“Hey Carl.” He said.

“Hey dad, new neighbor?” Carl asked, walking past Rick into the house. He slung his backpack onto an armchair near the door.

“Yeah, and we didn’t get lucky.”

“Who moved in?”

“Some asshole named Negan.” Rick stopped. “Sorry, I guess that goes in the swear jar.”

Carl rolled his eyes. “Is he really an asshole?”

Rick went to yell at Carl instinctively, but the rule was if Rick cursed, Carl got to say one too. “Yeah. He made me…help him move.”

“What?”

“It was a weird morning. Just…try not to get involved with him, if he talks to you, just keep it short and be on your way.” Rick was now watching Negan’s house from the screen door.

“Seriously?” Carl asked.

“Yeah. Oh, wait, who is your gym teacher?” Rick asked.

“Well, it was Mr. Jones, but now he’s opening up an Aikido School with a guy named Eastman.”

“Ah right, do you know who your new teacher is?” Rick walked into the kitchen.

“Not yet, why?”

“Because I’m pretty sure he’s it.” Said Rick, grabbing a beer from the fridge and gesturing towards Negan’s house.

“Is he really that bad?”

Rick opened the beer. “Trust me, it won’t take long for you to find out. He’s not like us, period.”

Carl sometimes hated how his dad judged people, but he could sense tenseness in Rick that wasn’t usually there. He didn’t argue about it. He also made note that his dad must be stressed if he was opening a beer at 3 pm.

* * *

The next day Negan got up bright and early for his first day at his new gig. He picked up the razor in his bathroom and decided against it, a beard would make a good first impression on the kids. He put on his leather jacket and headed out the door, he started up Lucille.

“Yeah baby, purr, that’s it.” He said, rubbing the dashboard. He looked into the rearview mirror. “How do I look? Good? Oh sweetheart, you know just what to say.” He put the car in reverse.

Negan had already met some of the faculty, and he walked into the cafeteria to see what the high school had to offer. The head of culinary was there.

“Olivia, right?” said Negan, grinning.

Olivia looked at him, “Yes, you must be Negan, the new gym teacher.”

“That’s me. Tell me, what kind of treats you got for me?”

“What?”

“You do inventory right? You know what’s in this joint, point me to the good shit!” He shouldn’t have cursed, but the kids weren’t there yet.

Olivia furrowed her brows. “Why don’t you look around and see for yourself.”

“Ooohoo, okie dokie.” Negan chuckled and picked up some cupcakes.

“Shouldn’t you be-“ Olivia stopped herself.

“What’s that?” asked Negan.

“You have to pay for that.” Said Olivia, although what she wanted to say was, dude, you’re a gym teacher, maybe start the day off with fruit.

Negan tossed the cupcake package in the air and caught it, “I’ll get it to you later.” He walked out. Olivia rolled her eyes.

The cafeteria was next to the gym so Negan walked over to where his new office was. It was sterile except for a motivational poster of an eagle and some office supplies on the desk. There was a report that the old gym teacher had left him of the curriculum and what they had been doing and what to expect. Negan put it in the trash can. He sat at the desk and tapped his fingers on it, waiting for school to start. When the bell rang, Negan smiled, showtime.

He picked up a clipboard that had the attendance and walked into the main gym, grabbing a baseball bat along the way; his class was waiting for him. He contemplated on whether he should start with attendance or start with scaring the shit out of them. He voted for scaring the shit out of them. Majority rules.

The class sat in lines that Mr. Jones must have organized for them.

“ON YOUR FEET.” Negan shouted upon entering. The class hurriedly obeyed.

“Hello pipsqueaks. I am your new gym teacher; you can call me Mr. Negan. A few things, I demand participation, that means Susie in the back better be ready to chip a nail, do I make myself clear?” Negan said, pointing the bat at the students.

A few mumbles came from the students.

“I GUESS I DON’T MAKE MYSELF CLEAR. LET’S TRY AGAIN. MY NAME IS MR. NEGAN AND I DEMAND THAT YOU ALL WORK YOUR ASSES OFF. It’s the only way to get ahead in life, and yeah, it starts in gym. Life is a competitive sport, pipsqueaks, and I’m just trying to help you get ahead. Now, do I make myself CRYSTAL CLEAR?” Negan said, swinging the bat over his shoulder.

This time the class said yes in unison.

"PERFECT. That’s all I ask. Now let’s do roll call and see which one of you sorry saps is playing hooky today.” Negan looked at his roster, and when he got about halfway down he let out a snort.

“Carl? Carl Grimes?” he said.

Carl looked at Negan from his place in the back of one of the lines.

“Yes?” he said.

Negan looked up. “Am I reading that right? Where are you, pal?”

“Right here.” Said Carl, feeling the same tension as his dad.

“No fu—freaking way.” Said Negan, laughing and catching his language. “Are you Rick Grimes’ kid?”

“Yes.”

“Whoa.” Negan said, walking over to Carl, he gripped the baseball bat. “You’ve gotta be shitting me. Hey neighbor.” He grinned.

“…hi.” Said Carl.

"Hm, well neighbor, I can’t play favorites.” Said Negan, moving back to the front of the line.

He continued reading off names. “Sophia Pel…Pele….how the hell?”

“P-peletier.” Came a soft voice.

Negan looked up. “Come on, you didn’t expect me to catch that did you?” he looked around the room. “Where are you Sophia?”

Sophia raised her hand, she was in the front. Carl looked over at her, she was his best friend.

“There you are! How do you pronounce that again?”

"Pell-tee-ay.” Sophia said.

“Well you’re a gangly thing, can you keep up?” said Negan.

“Shut up.” Carl said from the back.

“Whoa! What was that?” Negan swiveled to face Carl.

“You can’t take to students like that.” Said Carl. “Especially when you don’t know them.”

“I don’t need to know them, Carl, I get to know you based on your gym performance, that’s the end of it.” Said Negan.

“Then don’t question us before you get a chance to see.”

Negan laughed. “Ok, then let’s start today off with some dodgeball. Carl, come be a team captain.”

* * *

Rick was on the porch again feeding Judith, it was around 11 am, and he saw Negan’s black Cadillac pull into the driveway. He peered over the porch and watched Negan get out of the car.

“Negan.” He called.

Negan turned around on his heel. “Yea Ricky?”

"Don’t you have school?” Rick asked from the porch, getting up a little.

“Gym is only scheduled in the mornings this semester. And I still get paid for full time YEEHAW!” he shouted from across the street, thrusting his hips. Rick started to sit back down as Negan was walking to his door. “Oh,” he called back, “I met little ol Carl today. That’s some funny shit right there.”

Rick stood up, trying to look as intimidating as he could with a two year old in his arms. “What was that?”

Negan held up his hands. “Chill out Tricky Dick, I just mean that he’s JUST. Like. You. It’s a compliment.”

Rick sat back down and didn’t say anything. Negan went inside his house. That afternoon after school let out, Rick saw Carol marching down the street. He was in the middle of planting some flowers when she walked by his yard.

“Hey Carol.” He said.

“Rick.” She said, not making eye contact. “Is that where Negan lives.”

Rick looked at her, “Yeah.”

She didn’t say anything, she just continued to march. She walked up to Negan’s yard and began to bang on the door. Rick jumped up, garden shovel in hand.

Negan answered the door. “Yes?” he asked.

“Yeah, hi. How about you stop making comments about my daughter while you’re ahead?” Carol said, pissed.

“Lady what the fuck are you talking about?” Negan laughed.

“You’re the gym teacher right?” she asked.

“Yeah? And?” Negan looked at her. “Ohhh, you must be Sophie’s mom.”

“Sophia.” Said Carol.

“Hey, sorry about that, my teaching style is pretty intense.” He grinned.

“You make any more comments towards my daughter and I’ll have you stripped of everything you are and everything you own and I’ll enjoy doing it.” Carol said, practically bursting into flames.

“Holy shit lady, you are one mean motherfucker. I respect that. Ok, shit.” Negan smiled.

“Good. I’m Carol, by the way.” Carol turned around and walked back down the yard.

“Negan, nice to meet you.” Said Negan, almost at a loss for words.

Carol walked past Rick. “Well,” she said, “someone has to put him in his place. Maybe it will be you next time.”

Rick looked ahead at Negan, who was staring at him. Negan held up his hands and wiggled his fingers in a wave. He grinned his rabbit toothed grin. Rick realized he hadn’t asked Carl about what had happened that day, so he turned around and walked into the house. Negan was slowly starting to piss off everyone around him, and Rick was determined not to let him ruin their neighborhood.


	4. The Day Before

Rick had gotten the low down from Carl, which included how Negan called him out and his comment to Sophia. Maybe not the worst thing he could have said, but knowing Sophia’s history with Carol’s ex-husband, it set Rick’s skin on fire. Ed’s emotional abuse towards Sophia had caused her to develop negative body issues, and it was something Carol, Carl, and the rest of the neighborhood had been working on helping her with. Rick wanted to talk to Negan about it, but for the time being he had held his tongue. Carl would have lashed out at Negan then and there on that day, but it was Sophia’s business, so he didn’t. However if Rick went over there in private and discussed it, that would be between them, and maybe Negan wouldn’t make the kids that were in Rick’s life miserable.

But that day passed, and the block party was getting underway as everyone took on their roles. The head organizer was an older woman named Deanna, who had lived in the neighborhood before Rick, and her son Spencer. Rick and Spencer butted heads for a while but learned to leave each other alone. Rick used to have a bigger role in the block party but was politely demoted to, well, soft pretzel duty.

There were still two days till the Saturday party, so Rick picked a quiet moment to go talk to Negan. Negan had gotten home from school an hour earlier, and Rick hadn’t seen any movement coming from the house. He walked over and knocked on the door.

Negan answered, “Rick, what brings you?”

Rick noticed Negan had a beer in his hand. It was noon.

“Can I talk to you?” he said, tilting his head a little in anticipation.

“Sure what’s up?” Negan asked, hanging in the door frame.

“I mean inside.” Rick said.

“Ooo…” Negan whispered. “Come on in.”

Rick noticed the house was looking more like a home, and the boxes had been unpacked and removed.

“You want one?” Negan asked, holding up a beer.

“Should you be drinking this early after school?” Rick asked. He couldn’t help it; sheriff’s deputy and all that. Also Rick could be a little bit of an asshole too. Cue: His bickering with Spencer. They walked into the kitchen.

“Gonna arrest me Sheriff?” Negan laughed.

“Sheriff’s deputy.” Rick corrected him. “And no.”

“So what’s your point?”

“Just, it’s early. Maybe you shouldn’t be drinking.” This was a bad topic of conversation, and he shouldn’t have brought it up.

“Look, it’s my first one alright? Let me live a little, Jesus. Did you have something you wanted to talk about or what?” Negan was getting irritated, and Rick watched the cocky persona turn into something more intimidating. But Rick was strong too.

“I’m going to be really blunt here. Sophia and Carol have been through a lot. Primarily an abusive ex husband, so-

The entirety of Negan’s personas dropped.

“Maybe take it easy on her at school. You don’t know her life. They’ve fought through hell. Maybe you don’t understand, but some people go through shit, and assholes in positions of power don’t help.” Rick finished.

Negan was silent for a while. He put his hand on the countertop and slid his fingers across it in a thoughtful way. “Shit.” He finally said.

“Yeah.” Said Rick, still pissed.

“What happened to the ex?”

This time Rick was the silent one, until he said, “She killed him.”

Negan looked up at Rick. “Carol?”

“Yes.”

Negan looked back down. “Good.” He let out a deep breath. “Well, I’m sorry. I don’t. It’s just. Sometimes I don’t think. That’s on me.”

“This neighborhood has been built with trust and friendships over the years, we stick together. We take care of each other. I don’t care if you’re not gonna be a part of it; frankly, I don’t think I want you to be. But I don’t want to keep having to come over here.” Rick said.

“Duly noted.” Said Negan, there was a small smile forming.

“What?” said Rick.

"Nothing, nothing.” Negan brushed it off. “Let me walk you out.”

Negan walked Rick to the door and watched as he headed back across the street. He analyzed Rick’s house, as he had been doing each day he was there. Rick’s life looked like paradise from where he was standing, although he’d never, ever, say it. And Rick was wrong, he had been through shit. Just the kind of shit he’d rather say into a beer can. His smile grew into a small laugh, because he had seen that side of Rick that could take someone down. He wondered how vicious Rick could get; the thought excited him. He looked at the beer can, he had drunk about half. He walked into the kitchen and opened the trash can; he dropped it in. Negan grabbed some tools and headed to the basement to work on the house.

Rick’s heart was pounding, he hadn’t ‘dealt’ with anyone in a long time. He wanted to run to Carol’s and be like, see? He handled him! But he didn’t, he didn’t want her to know he had gone back to explain her life story. He felt a little guilty about telling Negan what Carol had to do; it wasn’t his story to tell. But he needed Negan to know how much of an asshole he was. Rick thought maybe that was selfish.

* * *

The next day was the day before the block party; Rick was heading home from picking up some things for Glenn, who didn’t have time to get what he was on the list for. Rick didn’t mind, he would do just about anything for Glenn. Glenn had been there since the beginning, and they had bonded over the years even though Glenn was so much younger. Glenn used to live in his parents’ house down the street, but they had moved once Glenn graduated college. Glenn had recently moved back into the neighborhood with Maggie, and Rick was never happier to see him. He wondered how Glenn would interact with Negan. The two hadn’t met yet.

As Rick was pulling in, he saw a ton of commotion happening in the street between his house and Negan’s. An interesting trio had been living in the neighborhood for a while; it was a man Rick’s age, named Abraham, his girlfriend Rosita, (were they still together? Rick wasn’t sure), and another man named Eugene. It was kind of weird, and Rick still wasn’t sure how they had all found each other, let alone moved into a house together, but they were a new addition to Rick’s neighborhood family and he liked them. Regardless, Rosita was outside fighting with Negan, who was still wearing his leather jacket. ‘Does he ever take that off?’ Rick thought.

He pulled into his driveway and got out. Eugene was standing a few yards away, Abraham wasn’t there.

“Just give us our trashcan back asshole!” Rosita yelled, in the middle of an argument with Negan.

“I told you, I’m just borrowing it for the time being, I’m cleaning stuff out.” Negan said, ignoring her emotion.

“Yeah? But it’s not yours.” Rosita growled.

“Look babe, trash guy is coming in an hour, just let him take this off my hands and the trashcan is yours.”

“Are you serious? Why don’t you ask to borrow it? How about that!?” Rosita was heading over to the trashcan and put a hand on it.

Negan grabbed the other side, “Chill the FUCK out girl!”

"You can’t just! Take our property!” Rosita cried, exasperated. “EUGENE. HELP ME.”

Negan was laughing as Rosita tried to pull the trashcan from his grip. “Tug a little harder babe, I like that.”

Those words might as well have been a death sentence, she let go and smacked him in the face.

“Whoa-HO!” Negan said, grabbing his face. Negan grabbed the army style cap she wore on her head and ripped it off.

“HEY!” Rosita yelled, her voice breaking. Eugene froze.

Rick couldn’t watch anymore, he ran over. “NEGAN.” He barked, he shoved Negan away from the trashcan. “What are you doing?”

“She’s causing shit over a trashcan.” Negan laughed, nervously.

“Did you ask to borrow it?”

“No he didn’t.” said Rosita.

Rick turned to Negan. “Do I really have to explain why you can’t just take someone’s property without asking first?”

“Well frankly I didn’t think it would be this big of a fucking deal but I guess I was wrong.” Negan said.

“Give me my hat back.” Said Rosita.

Rick ripped it from Negan’s hands and handed it back. “There you go Rosita. Are you okay?”

“Is she okay? She just clocked me!” Negan interjected.

“Shut the fuck up.” Said Rick.

“I’m fine.” Said Rosita, pissed. She put her hat back on. “I might not be able to take you down, but you’re really lucky Abraham isn’t here.”

“Oh am I?” asked Negan, he looked ready to start some shit all over again.

“Yea.” Said Rosita, grabbing the trashcan. “Come on Eugene.”

Eugene looked over at Rick, turned, and followed Rosita up the street.

“Tell Abe I’d LOVE to meet him.” Negan called.

“Negan.” Said Rick. “What the fuck.”

Negan watched Rosita and Eugene walk away. “Jesus Rick, I didn’t think it’d be a big fucking deal.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “Here’s an idea, knock on your neighbors’ door, say hello, ask them for a favor. Maybe that will work better and you won’t make enemies. Because between you and me, you’re pissing off a lot of people, and you’ve been here for three days.”

“Well, she escalated that shit, that’s all I gotta say.” Said Negan.

Rick didn’t have time for this, he turned around.

“Wait,” said Negan.

“What.”

“Can I borrow your trash can?”


	5. Ruin

Saturday morning was spent getting everything set up for the block party. Deanna had brought in bounce houses and slip n slides and the rental people were setting them up. Maggie and Glenn were unfolding trestle tables and grabbing chairs. Carol had met up with a man named Ezekiel who lived in the neighborhood across the street from theirs. They had been flirting for a while now and had collaborated on a bunch of fruit desserts for the party. Carol helped him unload the car. Daryl had shown up too, he had wanted Negan’s house but couldn’t afford it. He met up with Rick.

“Hey Rick.” He said.

“Daryl, hey, how are you?” Rick asked, carrying boxes of soft pretzels.

“I’m good. Is Beth here?” Beth was Maggie’s younger sister; she was a junior in college.

“I’m not sure, I think she’s coming though.” Rick smiled.

“Hm. So, the house sold.” Daryl said, looking at his phone. They were further up the street closer to where Carol and the trio’s houses were.

Rick looked down the street to Negan’s, “Yep.”

“Who moved in?”

“I’ll just say I wish your brother never blew up his lab.” Muttered Rick.

Daryl gave a half smile, “You serious?”

Rick put the boxes of soft pretzels down onto one of the tables. “Yeah, the guy is a real asshole.”

“Damn. I wish I had the money but, I just didn’t. Don’t.” Daryl said, looking at his feet.

“Hey man, it’s ok. You didn’t need to buy that house. And it’s not like you could control who moved in there.” Said Rick.

Just then Carol walked over. “Hey Daryl.”

“Carol.” Daryl smiled. He and Carol used to be really close back when Daryl was hanging around the neighborhood more. Because of their friendship, he had always gotten along well with Sophia. Nothing ever happened between him and Carol. “Rick was just telling me about your new neighbor.”

Carol made a face, “Yeah.”

 “Is he really that bad?”

“He’s something.” She said.

Rick made a face too and left them to catch up. At around 3pm guests and neighbors started to arrive. Carl had met up with Sophia and a girl from school, named Enid. Everyone was having fun and getting along, but out of the corner of his eye Rick could see Spencer staring him down. He tried to ignore him, last thing he needed was a scene to be caused. He was glad no one else had witnessed the commotion yesterday, but word had spread. Negan was a certified grade A asshole.

A few hours passed and sparklers were being lit, kids were running around and Rick saw Judith with Maggie and Glenn. He walked over to them.

“How’s my number one girl doing?” he said, brushing Judith’s hair out of her face.

“Good!” Judith laughed; she tried to jump into his arms.

“Up we go!” said Rick, heaving Judith into the air. He spun her around.

“Ain’t that just the cutest sight.” Came a voice.

Maggie, Glenn, and Rick all turned. Negan was standing there, still in his goddamn leather jacket.

“Don’t let me distract you. That’s just about the cutest shit I’ve ever seen.” Negan grinned, Rick noticed his rabbit toothed grin, like always.

“Negan,” said Maggie, breaking the awkward silence that was starting to form, “this is my fiancé, Glenn.”

“Ah, hello.” He said, shaking Glenn’s hand. “Gonna put a bun in that oven?”

“Uh…” replied Glenn. “I’m…”

“Don’t pay him much mind, Glenn, he always talks out his ass.” Rick looked at Negan and smiled, putting a beer up to his mouth. He smiled again and took a sip.

"Du-hamn Rick Grimes.” Negan said, but Rick could tell he was surprised. “A baby in one arm and a beer in another, there’s a look. Why don’t you point me to where you got that drink?”

Rick pointed; Negan gave a small chuckle when he walked by. Glenn and Maggie just looked at Rick.

“Fuck that guy, dude.” Said Glenn.

“Right?” Rick replied.

"Well,” said Maggie, shifting where she stood, “he’s got a point.”

Rick never saw Glenn turn so red so fast.

* * *

Rick lost track of Negan after that. Maggie offered to take Judith home and put her to bed, while Glenn would stay and help when the block party was over. The adults were all getting a little rowdy, but Rick noticed a louder voice amongst the crowd. Just as he was about to locate Negan, Spencer bumped into him.

“Oh, sorry.” Said Rick.

"Rick.” Said Spencer. “Watch yourself.”

“What does that mean.” Said Rick, getting pissed.

“You don’t want to start another fight with me here at the block party do you?” said Spencer, clearly buzzed and already agitated.

“Just be on your way Spencer.” Said Rick. He didn’t want to deal with this right now.

 “I guess you’re still not hallucinating huh?”

Rick froze.

“What the fuck is your issue?” he asked. “Did I do something to you? Or did Rosita break up with you?” That was new information to Rick; he had heard it an hour earlier from Michonne, a neighbor on another street. They had gotten close, but Michonne started a relationship with an old friend of his and he kind of drifted away for his own sake. Regardless, Rick was ready to use that information to hurt Spencer back.

Spencer dropped the beer he had been holding. “Fuck you Rick!” He planted two hands on Rick’s chest and pushed him hard. Caught off guard, Rick went down like a brick.

Just then, a shout came from the crowd.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH HIM!”

It was Negan, clearly drunk, who pummeled Spencer full force. The two went down just as Rick was getting back on his feet. Spencer and Negan began fighting like dogs.

“Get fucking off of me!” Spencer yelled, managing to roll Negan under him.

Negan slashed at him with his hand, scratching Spencer’s stomach.

“Gah!” Spencer hissed, he punched Negan in the face. Negan grabbed the sides of Spencer’s arms and flipped him over.

“Wanna roll around some more pipsqueak?” Negan said through his teeth, punching Spencer right in the nose; it started to bleed instantly.

“NEGAN!” Rick shouted.

“FUCKING ASSHOLE!” Rosita yelled, running to the scene.

“GET OFF HIM! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SON!” Deanna’s voice was shouting above the others. She went to grab Negan, who pushed her away. She fell on her side.

“Oh my god what the hell is going on?!” Glenn’s voice could be heard in between the shouting. At this point everyone was watching Negan beat the ever living hell out of Spencer. Glenn rushed past some of the people and tried to rescue him. Negan turned and punched him square in the eye. He cried out.

“RICK. DO SOMETHING.” Carol demanded, she was holding on to Ezekiel, but it looked more like she was holding herself back.

Rick seemed to snap out of a trance, it had always been Carol who reminded him to be tough. He breathed in and went to grab Negan.

“GET OFF OF HIM.” He grunted, grabbing Negan’s jacket and pulling it so that Negan went with it. Negan tumbled backwards. Spencer scrambled up and Deanna caught him. Beth and Daryl had already rushed to help Glenn. Negan tried to fight with Rick next but he wasn’t having it.

"Stop it.” Said Rick. “Just stop.” But Negan was fighting it like a wild animal.

There was a polarizing look amongst the crowd. Half of the faces were pissed off and angry, the others were scared; maybe some were both. Rick hadn’t played sheriff’s deputy in a long time, but it all came back to him in that moment. He pulled Negan up and started dragging him down the street.

“Where are you taking me?!” Negan shouted, trying to claw at Rick.

“Home, jerkoff.” He muttered.

Negan started to laugh hysterically. “I want to say something SO bad right now…” he slurred.

“Maybe you should call the police??” Rosita called.

“No.” Spencer said. They looked at each other. But it was fair, Spencer HAD been the one to fight with Rick first, and he knew the Sheriff would take Rick’s side, which in this case, was the right thing to do. And Spencer knew it, although his wounds were definitely excessive. They let Rick drag Negan away. Nobody said anything.

Rick dragged Negan up his lawn; he started to fish in Negan’s pockets for his house keys. He reached in Negan’s pants pocket.

“Are those my keys or areyou happy to seeme…” Negan sputtered, out of breath after fighting Rick.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Rick said, finding the keys; he opened the door.

“I’mgonna be sick…” Negan whispered.

Rick found the nearest bathroom and pulled him in. He opened the toilet lid and hoisted Negan over it. Negan immediately began to vomit. Rick winced.

“Oh god…” Negan said, his voice hoarse. He looked like he was about to throw up again. Rick sighed, kneeled down, and started to pull at Negan’s jacket zipper while Negan leaned on the toilet.

“Take your arms off the seat.” He said, more gently than he wanted to. Negan complied and Rick took the jacket off. He folded it and tossed it a few feet away. It was the first time Rick saw Negan without the jacket on. He was wearing a plain white t shirt.

“So you do have arms.” Said Rick, still using that soothing voice he knew was too kind.

Negan gave a pathetic laugh that sounded painful. He closed his eyes and grabbed the toilet seat and vomited again. Rick didn’t have time to tell himself not to before he started rubbing Negan’s back. Too many late nights with sick children gave Rick autopilot skills he sometimes didn’t know he had.

“God…” came Negan’s voice from the bowl.

“Negan, why did you-

But Rick was cut off when Negan started crying out of nowhere. Rick took his hand off Negan’s back. Negan grabbed at his hair, and his shoulders started shaking.

“Hey.” Said Rick, putting his hand back on Negan.

“I…god…”

“It’s…ok…” Well, Rick thought, it wasn’t. Not really.

“I want to tell you something.” Said Negan, still sounding sick and hoarse. “I…I had a wife.” Negan started shaking more. “Her name was Lu-Lucille.” He coughed on spit. “She just…got sick…she died about 8 months ago. And her family made me sell our house. OUR HOUSE. I wanted to stay there forever…It was her creation. It smelled like her. Hell, it was her. The only thing they let me keep was her fucking car. They hated me and they still do. Fuck, she probably hated me too.”

“Negan..” Rick didn’t know what to think.

“Oh fuck, no, I know she hated me. You know why? At the goddamn funeral I was bawling my fucking eyes out, and her dad comes up to me and says “do you want to know what she said about you over the past few years?” and I’m thinking, shit, yes, please, give me something to hold on to till I go too, yknow? And he starts listing off shit she told them. Private shit too. I never felt so humiliated. I guess I don’t know if that stuff made her hate me, we all have that shit we hate about our spouses, but he used it like a fucking dagger. That wasn’t even fair to her. That was her private fucking shit, her feelings or whatever; he’s not supposed to tell me that shit. That shit was hers. And her mother’s just watching him do this to me. Now I’m like, am I mourning someone that didn’t even fucking want to be with me? But god…I’m a ruin.”

Rick was silent. He never expected it. At least, he didn’t think Negan would spill his guts like that.

“Maybe I wasn’t a good husband…and I didn’t deserve someone like her. But did the world have to take her away completely?”

Rick felt his throat get dry and painful. His hand felt stiff on Negan’s back, he took it off.

“I wish it had been me.” Negan whispered.

“Come on.” Rick said, very quietly, and he lifted Negan up off the toilet. Negan let him. As they got up Negan’s voice did that quick heavy breathing people do when they cry. Rick’s throat burned, he walked Negan up the stairs and found his room.

“Rick-

“Shh.”

Rick helped Negan lay down in his bed. He walked to the edge and took off Negan’s boots for him. He went into the master bathroom and filled a glass with water; he put it on Negan’s nightstand. Then he walked over to the blinds and closed them. Negan was still shaking a little. Rick walked to the door.

“RICK.” Negan called, his voice broken.

“What?” said Rick, almost too quiet.

“Don’t tell anyone about her.” It was a whisper, but Rick heard it just fine.

“Mm.” Was all Rick could say without losing it himself. He walked down the stairs and left Negan’s house. When he got to the street he looked down at the block party. It was over and people were cleaning up. He knew he should help, but he didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to be congratulated for taking care of Negan. Didn’t want the pat on the back, didn’t want to share in their mutual hatred. Rick didn’t feel hatred anymore.

Rick didn’t know what he felt.


	6. Sleeping Dragon

Rick didn't sleep that night. He tossed and turned until it was time to get out of bed. Carl was already up and had gone to hang out with Enid. Rick didn't think about it too much.

After taking care of Judith, Rick decided to continue his gardening work while he let her run around the yard. He felt bad dumping her on Maggie; it wasn't fair to try and make someone be her second parent. Rick knew people got on all the time on their own, but he knew deep down he wanted Judith to have another adult in her life. This Sunday he was determined to spend quality time with her.

Just then Glenn was walking down the sidewalk towards Rick’s. Rick put his shovel down when he approached.

"Shit." Said Rick, Glenn had a black eye.

"Hey Rick, what was with the radio silence last night?" He asked.

"Oh, sorry. After I took Negan home I was pretty wiped."

"Yeah you look like shit." Said Glenn, then quickly added, "I'm allowed to say that because I, too, look like shit."

Rick smiled. "How's the eye?"

"The eye will be fine, but Maggie was freaking out. She almost ran out the house to beat him up. She's pissed she missed it."

"Yeah...did you see Spencer, after?" Rick asked.

"No. I'm sure he looks worse than both of us. Deanna was furious but, I think she knows how difficult Spencer can be."

"He's an asshole." Rick muttered.

"Who? Spencer or Negan?" Glenn asked.

"Spencer. Negan. Both." Said Rick.

"Well, I just wanted to see how you were."

"Thanks man."

Glenn stood there for a moment. "Actually I was also wondering if you had any frozen peas."

Rick laughed.

* * *

That afternoon Rick had taken notice of the absolute stillness coming from Negan’s. He hadn't seen him all day. After spending the past few hours with Judith, the two of them were ready for a midafternoon nap. Rick laid down on the couch as Judith fell asleep on his chest. He closed his eyes and instantly hit the snooze button.

Rick had weird dreams about Saturday night. It kept replaying differently, Negan would still fight Spencer, but the people who stepped in were different. One time it would be Rosita, the next Daryl. Negan would wallop every one of them square in the face. He woke up when it finally got to be too much. Judith was fast asleep.

If Negan thought Rick holding her was some cute shit, he should see Rick now, cuddled on the couch with her. Negan would probably combust.

Why was that his first thought after waking up from a nightmare about the guy?

At that moment, Carl walked in the house. Rick had almost forgotten where Carl had been.

"Hey Carl." He said from the couch.

"Hey Dad."

"How was Enid’s?" Rick asked.

"Cool." Said Carl. Rick wondered what cool entailed. Carl was 16, and Rick felt like he delayed a lot of conversations.

"Uh Carl." Said Rick. "Do you...know how you were conceived?" Possibly the worst way to word that statement.

"Dad what the hell."

"I'm just saying babies are easy to make."

"DAD OH MY GOD!"

"I-

"We were working on a project for school." Carl said, totally done with the conversation.

"Ok. I'm just saying." Rick couldn't help but laugh.

"Uggghhhh." Carl walked up the stairs, then immediately walked back down. "What happened last night? Did you and Negan really get in a fight? Did he really beat up Spencer and Glenn?"

Rick forgot that the kids hadn't witnessed what happened, which was probably for the best.

"Yea." Said Rick. "It was a real mess. See that's also what happens when you drink alcohol."

"Ughhh." Carl left for real this time. He was going to have to get the scoop from someone else.

Rick thought about the finer details, about Negan’s past. This time he really thought telling people someone's life story would help that person, but after doing that to Carol, he didn't want to do it again. Negan’s life was his, and he bore it all to Rick like a vulnerable animal caught in a trap. Rick had to leave that conversation in the half bath on the first floor of Negan’s house.

Negan stayed inside the entire day, he felt like shit, looked like shit, and didn't feel like facing any of the neighbors who hated him. When he woke up that afternoon he found a glass of water at his bedside. It must have been Rick. No, it was Rick.

Negan stumbled out of bed and went into his bathroom. He turned the tub on and let the water run high and hot. He took off his shirt and fiddled with his belt until he finally got it loose. He took off the remainder of his clothes and got in the water.

Negan let the steam suffocate him. He retraced last night. He thought about Rick. He thought about the way Rick rubbed his back, a shiver went through him. Then he thought about the way Rick slid off his boots, he had goosebumps just thinking about it. What the fuck was that about?

He tried to lure his mind away from Rick and continued to go back through the block party. He just remembered grabbing beer after beer, trying to get blacked out. He didn't think he would start any serious shit though. Why did he?

Spencer. Right. Spencer. Okay. What about Spencer? What did Spencer do?

He pushed Rick.

Negan felt his body tense in the water. Right. Spencer pushed Rick and was saying things Negan didn't get but knew were wrong. Next thing he knew he was going berserk. He didn't mean to punch that other guy in the eye. What was his name? Glenn. God dammit.  

Ok, then what? Rick dragged him off, like…Rick DRAGGED him off. Rick took him down, just like Negan had wanted to see. He remembered Rick dragged him all the way into his house. Then he...

'Then he held your hair back and helped you vomit.' Right, the back rubbing.

'Then you cried over HER to HIM.'

Negan didn't know if it was really possible to feel ice cold in a scalding tub, but he did. Did he really have to remember every little detail of last night? He told Rick everything. Or at least, he told him a hell of a lot. It embarrassed him. He didn't like when people had leverage on him. But he had a feeling Rick wouldn't use it against him. Rick was a good man. Negan didn't like where his thoughts were leading, so he shut them off for a while.

* * *

As Rick was preparing dinner there was a knock on the door. He turned the stove on low and answered it. It was Deanna.

"Deanna." Said Rick, surprised she had come.

"Rick." She said. "Thank you for taking care of...him."

"Oh, it's not-

"I know Spencer and you don't get along, but it's good to have someone in your profession around." Deanna said.

"I'm retired." Rick said, sometimes he felt like all he did was remind people.

"Yeah but you still have connections, maybe you can do something about Negan."

Rick shifted. "Like what?"

"It would be good to have him out of the neighborhood. Alexandria doesn't need someone like that causing trouble." Deanna said.

"I can't get someone kicked out of their house just for being an asshole. That doesn't seem fair."

"He ATTACKED my son. If Spencer hadn't been drunk too I'd be even angrier. Spencer’s stomach bled from that scratch you know."

"Well, your son attacked me first." Rick said, and the blood in his veins felt heated although he didn't know why.

"Just...tell me you'll keep him in line." Why did everyone want to put Rick on Negan Duty?

"Sure thing." Said Rick, with a little bit of sarcasm sprinkled in. He shut the door before saying bye and returned to the kitchen.

The rest of the evening passed quickly after dinner, and Rick headed to bed after both kids were asleep. He looked out his bedroom window at Negan’s house, but still no sign.

* * *

The next morning as Carl left for school Rick noticed Lucille was still in the driveway. After about an hour Rick looked down each end of his street, took a breath, and walked over. He knocked on Negan’s door. Negan answered. He was wearing a tank top and black boxer briefs.

"Yeah?" His voice was tired. It was like the real Negan was still waking up.

"Uh." Said Rick. "Shouldn't you be at school?"

"I took a sick day. Don't worry, they won't miss me."

"How are...

Rick was cut off when Negan started walking down his foyer. Rick followed him in.

"I was just grabbing my coffee." Said Negan.

"Well, you didn't say anything."

"Oh, I thought I did." Negan shook his head.

"How are you feeling?" Rick asked.

Negan put his coffee down, closed his eyes and stretched, arms over his head. His body was lean and strong. Rick’s gaze drifted to his thighs, he felt his breath go shallow, and he snapped his eyes back to Negan’s when he put his arms down. The moment felt like eternity, but it had only been about ten seconds.

"I guess I'm better." Said Negan.

“Good.” Said Rick.

They stood there for a minute.

“Do you want to see the basement?” Negan asked.

“…Sure.” Said Rick. He felt like any time Negan opened up might be a good thing.

Negan walked over to a door near the kitchen and opened it. He gestured for Rick to walk down. Rick hesitated, but walked down the stairs. Negan flipped on the light. There was crap everywhere, hardwood floor panels, paint buckets, brushes, plywood. Nothing was done.

“What…” Rick began.

“Turns out I’m fucking shit at doing things by myself.” Said Negan, behind him. The cursing was back, and Rick felt like was about to witness what it was like to wake a sleeping dragon.

“There’s lot of people you could hi-

“Can I ask you a favor, Rick?” Negan asked, cutting Rick off.

Rick turned around. Negan had his arms folded; his muscles were straining a little as he tried to keep warm in the cool basement. Rick watched his legs shake a little as a shiver went through him, his thigh muscles tensing. Rick turned back around to face the mess, trying to hide the shiver that went through him too, the one unrelated to the cold. What was happening?

“What?” Rick said, staring at the wall ahead.

“Would you help me finish it?”

Rick didn’t say anything at first.

“Please?” Negan said. “Also it’s shit fucking…shit cold down here. So, maybe we can go back upstairs.”

‘Or maybe you can put on some goddamn pants.’ Rick thought.

“Rick. I’m freezing my m-motherfuckin’ ass cheeks off.”

Rick turned around, “Yeah I’ll help you.” He said, a little too quickly, he passed Negan and went back up the stairs, two at a time. Negan followed behind him.

“Great, thanks. Shit, Rick, thank you.” Negan was surprised. After everything, he expected Rick to hate him too. The only reason he asked was because Rick had come over to ‘check up on him’. It confused Negan, but he didn’t want to question it too much. He was taking every scrap of attention he could get.

“Well, we’ll talk about it later.” Rick said, heading into the foyer.

“Sounds fuckin’ great!” Negan said, smiling. Yep, the old Negan was coming back slowly, and Rick felt like if he didn’t book it he’d somehow be trapped and it would be too late. Lord help his mortal soul, that sort of thing.

“Oh Rick,” Negan said as he was practically sprinting out the door.

Rick halted, “What?”

“You’re a really strong dude for hauling me home. I’m impressed.” He grinned. “Now I see why you were a sheriff.”

Rick turned his head.

“Sheriff’s Deputy.” Rick felt his breath stagger.

* * *

Rick slammed his front door closed. What the hell was happening to him? He walked to the kitchen and got himself a glass of water. He wasn’t, like, LOOKING at Negan, was he? Not like that. He was just observing. That’s what humans do, they look at each other. They notice things about each other. Noticing Negan’s physique, well, anyone would have. The dude was in his underwear, after all. Yeah, totally normal average human observations. But Rick felt the hotness in his cheeks. The past two years, he had barely even thought about, well, any sort of romantic or physical feelings. When he’d try to reach that part of himself it was like someone else was holding the key. Maybe he would be dating Michonne if he had been able to unlock it earlier.

But maybe a sleeping dragon had been hoarding that key all along.  A sleeping dragon with rabbit teeth and the most annoying personality on the goddamn planet.

‘Calm down.’ Rick thought. ‘You don’t like him. That’s just your libido coming back. That’s a good thing. It’s been years. That’s normal. Hey, maybe now you can go on dates. That girl Jessie lives in the cul de sac a few streets over.’ Rick tried to think about her but couldn’t even conjure up her hair. Still, Rick had already convinced himself that this was just a breakthrough in his personal issues.

Back at Negan’s, Negan was grinning up a storm. He felt better already. Negan’s smile dropped quickly, though, when he thought about everything else going on his life. He walked over to his kitchen island and grabbed the sides. He breathed in.

‘Just…let him be nice to you.’ The gentler voice in his head said, but that was always hardest to listen to.

“God damn you Rick Grimes.” He muttered. He didn’t know what the feeling in his chest was. He put his head down, a smile sneaking on to his face again, his grip still hard on the counter top.


	7. Game On

Rick was having a dream about Negan. They were at an indoor swimming pool, and no one else was there. Negan was wearing his tank top and black boxer briefs. There was something off about him, that sort of feeling where it’s hard to tell in a dream if it’s really that person. He couldn’t determine if the man had a beard or not; he would swear the man was clean shaven. But it FELT like Negan, and so it made him Negan. Rick was fully clothed. It was very very quiet. Negan stretched like he had in the kitchen, only this time he ran his hands down his torso when he brought his arms back down.

“Rick.” He said, but his voice was muffled as if he was talking through a wall. Rick could barely hear him. He said something again, inaudible but funny, because he laughed and smiled. He grabbed Rick’s hand and started leading him into the pool.

The water was crystal blue and unreal, like it would refresh your whole body just by sticking your foot into it. But the water was also rushing and frothing, as though it would foam and cling to the skin. All Rick wanted to do was go in. Negan put a bare foot on the first step, then another, then both his feet were submerged. Rick felt his own feet on the tile; he wasn’t wearing shoes or socks either. The tile felt warm and safe.

Negan continued walking down the steps, pulling Rick closer. Rick put his first foot in, the water was cold, and finally he was walking down the steps. As soon as the water reached his midsection he froze, a rush went through his entire body until he was shaking. It was like he couldn’t control himself anymore. It scared him.

Negan turned around, he had reached the bottom step, Rick was only halfway down, and he grabbed Rick’s other hand and pulled him in. The water rushed around Rick, chilling him so fast and aggressively Rick thought his soul would shake out of his body right then and there. Negan pulled him into a tight hug, “I got you.” This time Rick could hear him perfectly. Rick looked up at Negan, into his eyes. He couldn’t hold the gaze, and he shivered, looking down where his eyes settled on Negan’s teeth. Something about that rabbit toothed grin drove Rick absolutely wild. He went to kiss his smile, felt heat radiating from his core, felt himself stop shaking, felt a wild, explosive, raw, feeling until he-

“DAD.”

 Rick was woken up by Carl, who was shaking him.

“DAD!” Carl yelled.

Rick jolted awake. “What?? What????” He ripped the covers off him and jumped out of bed and grabbed Carl. “What’s happening??!”

“Holy shit Dad, I just wanted to tell you you gotta get up for Family Sport Day.”

Rick was out of breath, he fell back on the bed. “Oh….ok. Jesus H Christ.”

Carl rolled his eyes and left the room.

“AND STOP SWEARING.” Rick yelled.

Rick put his hands to his face. Well that’s one way to wake up from a weird erotic dream about your neighbor. Rick’s heart was beating out of his chest. He took a deep breath.

‘Just a dream, it was just a dream. You’ve had weird unmentionable totally not realistic dreams before. Everyone does. You just had that weird moment in the basement and it manifested itself into a dream. About a swimming pool. Ok.’ The mind could justify anything if it tried hard enough.

Rick rolled out of the bed and went into his bathroom and tried to focus on Family Sport Day. Whatever that was. Rick hopped in the shower. The water just made him think about the dream; he felt something stirring inside him. Instead of investigating that feeling, Rick cut his shower short, got dressed, grabbed Judith, and headed out the door, which Carl was already standing by impatiently.

Rick handed Judith to Carl and got his keys out.

“Mind reminding me what Family Sport Day is?” Rick asked as they got into the car. He noticed Lucille was gone from the driveway.

“Dad are you serious? I told you about a month ago. Instead of class we get to spend the day doing field games.” Carl explained, exasperated at his dad’s inability to remember anything.

 “Oh, wow I do not remember that.” Rick said, pulling out of the neighborhood.

“You don’t remember anything.” Carl muttered.

Rick exhaled. “I’m sorry.”

“I just…” Carl stopped.

“You can tell me what you’re feeling.” Rick said.

“It’s not fair for me to feel the way I do.” Carl said. “I know that but, some days I remember the old you and just wish that he was back. I keep telling myself eventually, but, it never happens.”

Rick’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. “I…”

“I’m sorry.” Carl said.

“No I…you’re right.” Rick sighed. “But, I feel something different lately.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, maybe it’s the spring weather, I don’t know, but I feel different. Good different.” Rick said.

“That’s really good, Dad.” Carl said.

“Yeah.” Said Rick. Since when did his teenage son become his therapist? It was the Lori in him, no doubt. Rick smiled. They pulled into the high school. “We good?” He asked.

Carl smiled. “Yeah yeah, we’re good.”

“I love you.” Rick said.

“I love you too.”

Rick took Judith out of her car seat and the three of them walked to the field. It was organized by class. They spent the first two hours playing games with other families and students, competing for day-long glory and enjoying the spring day. Rick got to actually meet Carl’s teachers. As they were winding down from an event, Rick saw Jessie with her sons. They joined up and started talking, but the entire time, Rick could physically feel himself not paying attention. Why couldn’t he just like her and it be simple? As he was trying to listen to her, he felt a hand smack his back.

“WELL WELL LOOK WHO IT IS.”

Rick tensed up. “Negan.” He said, not looking at him directly and not turning around. Negan kept his hand on Rick’s shoulder. Jessie shot Negan daggers. She had been there on Saturday night, and did not like Negan one bit.

“Sorry sweetheart, but I’m going to steal your man.” Negan said, it was the cockiest thing Rick heard him say yet. “Be right back.” Jessie went to protest, but it was too late.

Negan dragged Rick aside. Rick still didn’t make eye contact with him.

“Fuck Rick I need your help. Morgan Jones was supposed to be here today, but he’s, I don’t know, fucking his dojo right now or something. Heh. He was gonna be a team captain in our big kickball game. Could you do it? I’ll let you put Carl on your team.” Negan’s hand had traveled so that his entire arm was over Rick’s shoulder, like a bad move on a first date at the movies.

“Yeah I can do that.” Rick nodded. He had wanted to spend the day avoiding Negan, so that the dream could wear off on his memory and he wouldn’t be feeling as awkward as he was.

“Fuck yes!” Negan said.

“Stop swearing.” Rick said, turning around, he met Negan’s eyes for one second before walking away to find Carl and Judith. He heard Negan laugh behind him.

Negan watched Rick walk away. He wondered how many things he could get Rick to do for him before Rick decided to stop pitying him. It sucked. He knew the absolute only reason in the world Rick was being nice to him was because he felt sorry for him. Just a fact. Negan tried to swallow it. Rick was too good, too suburban. Rick was wearing his typical buttoned up shirt and jeans. But damn did it look good. He watched Rick’s legs, and hated every second, but he couldn’t stop. Rick was an all American man, and he was going to get with someone like Jessie, for sure.

‘Stop acting like you’re in fucking middle school you fucking loser.’ Negan thought, mocking himself. ‘Wahhh, Rick likes the hot blonde girl and won’t suck your dick at prom, fucking cry about it in the goddamn locker room.’

How long had Negan been standing there thinking to himself? He shook his head and headed to the baseball field. A big crowd of students and parents had started forming.

“Out of my way, out of my way.” Negan said, pushing through people until he was at home plate. “Ok everyone get in a line. Rick? Where’s Rick?”

“Where’s Negan? Am I in the right place?” Rick was holding Judith and was asking random people until he spotted Carol with Sophia. “Hey Carol, is Negan here?”

“He’s right over there looking for you.” Carol said. She wanted to ask him WHY he was even communicating with the guy, but she didn’t have time.

“There you are!” Negan said, getting excited. “Great, let’s get this game fu-STARTED.” Negan smiled. One of these days his mouth was going to get him into so much trouble. “Ok Rick, you and I are team captains. Pick someone to be on your team.” He slapped Rick’s shoulder again and rubbed it, but quickly took his hand off and cleared his throat.

“Carl.” Said Rick, trying to ignore what just happened.

“SHOCKER!” Negan laughed. Carl stepped over to Rick.

“Ok, let’s see…” Negan looked at the crowd of parents and students. “I just…hm…let’s see…eeny…meanie…miney…” He started pointing at everyone dramatically. Judith was laughing in Rick’s arms.

“You like that game sweetheart?” Negan asked, turning around; he walked back over to her and Rick. “May I?” he asked. Rick didn’t know what to say, and suddenly Negan was taking his baby.

“Uh.” Rick said.

“We’ll play together.” He said in a silly voice. He carried Judith over to everyone. “You point, and I’ll say the words.”

“Ok!” Judith giggled, clapping her hands. She pointed. Negan continued to play his game, when he got to the part about tiger’s toes, he squeezed her little feet. She laughed hysterically, putting her hands on his beard. He finally picked someone, but everyone thought it was so cute that no one seemed annoyed.

Rick felt nervous, a man who had just beat the shit out of someone and punched one of his best friends was now holding his child.

“You wanna help me pick out the rest?” Negan asked her.

“Yes! Yes!” Judith laughed. Negan didn’t play the game anymore, but held her as he picked the rest of his team. He was having a great time, and didn’t even notice Rick standing like a statue. “Okay,” he said, “My team is the Saviors. Carl, what’s your team name?”

“The Family.” Carl said.

“Ha! Good one.” He walked over to Rick. “Hey, here’s the cutest girl in the world back.”

Rick was fighting a lot of emotions, Negan seemed to notice.

“What?” He whispered as he handed Judith back, “Don’t trust me?”

“I don’t know.” Rick whispered back.

Negan’s smile faltered for a moment, he tried to keep it steady. “W…We’re gonna kick your BUTT in kickball!” he said, boosting himself back up. The teams split up and got to their places. Rick handed Judith to Jessie, who was sitting on the bench. He smiled at her, and she smiled at him. Negan noticed; he grimaced and grabbed the kickball.

“Come on Rick, you’re up!” Negan was pitching the ball, and he threw it hard. Rick missed.

“CRAP.” Rick yelled.

“STRIKE ONE FOR THE FAMILY.” Negan cried.

“Come on Rick you got this.” Carol said from the dugout.

Negan pitched again, this time Rick kicked it a good distance, and he made it to second base.

“HAHA!” Rick cried when his foot hit the base.

“Rick Grimes made it to second base! I’m jealous!” Negan laughed, but he sounded kind of angry.

“Shut up.” Rick said.

Negan gave Rick a side eye. It was clear whatever was going on between them was being dealt with in this kickball game.

“GOOO CAROL!!” Rick yelled, a little too loud.

Carol was up next, and she helped Rick score the first home run. Then she made it through, then Carl, but Sophia struck them out.

“Come on Saviors!” Negan called.  

“Don’t worry about it.” Carl told Sophia as the teams were swapping places.

“He just scares me.” Sophia said, but not quietly enough.

Negan felt a chill run up his spine. He was used to, well, everyone being afraid of him. But it made him feel sick that Sophia felt that way, and he didn’t know if he could fix it.

Rick was pitching for The Family, and after a few homeruns and strikes, Negan was up.

“What do you say Rick, gonna strike me out?” Negan laughed, kicking home plate.

“How about you shut up and kick?” Rick said, rolling the kickball in his hands. The crowd “ooo’d” and Negan put his hands on his hips, smiling in a sheepish way and biting his tongue as if to not to say anything he’d regret.

Rick pitched, Negan hit it out of the park on the first kick.

“Fuck.” Rick whispered. Negan started cracking up.

“My name is Rick Grimes and I think I’m soooo baddd.” Negan snickered, taking his sweet old time around the bases. The Savior team cheered. Rick watched Negan slink around to home plate.

The Saviors got in a few homeruns and as the game was winding down, both teams were tied. Negan was holding the ball, waiting for Carl to step up.

“What do you think Carl? Are you going to break the tie?” Negan asked, tossing the ball into the air.

“Just pitch it.” Carl said.

“Oooo.” Negan said, “If you say so.”

Negan pitched the ball. Carl missed it.

“STRIKE ONE!” Negan yelled.

Carl missed the second pitch too, he was about to strike out his team if he didn’t hit this last one. The Family and people in the stands were cheering for Carl. Negan pitched. Carl kicked his foot out and made contact, sending the kickball flying. It went straight to Negan’s face. It smacked him dead center. Negan’s head snapped back and he fell on his side. Everyone got quiet.

“Fuckin’ shit.” Negan muttered, he grabbed his face. Everyone stood up to see. Negan’s nose was gushing like a fountain, blood staining his beard and getting in his mouth till his teeth were red. Some people in the stands seemed pleased. Carl froze.

Negan wiped some of the blood away, but it was still coming. Rick hopped out of the dugout, anticipating Negan’s reaction.

“Kid.” Negan coughed, and he gestured to the ball by his side. “Get your homerun.”

Carl hesitated, but then sprinted around the bases. Carol was the first one to cheer, and then everyone on the Family’s side was cheering. The Savior team was pissed that Negan let Carl win like that. Rick watched Negan sitting on the ground. Negan wiped some more blood away and smiled a bloody smile towards him. Rick gave Negan a small smile back. Negan winked at him.

As everyone was settling down and getting ready to go home, Negan was sitting on the bench, his leather jacket dusty from when he fell. He was leaning his head back and holding a bunch of tissues to his face. Carol and Sophia walked by him.

“Carol.” He said, taking the tissues away.

“What?” She asked, they stopped.

“I…I just wanted to say sorry again for my…” Negan didn’t know what to say. Behavior? Personality? Entire being?

“I just really wanted you to know I’m sorry. I’m really not like that.” He said, looking at Sophia. “I can be a real douchebag, sometimes I think everyone is in on it, and they’re not. I really…”

Carol and Sophia just looked at him.

“I don’t want any of my students to feel unsafe.” He finished.

Carol put her hand on Sophia’s shoulder.

“…Okay.” Sophia said. “I forgive you.” She held out her hand, initiating a handshake.

Negan smiled and took it. He saw a proud look in Carol’s eyes.

It was like Sophia found her voice, because next thing she said was, “I still don’t like you though.”

Carol smirked.

“That’s fair. No one’s supposed to like their gym teacher anyway.” Negan smiled.

Carol and Sophia walked away and met up with Rick and Carl. Carl and Sophia took Judith and were walking ahead.

“Rick.” Carol said. God, why did everyone address him like that? How about a ‘Hi there Rick, how are you doing this fine day?’ That would be nice.

“Yeah?”

She seemed hesitant to say.

“Did you…tell Negan anything.” she said.

“Why do you ask that?” Rick asked, trying not to give himself away.

“He apologized to Sophia. I just don’t know what would prompt him to do something like that.”

Shit. Rick didn’t know what to say. He had really broken Carol’s trust by telling Negan about Ed. But Rick was honest, and Carol knew it.

“I might have said…something…I’m sorry Carol. I know I shouldn’t have, he just really pissed me off.”

Carol didn’t say anything right away. “I don’t mind…maybe I should but…Negan’s not going anywhere in any of our lives just yet and…I guess anything that stops him from being a total asshole is worth it. But just, ask me next time, okay?”

“I promise.” Rick said, but he could tell Carol was still battling her feelings on it.

Rick, Carl, and Judith headed into the parking lot. Rick let Carl go to where Enid was standing to talk to her. As he was unlocking the car he saw Negan a little ways away standing by Lucille. He started to walk over when he made eye contact with Rick.

‘Shit go away.’ Rick thought.

“God Rick, hell of a gammmeee.” Negan said, doing a little lean on the last word.

“Yeah, we kicked your ass.” Rick said, draping an arm over the door of his car.

Negan smirked. “You know what the fucking worst thing about being at school is?”

“What.” Rick said.

“Not getting to say…everything you REALLY wanna say.” Negan said, getting quieter. “I bet you and I would’ve had a pretty fucking GREAT conversation.”

“Maybe we’ll have it in your basement.” Rick said.

For once Negan was the speechless one. He just nodded and walked away, as if to say ‘Damn Rick Grimes you are one smooth motherfucker.’ But maybe that was Rick’s wishful thinking.

When Negan got in his car he sat there for a while until he saw Rick leave. He didn’t want to be driving behind him or in front of him. The idea made him nervous for some reason. He breathed in deep. Today had been weird. He had felt this strange animosity coming from Rick all day, what was that about? They had left the day before on pretty good terms. More importantly, what was the strange animosity coming from himself?

‘You’re resenting him because you genuinely like him.’ He thought.

Well, shit. He thought about Rick’s smile at the end of the game, the one directed at him; the small smile of acknowledgement, the one that said “Wanna see what you’re really messing with?” Negan knew it was wishful thinking, but he let himself think it. He hit his head on the headrest. Well, shit…again.

 

 


	8. Conversation(s)

Rick didn’t have any dreams that night. ‘Maybe it was the exercise from yesterday.’ He thought. He rolled over, it was 10 am. It was days like this he was glad Judith was a heavy sleeper. That kid could pack in the z’s. Rick appreciated it; it was like she knew he was doing this all by himself. He always wondered when it would get too hard. And what he was going to do about it. Today he was going to help Negan with his basement, so he decided to do something he had been thinking about for a while.

He called Maggie.

“Hello?” she asked.

“Maggie hey, it’s me. I was wondering if you’d want a job.” He said.

“What is it?”

“I want to pay you to watch Judith for me I…I’m going to be helping, uh…” he didn’t know what to say. There was no way to lie. “I’m going to be helping Negan with his house and I don’t want her around that.”

“The construction or Negan?”

“Both.” He laughed. Wow, Glenn and her were in sync.

“You don’t have to pay me. I get enough work managing my dad’s farm from home.” She said.

Rick always forgot she did that, and he knew she enjoyed it, because it meant she could be home when she had her first child. Rick couldn’t wait for that. He had secretly hoped it would happen soon so Judith could have a friend.

“I want to pay you.” He said. “I just hope Judith doesn’t resent me for it.”

“Rick, she won’t. Parents leave their kids in daycare all the time, and they still get enough love.” Maggie assured him.

“I know, but I’m not at work or anything. I should be able to be home.”

“As far as I’m concerned, having to help Negan with his basement IS work. I swear to God Rick, why are you so nice to him?” she asked.

Rick sighed. “I have a theory if one person is, maybe he won’t get into fights with anyone.”

“Well, tell me what you discover.” She laughed. “Did you want to start that job today then?”

“If you could, that would be great. Thank you.”

“Of course.” Maggie replied.

Right before Negan got home Rick handed Judith over to Maggie. He walked back just as Negan was pulling in. Rick was already on that side of the street, so he just stood there waiting for Negan to get out.

“Hey.” Rick said as Negan stepped out of his car.

“Hi there Rick, how are you doing this fine day?” Negan asked, “You ready to fuck this basement up the ass?”

Negan laughed when Rick didn’t say anything.

“You’re fucking expression fucking kills me, man. You always look like the most unamused person on the face of the earth. I fucking love it. Let’s go.” Negan headed to the door and Rick followed.

“Sometimes you say things and I just can’t believe a real adult would say them.” Rick said as he stood behind Negan, who was unlocking the front door. “Half the time I just feel fucking embarrassed listening to you.”

“You’re a bold dude Rick Grimes.” Said Negan, hiding a smile. “I wouldn’t let a lot of people talk to me like that. How does it feel to be special?”

“I don’t know yet.” Said Rick.

“Hm.” They walked into the house and went down to the basement.

“Okay I figure we can start with the floor.” Negan said, scratching his head.

“Okay, no, we start with insulating the walls and rebuilding them.” Said Rick. “That way it won’t be cold down here while we work.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Do you have insulation?” Rick asked.

Negan didn’t answer at first. He looked embarrassed. “No.”

“Ok, let’s go get some then. You drive.” Rick was already heading up the stairs.

Negan and Rick got in the car.

“How does it feel?” Negan asked.

“What?”

“You’re sitting in Lucille right now. That’s pretty special.” Negan said.

“Well, I’m a special guy remember?” Rick replied.

“Shit. Shit. You’re goddamn right.” Negan laughed. He had never met anyone who could match him in conversation like this. Well, except for the real Lucille.

They pulled into the hardware store’s parking lot.

“Ok, so, insulation…” Negan said, trying to come up with anything else they needed. He was writing it down on a small spiral notepad. “Ok hotshot, what else do we need?”

Rick didn’t answer.

“…Rick?” Negan looked up and saw Rick looking pale. “Are you okay…?”

“Drive.” Rick said. Negan looked in the direction of Rick’s vision. There was a man their age loading things into his truck.

“What?” He asked.

“Just. Drive. We’ll go to the other hardware store.” Rick said through gritted teeth, as though he was going to be sick.

Negan did as Rick said. When they were out of the parking lot and already heading down the street Rick let out a steady breath.

“You…wanna talk about it?” Negan asked.

“No.” said Rick. “Just. Someone I used to know. And don’t feel like seeing.”

Negan wanted to press him but didn’t. Thirty minutes later and they were loading insulation into a cart.

“I’ve never been this goddamn domestic in my goddamn life.” Negan muttered as they reached checkout.

“Welcome to my world.” Rick said.

“Fuckin’ gross.” Negan said, lying plain as day.

Rick and Negan worked on the walls for a few hours. Their conversation was primarily Rick giving Negan directions and Negan asking questions. When they were making progress, Negan escaped and returned with some beer.

“We deserve it.” He said.

“Yes we do.” Rick said, taking one. “Oh yeah, how’s the face? Doesn’t look like Carl left you with any disfigurements.”

Negan chuckled. “Like I said. That kid is just like you.”

“I don’t agree with that.”

“Mm,” said Negan, taking a sip, “No?”

“Nah. Well, he is, at times. But he’s more like Lori.” Rick said, realizing that was the first time he mentioned her name.

“Her name was Lori?” Negan asked, a little gentler than the rest of his conversation.

Rick took a big sip from his can. “Yeah.”

‘Lori and Lucille.’ Negan thought. He had this thought of their wives watching them now. Maybe they had orchestrated the whole thing. It was the most Non-Negan-like thought he had had in a long time, possibly ever. That and every weird thought about Rick.

‘Nah, that last one’s just like you.’

“Mm.” Was all Negan said. “Well, yeah, my bloody nose is fine. It just explodes out of me sometimes and I can’t help it.” Negan started cracking up.

“Do you laugh every time you say something vaguely dirty?” Rick asked.

Negan snickered. “Yes, maybe you should too.”

Rick was thrown off, maybe he was right. Rick just didn’t have the appetite anymore. But lately…

"So how's Carl doing in gym?" Rick asked, trying to put the focus back on him. 

"He kicks ass! They all do. That's what happens when you put the fear of god in em." 

"So you're god?" Rick smiled. 

"Guess so!" Negan let out a goofy laugh; it was a kind Rick hadn't heard yet. It was dorky and cute. He hated it already. 

"Well this is looking pretty good right?" Negan asked, gesturing to the basement. 

"Yeah. Once you got help from a pro that is." Rick smirked.

"Rick, you are the biggest goddamn flirt I've ever met." The words came out of Negan’s mouth before he could decide if he actually wanted to say them or not. 

"I..." Rick began. 

"When are you gonna work that fucking charm on that blonde chick?" Negan asked, trying to save his skin. 

"Oh...I don't think that's gonna happen." Said Rick. 

"You've gotta be kidding me! You don't want to bang her?" 

Rick made a face somewhere between anger and a grimace. 

"No, I dont." He said. 

"Shit man, what's wrong with you?" Negan could feel himself taking it too far, but he was already too embarrassed from calling Rick flirty that he couldn't stop. 

“I’m not into her.”

“Fuck, is that supposed to be a prerequisite?”

Rick picked up some tools that had been left on the floor, “Yea”, he said as he got back up, realizing maybe Negan didn’t meet the requirement after all.

“Rick. Sometimes you just have to get some.” He smiled.

“I’ve never been capable of that.” Rick said. “And ever since Lori…” He looked down. “I don’t know if I’m capable of ANY of it.”

Negan tried to understand, but it wasn’t easy. When Lucille died, he had a hookup almost immediately. The idea of losing his desire never even occurred to him. He furrowed his brow.

“Wait…so you…you haven’t…in two years…?” Negan asked, dancing around the words.

Rick flushed and put the tools on a small table. “…So I think Judith likes you.” He said, hoping Negan would take the hint.

“YEAH! THAT KID IS A FUCKING CUTIE!” Negan said excitedly, trying to show Rick he was down for changing the subject.

“She doesn’t know any better.” Rick smiled. “If she wants a leather jacket I’m grounding her.”

“Aw, am I a bad influence?” Negan asked.

“You’re…something.” Rick said, and shut his mouth. Negan didn’t say anything either. It was like every time they tried to talk, it started taking turns. Not explicitly, but noticeable. As if they were two people at a bar, there for the same reason, except neither wanted to come out with it. “Well, school’s going to be out soon, we made enough progress for today.”

“So tomorrow we do the floor?” Negan asked.

“We’ll start it, yeah.” Rick said, the basement was small, but it would be a nice space when it was done.

The two went upstairs. Rick noticed a picture frame on a small table in the foyer. It had to be of Negan and Lucille.

“That’s her.” Negan said, picking up the frame. “She was goddamn beautiful.”

Rick took out his wallet and flipped to a picture of Lori. “That’s Lori.”

“Shit.” Negan breathed. “Angels on earth. We were lucky.”

Rick didn’t know how to feel, he had never connected with anybody over this. People had told him to try and seek people who experienced that same loss, but Rick didn’t want to. At the time, he couldn’t believe anyone else knew his pain, two years on, he felt ready to make that connection. He would have never guessed it would be with the guy who moved in across the street. It felt oddly divine.

Rick cleared his throat and put his wallet back in his pocket. Negan put the frame down.

“I’ll talk to you later, then.” Rick said.

“Let me give you my number, actually. Wait here.” Negan disappeared to get his cell phone. Rick pulled his out and went to his contact list. He scrolled down and saw ‘Lori Grimes’. He hadn’t deleted it, even though the number no longer existed. Even though Rick no longer hallucinated that she was calling him. It wasn’t that he was in denial, it was just…he didn’t know why he didn’t delete the contact. It wasn’t like he thought about it in there, or saw it all that often. But when he would remember it, he still didn’t delete it. He didn’t know if he ever would. Was that bad? Was he missing a step in moving forward by not doing that? He wanted to talk to Negan, just go, “Do you still have your dead wife’s number in your phone?” But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“Ok let me see.” Negan said, returning and scrolling through his phone. “I can never remember the stupid thing.”

“I’ll give you mine. And you can text me.” Rick said.

“Oh, okay, good idea.” Negan said, and he waited for Rick to give him his number. When Negan finished typing it in his phone, he shot Rick a text. “Okay, cool.”

Rick left the house and headed back to his own. He looked at his phone.

“It’s Negan bitch.” The text read.

Rick rolled his eyes; when Carl got home they both went to pick up Judith.

“Why was Judith at Maggie’s?” Carl asked.

“I’m helping Negan with his house.” Rick said.

“What? Why?” Carl was annoyed.

“Sometimes the right thing to do is the difficult thing to do.” Said Rick.

Carl rolled his eyes, making Rick think that maybe Carl was more like himself than he thought.

“I don’t get it. You don’t owe him anything, though.”

“Think about it this way,” but Rick didn’t know where to go from there. Carl was right; you don’t owe your neighbors shit just for being your neighbors. “It might help him.”

“Whatever, dad.”

* * *

That night Rick flipped to the picture of Lori in his wallet. He was sitting on the side of his bed about to go to sleep. He brushed a thumb over the picture; he looked up towards his window, towards Negan’s. “Is this okay?” he murmured.

At around 4 in the morning, Rick woke up to his phone ringing. He grabbed it off his nightstand. It was Negan. He answered.

“Hello?” he asked, he rubbed his eyes.

“Rick, shit, did we hit something in the basement? There’s something leaking down here. Can you come over?” Negan sounded panicked.

Rick pushed the covers off him and rolled out. “Yeah yeah, be over in a second.” Rick hung up before Negan could say bye. He put his slippers on and walked out the house; he ran across the street, wearing just his underwear and an old t shirt. Negan was at the door, in his tank top and black boxer briefs, he started laughing.

“What??” Rick asked.

“You wear slippers.”

“Shut the fuck up and show me the basement.” Rick grumbled.

Negan let Rick inside and they went to the basement. There was a puddle forming in the corner.

“See? It’s pissing everywhere.” Negan said. “I don’t know what it is.”

Rick walked over to a small closet area they were building and started inspecting.

“It’s the sump pump idiot.” Rick said, he instinctively took his shirt off and tried to soak up some of the water. “The backup should have kicked in.”

“I don’t have a backup.” Negan said. “Do you see a fucking backup?”

“Fuck. Well, let’s just move everything out of here. See? This is why we don’t do the floors yet.” Rick said, his foot slipped and he fell suddenly on his butt. He laughed. “Owww.”

“That’s what you get for wearing slippers.” Negan said, he started cracking up, until they were both laughing together. It felt way too domestic, them both being in their underwear, as if they had woken up together and noticed their basement was losing its shit.

Negan couldn’t help but look at Rick’s body, his shoulders, bare torso…he was lean and muscular, the product of being a sheriff’s deputy, or just being perfect. Rick’s bright blue boxer briefs practically attacked Negan’s attention. His eyes followed Rick’s legs down to his feet, and back up again.

“Ok hotshot, can we get a sump pump now?” Negan asked, extending a hand to Rick.

“No, you have to wait till tomorrow.” Rick said, taking Negan’s hand. Negan pulled him, and found he didn’t want to let go of Rick’s hand, but he felt Rick’s fingers loosening their grip, so he let him go.

“Fuck.” Negan said.

“It won’t be too bad. But I did just give up my shirt to it.” Rick said. “Come on, let’s move this stuff.”

Rick and Negan hauled all the tools and supplies up the stairs. They walked it all into Negan’s garage.

“Thanks Rick, turns out I’m shit at this house stuff.” Negan said, running a hand through his hair.

“What did you used to do?” Rick asked.

“Nothing. All I did was mow the lawn. We always called people.”

“So then why did you think it would be a good idea to do your own home renovation?” Rick asked.

“I don’t know, I guess I was “trying to find an outlet”.” Negan said, doing air quotes. “Did you ever do that shit? Counseling?”

“No.” Rick said, folding his arms. “Maybe I should have though, but I just couldn’t.”

“Yeah, I hate that shit. I’d rather get blackout drunk and cry to strangers about my problems.” Negan said, bringing his hand down to his neck.

“You don’t have to feel awkward about that.” Rick said.

“I don’t feel awkward I just feel fucking embarrassed.” Negan muttered.

“Don’t.”

“That was a crazy fucking night.” Negan said.

“Yeah” Rick said.

“What was that fucking WASP looking motherfucker saying to you anyway?” Negan asked.

Rick sighed. “He hates me, for stupid reasons. His mother Deanna works with the home association on making the neighborhood a good place to live. We had some conflicting ideas; after Lori died I didn’t want things to change.”

“Oh.” Negan said.

“And then,” Rick continued to Negan’s surprise, “I was going through a lot. I started hallucinating her, Lori, it got really bad. And I still didn’t get help; I think I was addicted to it. It lasted for six months. It got to the point where other people started noticing. I would answer a phone that hadn’t even been ringing. Carl didn’t understand. That was when Maggie started helping with Judith; it made things easier, allowed me to work on my shit without neglecting her. I was starting to get better, and last year at the spring block party, Spencer tried to start a fight. He mentioned Judith and I punched him the face.”

“Kid can’t catch a break at these things, can he?” Negan said.

“Nope.”

“Shit Rick. That’s fucking heavy though. When did you stop seeing her? Or I guess I should ask why.”

“I guess I had a good support team by the end of it, my relationships with everyone got stronger. When I had them, I guess it made it easier to be alive after she was gone. Carl and I are both in a better place now. I didn’t think that place existed. Sometimes I feel like I’m on the cusp of a future that’s actually happy.” Rick said, shifting where he stood.

“Do you think I could get there?” Negan asked.

“If I could, you can.” Rick said.

“…so…this sump pump thing’s really gotta wait till morning huh?” Negan asked.

“Yeah, but don’t worry about it, I’ll get it fixed before you come home.” Rick said.

“Seriously?” Negan asked.

“Yeah, just give me your garage code.” Rick hated that he was offering, but he was the retired one and he knew Negan didn’t know what to do.

“Shit, alright.” Negan wrote the code down for Rick and walked him to the door. Negan started closing the door when Rick walked outside.

“Negan.” Rick said, quickly.

“Mm?”

“Do you still have Lucille’s number in your phone?” Rick blurted out.

Negan was still for a few seconds. “Yeah I do.” He said. Rick nodded.

They looked at each other with the same eyes. 

 


	9. Peaches and Cream

Rick returned to his bedroom with neither kids waking up. He closed his bedroom door and got back in bed. He pulled the covers up to his face and looked out one of the windows that faced Negan’s. What was he going to do? Of course the one person that would bring feeling back to Rick was a guy everyone else hated. Of course. For the first time, Rick told himself that yes, he did like Negan. And he didn’t know why. Negan was a jackass. But Rick knew things about Negan that no one else knew. Lucille…her parents…his house. And Rick saw things about Negan that no one else saw. The way he would look at Rick when he stood up to him, like he was embarrassed and impressed at the same time, the way his smile would twitch when something bothered him. And that fucking goddamn  rabbit toothed grin. Rick put his hands over his eyes, trying not to think about it.

Negan woke up an hour later to get ready for work. When he walked outside, he looked ahead towards Rick’s. It looked quiet and peaceful. He had a daydream about sitting on that porch in the summer, watching Judith run around the yard while he told Carl to get him some lemonade. Carl would groan and Rick would want some too, so he’d make Carl do it. Then Carl and a girl would go inside and Rick and Negan would give each other a look. Rick would shake his head and Negan would laugh, hitting Rick’s arm and staring at each other until their fingers met. Rick would blink and furrow his brows, then he’d lean in to…

‘Shut that shit down, dude!’ Negan yelled in his head, absolutely disgusted with himself. He didn’t remember thinking about that sort of shit with Lucille. And he LOVED her. He got in his car and went to work.

As Negan was walking to his office, he was stopped by the vice principal, a spineless man named Gregory who didn’t like him from the start.

“Negan.” He said.

“Yes?” Negan asked. He was getting sick of hearing his name like that, a “Hey Negan, there you are, I have to talk to you, got a sec?” That would be grand.

“We’ve had a break in, someone stole gym supplies.” Gregory said slowly.

“Are you shitting me?” Negan asked.

“We have a sheriff’s deputy here to talk to you,” Gregory said, and when Negan made a face, he added, “That doesn’t mean we think it’s you.”

“Sure sounds like it does.” Negan muttered, and knowing Gregory, it definitely sounded like he thought it was him.

They walked into Negan’s office. The deputy turned around and Negan froze. It was the man from yesterday. Gregory left.

“Hi, Negan right? My name is Shane Walsh.” He extended a hand.

“…Yeah that’s me.” Negan said, shaking his hand, analyzing all he could about the man in the ten seconds he had known him. His short haircut, clean face, large build.

“Why don’t we sit down.” Shane said.

“Sure.” Negan sat at his desk and Shane sat in a chair that was placed in front.

“Did Gregory tell you about the break in?” he asked, taking out a notebook from his jacket pocket.

“No, I mean yes.” Negan said, nervous about being in a small room with a man that made Rick Grimes nervous. Negan didn’t think even he made Rick nervous. “I don’t know anything.”

Shane laughed. “Relax; I don’t think it was you. Gregory might, but I don’t.”

“Gregory thinks it was me?” Negan asked, affirming his suspicions.

“You’re the new guy, right? No one ever trusts the new guy.” Shane smiled.

“Yeah.” Negan said, not trusting Shane one bit, he didn’t care if that was hypocritical.

“Do you know of any students who might do something like this?” Shane asked.

“No.” said Negan quickly. “They’re all great.”

“You don’t have to defend them just for being your students.”

“I’m not. None of them would do that.” Negan said. It was true. Possibly for the fact they knew Negan would punish the shit out of them if they ever came back to class, and partly because that gross weak part of him cared for the little pipsqueaks. “It had to be someone else.”

“Ok, well we’ll try to figure it out, but the school’s security cameras are crap. Will the school replace the equipment?” Shane asked.

“Well I’d hope so.” Negan said, wondering when Shane would leave his office.

Shane looked at him quizzically. “Are you new to the town, or just the school?”

“The town. I moved here last week.” Negan couldn’t believe he had only been living there for a week. It felt like an eternity.

“Oh yeah? Where are you living?” Shane asked.

“A neighborhood called Alexandria.” Negan was candid, if the guy was a cop, he could track him down anyway. Honesty is the best policy, as they say.

Shane looked surprised. “Really. Hm.”

“What?” Negan asked, a little annoyed at the growing small talk. He always felt like the more time spent in the presence of a cop the more opportunity for getting in trouble for something, and yeah, that included Rick Grimes. But maybe that was a different kind of trouble.

“Nothing I just, I know people that live there.” Shane said.

‘Yeah I bet.’ Negan thought.

“Do you know Rick Grimes?” the question rang in Negan’s ears, he felt like he was being interrogated, for real this time.

“Yeah.” Negan answered slowly.

“Would you say hi to him for me?” Shane asked.

“Sure thing.” Negan said.

Just then there was a knock on the side of the office door. It was Carl. When Negan’s brain registered who was standing there, he felt like laughing. Cosmic fate.

“Mr. Negan, everyone is wondering where…” Carl paused. “Uncle Shane?”

“Carl!” Shane smiled, getting up, they hugged. “How are you?”

Negan stared in disbelief. He figured the two might know each other based on the new information, but, what the fuck?

“I’m good, how are you?” Carl asked.

“Great. Great. How’s your dad been?” Shane seemed nervous, like he was bothering with walking on eggshells that were already long broken.

“Good, really good actually.” Said Carl.

“That’s awesome. H-how’s Judith?” Shane smiled.

“She’s learning words and how to walk.” Carl said, returning the smile.

“Wow.” Shane said. “Well, it was good seeing you.”

“Yeah, we need to see each other more often.” Carl said. Shane gave a weak smile. Negan figured that wasn’t going to become a thing. He had already assumed Rick and Shane were partners, sheriff’s deputy and all, but he had no idea Shane would be called ‘uncle’. Shane’s behavior might have flew over Carl’s head, but it didn’t fly over Negan’s. Something serious had gone down. Shane patted Carl on the back as he left; he told Negan he probably wouldn’t have to talk with him again. ‘Fucking dandy.’ He thought.

“What were you saying, kid?” Negan asked when Shane left.

“We’re waiting for you.” Carl said.

“Ah, okay.” Negan got up.

“So how’s the basement?” Carl asked.

Negan laughed. “It’s a fucking nightmare. Come on.”

When Negan was done with his classes he started heading out of the school. He ran into Olivia and she held out her hand.

“Two dollars.” She said.

“What?” Negan asked.

“Two. Dollars.”

“Oh, yeah, the cupcakes.” Negan smirked and fished in his back pocket. “There you go.”

“Thanks.” She said.

Negan unlocked Lucille and got inside. He put his hands on the steering wheel and breathed out. What was he going to say to Rick?

“Hey Rick, that guy we fucking ran away from yesterday like two little pussies just interrogated me in my office today.” Yeah, good joke.

He stopped at a sandwich shop and picked up lunch for him and Rick. Negan justified it by telling himself Rick deserved something for selflessly helping him with his basement. When he got home Rick was already inside. He walked into his house and stood by the basement door.

“Rick?” he called.

Rick appeared at the base of the stairs, dusting his hands off, he gave a smile that suddenly had Negan desperate for air.

“Hey Negan, there you are, I have to talk to you, got a sec?”

“Yea, let me put this stuff down.” Negan said, but he was so quiet he didn’t know if Rick had heard him. When he returned to the door, Rick was still standing there with that innocent smile.

“Wanna come see?” He said.

Negan never had weak knees in his goddamn life, why was he turning so soft? It wasn’t like Rick was a delicate beauty with soft lips and pretty eyelashes and dainty hands. Well, he couldn’t confirm the soft lips thing, but everything else…Rick was handsome, no fucking doubt about it, the way his hair stuck out at his neck, how goddamn good his beard looked on him, his eyes…all good, yes, but Negan never thought it would make him want to fall to the fucking floor.

“Not yet,” Negan said, “I brought lunch. Let’s eat.”

“Perfect.” Rick disappeared for a moment. When he got back to the base of the steps, Negan was gone. Rick climbed up and saw Negan grabbing plates from his cabinets.

“You want anything to drink?” Negan asked.

“What do you got?”

“Uhhh, shit, what do I have…” Negan opened his fridge. “How’s peach tea?”

“Peach tea?” Rick asked, Negan wasn’t looking at him but could feel his smirk.

“Yeah, you wanna fucking fight about it? We’re in Georgia are we not?” said Negan, grabbing the jug.

“Peach tea is fine.” Rick smiled.

Negan poured them each a glass and opened the bag of food he got, there were hoagies and fries and Rick realized how hungry he was when he smelled it. They sat down at Negan’s kitchen table and started eating. Negan put his sandwich down.

“Rick…I have to tell you about something that happened today.” Negan couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Yeah?” Rick asked, smiling, unaware of the conversation they were about to have.

Negan signed. “Somebody stole gym equipment from the school…”

“Holy shit.” Rick said. “Do you know who did it?”

“…No. But I was questioned today…” Negan didn’t know how to say it, until he did. “By the same fucking guy we saw in the parking lot yesterday.”

The good mood Rick was in completely dissipated. He dropped the fries he was holding.

“Shane.” Rick said; grabbing his glass, trying to understand in his mind why Shane would be called to a school robbery, except of course to unintentionally fuck up his life. Something the universe seemed intent on doing.

“Yeah.” Negan said.

“What did he…say?”

“He asked me where I fucking lived. When I told him, he told me to tell you hi. Then…Carl walked in.” Negan felt like he was twisting the knife in Rick’s stomach, but it was better than stabbing him in the back.

He thought Rick was going to drop the glass. Rick looked icy, like he could and would kill a person with just a glare. If Negan thought Rick had any reservations about HIM being around his kids, he knew it was nothing compared to how he felt about Shane being around them.

“And they talked for a little bit. Nothing…went down…Rick…who is he?” Negan asked.

“My ex-partner.” Rick murmured, it looked like he was looking off into space.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Negan asked.

“No. I really, really don’t.” Rick said.

Rick was bristling with anger; he felt every hair on his body standing on end. He hated that Shane had seen and talked to Carl after almost two years of trying to keep him away. Carl never understood why they stopped seeing Shane, and Rick never told him. All Rick said was that Shane was busy now that Rick had retired. Rick had been  lucky that he hadn’t run into Shane before. At times it was surprisingly easy to forget they lived in the same town. For a while he was comforted by the fact that Carl would never have a reason to run into him, but Rick guessed fate had other ideas. His muscles tensed at the thought of Carl excitedly telling him about his day at school later.

Negan didn’t press Rick, and Rick was grateful for it.

“So you fixed the sump pump?” Negan asked.

“Yeah, it’s all good now.” Rick finally took a drink.

“Great. Thanks. Like, really. Thanks.” Negan could never stop thanking Rick; he was constantly surprised he was actually receiving help from someone who didn’t hate him. “And here, I think you need something a little stronger than that.” Negan grabbed a fresh case of beers.

When they were done eating they went to the basement and Rick showed Negan the sump pump and gave him a quick lesson about how it worked. Rick had moved all the stuff from the garage back into the basement.

“Want to get started on this floor?” Rick asked, taking one of the beers out and opening it.

“Fuck yeah!” Negan said, he grabbed one too, and they got to work.

* * *

"Guess what." Negan said as they were on the floor putting panels together. By this point the case of beer was almost empty.

"What?" 

"I've only been living here a week." 

Rick looked up, "Are you shitting me?"

Negan laughed. "I'm serious. It's only been a week."

Rick was stunned, how could it be true that Negan had only been in his life for one week? He thought about everything that had happened; Negan moving in, making Rick help him carry his shit inside, the fight over the trash can, the block party, the fight AT the block party, the kickball game, Rick's fucking libido coming back as if it had been off to goddamn war. But a week could be a long time when you spend hours with someone. And Rick had spent a lot of hours with his new neighbor. 

"Wow." Was all he could say.

“I know. I feel like I’ve been pissing you off my whole fuckin’ life.” Negan did that goofy laugh again. The one that was deep and internal and dorky as fuck, not his usual pompous hyena cackle.

“That, that I feel.” Rick said, smiling for what felt like the thousandth time, he took a sip of his beer and then groaned. “This basement needs to get finished.”

Negan felt a small chill run through his body. In a stupid way, he hadn’t even thought about the renovation finishing. And any unspoken hope he had that Rick wanted it to continue as long he did was snuffed out like a cheap cigarette.

“You don’t have to help if you don’t want to.” Negan said.

Rick immediately heard the dejection in Negan’s voice, as though Rick had said something to piss him off. Truth be told, he only said it because he thought Negan was going to turn on him any second and decide he didn’t want to be around him. Rick wanted the upper hand, since he was already going so far out on a limb just by letting himself feel something that wasn’t blankness. Rick did something unprecedented and grabbed the floorboard from Negan’s hand. Negan looked pissed. Rick threw it across the room and said something he remembered hearing a 19 year old girl say at a bar to a guy years ago.

“I like spending time with you, asshole.”

Negan stared at the board that had just Olympic tumbled across the floor, his mouth was open, and he turned his head to Rick. All he could say was, “Fucking fine.”, pissy as though he was the 20 year old guy in the bar who never had a real girlfriend and didn’t know what affection looked like. Which was stupid considering he had been married, been there, and done that. But that was Rick Grimes alright, making him feel like he didn’t know what to fucking do. He hated feeling like he was in open water. Negan downed the beer he had been working on. His phone rang next to him on the floor.

“Hello?”

“Negan, it’s Gregory. So, turns out no one stole the equipment, once we questioned Daryl, he told us he had moved it to another room and forgot about it.”

Negan rolled his eyes. “You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

“No, have a nice day.”

“Whatever.” Negan hit the end call button and looked at Rick.

“What?” Rick asked.

“No one stole the fucking equipment; it was the custodial manager Darren.” Negan scoffed.

“Daryl.”

“What?” Negan asked.

“His name is Daryl.” Rick said, moving from his knees to a sitting position on the floor.

“How do you know that?”

“Dude you bought his brother’s house. And he's one of my close friends.”

Negan looked like he wanted to roll his eyes again. “Of course he fucking is.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Rick laughed.

“You’re everyone's goddamn best friend Rick.” Negan said.

“Even yours?”

“Especially mine.”

Rick squinted, “After a week.”

“That's what happens when you don't have a lot to choose from.” Negan said, putting his phone down next to him.

Rick rubbed his chin. “You got lucky.”

But Negan didn't feel  lucky . He sat back on the floor too, and the two stared at each other for a while. A small laugh came from Negan’s throat.

“…What??” Rick asked. 

“When was the last time you shaved your face, like completely?” Negan asked.

“Uhh, I don’t remember. Trust me; it’s not a good look.” Rick said.

“Bull-fucking-shit. You’re just protecting the ladies from a real panty-dropping face. But I guess the beard could still do the trick.”

Rick didn’t know how to take that. Sometimes he felt like every time Negan said something about “the ladies” he was really talking about himself. Negan couldn’t be that complementary.

“I’m telling you, I shaved once and the only one into it was Michonne.” Rick laughed.

“Michonne?”

“Yeah she lives on the other side of the neighborhood. We were close friends for a little bit.” Rick said.

“And you two didn’t get together?”

“No. She would have but, I just couldn’t see anyone as more than a friend. An ongoing problem, I guess.” Rick said, adding an ‘Until recently’ in his head. “Then she started dating one of my coworkers…”

“Shit. Shane?” Negan asked.

“No no, a woman named Andrea.” Rick said. “Actually, she was one of my close friends too.”

“And you just drifted off from both of them after that?”

Rick started feeling a little upset. “Yeah. It was weirdly painful to watch two people I cared about get together. Kind of like because of my own problems, maybe I missed out on a potential relationship of my own. That’s kind of shitty of me to say. I’m really happy for them and wouldn’t have wanted either of them to wait for me to come around, but it just made me feel broken. Like there was something wrong with me.”

“Rick.” Negan said. “You had love. There’s nothing wrong with what you became after you lost that.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Rick traced the floor with his finger. “So what about you? When was the last time you shaved completely?”  

“8 months ago. Actually, I never had a beard before this.”

“Are you serious?” Rick asked. “Never?”

“Nope. Actually, I kind of hate it.” Negan said.

Rick wanted to say “I like it, don’t shave” but he didn’t.

“I was thinking of shaving it off soon, actually.” Negan said, interrupting Rick’s thoughts.

“Oh yeah? I have to see that.” Rick said, mostly joking.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. When were you going to do it?” Rick asked.

“Fuck, I’ll do it right now.” Negan got up, and stumbled a little from his buzz. “Want to watch me transform into a whole new person?”

“I can’t be that lucky.” Rick said, feeling a lot more relaxed from his drinks, he got up and followed Negan up the stairs.

“Rick motherfucking Grimes.” Negan muttered, shaking his head, and Rick smiled, feeling very unlucky at the choice of his affections.

Negan led Rick to his upstairs bathroom. Rick leaned against the counter and Negan got out shaving cream and a razor.

“Wait wait wait.” Rick said, grabbing Negan’s razor. “What is this? This is the cheapest razor I’ve seen in my life.”

“What you got something better?” Negan smiled, reaching for the razor, he clutched it with his hand, his fingers meeting Rick’s. They held still, their eyes darting left to right.

Rick smirked and moved his hand back and forth, moving Negan’s with it, “Yeah, ‘hotshot’, I do.”

Negan was stunned, and Rick pulled the razor away and put it down. “Come on, you don’t need to cut yourself.”

Rick and Negan walked over to Rick’s. Negan hadn’t been inside yet. They walked through the door, and Negan was oddly surprised at how home-like it looked. There were Judith and Carl’s stuff lying around, magazines, dishes in the sink, and the TV was on.

“Oh crap, forgot to turn that off.” Rick muttered, mostly to himself, he picked the remote up off the floor and turned it off. “Sorry for the mess.”

“You’re fine.” Negan said, he felt a sting of resentment that this was Rick’s life and not his, and now it was too late. No one would have his kid at this point, and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever find anyone he’d want to have a kid with. He watched the back of Rick’s head as they walked past the living room and up the stairs; he tried to imagine what it was like to be in his place. Retired, two kids, beautiful house, family…but this friendship was good, and Negan soaked it up as if it would drain away any second.

Negan followed Rick into his bedroom, there was a queen sized bed, two nightstands, a dresser, TV, and two windows that faced Negan’s house. Rick disappeared into the bathroom while Negan was still looking. He looked over to his own house, bare of landscaping, Lucille the only thing giving his property any curb appeal. It looked depressing. 

“Come here.” Rick said, laughing already.

Negan walked into the bathroom, it was a lot nicer than his, renovated and spacious. Rick took out what looked like a proper shaving kit.

“Lori got me this on one of my birthdays.” Rick said, setting the razors down and grabbing some shaving cream. “Sit down.”

“You’re gonna shave my fucking face?” Negan said, trying to be serious but he just laughed.

Rick giggled, and if Negan knew that sound could come out of Rick, he would have pushed the liquor sooner. Negan picked up a pair of scissors from the counter, “This first,” he said. He leaned over Rick’s sink and started to trim his face.

“Looking different already.” Rick said, he placed a hand on Negan’s shoulder and pushed him to the seat. Negan let him. “I think we need more alcohol.”

Negan laughed, “So you can rip my face off? I don’t fucking think so. Jesus Rick, you’re tipsy as fuck.”

“Shut up and let me do this.” Rick said, putting shaving cream in is hand. He started applying it to Negan’s face. Rick took the razor, placed it on Negan’s face, and started to glide it downwards.

"Whoa whoa whoa, where did you learn to shave? Against the grain dude, against the grain." Negan said.

"Hm." Said Rick. "That's not how I do it." 

"Well I don't you butchering my pretty face. Do it my way." 

Rick did as Negan said and began shaving. They stayed silent, and sometimes their eyes would meet and they’d smile; when Rick was done he took a wet cloth and wiped away the remaining shaving cream from Negan’s face. He looked at the new Negan. 

"Well what do you think?" asked Negan. 

Rick hesitated. 

"What you think I'm fucking ugly or something??" Negan asked.

"What? No! I just...I didn't realize how much I liked the beard till it was gone.”

Negan hopped up and looked in the mirror. "I always wore it like this. I told you the beard was new. But god, if it turned you on so damn much I guess I should have kept it. What about yours?" 

"Oh, no. I'm good." 

"Fuck you Rick Grimes." But Negan was smiling, that terrible rabbit toothed grin.

“Shit what time is it.” Rick said, taking out his phone. It was 2:30, Carl would be home soon. Negan continued to look at himself the mirror.

"Is it bad?" Asked Negan. 

Rick turned to him, distracted by the thought of Carl coming home, "Is what bad?"

"My face." Said Negan, rubbing his chin. 

Rick smiled. "No, it's growing on me. Like the rest of you."

Negan didn’t know how to take that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the positive comments and support!! It means so much to me that you guys are enjoying this story, I honestly didn't think I'd end up writing one but one week and 20k words later here we are.....there's still so much to come and I'm excited to keep pushing these two. I hope you enjoyed this chapter :3c THANK YOU


	10. Bad Luck

"So I guess I should be going then." Negan said, drawing out every word like he didn't want to say them.

"That's probably a good idea." Said Rick.

As soon as they got to the bottom of the stairs, Carl walked in; he was holding Judith’s hand. Rick forgot he told Carl to pick her up.

"Hey Carl." Rick said, and Negan chimed in with a "Hey! Kid!"

"Whoa, you shaved." Carl said.

"That's right, feeling fucking smooth as shit, too!"

"NEGAN." Rick hissed.

"Oh come on. Like this kid isn't saying worse with his friends." Negan gave Carl a “knowing” nod.

"So...is the basement coming along?" Carl asked.

"Sure as shit is! Oopsie. Yeah, your dad was just showing me you guys' basement, looks pretty sweet." Negan said, and Rick appreciated the lie. Even though Negan had never seen his basement and didn't even know if it was finished. Thankfully it was, but Rick couldn't help but feel nervous.

"Oh, cool." Said Carl.

"Well I'm going to skedaddle, Rick, I'll see you tomorrow about that stuff that goes on the edge of the floor." Negan said, patting Rick on the back.

"Crown molding." Rick said.

"Right. Whatever." Negan smiled at Carl and walked out.

"Does he talk like that to you at school?" Rick asked.

"Only when we're alone." Carl said, dropping his backpack on the armchair.

"That doesn't make me feel better." Rick muttered.

As Rick was preparing dinner, his thoughts went to Shane. He had always figured that was something he could let bury and die, but in the back of his mind he was always waiting for it to creep up again. All of these feelings were so unresolved, but Rick was good at pushing them down whenever they got too close. He decided thinking about Negan was better.

In truth, Rick thought, tomorrow was going to mark ten days since Negan moved in. It was still hard to imagine. Negan had moved in on a Tuesday in the third week of April, and now it was almost May. In a month, Carl would be out for the summer; and Negan too. Rick tried to imagine how Negan would click with the neighbors in summer, when everyone was hanging around and getting together, no scenario ended well. That was the issue with this whole thing, and maybe Negan had nothing to lose, but Rick sure did. Rick tried to play off their banter, but he couldn’t help feel something more coming from Negan. He hadn’t dated anyone in years, and he didn’t know where to start.

During dinner Carl stopped eating and looked up at Rick. “Dad?”

“Yeah?” Rick asked.

“How did you ask mom out?” Carl had never asked before, and Rick knew the only reason he was asking now was for research purposes.

Rick smiled. “Why?”

“Dad. Just answer the question.”

Rick put down his fork, “Actually, it was your Uncle Jeffrey who introduced us. We were hanging with some friends when he said he met some girls the other night, and that they were all going to be at a party later that night. So we all hopped in his jeep and went to this party, it was very redneck, and took up an entire block of trailer homes. People just running around everywhere. Anyway, we met up with the girls and immediately paired off. Your mom was being really outgoing, but when we started talking she got shy and serious. We always considered it our first date; so technically, neither of us asked each other out. And at the end of the night, it was her who gave me her number. So I guess she asked me out in the end.”

“Oh.” Carl said, “I wonder if she was nervous.”

Rick smiled, “Carl, you know before your mom, I dated other people. And asked them out. Right?”

“How did you do it?”

“There was this one girl in high school; she was cool and artsy, and a little intimidating. But sometimes we’d be partnered together in class. After a while I realized I really wanted to ask her out, before someone else did. One day she was waiting outside to be picked up, and I had just finished practice, so I walked over and asked her out to a party. She said yes.”

“Huh. So you just did it.”

Rick sighed. “Yeah, sorry, there’s really not a secret. I was wearing baseball pants, but,”

“DAD.”

Rick laughed. “Sorry Carl, you’re just going to have her ask her out when you think it’s a good time. Try not to do it when there’s a bunch of people around.”

“Ok.”

“Who are you asking out?” Rick asked.

Carl blushed, but decided to be honest. “Enid.”

“Mm, so you really like her.”

“Yeah. Dad…”

“What?”

“When do you think you’ll date again?” Carl asked. Rick wasn’t prepared for the question.

“Uh, I don’t know.”

“You’re allowed to date, I’m cool with it.” Rick thought it was sweet and a little funny that Carl suspected Rick’s reasoning was he didn’t want to hurt Carl. Which had been true for a while, but after overcoming that, he realized he just didn’t want to date at all. Until recently, that is.

“Thanks for the permission son.” Rick smiled.

“Anytime, Dad.”

* * *

To Rick’s (and Negan’s) surprise, May rolled in without any more awkward moments. The weather was getting warmer and around the end of the second week of May the basement was finally finished.

“Holy shit. We did it.” Negan said as he and Rick stood in the now finished basement.

“It looks great.” Rick said.

“Let’s go grab that stuff from upstairs.” Negan said, referring to the new furniture he bought.

As Negan and Rick grabbed the furniture and began transferring it to the basement, Rick couldn’t help but smile.

“What is it now?” Negan asked.

“Nothing.” Rick said, stepping carefully down the stairs.

“You better fucking tell me.” Negan said. “Or I’ll drop this couch and let it smush you.”

“Just a few weeks ago when you moved in, I remembered thinking, ‘this fucking guy better not have any more furniture, cause I’m not helping him move it’.” Rick said.

Negan laughed. “You’ve got a curse, Rick Grimes, to always help me move my fucking furniture.”

“I knew I was unlucky.” Rick smiled.

“Ok, let’s put it over here.”

When they were done Negan let out an exaggerated sigh. “Well, I guess it’s done.”

The statement hung in the air for a while.

“Yeah.” Rick said, the word coming out slower than intended.

“I guess…you can go home now.” Negan said.                                            

“Mmhmm.” Said Rick. “I’m thinking of putting in a pool.”

“No shit! Really?”

“Yeah, I’ve already had people come by the house; I think they’re going to start digging in a few weeks. We’d have it by next summer.”

“Shit, you’re gonna have to invite me over.” Negan scratched his chin, and Rick found himself thinking about how much Negan’s new face had grown on him. He could see that smirk of his better.

“Oh yea, it’s going to help me get promoted past soft pretzel duty for sure.” Rick said.

They walked upstairs and out of the house.

“Hey,” Negan began, “Thanks again. I’ll buy you a drink sometime. Drinks. Expensive kind.”

“You want to take me out?” Rick asked.

“Not like a fucking date Rick Grimes!” Negan said, exasperated.

“Well, obviously.” Rick rolled his eyes. “I’m just surprised, is all.”

“You have no fucking faith in me.” Negan said. “You think I’m going to let you finish my basement and not give you anything back in return?”

“Okay, how’s this, the weekend before the last week of school Carl and Judith are going to stay at my brother’s. We’ll hang out then.” Rick said.

“Sounds perfect.” Negan grinned.

Rick walked down the street to pick up Judith; he felt a knot in his stomach. ‘It’s not a date, it’s not a date.’ But his brain had already made up its mind, and Rick was nervous as shit.

Negan watched Rick walk down the street. He looked around and noticed a formidable man walking towards him from the other direction.

“You must be Negan.” The man said in a gruff voice.

“That’s me.” Negan smiled. “Can I help you?”

“So then you ARE the guy that tried to steal my fucking trash can.”

Negan looked surprised, “Holy shit. You’re Abe? You are a fucking giant.”

“It’s Abraham. I get your new to the neighborhood, but we have a way of doing things here.” Abraham said, crossing his arms.

“Look pal, you’re a few weeks late. Rick gave me the rundown already, and trust me, I got the fucking memo.”

“Good. You know, Rosita would have happily beat the shit out of you. So don’t think I need to be around.”

“Ooo, and I suppose that other guy would have just watched. Does he do that when you two fuck?” Negan grinned.

Abraham grabbed the front of Negan’s leather jacket and pulled him close. “You better watch your fucking mouth cause I think I saw some teeth fly down your throat.” He growled.

Negan held up his hands. “I’m on it hoss.” He whispered.

Abraham forcefully let go of him and Negan stumbled back. Negan let out a wheezy laugh. Abraham started to walk away.

“It was just a trash can dude!” Negan called. “Fuck!” And then to himself, “Everyone’s got a goddamn stick up their ass in this place.”

Negan turned around and saw Rick walking back up the sidewalk with Judith asleep in his arms. It was in Negan’s Top Ten Rick & Judith Moments, which were definitely a thing. But he froze when he saw who was walking beside him.

“Hey Negan,” Rick said when they got close, “This is another one of our neighbors, Jesus, well I guess it’s technically Paul, but we all call him Jesus. Long story.”

Jesus looked just as stunned, and Rick noticed, a little scared. “You’re the guy who moved in?” Jesus asked.

“Yeah.” Negan said, awkwardness in his voice, “You live here?”

“On the other side, yeah.” Jesus said, diggings his hands deeper in the pockets of his jeans.

“Well, I was just going, actually. Nice to meet you. Bye.” Negan hightailed it back in his house.

“That was weird, do you…” Rick began, but Jesus grabbed Rick by the arm and started leading him to Rick’s house. When they were inside Jesus looked out the curtain at Negan’s.

“Jesus, what is it?” Rick asked.

“I can’t believe that fucking guy moved in.” he muttered.

“You mean you haven’t seen him around? You didn’t know about the fight at the block party?” Rick asked.

Jesus let the curtain fall back. “I knew about the fight. I didn’t know it was him, I didn’t know his name.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I hooked up with that guy like 7 months ago.” Jesus said.

It wasn’t that Rick was surprised Negan had a hookup after Lucille; it was that Negan had a hookup with JESUS, one of his friends and neighbors.

“Are you shitting me?” Rick asked, lying Judith down on a mat.

“I’m dead fucking serious. We hooked up and the only reason I remember that it was exactly 7 months ago is cause it was fucking WEIRD AS SHIT.” Jesus looked anxious.

“What the hell happened???” Rick asked, suddenly more curious than he wanted to be. “How did it happen??”

“We met at a bar. We played a game of pool and flirted and I thought he was pretty hot. He had this beard, so to be honest the only reason I remembered who he was is cause he was wearing that leather jacket.”

That goddamn leather jacket.

“Anyway we went to a motel because I don’t take people back to my place and he didn’t want to go to his. This is…kind of embarrassing actually.”

“You can tell me. I won’t judge you.” Rick didn’t want to press Jesus, but his behavior had him curious.

“Ok…anyway we were…in the middle of it and he was using a lot of dirty talk, which is fine, but then out of nowhere he….well he…” Jesus turned red. “He just fucking bit my shoulder out of nowhere.”

“What??” Rick tried not to laugh.

“Yeah and it really fucking hurt and it was really weird. I pushed him off me and he got pissed but didn’t do anything else. It scared me a little, because I wasn’t expecting it. He muttered a sorry but I was pretty pissed myself so I just got dressed and left. I think we both were okay with forgetting about the whole thing. And now he’s our neighbor.” Jesus sighed.

Rick put his hand to his face. “He is just…determined to get on everyone’s bad side in this place.”

‘While digging himself into my good side like a tick.’ Rick thought.

“Well, it was a while back, honestly I was just so shocked to see him…but at least he looked embarrassed.” Jesus said.

“Did he say anything that night…?” Rick asked.

“No, but he seemed bothered by something. I think he had some pent up energy. Doesn’t mean you can just fucking bite somebody though.” Jesus muttered.

Rick didn’t say anything. It was seeming more and more pointless to pursue a relationship with someone who had scorned so many of Rick’s friends, and was continuing to do so. But Rick felt like Negan could turn it around if he just opened up to more people.

Rick and Jesus talked for a little bit longer before he left. Negan must have been watching from his window, because Rick’s phone started ringing in his back pocket. He answered it.

“Rick…” Negan sighed.

“Negan.” Rick sighed back.

“Yknow the more I live here the more I think I really don’t belong.”

“You have some serious bad luck.” Rick said.

He heard Negan laugh a little. “No I don’t. Everyone who’s ever around me are the ones with the bad luck.”

“That’s probably a more accurate statement.” Rick muttered, considering his own feelings.

“I’ve really fucked up here. I don’t know what to do.”

“Negan. I was hallucinating my dead wife for a while, and I managed to salvage all my relationships after that, you-

“Yeah but Rick, they already cared about you.” Negan sighed.

“Maybe you should try caring about them.” Rick said.

“Hm. In case you haven’t fucking noticed, that’s not one of my strong suits.”

“That’s why I said try.”

Negan gave a long sigh on the other end. “Fuck you Rick Grimes.”

“Mhmm.” Rick said, knowing full well by now that any variation of “Rick motherfucking Grimes” or “Fuck you” was Negan’s version of affection.

“Rick.”

“Yeah?”

“I know you think I can come back from this, but I’ve been like this since the beginning. It didn’t take Lucille to make me the way I am.” Negan said.

“I figured. But maybe let other people help make you better.”

Negan was silent for a few seconds.

“I think I can understand that.” Negan said. “Ok. Bye.”

Negan hung up before Rick could say anything else. Rick wondered if he’d ever tell Negan how he felt, but it was so complicated he didn’t know where he’d start. The last thought Rick had before Carl opened the door was of Negan sinking his teeth into his skin.

 


	11. Electric Peril

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5,000 + update and I'm so excited to share this chapter. I hope you like it...  
> Thank you for reading!

That weekend Rick got together with Glenn and Daryl for lunch. They were hanging at the Terminus Inn, where the neighbors in Alexandria and Kingdom Estates often hung out.

“It’s been too long since we did this.” Glenn said, opening his menu.

“Yeah I’ve been busy.” Rick said, grabbing his drink when the waitress set it down.

“Busy hanging with Negan, right?” Daryl asked.

Rick took a sip. “How do you know?”

“Beth told me.”

Rick smiled. “Ohh, BETH told you??”

“Shut up.”

“Isn’t she going to be student teaching at the high school soon?” Glenn asked. “I think she said something about starting that in the fall.”

“Really? She didn’t mention it.” Daryl said, blushing.

Glenn smiled. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure she is.” Daryl started downing his drink.

“So,” Glenn continued, “How’s Negan? Still a nightmare?”

Rick sighed. It was like everyone was determined to use Negan as their focus of gossip and mutual hatred, not that Negan made it difficult to do so. “He’s not as terrible as he seems.”

“Abraham said he almost beat the shit out of him.” Glenn said.

“When was this?” Rick asked.

“Sometime this past week, he went over to defend Rosita, and Negan was being an asshole.”

Rick remembered seeing Abraham walking up the street when he had been walking with Jesus. Of course that would have all happened on the same day. Rick sighed.

“What is he like at school?” Rick asked Daryl.

“I don’t see him a lot. He was giving me a ton of shit for moving gym equipment though.” Daryl muttered.

Rick thought about how that whole mess ended with Shane entering his life again, but he kept his small bit of resentment towards Daryl to himself.

“When Tara and Denise return from their honeymoon they're going to be in for a shock.” Glenn said, referring to the neighbors directly to Negan’s right. They had been gone for a month now, leaving a week before Negan arrived. Negan’s house was the last in a row that met up with one of the cul de sacs. There was a house on Negan’s left, but it faced the road that led into the cul de sac, so there was more yard space in between, and it didn’t feel like a direct neighbor. In between Tara and Glenn lived a man named Bob, but he was quiet and worked long hours.

Rick had almost forgotten about them, “Shit, yeah, you’re right.” More people for Negan to piss off. “He’s a lot to handle, but really, I’ve spent time with him, he’s not all bad.”

Glenn scoffed, “Maybe you know something about him that I don’t.”

Rick shrugged.

* * *

Monday morning, Negan was sitting in his office when there was a knock on the door. It was Gregory, and he had a pretty blonde girl with him.

“Negan, this is Betty Blue, she’s going to be student teaching next year, but her professors asked if we could let her do a few weeks of student teaching with you, for her final in health class, and a mix of…what did you say that was?” Gregory turned to the girl.

“Independent study. But, my name is Beth. Beth Greene.” She said, looking nervous, as though she didn’t realize her study would mean being paired with Negan.

“Yeah, that. Well, it will help you get prepared for your student teaching in the fall, and it’s a good way to show dedication.” Gregory said, a peculiar look on his face. Gregory didn’t say much else and left Beth standing bewildered in Negan’s office.

“Betty Blue?” Negan scoffed.

“He’s never known our names. Me and Maggie. He used to call her all sorts of things when she went here.” Beth muttered.

“And how old are you?” Negan asked.

“I’m turning 22 soon.” She said.

“So you’re going to be helping with my class? Really?” Negan rolled his eyes.

“I…it’s just for my class. Then I’m going to be student teaching in the music department next school year.” Beth said nervously.

“Hm, you’ll have to sing me a song one of these days then.” Negan grinned, and got out a binder.

“Haha, yeah...”

“Well this is all the kids. Some of them you might recognize.” Negan said, flipping to an attendance sheet that had all the kids’ school photos on them.

Beth breathed a small sigh of relief when she recognized Carl and Sophia.

“Ok, let’s go.” Negan said closing the binder as Beth was looking at it. “We’re about to start Quidditch.”

“Quidditch?” Beth looked pleased.

“Oh god, don’t tell me you know what that is.” Negan muttered.

“Of course I do! I’m a Ravenclaw.”

Negan just looked at her, he had no idea what she was talking about. “Sure.”

“You’re definitely a Slytherin.” Beth said, smiling.

“Oh my god.” Negan groaned, getting up and walking out of his office. Beth followed closely behind.

“So do you already have people sorted into their houses?” Beth asked.

“Uh, no. They’re on teams.”

“That’s what I mean! You have to put them on teams based on their personalities, like Ravenclaw and Slytherin.” Beth said.

“And what do those mean?”

“Ravenclaw is creativity, originality, and intelligence.” Beth said. “And it’s Luna Lovegood’s house, which is mostly why I picked it.”

“And Slytherin?” Negan said, rolling his eyes.

“Uh, well…” Beth smiled nervously. “That’s the house where the villain of the books is from.”

Negan eyed her.

“But they get a bad rap! They’re not all bad.” Beth said quickly, trying to recover.

“Well, I’ll let you do that then.” Negan muttered. This isn’t how he expected his day to go.

When they got in the gym, the kids were sitting in their lines. Negan had never bothered to dismantle Morgan’s organization. Carl and Sophia looked excited when they saw Beth.

“Hey pipsqueaks. So, this is Beth, otherwise known as Betty Blue,” Negan grinned, “She’s going to be student teaching till the end of the year.”

Beth gave Negan a pissy look. “Beth is fine.” She said, crossing her arms.

Negan put his hands on his hips. “Ok y’all, we’re going to be playing Quidditch. I didn’t realize…what that was from…so Beth is going to sort you into teams based on your,” He put up air quotes, “Personalities.”

Negan and Beth took all the kids to the field outside. Beth smiled and gave a rundown of the houses, Slytherin was cunning, clever, and a little angsty, Gryffindor was brave and prideful, Ravenclaw smart and creative, and Hufflepuff caring and easygoing. Most of the kids knew them already and got excited, putting themselves into teams.

“Carl, I think you’d be Gryffindor, for bravery and courage.” Beth said.

“No no no no.” Negan said, butting in. “That kid is Slytherin, 100%, just like his dad.”

Carl gave Negan a look that said ‘Are you shitting me’, and Negan laughed.

Negan was on the Slytherin team, and Beth was on Ravenclaw, today was the first day of the tournament.

“It’s not fair!” A kid named Ron Anderson on Gryffindor said. “Mr. Negan gives his team an advantage.”

“So play harder.” Carl said, crossing his arms. Ron scowled at him. They never got along.

Negan smirked. “We’re gonna listen to Lil Grimes here.”

“I thought you didn’t pick favorites.” Ron mumbled.

“Well it certainly ain’t gonna be you with that attitude!” Negan said.

“Are we gonna play or not?” Sophia said, from Ravenclaw.

“WOO!” Negan cried, impressed, and did a little lean as he said it. “I think Sophia is right, what do you think Ron?”

Ron looked pissed and just walked back to his team. All four teams played enough games that they were all tied with 1 win. Everyone was talking excitedly about their teams and who would win at the end of the week. Beth walked over to Negan as the kids were getting ready to go back inside.

“I told you it would be more fun if they were in houses.” She smirked.

“Ok kiddo, you were right. I’ll give you a gold star for today.” Negan grinned, turning to look at the kids.

Beth smiled, “You’re a lot…different than I thought you’d be.”

“Oh yeah?” Negan asked.

“Yeah.” She smiled at him, and saw Daryl walking along the outside of the school. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Negan watched her walk over to Daryl. He couldn’t believe he got along with one of his neighbors. Well, technically she didn’t live in the neighborhood, but she may as well have with Maggie being her sister. He had to admit he was a little pissed at being given a partner, but Beth did exceptionally well with the kids in a way Negan couldn’t. She was way too bubbly, though, but he figured the kids appreciated it in contrast with Negan’s personality.

Word had spread quickly from Sophia and Carl that Beth was student teaching their gym class. Maggie and Glenn were spending time with Rick and the kids on his porch when Negan returned from what they assumed was some afternoon grocery shopping. Rick waved. Negan decided to walk over and be social.

“So I hear you’re working with my baby sister.” Maggie said.

Negan leaned against one of the porch posts and smiled. “Sure am.”

Maggie didn’t say anything, but she gave Negan a look that told him he was on thin ice.

“Hey Glenn, sorry about the eye.” He said, putting his hands in his pockets.

Glenn’s eye had already healed, making Negan a little late. “…Apology accepted.” He said.

“Well…” Negan began, trying to find an exit.

“Sit down.” Rick said, “Have some peach tea.”

Negan gave Rick a look and fought a smile, kneeling down until he was sitting down on the porch floor, his feet on the steps. Rick handed him a cup. Maggie and Glenn tensed and looked at each other. Carl just watched.

“Neegan!” Judith said, clapping her hands together. Negan felt his heart melt.

“Oh! So you know my name now huh??” He said in a silly voice, holding out his hands. Rick didn’t know how to feel when his baby daughter ran into his arms. But kids know things right?

Rick noticed Maggie’s fingers gripping her seat, and he appreciated her jump into Mom mode. She looked at him, and Rick gave an inconspicuous nod to let her know it was alright. She relaxed. Negan bounced Judith on his lap, he started playing peekaboo with her hands and his, and she giggled uncontrollably.

“I don’t get it.” Maggie said, unable to hold her tongue. “How are you so good with her?”

“I’ve always wanted a kid.” Negan said quietly, not taking his eyes off Judith. He stopped when he realized what he said.

“So why don’t you have any?” She asked. This time it was Rick who tensed up.

Negan looked over at Lucille in the driveway, biting his tongue, like he was trying to think of how to say what he wanted to say. If Rick wanted him to open up, then fine, he would.

“I can’t.”

Rick swore he heard his voice crack.

“I’m sorry.” Maggie said. “I-I know that kind of fear.”

“Really?” Negan asked.

Maggie looked at Glenn, who was looking at her surprised. “Yeah, I mean, not that we’re…trying, but there’s always a fear in the back of my mind. I feel like that would be devastating. If you wanted a baby, that is.”

“Yeah.” Negan said, Judith rested her head on his chest, “For a while we didn’t know what it was. I even started wearing boxers for a while.” Negan huffed a laugh. “But that wasn’t it.”

“You couldn’t make it work?” Glenn asked.

Negan looked away. “She got sick shortly after we found out. So we didn’t have…time to try anything else.”

Maggie and Glenn looked at each other, then to Rick.

“I’m sorry.” Glenn said. “Really. We had no idea.”

“I’m surprised. I thought Rick might have fucking blabbed it to the whole neighborhood by now. Try to improve my image.” Negan gave a halfhearted smile.

“He didn’t say anything.” Maggie said.

“That’s cause he’s a real special guy,” Negan said, flashing a smile to Rick, “Knows I hate being pitied.”

“What was her name?” Maggie asked, gently.

Negan looked up at his neighbors, felt the weight of Judith asleep on his chest. Carl was watching from his seat in the corner, next to Rick, surprised. Negan was too shocked that he was actually socializing with them that he just said it.

“Lucille.”

Maggie nodded, and they all went silent for a while, sipping peach tea. Rick watched Negan stretch out a little so that Judith was more comfortable. In an odd way, he felt proud. He also couldn’t help but think of how perfectly Judith laid on his chest. He watched Maggie and Glenn relax, even Carl went back to looking at his phone. Rick told himself that this was a memory he would have to remember, when everything was calm. He didn’t know how long it would last.

When Maggie and Glenn got up to leave, they tiptoed off the porch, waving to Rick. Negan was asleep with Judith, and they had to step over his legs. Rick smiled, sticking out a leg so that he could wake Negan up with his foot. Carl had already gone back inside to do homework. Negan woke up, his eyes adjusting to where he was. “Oh, shit.”

“You’re good.” Rick said.

“When did I fall asleep?” He asked.

“A little under an hour ago.” Rick said.

“Oh. Well, here you go.” Negan said, passing Judith to Rick.

“You’re…really good with her.” He said.

“Oh yeah?” Negan asked, his eyes lit up.

“Yeah.” Rick said. “Well, I guess I’ll see you this weekend.”

“Fuck yeah you will.” Negan said.

* * *

That weekend Rick got Judith in her car seat and Carl hopped in the passenger side. Carl was excited to hang with his cousins. All Rick could think about was how he and Negan were going on a “date” later. Even though it wasn’t a date. After an hour car ride, they got to Jeffrey’s house. Jeffrey and his wife Jacqui lived with her parents on a large property. When Rick parked the car, Carl said bye and immediately hopped out to meet up with his cousins. Rick got Judith out of her car seat, Jacqui’s parents were already at the ready waiting to hold her. Rick let Jacqui’s mother take her. Jeffrey walked over to Rick.

“Hey brother!” He smiled, they hugged. “Good to see you.”

“You too.” Rick smiled; he opened the trunk to the car and got the kids’ bags out. They went inside the house and stood in the kitchen while the kids got settled.

“So how have you been doing?” Jeffrey asked.

“Really well.” Rick said, it was weird to acknowledge it, but good. “I feel better than I’ve felt in two years.”

“That’s amazing!” Jeffrey said. “Ok, so tell me, are you playing the field?”

“God I wish people would stop asking me that.” Rick muttered.

“Sorry, you know it’s my job to pry into your personal life. All those other people doing it are being douchebags.” He smiled.

Rick rolled his eyes. “I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

Jeffrey laughed. “Is it?”

“Yeah,” Rick sighed, “I don’t know. I guess I’ll find out tonight.”

Jeffrey looked stunned, “You mean you’re…you’re going on a date tonight?”

“Didn’t I just say it was complicated?”

Jeffrey smiled, “Hey bro, every relationship is complicated.”

Rick sighed again, “You can say that again.”

Rick left shortly after their conversation, on the drive home he thought about how he and Negan had decided that Negan would drive them to the bar. But Rick was ready to take over the wheel if he had to, which knowing Negan, was a pretty likely scenario.

Negan’s bathroom was a disaster. He felt like a fucking teenage girl trying to impress the quarterback. He felt stupid when he just put his usual white t shirt and leather jacket on. He picked up a few of his colognes, the ones Lucille bought him, the ones he hated. He picked the last one she ever got him and put it on. It was funny; it smelled good to him now. When he left the bathroom he looked out his window and saw Rick’s car pulling in. He watched Rick across the street, Rick ran into his house to get some things and two minutes later Negan was getting a call.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“I’m ready.” Rick said.

“Perfect.”

Negan and Rick met outside in Negan’s driveway. They got in Negan’s car and started driving to the bar.

“So where are we going?” Rick asked.

“Grady’s. A little place on the backroads.” Negan said. “They got the best fucking food.”

“We’re eating dinner now?” Rick asked.

“It’s just bar food Rick, Jesus.”

Rick didn’t say much else on the car ride, Negan was a scary driver, blasting through yellow lights and speeding.

“You know I was in law enforcement, right?” Rick asked.

Negan laughed, his voice caught in the wind that was coming through the open windows. “Are you gunna arrest me?”

“Sometimes I wish I could.” Rick muttered.

Rick and Negan sat at the corner side of the bar, starting off the night with shots.

“The other day was nice, you, me, Maggie, Gle-

“I’m gonna stop you there. I don’t wanna talk about no mushy shit, ok? I’m here to buy you some drinks, so let’s drink.” Negan said, a little aggressively.

Rick shut his mouth. “Then how about you buy me something good? Cause that was shit.”

Negan did that thing where he slid his tongue in between his teeth and smiled dangerously, like he wanted to deck Rick but didn’t. Rick only started noticing it after he shaved, and sometimes he felt like he pushed Negan’s buttons just so he could see it.

“Fuckin’ Rick Grimes.” Negan muttered. “Alright hotshot, let’s see what you can handle.” Negan ordered a fiery hot concoction, daring Rick to drink it.

Rick smirked, remembering how he and Shane and their buddies used to challenge each other with spicy drinks and foods. He downed it in a second, and noticed Negan looked shocked, but thinking about those old memories, it only made Rick feel sick.

“I need food.” Rick murmured.

“What did I tell you? Order anything you want, it’s all fucking delicious.” There was a sparkle in Negan’s eyes; he wondered how many things Rick would do for him if he just asked. He felt like that thought had crossed his mind before. They both ordered some food and started talking about nothing important, but it was funny and they were both laughing. At some point, Rick swore he felt Negan’s knee touch his own and linger there for a moment.

“Hey, do you wanna have some fun?” Negan asked as they were finishing their last drinks.

“What do you have in mind?”

“It’s a surprise. But it’s going to be really fucking cool. I promise.” Negan flashed his rabbit toothed smile. Rick melted, and suddenly they were in Negan’s car, driving off to a place Rick couldn’t guess.

Rick wasn’t sure what to think when Negan pulled into the high school parking lot.

“Be very quiet Rick Grimes.” Negan whispered, even though they were still sitting in the car.

Rick just looked at him. Negan turned the car off, Rick took off his seatbelt, and they stepped out.

“What are we-

“SHH!”

Rick dropped his voice to a whisper. “Why are we here?”

“Didn’t I tell you it was surprise? I’m gonna show you something fucking cool. So just chill out.” Negan knew there was no security, so he walked over to the gym entrance and fished out his keys.

Once inside, Rick and Negan walked gently to a set of double doors. There was a sign on the side of the wall that Rick couldn’t make out in the dark, but there was light illuminating the space between the doors. Negan opened it.

It was the school pool. Rick caught his breath. The water was still, and the smell of chlorine hit Rick’s nose. There was a calming silence in the room, and the only light was coming from the pool.

“What did I say? Pretty cool huh?” Negan grinned, swirling the keys on one finger.

“Yeah.” Rick said, but the word got stuck in his throat.

“We didn’t drink too much that we can’t go swimming, right?” Negan asked, in the process of taking off his shoes and socks.

“Swimming??”

Negan laughed and started undoing his belt. The sight made Rick lightheaded.

“It’ll be fine.” Negan said, unzipping his pants. He let them fall around his feet; he was wearing his black boxer briefs. Rick watched him take off his jacket and pull his shirt over his head, his muscles flexing. Rick swallowed. “Don’t be such a chickenshit Rick Grimes.”

“How old are you again?” Rick asked, never too nervous for a sarcastic quip.

It wasn’t fair, Rick thought, Negan didn’t know how much he tortured Rick. And Rick still didn’t know why. But it was electrifying and exciting and Rick didn’t want the feeling to end, he only wanted it to be reciprocated.

Negan stepped onto the first step, “It’s not that cold.” He said, and continued until he was in the pool. He sunk into the water. Rick watched his shape disappear. Negan rose out of the pool, pushing his hair back with his hands, like he was in a goddamn movie.

Negan watched Rick hesitating on the deck; all he wanted Rick to do was take a chance on him. But if he pushed Rick in the deep end he’d lose him. “Come on man.” He said, teeth flashing quickly in a smile, Rick noticed every line of Negan’s mouth. Negan had always seemed formidable, but without the beard, it was like every line on his face was a neon light that said danger. Especially the lines that revealed his teeth.

“Ok, ok.” Rick said. Negan watched as Rick pulled off his shoes and socks. Rick unzipped his pants, and Negan nearly choked when he saw those same electric blue boxer briefs from before. Rick took off his shirt and walked to the steps. Negan couldn’t understand why Rick was so nervous.

Rick put one foot in and pulled it out when he felt the temperature.

“Dude.” Negan said.

Rick sunk his foot in, then his other foot, then he walked down to his waist and jumped when the water hit his midsection. “Fuck that’s cold!”

Negan did his goofy laugh, “You’ll get used to it. Come on.” He held out his hand.

Rick took his grip off the pole and took Negan’s hand. Negan pulled him in aggressively, Rick fell face first into water. He jumped up, shivering and breathing heavily. He splashed Negan. “Asshole!” He breathed.

Negan snickered, “I had to do it.”

Rick collected himself and smiled, looking off to the deep end. “I bet I can beat you in a race.”

“You’re on.”

Rick and Negan raced to the end of the pool and back, and Rick beat him in a landslide.

“How the fuck did you do that?” Negan asked out of breath.

“I used to swim in school.”

“What didn’t you used to do?” Negan breathed.

‘Fall for assholes’, Rick thought, but then figured he had always done that, considering certain events that he’d rather not think about.

“Negan,” Rick said, breathing hard, “Maybe we should go.”

“We’ve been here ten minutes, relax.” Negan said, turning away and swimming to the deep end.

Rick dived down to join him. They watched each other in the water like two sharks, Negan exhaled so that he floated to the bottom. The lights reflected across him, and Rick thought he looked like the lead in an art film, suspended in some sort of metaphor for peril. As Rick swam by, Negan grabbed his foot, pulling him down. Rick tried not to laugh underwater, but Negan looked stoic. They stared at each other, seeing how long they could hold their breath. Rick smirked and placed his feet on the bottom of the pool, pushing up so he could return to the surface. Negan came up shortly after.

Negan started to float on his back, breathing calmly. Rick exhaled, and got on his back too. They floated there for a while, enveloped by silence.

“Rick,” Negan began, then shut his mouth. Why couldn’t he say what he wanted to say?

“Yeah?” Rick asked, watching the pool lights dance on the ceiling.

“Shit…” Negan sighed. “Look, I’m just gonna say it; I don’t know where I’d be without you. I didn’t realize that all I needed was someone who had gone through what I had gone through.”

“…No problem.” Said Rick. “I didn’t realize it either.”

“Can I confess something?”

Rick stopped breathing for a moment. “Sure.”

Negan closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. “Rick….I...was suicidal, and I’ve only just realized that I haven’t felt that way since I met you. I think you might have saved my life…”

Rick stopped floating. “You were?”

Negan sunk into the water and appeared a second later. “Yeah.” Rick couldn’t tell if Negan was crying or if he had gotten chlorine in his eyes. “And it was really fucking scary. But I swear to God, you fucking saved me. And there are other things I haven’t told you yet, because I don’t know what I’d do without your friendship. It’s fucking stupid.”

“No it’s not. We come from the same trauma. I’ll always be there for you because of that. We’re like…brothers.” Rick hesitated on the word, and it didn’t sound convincing at all when it came out of his mouth.

“Rick,” Negan snorted, finding that they had drifted closer in their conversation, “We are NOT like brothers.”

Rick looked at Negan, whose hand had gotten closer to his. Rick took it, caressing Negan’s hand with his thumb. Negan stepped closer so that only a few inches remained between them. Negan hadn’t been this close to Rick’s eyes before, and they looked just like the water in the pool. He wanted to float to the bottom of them, and maybe drown while he was down there.

Rick’s breathing was slow and rough, and he couldn’t help but look at Negan’s eyes too. They were a deep light brown, and they could be just as inviting as they could be sinister.

Negan lifted his other hand out of the water and placed it on Rick’s face.

“Do you feel that?” Negan asked, but there wasn’t a smile on his face, almost like he was too afraid to ask in the first place.

“Y-yes…Maybe we shouldn’t…” Rick started.

“Oh Jesus Christ, live a little Sheriff.” Negan whispered, their eyes darting back and forth, smiles forming on both their faces.

“Sheriff’s Deputy.” Rick breathed.

“Mm. Yeah. That.” Negan said, flashing his teeth again.

Rick didn’t wait for Negan; he wanted to kiss his smile before it disappeared. Negan was taken aback, always, at Rick’s boldness. He could never land a good line on him, but he didn’t care. Most of the time he was excited to see what Rick could come back with. This response excited him the most.

Negan put both arms around Rick and pulled him so that those few inches were no longer there. Negan pressed Rick into his hips, kissing him gently at first, until Rick grabbed his face and started kissing him more passionately, pushing Negan towards the wall of the pool. Rick didn’t know what to think when he found himself grinding on Negan, so he didn’t. For once he let something happen without overanalyzing. It felt good, and it felt right, and that was enough.

Negan could hardly believe that Rick was making out with him, and grinding on his dick no less. He wanted to fuck Rick right then and there, but that would be a lawsuit and a half. Hell, it was already a lawsuit. Rick was going at him like it was the end of the goddamn universe, and Negan wanted nothing more than to let the animal inside Rick take him for all he had, but this wasn’t the place or time. He couldn’t make the same mistakes again, so he pushed Rick off.

“Is something wrong?” Rick was shaking.

“Uh yeah,” Negan breathed, heavily, “We need to get out of this pool before we go too crazy. Children swim in here for fuck’s sake.”

Rick had completely forgotten where he was. “Shit.” He said.

They got out of the pool, dripping on the tile. Rick quickly put his pants on and threw his shirt over his head. He stuffed his socks in his pocket and slipped his shoes back on. Negan did the same, and didn’t bother to buckle his belt. They snuck out of the school as silently as they had snuck in. The night was warm, and a small breeze was blowing. The moon was full, and Rick thought it looked like a scene out of a dream, which, he thought, made perfect sense. Rick had no idea real life would top his dream, but it had. He couldn’t help but think of cosmic fate, tugging his strings and weaving them into Negan’s. Something two wives might do looking down from the stars. Rick didn’t know why he wanted Lori’s approval so much.

Negan and Rick rode home in Lucille, still dripping. Negan had rolled the windows down and was blasting music from an electro-funk duo who sang about love and relationships. It made Rick feel alive. Rick watched Negan out of the corner of his eye, lights drifting over his clean face. A series of expletives went through Rick’s mind when he realized that, yes; this was the face of the man in his dream. Negan pulled into his driveway when they got home.

Negan turned to him and they kissed again. Rick pulled back, his hands holding on to Negan’s shirt. Negan smiled and looked down.

“How do you feel about this?” he asked Rick.

Rick stared into his eyes for a moment. “…Lucky like a black cat.” He gave a huff out his nose like he wanted to laugh.

“I have that effect on people.” Negan grinned.

“Is this a one-time thing?” Rick asked, his grip on Negan’s shirt loosening.

“Jesus Rick, if our one-time thing was just us making out I want my money back.” Negan scoffed, rubbing his fingers on the back of Rick’s hand as it clung to him.

“Be serious.” Rick said.

“Rick…really…are you that dense you haven’t noticed me eye-fucking you since we met?” Negan joked.

“Are you ever gonna stop saying shit like that?” Rick asked.

“Probably not. But I can think of something that you can do to shut me up.” Negan flashed his rabbit toothed grin, which was all Rick needed to see to lean in and kiss him again.

“And no, hotshot,” Negan whispered, “This isn’t just a one-time thing. If it was, you’d be basking in some serious afterglow right now.” And he kissed Rick again before kicking him out of his car.


	12. Safer on Your Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS!! HAPPY HANUKKAH!! Hope you have a good day <3 Thank you so much for reading and commenting!!

Rick walked home feeling like a zombie. He didn’t remember walking into his house, changing into sweats, or turning on the TV. His mind replayed the events of the last few hours, wondering if they had been real. Maybe Rick would come back too at Grady’s, having passed out from drinking too much. But it had really happened. Rick put his fingers to his lips and thought about how they had felt against Negan’s. He hadn’t kissed anyone romantically in two years, and he almost forgot what it was like. So Negan had liked him this whole time? Rick wanted to feel lucky about that, but his feelings were returned by someone who didn’t get along with a lot of people in Rick’s life. Suddenly the last five weeks were playing over in his head, the basement felt like so long ago, but everything before the kiss did. He sighed and leaned back into the couch, thinking about how his body felt pressed into Negan’s. But Negan was right; they couldn’t rush into something like this. And Rick knew he would have regretted it. But he didn’t regret kissing Negan; it was the best thing to happen to him in a long time. Rick figured he should feel apprehensive, but he pushed those thoughts aside and decided to go to bed holding that floating exhilarating feeling close to his chest. He didn’t remember the last time he felt this happy.

When Negan walked into his house he immediately looked to the framed picture of him and Lucille in the foyer. He picked it up and stared at it for a long time.

“I think he’s a good one.” He whispered, putting it down. “I’m sorry I hurt you. But I won’t hurt him.”

Negan didn’t know what his thought process was taking Rick to the school. In the back of his mind he knew he wanted to tell Rick how he felt, or to at least thank him. It just turned out he got to do both. He smiled, unable to help it; it was the best moment of his life in the past eight months. He thought about how he had been feeling before he met Rick, and all the times he thought about giving up, but he didn’t. He held on, waited one day, then another, then another until finally he met Rick, who was able to connect to that grief and understand him behind his abrasiveness. He thought about the first time he saw Rick Grimes on his porch, the day he moved in. Did either of them know what would happen between them? Did either of them know what they shared? Of course not.

And what if Negan had bought a different house? One not partly blown up by an amateur meth cook? But that’s not what happened, so it wasn’t worth thinking about. He had bought the house across the street from Rick Grimes, who, at this point, he thought might as well be the only person in the universe who understood him. And who liked him. And who kissed him, passionately, in a high school pool. He grinned, shaking his head and closing his eyes. He put a hand to the bridge of his nose, trying to process all the feelings running wild in his body. He didn’t think he’d ever feel this feeling again. And if Rick really felt the same, he had spent two years shut off from that. Negan barely survived eight months. He called it a night before he could find a way to feel awful.

Rick woke up Sunday morning from a peaceful sleep. He sat up and stretched, his arms falling into his lap while he turned to look towards his windows. All he could think about was Negan asleep across the street. What if he thought last night was a fluke? A lapse in judgement, a moment of passion…what if Negan was only screwing with Rick the way he liked to do with others?

Negan woke up that morning half expecting to find Rick’s sleeping body next to him. He suddenly felt very stupid, but it was Rick that had kissed him first. And that had to mean something. He looked at the small calendar on his nightstand, one week left of school until he was out for the summer. He furrowed his brows, trying to picture what it was going to be like living in this neighborhood during summer, a bunch of suburbanites grilling out and firing off fireworks. But how could he judge them when he just fell for the biggest suburbanite of them all?

Rick got dressed and headed out to pick up the kids. He looked at Negan’s house out of the corner of his eye as he was driving away.

When Negan got out of bed, showered, and dressed, he looked out his window and saw Rick’s car gone. He couldn’t help but stare at Rick’s house again, the way it was so lived in, the way he wanted to live there too, be a part of their family and melt into it seamlessly as though he’d always been there.

‘Shut that fucking shit down.’ He thought.

* * *

Rick was standing in the kitchen with Jeffrey again as Carl and his cousins ran around the backyard playing football. Judith was asleep in the guest room upstairs, and Rick was intending on staying for dinner.

“So,” Jeffrey said over coffee, “How was your ‘not date’.”

“Uh…good I guess.”

“So you had fun I would hope?”

Rick huffed, “Uh…yeah, yeah. It was a fun night. Unexpected but fun.”

“Do those words have a hidden meaning?” Jeffrey asked, smiling.

“No, no they do not.” Rick said, smirking.

“Ok, well, what is she like?”

Rick rubbed his chin. “I’ll just say…he’s very different from Lori.”

Jeffrey looked stunned for a moment but it was replaced with a sly grin. “Hey man, that’s cool. So how does it seem going forward?”

“It’s…um…” Rick said, trying to figure out what the most accurate word was, “Promising. It looks promising.”

“You got another date set up?” Jeffrey asked, and Rick didn’t know how to say it was his neighbor 50 feet in front of him and all they had to shout at each other from their lawns when they wanted to make plans, which is why they hadn’t yet.

“You were on a date?” It was Carl’s voice, and Rick was beginning to feel that Carl was growing into a bad habit of walking in at the wrong time.

“Uh, sort of.” He said, having no real reason to lie.

“With who?” Carl asked, and ok, there was the real reason to lie.

“Just someone I met a few weeks ago.” Rick said, wondering how long he could go without lying. “But it’s not serious yet. So I’m not holding my breath.” There was the lie. Rick was holding his breath so much it was suffocating him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Carl asked. Rick sighed.

“Because I was nervous about it in the first place, I didn’t know how it would go so…”

“Are you going out on more?”

Rick wanted to throw his hands to his face. “I don’t know ok? How about this, next time, I’ll tell you. Then you can babysit Judith, how’s that sound?”

Carl looked like he wanted to object, but he didn’t. “Ok.” He said. “Yeah, tell me next time.”

Rick wanted to remind Carl that he had his “permission”, but he knew he had to let Carl be a moody teenager. And as easy as it read on paper, seeing your dad going out on dates was probably not the easiest thing to handle.

After dinner Rick got the kids in the car and they headed home.

“So did you ask out Enid?” Rick asked when Judith was asleep in the backseat.

Carl seemed annoyed. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because Ron Anderson asked her out.” He grumbled.

“So now they’re-

“No! She said no. But I don’t want to bug her and be another guy asking her out.” Carl said, crossing his arms in anger.

“Yeah, girls don’t like that.” Rick said.

“Now I have to wait like, I don’t even know how long. It’s so annoying. I hate him. I’m going to kick his ass in gym.”

“Whoa whoa whoa.” Rick said, wondering if Negan had anything to do with Carl’s aggression before deciding that was one hundred percent Carl. “How many times am I going to have to tell you to stop swearing.”

“Dad I’m 16, stop trying to stunt my growth.” Carl muttered.

Rick laughed.

“At least Mr. Negan doesn’t like him either.” Carl said.

“Oh…yeah?” Rick asked, any perspective on Negan from others was something that he was interested in hearing.

“Yeah. We’re playing a tournament game right now. We’re on the same team, it might be cheating, but whatever helps us beat Ron’s team.” Carl said.

“Do you…” How could Rick put this? “So how do you feel about Negan?”

“I don’t know, he’s still a douchebag sometimes but…he doesn’t really pick on me anymore. And I think Beth is helping. Are the pool guys coming soon?” Carl asked, interested in other subjects.

“Yeah, we’ll have a pool by next spring.” Rick said.

“Sweet. Oh hey, so we were invited over for fourth of July fireworks, can we sleep over again?” Carl asked.

“Yeah, I don’t want to dump Judith on your cousins again though…”

“Dad you’re not! They want her there. Please?”

“Where are these fireworks?” Rick asked.

“They’re at this big field and there’s a carnival. A lot of people from school travel to it too. Uncle Jeffrey said he’d take us.”

“A lot of kids from school huh? Enid gonna be there?”

“Dad. Shut up.”

Rick laughed.

“This means you can go on a date and you don’t have to worry about us.” Carl said.

‘Hm,’ Rick thought, ‘good point.’

“Ok ok.” Rick said, thinking about what the fourth of July might bring and if he and Negan were going to even last that long.

* * *

Rick didn’t see Negan over the next couple of days, he thought about texting him, but knew Negan was busy with the end of the school year. Wednesday was the last day of school, and the final gym class.

“Ok pipsqueaks!” Negan shouted, “Today we determine who’s going to win the Quidditch championship, Slyther…” He turned to Beth. “What were we calling it?”

“Slytherpuff verses Gryffinclaw!” Beth said, their teams had joined together so that the kids who lost wouldn’t be sitting out. In reality, it was Slytherin and Gryffindor who were competing.

Negan rolled his eyes. “Yea, ok, is everyone ready?”

The period went by quickly, and Carl was overjoyed when his team took the gold. Ron looked pissed, which was all Carl needed to cap off his school year.

“Ok guys. Good game, good last few weeks…”

“Are you going to get emotional Mr. Negan?” Sophia smirked; she had gotten into the habit of picking on him in class, which Negan always took like a champ.

Negan put his hands on his hips, “I don’t think so. I was just about to say that I expect you all to be ready for next year. And…yeah if any of you want to join a summer baseball league, fine, you can, it’s whatever. Signups will be outside the gym.”

Negan dismissed them and he and Beth walked back to his office. When they got inside Beth pulled out a notebook.

“So I need to interview you for my class.” She said.

“God, really?” Negan asked, sitting down at his desk.

Beth sat down, “Yeah, really. Just answer the questions.”

“Ok kiddo, shoot.”

Beth asked him a few questions about how he handled curriculum and how he encouraged students. She knew his answers were bullshit.

“And last one, why did you become a gym teacher?”

Negan had been tossing a small ball back and forth in his hands, he stopped to think. “Uh…I was in the minor leagues, or I was going to be anyway. I was scouted in college.”

“And you didn’t go?”

“No, there was something else I wanted to chase at home. When I decided to stay I figured I’d become a school coach, then over time I just became a teacher.” Negan said.

“Was it a girl?” Beth asked, smiling.

Negan rolled his eyes. “Yeah yeah, my wife.”

Beth didn’t give the kneejerk reaction everyone else seemed to, probably, Negan thought, because Maggie must have told her about Lucille already. Beth thanked him and got up to leave, she stopped at the door.

“Can I ask you something? Off the record?” She asked, holding her notebook down by her waist.

“What?”

“Was it worth it? Staying in town, not taking an opportunity because you want to chase someone you might love?”

Negan rubbed his chin, “Uh, yeah, it was. Actually, it’s one of the only decisions I’ve made that I don’t regret.”

“Mm. It’s just. Maggie always tries to encourage me to leave but, I think everything I want is right here. Is that stupid?”

“Kiddo I don’t…” He looked at Beth, realizing it wasn’t often someone earnestly asked him for life advice. “It’s your life. No one else gets to fuck with it no matter how well they mean. Does that help?”

“Yeah, it does. You know…you’re really not that bad underneath the leather jacket.” Beth said.

“…Neither are you kid. You sure you don’t have a future in physical education?” Negan grinned.

“Nah, I’m not strong enough for it.”

“Bull-fucking-shit. Yes you are. Yes you are.” Negan said. Beth smiled. “Get out of here. Go enjoy your summer. Unless you want to be my assistant coach to the baseball team and hate your life.”

Beth’s smile lit up. “Really?”

“Just say yes before I change my mind.” Negan muttered.

“I’ll do it!”

“Great. Now really, get out of here.”

Beth left the room and Negan heard her calling to Daryl, he felt a smile creep up on his face and he shook his head. He pulled out his phone. He hadn’t talked to Rick since the night they kissed, and three full days had passed. He almost felt like he was avoiding Rick on purpose, which one would have to be when they lived right across the street.

“Hey Rick…” Negan began typing, he backspaced, “Rick…” Backspace again, “Ricky yo what’s…” delete, “Rick G my guy,” delete again. Negan put his hand to his face, why was this so hard? He started typing again.

“So when’s our next date?” Send.

He sat there waiting, and waiting, and waiting, wasn’t Rick retired? What else did he have to do except text Negan back? After five minutes his phone buzzed, he opened the text.

“You mean our second get together or our first date?”

Negan snickered to himself, ‘Rick Grimes you smooth motherfucker.’

“Ok hotshot, this weekend?”

“Friday works.”

“Sounds good.” Negan typed. “Wear that blue underwear of yours, just in case.”

Negan smirked, picturing Rick’s red face.

He typed again before Rick could reply, “Unless you just want to send me a picture.”

“Sure, wait one second.”

Rick sent a picture of his hand giving Negan the middle finger, his underwear in a laundry basket visible in the background, Negan rolled his eyes.

“Jerk.” He typed.

Rick responded a minute later. “Dumbass.”

Negan grinned. He knew he wasn’t going to get the Mr. Rogers equivalent to send him naughty pictures, but it didn’t hurt to try.

That afternoon Carl joined Rick on the porch. “Hey.” He said.

“Hey.” Rick said back. “How was your last day?”

“Good. We-

“WE KICKED THEIR ASSES RIGHT CARL?!” Came Negan’s shouting voice out of nowhere. He was hollering from across the street.

Carl jumped. “UH YEAH?” He said back.

“YEAH!!!” Negan shouted. Then he walked over and leaned against the porch post. “Hey Rick.” He smiled, his tongue between his teeth.

“Hey Negan.” Rick said stiffly, giving Negan a look that he had better not try anything.

“So Carl are you joining my baseball team or what?” Negan asked.

“Yeah me and Sophia signed up.” Carl said.

“You’re going to be playing baseball?” Rick asked Carl, then he turned to Negan, “And you’re going to be coaching?”

“Yeah,” Negan said, “Someone’s gotta keep these kids in shape. Me and Beth are going to be the coaches.”

“You and Beth?” Rick scoffed.

“That’s right; I’ve come a long way with all of you, but some like me more than others.” He grinned that awful rabbit toothed grin. Rick wondered if Carl could feel the tension and prayed to God he couldn’t. He didn’t know when to tell Carl about Negan, but he knew it was way too soon.

Just then a car pulled into the driveway next door to Negan.

“That must be Tara and Denise.” Carl said.

Tara and Denise stepped out of their car, both of them looked tan. They opened the trunk and got out their luggage. They saw Rick and the others, waved, and walked over. Rick’s porch seemed to be the place to congregate these days.

“How was your honeymoon?” Rick smiled, getting up to hug them.

“It was amazing!!” Tara said. “We’ll have to show you all the pictures.”

“This is Negan.” Rick said, “He moved in to Merle’s.”

“Nice to meet you.” Denise said.

“Pleasure’s all mine.” Negan smiled.

“So how does it look in there?” Tara asked.

“It looks great!” Negan said, “Ol Rick helped me with the-

Negan made an explosion noise with his throat.

“Ah, so you’ve been a busy retiree huh?” Tara said, looking at Rick.

“Sure have.” Rick replied.

“Anything else exciting happen while we were gone? How was the block party?” Denise asked.

Negan and Rick looked at other.

“It was interesting to say the least.” Carl piped up from his seat.

“Things got a little…intense.” Rick said. “But I’m sure more interesting things have happened over the past few weeks.”

“I’m very sure.” Negan said, sneaking a smile to Rick.

“Do you like living here then?” Tara asked.

“Yeah it’s great. All you suburbies are cute.” Negan said. 

“Then I’ll guess we’ll see you at the fourth of July party.” Tara said.

“Of course. We’ll get fucking wrecked.” He grinned. “Oh sorry Carl, I forgot you haven’t heard that word before.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “You have a knack of giving a full impression of your personality in three minutes. Tara, Denise, that’s all you need to know about Negan.”

The girls laughed. “Well,” Denise said, “I’m dying to pick up some orange soda, so we’ll see you later.”

Tara and Denise said goodbye and walked back to their house. Rick looked at Negan.

“Do not get wrecked at the fourth of July party.” Rick said sternly.

“Chill out Daaaad.” Negan said.

“Dad my appointment.” Carl said, jumping out of his seat.

“What??” Rick asked.

“My doctor’s appointment?????” Carl groaned, waving his arms.

“Oh shit.” Rick said, hopping out of his seat. “Ok let’s go.” Rick picked his keys off a small table.

“Judith.” Carl said.

“Oh, right. She’s sleeping. Is Maggie home?” Rick asked.

“I’ll…watch her.” Negan said.

“Could you?” Rick asked.

“Of course!” Negan smiled.

“Thanks.” Rick sighed, and he and Carl headed to the car.

“Rick?”

Rick turned around.

“What do I do if she wakes up?” 

“Watch a movie with her.” Rick smiled, and got in the car.

“Is this a good idea?” Carl asked. “It’s kind of weird.”

“You’ve seen him with her, they get along great. Oddly enough.” Rick said.

“I know but…I don’t know. It’s just weird that my teacher is always on our porch.”

“He IS our neighbor.” Rick said.

“Yeah but still. It’s kind of awkward.” Said Carl.

Rick pulled out of the driveway. “You’ll get used to it.” And Rick really really hoped he would.

Negan watched them drive away and opened the door to Rick’s house. He walked in and didn’t breathe, almost like he didn’t want to disturb the energy inside it. He walked into the living room and picked up some of the mess, a blanket here, a toy there. He turned one of Judith’s stuffed animals over in his hands and put it down. At the staircase he placed a hand on the railing. He slid off his boots and gently put his foot on the first stair. He walked up and reached Rick’s bedroom, nudging the door open. He exhaled and stepped in, this was Rick’s space, and all he wanted to do was inhabit it.

Negan noticed a laundry basket of folded clean clothes and smiled; he peered in and saw Rick’s electric blue boxer briefs. He picked them up and felt the fabric, smooth and almost silky. He figured they’d feel better colliding with Rick’s skin, but this was fine too. He looked around and noticed several picture frames; Lori was staring back at him. Negan suddenly felt guilty. He put the underwear in the pocket of his leather jacket and walked over to the pictures, trying to get a sense of her. He felt like he was infringing on her memory somehow.

“I’m sorry darling.” He said. “I just can’t help it. I’m sure you understand.”

He left the room and went to check in on Judith. She was moving in her bed. He walked over and knelt down beside her.

“Daddy?” She asked.

“No hunny, it’s me.” He said gently.

“Neegan!” she said, immediately reaching out to hug him, and he thought he might have died.

He hugged her. “Your daddy’s out with your big brother Carl right now, he asked me to watch you. Like how Maggie does.” He brushed her hair out of her face.

“Like Maggie!” She giggled.

“Yeah yeah, like Maggie. So what do you say hunny, want to watch a movie?”

“Yes!!” Judith hopped up and down on her bed.

“Okay okay.” Negan said, picking her up. He spun her around and made airplane noises. She laughed hysterically. He put her on his shoulders and walked her down the stairs.

“Ok let’s pick out a-

“Beauty and the Beast!!” She yelled.

“Whoa okie dokie hunny!” Negan laughed, placing her on the ground. “Do you know where it is?”

“The DBD Player.” She said, pointing to the DVD player.

“So you’re in that phase where you watch the same movie over and over again.” Negan said while Judith tried to climb on the couch. He helped her up and turned on the movie.

“Juice?” she asked.

“Coming right up hunny.” He said, he looked in the kitchen until he found a sippy cup, he opened the fridge and pulled out some apple juice.

Negan returned to the couch and handed her the juice. He sat down next to her; she had already wrapped herself in the blanket Negan had picked up earlier. About five minutes into the movie she cuddled up next to him. He smiled and sighed. He thought about when he and Rick would inevitably stop getting along and he’d lose his invitation into Rick’s life. Negan didn’t know what he wanted, but he knew he didn’t want to be alone again.

Rick and Carl returned home while the movie was in its last thirty minutes. Judith was busy being enthralled when Negan got up and put his shoes back on. Carl sat down on a chair and started typing on his phone.

“Hey.” Negan said. “All went well. We didn’t burn the house down. See?”

Rick smiled. “I see that. Thanks again, really.”

“It’s all good.” Negan said. He and Rick walked outside.

“Thank fuck for summers off.” Negan said, whirling around to face Rick.

“A small taste of retirement.” Rick smirked.

“Isn’t that what I tasted the other night?” Negan said quietly.

Rick blushed. “So that wasn’t just in my imagination.”

“Sorry, it really happened.” Negan murmured, lingering closely to Rick’s face.  

“Good.” Rick whispered.

Negan pulled Rick’s underwear from his pocket and handed the folded cloth over to him. It took Rick a second to realize what he was holding; his eyes darted up to Negan’s.

“You should keep a better hold on those. They’d be safer on your body.” Negan flashed his rabbit teeth, and Rick thought he’d push him off the porch and take him right there.

“Would they, though?” Rick asked in a drawl, tilting his head.

Negan’s breath quickened and he let out a shaky goofy laugh. “Fuck. I’ll see you Friday.”

Rick watched Negan spin around and walk down the porch steps, he wondered if the next time he’d see Negan without his leather jacket on it would be because he was the one taking it off.


	13. Like Leather

Thursday morning Carl was getting ready to meet some friends when Rick decided now was the best time to tell him he had a date.

“I’m going out Friday night.” Rick said over breakfast.

“Oh, really? On a date?” Carl asked.

“Yeah. Is that cool?” Rick asked, trying to figure out which version of Carl he’d get today.

“Yeah, does that mean I have to babysit?” he asked.

“Mmhm, but you can have Sophia over. And Enid.” Rick said, smiling.

Carl ignored the last part of his sentence. “Ok. Well, I hope you have fun.”

Rick breathed a sigh of relief. Now to wait until he inevitably finds out who he’s going on the date with. But Rick thought he could keep that a secret for at least a little while longer.

* * *

Friday evening came and Rick and Negan had decided to go to a dine-in theater that served dinner and alcohol. Rick was upstairs in his bathroom fixing his hair. Since this was a real date he figured he’d look the part. He gelled his hair back and trimmed his beard, and he thought he looked pretty good. He was confident Negan would have something snarky to say, as always.

Carl was downstairs on the couch with Sophia and Judith.

“You going to be alright?” Rick asked, adjusting his tie.

“Yeah.” Carl said.

“How do I look?” Rick asked, tugging at his shirt cuffs. The kids turned around.

“Good. Sharp.” Carl said.

“You look really good Mr. Grimes.” Sophia said. “It’s acceptable.”

Rick smirked, it was like talking to a mini Carol.

“Where are you going again?” Carl asked.

“A movie theater where you eat dinner.” Rick said. “And you have to make reservations.”

“That sounds serious.” Carl muttered.

Rick grabbed Carl’s shoulders and shook him. “Don’t worry, it’s not.” But Rick’s stomach couldn’t help but drop.

Rick grabbed his coat.

“Have fun Mr. Grimes!” Sophia said.

“Yeah Dad don’t get schwasted.”

Rick smirked and saluted them with two fingers. He closed the door behind him, certain Carl and Sophia would still be up ready to ask how his night went when he got back. He hopped in his car and drove to the theater where he was meeting Negan.

Rick pulled in the parking lot and found Negan standing outside of Lucille. Rick exhaled sharply. He was really wearing that goddamn leather jacket to their first date.

“Didn’t have anything else in your closet?” Rick asked walking up to him.

“Rick, whoa, nice look.” Negan said, “And I don’t know, maybe you can come over and help me pick something out next time.”

Rick couldn’t believe they were flirting already. One makeout session and they both seemed desperate for more. Rick thought about how long he would be able to hold out.

“Come on, I’m hungry.” Rick said, and they walked inside.

“Do you have a reservation?” The hostess asked.

“Yes under Grimes.” Rick said. Negan was by the door fixing his shoe.

“Rick?” A voice said. Rick froze. “Rick.”

Rick turned and saw Shane standing there with a woman after exiting one of the theaters.

“Shane.” Was all he could say.

“Hey I was-

“This isn’t a good time.” Rick said, feeling all the boiling hatred inside him bubble suspiciously close to the surface. Actually, no time was good. But definitely not on his first date with Negan.

“Rick I-

Rick felt an arm slink around his shoulder and a hand drape over his chest. Negan’s leather jacket shuffled against him.

“Pretty sure he said this isn’t a good time.”

Shane looked stunned at Negan’s presence.

“How about this,” Negan said, a hint of danger laced in his words, “We’re going to go watch a movie. You’re going to leave. Maybe next time you run into Rick here you’ll have a conversation. But pal, it ain’t happening tonight.”

Rick wondered if Negan was aware he was threatening a sheriff’s deputy. But Negan was seeing red, and barely remembered who Shane was besides an enemy.

Shane looked at Rick, in a “The fuck?” kind of way, but Rick returned it with a stern “Don’t” look. Shane looked hurt, but took the woman’s arm and they walked away without saying anything else. Rick breathed, unsure if he was happy Negan took care of the situation or if he was embarrassed. This was supposed to be a discreet night, and now if there was anyone he didn’t want knowing his personal business it was Shane fucking Walsh.

Still, Rick was grateful. “Thanks.” He said, and Negan tightened his hold on his shoulder.

“Of course. And you don’t have to tell me, ever. But I’m gonna continue to fucking hate that guy for the rest of my life, okay?” Negan said.

“That’s fine by me.” Rick replied bitterly.

They walked into the theater and were led to their seats. They had a section in the back corner and placed their orders when they sat down.

“This is already weird.” Rick said. “The theater I mean. Not the date.”

Negan smirked. “I’m just excited to get some alcohol.”

“Of course you are.”

“You know, I’m surprised at you. How come you’re out on a date with me right now?” Negan asked.

Rick laughed. “Because I like you?”

Negan shook his head. “But fuck, why? How?”

They looked at each other. “Trust me, when I find out you’ll be the first to know.” Rick said.

Food was being served a few minutes before the movie started, and Rick was disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to talk to Negan for the next two hours. But for now he was hungry, so he focused on his burger. For a while he was content to drink and sit next to Negan in the dark, until Negan slid a hand on his thigh.

Rick flinched. He looked at Negan. Negan didn’t look at him, his eyes were on the movie. Rick turned his head back to the screen as Negan’s fingers squeezed his thigh. Rick tried to focus on the dialogue and action, but Negan’s fingers were sliding suspiciously towards his crotch. He lost his breath.

Negan’s breathing was slowing down just at the thought of touching Rick. He hadn’t offended Rick yet, so he went for it, sliding his hand in between Rick’s thighs and giving one of them another squeeze. He turned his hand so he could trace the fabric of Rick’s jeans with his fingers, right over his crotch. He rubbed lightly, teasing Rick with the thought.

Rick opened his mouth and smiled in shock and embarrassment, closing his eyes and furrowing his brows. He slid his tongue in between his teeth, trying not to say anything. He tilted his head to Negan.

“Really?” he mouthed, an unavoidable smirk on his face.

Negan raised his eyebrows and closed his eyes, he gave a tilt of his head that said, “Yes, got a problem with it?”

Rick turned away and shifted in his seat. Negan’s fingers crept up to Rick’s belt. He tapped on it.

Rick blushed, but decided not to go over the pros and cons in his head. He unbuckled his belt as silently as he could.

Rick tried to comprehend that they were grown adults sitting in a goddamn packed movie theater and that yes, this was highly illegal beyond just inappropriate, but Negan had a way of making Rick do dangerous things. Like sneaking into high school pools.

But Negan seemed pleased with himself, and when Rick's belt was loose enough he had Rick pull down his zipper for him. Negan put a finger in the waistband of Rick’s underwear and let out a small purring whisper.

"Baby those had better be blue.”

Rick thought he might float to the ceiling.

"Of course they are." Rick whispered back, only way less seductive and way more nervous.

Negan’s hand trailed over Rick’s underwear, and it was getting progressively more difficult for Rick to keep quiet.

“You want me to?” Negan whispered, almost inaudibly.

“Y-yes.” Rick whispered, gripping the armrest with his hand.

He could almost hear Negan’s smirk. Then Negan’s hand was around him and Rick thought he might go blind, fabric rubbing and fingers everywhere. Negan brought his hand back up to the waistband of Rick’s boxer briefs and slipped inside. Rick felt feverish, like he might be sick, but it was also incredible and freeing and Negan’s hand was like magic and Rick didn’t want him to stop.

Negan didn’t say anything else, and Rick didn’t know how he was playing it so cool.

‘Probably because he’s done this sort of thing a million times.’ Rick thought. His coherent thoughts were cut short when Negan began to jerk him off like it was a contest and he was determined to win.  

Rick threw his head down, trying to hold on, convinced at this point that Negan really was out to ruin his life.

Negan couldn’t believe he was sitting in a movie theater giving Rick a handjob, but it wasn’t the craziest thing he’d ever done. If he managed to keep his relationship with Rick alive, though, it might be the last. Rick didn’t seem like the type of guy that was into risky shit, but then again, here he was, letting Negan touch him all over.

Negan wanted to haul Rick over his shoulder, carry him to the bathroom, look at him in the light, but he’d have to do with imagination. Negan snuck a glance over at Rick’s face, small beads of sweat were forming and he looked positively helpless. Poor fucking thing. Negan squeezed harder, and he watched Rick open his mouth like he wanted to give a stunned whisper before turning his eyes back to the screen.

Negan continued to work his hand up and down Rick’s shaft. The scene was barely over when Rick’s entire being gave in to Negan’s hand. Negan let out a low wheezing laugh. Rick tried to breathe out as slowly as he could without drawing attention, but Negan gave him a few more squeezes as though he was just trying to break Rick on purpose. His hand lingered there for a while before slinking back out.

Rick felt his face flush, slick with sweat; he looked over at Negan, eyes watering. His mouth hung open as he watched Negan give him a big terrible rabbit toothed grin and promptly start licking his fingers. Negan wanted to burst out laughing at Rick’s expression of horror. He also wanted to tell him that Rick looked like shit and if he always looked like shit after he got off, but that would be rude, now wouldn’t it?

“Didn’t take much now did it?” Negan whispered.

Rick gave him a very shaky and very unconvincing middle finger.

Rick flung his head back and felt like he was spinning. He closed his eyes for the remainder of the movie, trying to comprehend this turn of events. The last twenty minutes Rick spent composing himself, and when the movie ended and the lights went on, he was feeling coherent again. He gave a Negan a glaring look but a smile was shaking on the corner of his lips. Negan stared into Rick’s eyes and gave him a big wink just as the waiter approached.

“How was everything?” The waiter asked.

Negan gave a tremendous sigh. “ _Delicious_.” He gave a grin that Rick thought might belong to the devil.

Rick and Negan didn’t say another word until they exited the theater. A warm summer breeze was blowing and Negan suddenly felt like he was 18 again. Rick was walking a few feet ahead of him, quickly, like he wanted to run away. Negan snuck up behind him.

“I hope you have another pair of those, hotshot.” He said.

“Unlock your car.” Rick responded.

“Ooohoo sounds like I’m in trouble.” Negan purred, doing as he was told. Rick opened the passenger side and got in. Negan followed suit.

“So,” Negan began, “Guess you haven’t done tha-

He was cut off when Rick started kissing him, hands wrapped tight around his leather jacket. Negan could have objected, but every time Rick went at him he wanted to melt. Which had only been twice, including now, but Negan suspected it’d never get old. Rick finally pulled away, and Negan had no words, like Rick had taken the breath right out of him.

“I want to fuck you.” Rick said, plain as day.

Negan felt his hand latch on to the steering wheel and he leaned back. “Whh-att.” He said, suddenly nervous that Rick had been so nonchalant.

“Did I stutter?” Rick breathed.

“I don’t think this is the place. Or the time. Or the…”

“Do you want to or not?”

“Fuck.” Negan breathed. “Rick-

“You didn’t have any problem jerking me off.” Rick said.

“Yeah but, I thought we agreed to take it slow we shouldn’t just…Rick I think you’re just on a high right now. Which is great and I’m glad to help, but I’m not looking to be someone’s mistake again.”

That seemed to bring Rick back to his senses. He slumped in his seat and put his hand to his face. “It’s just been a really…really long time.”

Negan huffed a laugh. “Yeah no shit.”

Rick peeked out at Negan from under his hand. “How long was that anyway? It felt like it lasted ages.”

“Oh baby…I’m sorry but…you didn’t even make it through Amy Adam’s little speech.” Negan said in a sympathetic tone. Rick laughed, in an embarrassed way that made Negan’s heart flutter.

“But don’t worry.” Negan said. “It is me we’re talking about. You never had a fucking chance.”

And he gave that grin again that made Rick want to drive his nails into Negan’s back.

“You are something else.” Rick murmured. “Is that how all your first dates go?”

“Who says the date is over?” Negan asked. “You didn’t get to ask me what my favorite color is.”

“I know a place we could go.” Rick said. “Follow me.”

Rick got out of Negan’s car and hopped in his own. Negan shook his head as he watched Rick drive ahead of him. Rick kept looking in his rearview mirror, he knew Negan was behind him but couldn’t help but check every second. He kept shifting in his seat, and couldn’t stop thinking about Negan’s hand. How it rubbed his shoulder at the kickball game, lifted him up off the basement floor when he slipped, gripped his fingers when they were holding the razor, dragged him into the swimming pool, held his hand when they kissed for the first time…and now how it had touched him. Rick thought he might crash the car.

Negan followed Rick to a lake. Rick got out of his car, not waiting for Negan, and walked to a dock. Negan turned off Lucille and joined him.

“What is this place?” Negan asked.

“Just a small spot. I had one of my dates with Lori here.” Rick said. “We sat right on this dock.”

Rick knelt down, sat on the dock, and put his legs over the side. Negan did the same.

“What was Lucille like?” Rick asked. He had been curious for a long time about the woman who would choose to marry Negan.

Negan sighed and looked out to the water. “She was something fucking else alright. Hell of a woman, unmatched, she’d give you one fucking look and it would all be over. You’d do anything for her. She never backed down. We’d go at it in all sorts of ways, some bad, some fucking great. We were both a little fucked up, but then…I hurt her in the worst way possible.”

“What happened?” Rick asked quietly.

Negan looked over at him. “Ah…no…you have your Shane thing, I have this. Maybe we’ll tell each other one day, but I…”

Rick held up his hand. “I got you.”

Negan looked down. “Wish I had a fucking beer right now.”

Rick rolled his eyes and looked ahead, the water was still.

“Did you figure out why you’re on this fucking date with me yet?” Negan asked.

“Yeah I did.” Rick said. “You’re the only one who understands what I went through. You get that. And for some reason I’m wildly attracted to you and your stupid face.”

Negan laughed. “Rick…”

“Mm?”

“You think we got a shot?”

Rick watched Negan’s eyes dart back and forth, a worried look on his brow, like he was genuinely afraid of Rick’s answer.

“Yes.” Rick said. And he didn’t know how to say ‘maybe’, that maybe it was a shot in the dark, that maybe Carl would flip his shit and hate his dad’s guts, that maybe it would mess up Judith if Negan entered their lives and left because he just got to be too much. And that maybe the entire neighborhood would wonder what the hell happened to Rick Grimes.

Negan leaned in and gave Rick a kiss so gentle it almost didn’t feel like Negan. Rick stared at Negan’s face, moonlight bouncing off the lake, jumping into his brown eyes. Rick wouldn’t say it, because he was sure Negan would laugh, but he didn’t want to fuck him anymore. He wanted to make love to him, sweet and passionate, romantic and stupid, and he didn’t know if Negan was capable of it, but damn if he didn’t want to find out. Rick felt his forehead touch Negan’s, and they sat like that for a while. Rick spent the time silently cursing himself when he came to the realization that he might actually love someone he met a little less than two months ago. And he’d never know it, but Negan was doing the same.

Rick and Negan walked back to their cars.

“Hey.” Rick said before he got in.

“Mm?”

“So what is your favorite color?”

Negan smiled stupidly. “Red. Though these days it’s electric blue.”

Rick grinned and shook his head.

“What’s yours?” Negan asked.

“Black. Like leather.” Rick said.

Negan slid his tongue in between his teeth and smiled. “I’ll see you later.”

Rick got in his car and drove home. When he pulled into his driveway Negan wasn’t home yet. He walked in the door and saw that Carl and Sophia were asleep on the couch. He could trust that they had put Judith safely to bed. Rick was relieved, primarily because he noticed he had been walking uncomfortably since leaving the theater. He tiptoed upstairs to take a shower.

Rick ran his fingers through his hair, thoughts of course, back on Negan. No matter what happened, it was going to be a hell of a summer, that was for sure. Rick’s fingers trailed down his torso, and all his apprehensions disappeared for the time being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would have been written much sooner but I got a fever on Christmas night ughhh still feeling it a lil bit. This is honestly my first time writing and posting content like this so I hope it's....good lmao. Hope you all had a good holiday <3


	14. Miss You Already

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha I hope you like this one

The next morning Rick walked downstairs with Judith in his arms to find Sophia and Carl awake playing video games. Carl paused the game when he heard his dad.

“How was your date?” Carl asked.

“It was good.” Rick said. “We had fun.”

“Are you going to see her again?” Carl asked, and Rick didn’t know what to say. It was easier with his brother, and for a lot of reasons he couldn’t bring himself to correct his son.

“Yeah I think so.” Rick said, swallowing hard, trying to navigate which answers would fuck Carl up more when he found out.

“That’s great.” Sophia said, before looking at her phone. “Ugh, I gotta go. Thanks for having me. I’ll see you later.”

Carl and Rick said goodbye and Sophia was out the door. Rick sat on the couch next to Carl.

“Do you think it’s going to get serious?” Carl asked.

“It might.” Rick said. “How do you feel about that?”

Carl shrugged. “I don’t know, me and Sophia talked about it but…it’s easier for her. Her dad was an asshole. But I want you to be happy. But I don’t want anyone to replace Mom either.”

“No one can and no one will.” Rick assured.

“Just be careful Dad. You can’t just let anyone into your life.” Carl said, and sometimes Rick forgot that his son had had a front row seat to his mental health problems the past two years.

“Trust me, this person understands better than most.” Rick said, careful of his words.

“Ok. Good.” Carl said.

“So what are you up to today?” Rick asked.

“First day of baseball practice. Do you…want to come watch?” Carl asked.

Rick smiled. “Of course.”

A few hours later Rick, Carl, and Judith were at the high school baseball field. Carl ran over to Sophia and Enid, leaving Rick to keep his eyes peeled for Negan. There was an unmistakable slap on his back.

“There you are.” Negan purred.

“Neegan!” Judith clapped.

“Hey hunny.” Negan smiled, and Rick set her down to play in the grass.

“I had fun last night.” Rick said.

Negan let out a guttural laugh. “I know you did buddy.”

Rick blushed. “Okay, let me ask you the question. Why did you go on the date with me?”

“Have you looked at yourself Rick? Every single mom on the block gets wet just looking at you.”

Rick gave Negan one of those looks when he was facing second hand embarrassment.

“Them and every fucked up middle-aged dude. That’s where I come in.” Negan grinned and Rick gave him a small playful shove.

“Oh wanna wrastle now?” Negan said, laughing goofily while faking a southern accent.

“You’re in a good mood today.” Rick smirked.

“That’s how I feel when I take a look in the mirror and go, ‘ah yes, I was the one to beat out the fuckin’ soccer moms.’ Feeling a little proud right now, if you don’t mind. Wrist hurts a little though.”

“Don’t feel too proud, I’m still waiting to come to my senses.”

“Nah. You’re fully aware.” Negan winked. “You know exactly what you’re fucking doing.”

Rick pointed down to Judith and mouthed something about language, making Negan laugh more.

“She’s absorbed in pulling out grass. She ain’t listening.”

“Got any ideas for a second date?” Rick asked.

“Gosh Rick, you’re so hard for me it’s embarrassing.”

Rick gave Negan another shove that sent him toppling over.

“Shit sorry.” Rick said as Judith laughed.

Negan scrambled up. “You’re gonna be punished for that one Rick Grimes.” He said, an evil smile on his face.

“You two best pals now?” They turned around, it was Carol. Of course it was Carol.

Rick was flustered. Negan wasn’t. Naturally.

“Hell yeah, me and Rick are fucking bros. Bros before hoes. Epic bromance.” Negan said, and Rick never felt more embarrassed by Negan in his life.

“Is that what the kids say?” Rick asked.

“Maybe.” Negan said.

“You staying out of trouble?” Carol asked.

Negan smirked. “Rick keeps me in line.”

Carol gave Rick an inquisitive look, and he didn’t know how to respond. Sooner or later someone was going to catch on and Rick would put money down on Carol finding out first. But she didn’t say anything, so Rick breathed a small sigh of relief.

“Can I expect to see you two at the Fourth of July party?” she asked.

“Am I being invited?” Negan asked.

“Yes. Open invitation. It’s going to be at Abraham’s.” Carol said.

“Oh fuck.” Negan said.

“We’ll both be there.” Rick said, “It’ll be a good way for you to make nice with those three.”

Negan gave a sigh like a little kid that didn’t want to apologize.

“Carl and Judith are going to be at their uncle’s that night.” Rick said, and he saw Negan’s eyes light up.

“Then I’ll see you there.” Carol said, smiling.

Carol walked ahead to go see Sophia before the practice started. Negan whirled around to look at Rick.

“So ol’ Ricky’s going to have some more alone time huh?” He asked.

“Well I don’t expect to be alone.” Rick said, cool as ice, and he always savored the moments he saw surprise flash on Negan’s face. Before Negan could respond, Rick picked up Judith and walked to his seat on the bleachers.

“Un-fucking-matched.” Negan said quietly to himself.

Rick watched Negan coach with Beth, surprised at how well they got along. Maggie was there, presumably to keep an eye on her sister.

“This is weird.” She said. “Why is my baby sister getting along so well with a fifty year old man?”

“Is that how old he is?” Rick asked, realizing he genuinely didn’t know Negan’s age. His beard had made him look Rick’s age, but after he shaved, Rick thought he might be older.

“I don’t know.” Maggie said, shaking her head like she was wondering why Rick asked her that of all things. “Do you think…oh God…” She said, watching Negan put his hand on Beth’s shoulder. “Does he have a thing for her?”

Rick couldn’t help but laugh.

“Rick! I’m serious.” Maggie hissed. “He lost his wife, why wouldn’t he go after some young meat?!”

Rick put his hand to his face to try and stop his laughter. “Maggie. Don’t worry. He definitely doesn’t”

“How can you be so sure?” Maggie asked.

“I’ve heard him talk about her, it’s not like that.” In reality, Rick couldn’t remember if he and Negan had discussed Beth. But he sure as shit knew he was right.

Maggie seemed content with that answer and she relaxed. “I swear to God I’d murder him.”

“Isn’t Daryl older than Beth?” Rick asked.

“Yeah but Daryl is sweet and a good person.” Maggie said. “And he’s not like 50.”

“How does everyone feel about Negan?” Rick asked, a little out of the blue.

“I guess…it’s complicated. I mean, me and Glenn weren’t expecting that scene on the porch. Still, he certainly came in with a bang. It’s just hard to get used to a new person living in the neighborhood, especially one that has the personality that he has.” She said, just as Negan whooped and hollered on the field.

“Yeah.” Rick said.

“And the trio hates his guts.” She laughed.

“Yeah.” Rick said again, and he thought about how Negan might be able to fix that and if that would be a problem on the fourth of July.

“Soo…I hear you went out on a date.” Maggie said, and Rick groaned.

“Does everyone know my business?” He muttered.

“Sorry. Sophia told Carol, who told me.” She smiled.

“Ok, yeah, I did.”

“I’m really proud of you.” Maggie said.

Rick was grateful, sure, but sometimes he wanted to scream. What if he chose to be alone for the rest of his life? What if he didn’t want to be in another romantic relationship? Why was everyone obsessed with the lonely sheriff’s deputy and his love life?

“Thanks.” Rick said, and he tried not to sound bitter.

“How’d you two meet?”

“Just…around. It was very unexpected.”

“I bet.” Maggie smiled. “Jessie’s gonna be real disappointed though.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “Can you imagine? Hey Carl, here’s your new brother, Ron.” At least Negan had that going for him.

Maggie laughed. “She has a huge crush on you.”

“All the single moms do.” Rick said without thinking.

“Oh do they??” Maggie asked playfully.

“At least, that’s what I’ve been told.”

“By who?”

“Negan.” Rick said.

“Does he know that cause he tried to get with all of them?”

Rick didn’t know what to say, so he laughed at the thought of Negan flirting with women like Jessie. They’d probably smack him in the face, should Rick have?

“I’m trying not to stress out about the wedding.” Maggie murmured.

“Did you set a date?”

“That’s what we’re deciding. We’re thinking fall, sometime in October. What do you think?”

“Me and Lori had a fall wedding.” He said.

“Was it nice?”

“It was beautiful.” Rick smiled, glad he was able to be a part of Maggie and Glenn’s wedding.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking. October 1st. So what, three and a half months from now? We’ve been engaged for a year. That should be right…right?” Maggie asked.

“It’s perfect.” Rick said. “Whatever feels right.”

“Thanks Rick.”

Rick watched Negan act like an idiot on the field, chasing the kids to make them run faster and wheezing when he got hot in his leather jacket. Rick rolled his eyes at the object of his affections. At the end of the practice Negan started chasing Beth around. He picked her up around the waist and twirled her and Rick thought Maggie might transform into a dragon. But Rick thought it was oddly sweet how they bonded, and he hoped Maggie would see it too.

‘All he wants is a family.’ He wanted to say.

Beth jogged over to them.

“Well you’re…awfully close…to him.” Maggie said through gritted teeth, unable to fully accept that Negan wasn’t interested in her.

“Geez Maggie, we’re friends.” Beth said, and Rick was relieved he had at least one other member on his personal Pro-Negan team.

“It just might be inappropriate.” Maggie said. “I don’t trust his motives.”

“God Maggie can you stop? He’s never done anything and we’ve been alone in his office tons of times.” Beth looked positively pissed.

“How can you be sure he’s not waiting for a good time?” Maggie asked.

“UGH!! Because he confided in me he likes a man??” Beth said exasperated.

Rick looked just as shocked as Maggie, but for different reasons.

“He told you that?” Rick asked.

“Yeah, earlier today actually. We were preparing for the season and I was talking about Daryl so he started talking about the person he likes and he told me it was a guy so I was of course supportive. Don’t tell him I said that it will erase our trust! I only told you because you’re being fucking annoying.” Beth explained.

Maggie blinked. “When did you start cussin’?”

Beth groaned, and it sounded just like Carl. Rick smiled.

“Okay okay, Beth I’m sorry. I just worry about you is all.” Maggie said.

“I know you do. But I’m strong now. I can handle myself. If I need your help, you’d know I’d ask for it, don’t you?” Beth asked.

Maggie sighed. “Yeah, yeah, I do.”

“So Negan likes someone?” Rick asked, looking ahead at Negan, missing the last part of their conversation.

“Yeah. He said he went out with him twice now and he really _really_ likes him and doesn’t want to fuck it up.” Beth glanced at Maggie when she cursed again. “It’s sweet, really.”

Rick wanted to blush and smile and put his hands in his face and grin, but he couldn’t. It would be too obvious. He just nodded. Rick walked over to the dugout when Negan was gathering equipment. Carl had taken Judith and was heading to the car.

“You know I used to play baseball in high school?” Rick asked.

“No shit.” Negan said.

“Yeah. Baseball pants and everything.” Rick smiled.

“Interesting.” Negan smiled, and pulled him in where no one could see.

“Negan.” Rick said, a panicked tone in his voice.

“Just real quick.” Negan said, and kissed him.

Rick put his hands on Negan’s face, grabbed his hair, kissed him back. Negan pulled away.

“Unfortunately I think that’s all we can get away with for the time being.” Negan said.

“Unfortunately.”

“Did I not fucking tell you how hard you are for me, Rick Grimes?” Negan whispered.

“Shut the fuck up.” Rick said, but couldn’t hide a grin.

“Guess you should get out of here.” Negan said.

“When’s our next date?”

“Huh, well, I’m a little busy with this baseball thing but…maybe you can visit me.” Negan said.

“Just text me when you’re free. And alone.” Rick said. “I’ll bring the alcohol.”

“Looking forward to it.” Negan smiled.

* * *

It didn’t take long for Negan to text Rick, that weekend Rick got a text around 7 in the evening. Carl was out, so Rick texted Maggie asking if she could babysit Judith.

“So you’re going on another date?” Glenn asked when Rick dropped Judith off.

“Yeah. Sorry, it was unplanned.” Rick said.

“It’s all good. What number date is this?”

“Technically two, but more like three.” Rick said.

“You seem nervous.” Maggie said.

Rick laughed. “Maybe a little bit.”

“You’ll be fine! You’ve got the charm.” Glenn said.

“True.” Rick said, but Negan had ‘the charm’ too, and the charisma, and the fucking gall.

Rick met Negan in the dugout, they were completely alone, and he found Negan wiping off baseball bats. The only light was coming from a small bulb on the ceiling of the dugout and a few of the field lights.

“Hey coach.” Rick said, carrying a case of beer.

Negan lit up. “Rick. Welcome.”

Rick sat down next to him. “Doing chores?”

Negan huffed a laugh. “Yeah and it is shit boring.”

“That’s why I’m here, to rescue you.” Rick leaned over to kiss Negan on the cheek, and Negan thought it was gross and disgusting and corny, but he felt himself shiver. Rick was too sweet of a guy, he almost felt bad pursuing him, and thought Rick might end up corrupted. Like those housewives on ID Discovery who end up taking risks that maybe they shouldn’t have and suddenly their whole lives are ruined. But Rick wasn’t naïve.

“How old are you?” Rick asked when he pulled away.

“Fifty, my birthday was the week I moved in.” Negan said.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?” Rick asked.

“Cause we weren’t friends?” Negan laughed. “How old are you?”

“Forty-three.”

“Holy shit, really?” Negan asked.

“My birthday’s in September. Why do I look older?”

“With the beard? Yeah.”

“I look thirty without it.” Rick muttered.

Negan laughed. “That’s okay, Lucille was younger too.”

“She was?”

“Yeah, she was 35.”

Rick looked surprised. “So you would date younger girls.”

“The fuck? Who said that?”

“Maggie thought you were flirting with Beth.” Rick said, hiding a laugh.

Negan looked disgusted. “No fucking way. And Lucille was an exception. She pursued me.”

“Did she really?” Rick asked, grabbing one of the beers.

“Yeah, wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. Look where it got her…” Negan said, his voice trailing off.

“I’m sure she doesn’t regret it.” Rick said.

Negan snorted. “Yeah. I don’t know about that. Maybe that’s why...”

But he didn’t finish his sentence. They sat there for a moment.

“Fuck. One minute into the fucking date and look at us.” Negan said bitterly.

“People are really invested in my love life you know.” Rick said.

“Well hell yeah, you’re a fucking celebrity. You’re like king of the suburbs. Ooo, does that make me a prince? Maybe a duke?”

“You’re the fucking court jester, Negan, that’s what makes this so difficult.” Rick said, giving a bitter laugh.

“Scandalous. But you only pay me for jokes. Everything else is free of charge.” Negan said, grinning.

“People are going to have a shit fit.” Rick said.

“They’ll think you really went nuts.” Negan laughed.

“I don’t want to think about that right now, actually.”

“Then don’t.” Negan said, he put the beer he was holding down on the bench and put his hand on Rick’s arm.

They leaned in to kiss, and Negan’s arms wrapped around Rick’s waist, he hoisted him off the bench and onto the dirt in between the bench and the wall. He moved some of the baseball bats out of the way. Negan began to kiss Rick all over his face, his teeth biting softly at Rick’s mouth before moving down to his neck. Rick started to try and take Negan’s jacket off.

“I know we’re not gonna do anything but I refuse to let you kiss me with this goddamn leather jacket on.” Rick breathed, making Negan laugh that goofy laugh. Negan shuffled his jacket off, his bare arms making a rare appearance that always left Rick ogling. Rick ran his hands up and down Negan’s forearms, and Negan snickered, he leaned back down to kiss Rick.

Negan’s legs were straddled at Rick’s sides, and he was in the middle of working on a hickey when he started to grind into Rick’s hips. Rick wanted nothing more than to slide his jeans off, grab Negan’s belt and slide his off too, but he had to keep his cool. He was playing with fire, and it wasn’t just him who could get burned. He let Negan nip at his neck while he ran his fingers through Negan’s hair. Negan placed one of his legs in between Rick’s so he could grind into him better. Rick straddled one leg over Negan’s as Negan thrusted into him. The friction and fabric was painful but also immensely satisfying.

Negan finished sucking at Rick’s neck and went to kiss him on the mouth again, but missed and kissed his nose. It was more adorable than what he was going for, Rick thought, but every time he could define Negan as cute it felt like a small justification for everything else. Rick grabbed Negan’s arms again and held them tight as they kissed, Negan bucking into him harder and harder, making them both wince a little.

“This isn’t the easiest thing in the world.” Negan said.

Rick laughed. “No not really.”

“Kind of painful, actually, and I fucking love pain.” Negan said slyly, kissing the corner of his mouth. Rick smirked.

“Then come up here and I’ll make you feel better.” Rick said quietly, but seductively enough to make Negan shudder.

“Are you fucking shitting me?” Negan said, words faltering over his grin.

“I just want to return the favor.” Rick said, fingers swirling over Negan’s biceps.

Before Negan could say anything snarky, Rick flipped him on his back. Negan looked shocked, and stared up at Rick, not sure of what to say.

“Cat got your tongue?” Rick asked.

“Something like that.” Negan whispered. Rick kissed him and started playing with his belt. He stuck his head out of the dugout to make sure they were still alone. The coast was clear, so Rick resumed removing Negan’s belt. He tried to stop his hands from shaking, and from Negan noticing.

“Nervous Grimes?” Negan smirked and leaned up on his arms. “I’m warning you, I can be a lot to handle.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Rick said, his voice already shaking. He put a hand on Negan’s chest and pushed him back into the dirt.

Negan couldn’t believe Rick motherfucking Grimes was undoing his belt, but what else did their dates ever consist of? They talked about their dead wives and touched each other, that seemed about right.

Negan was expecting Rick to say something else but Rick was already unzipping his jeans. Negan laid his head back, suddenly embarrassed to watch. Next thing he knew Rick’s hand was around his cock, and then his tongue, and then Negan just had to look.

“Have you ever done this before?” Negan asked, his breath already shaky. Rick pulled away and gave Negan a dangerous look and a sly smile before returning to what he was doing. Rick worked his hand down Negan, trying not to look intimidated. In truth, Rick had only done this a few times before, and almost twenty years ago at that. But at least for him, it didn’t take much, so Rick continued to suck until Negan let out a whimper.

“Mother-fucking-Rick-Grimes.” Negan said, but it came out high pitched and whiny.

Rick paused for a moment and gave a dark laugh that made Negan shiver, his hand still wrapped tightly around Negan’s shaft.

Negan watched Rick look to his right, and suddenly his hold loosened.

“Don’t stop.” Negan pleaded, but Rick didn’t respond. “Rick?”

Rick suddenly dropped onto Negan’s chest.

“Ouch fuck Rick what-

“There are people coming.” Rick hissed.

“Shit. Get off me so I can put my dick back in my pants for God fucking…Jesus fucking Christ.” Negan said, visibly panicking. Rick scrambled off Negan so he could fix himself. “Fuck is it noticeable?”

“Just…don’t get up.” Rick said, trying not to laugh at the humor in their situation.

“Fuck I’m gonna lose my fucking job. Who is it?” Negan asked.

Rick peered out and quickly put his head down. “I don’t fucking believe this.”

Negan was trying to put his belt back on with great difficulty. He finally got it on and secured. “Why? Who is it?”

“It’s my fucking son and his friends.” Rick said, and Negan thought he looked like he wanted to die. Which he probably did, to be fair.

“As much as I’d love to get official and go steady, I don’t think the kid would want to find out this way.” Negan said. “Not a good look for his dad. Although I’d have to disagree.”

Rick snapped his head to Negan just as he was giving him that dreadful rabbit toothed grin.

“Are you composed?” Rick asked.

“Why?”

“Cause we have to have the upper hand on this? I don’t know, let’s pretend like I was helping you put away equipment and you dropped a bunch of it.” Rick said.

“Ok. Ok.” Negan said, shuffling so he was on his hands and knees. “Ok I’ll just stay down here and pick up shit.”

“Ready?” Rick asked.

“Go for it hotshot.” Negan said. “Wipe your mouth first.”

Rick picked up a baseball bat. “You’re such a fucking klutz.” He said loudly. He watched Carl stop in his tracks.

“Dad?”

Rick took a deep breath and looked over at his son. “Oh! Hey Carl!”

Carl was with Sophia, Enid, and a few other kids. They walked over.

“What are you doing here?” Carl asked.

“Negan needed help.” Rick asked, and rolled his eyes a little too dramatically.

“Hey kid!” Negan said, his back to them. He had a bunch of baseball bats in his arms.

“Hi…” Carl said.

“Alcohol isn’t allowed on school property.” Sophia said, crossing her arms.

“Unless you’re gonna share it.” Enid smirked.

“ _Excuse me_?” Rick said, and his eyes darted to Carl, who gave him a look that assured Rick they’d talk about it later, but not now. Could Rick judge Carl’s choice of affections when he was just giving his goddamn gym teacher a blowjob on school property? Actually, yes, yes he could, because Carl was under 18 and Rick was still the boss of him.

“Is your neck okay?” Carl asked.

Rick flung his hand to his neck. “Uh yeah. Negan hit me with a baseball bat. Because he’s an asshole.”

“It was an accident.” Negan chimed in.

Carl seemed satisfied with the answer, for now.

“What are you doing on school property after dark anyway?” Rick asked, looking at all the kids.

“We were just hanging out.” Carl said.

“No, uh-uh, there’s plenty of other places that are open, go to the mall or something.” Rick said, putting his hands on his hips.

“Isn’t school one of the safest places we could be?” Sophia asked.

“Not at night. Deviance happens at schools during the night, right Rick?” Negan said.

Rick looked over at Negan, who was still facing away, but he could swear the smirk on his face was plain as day.

“You know, you’ve seen it all the time when you were a sheriff right?” Negan continued.

Rick assumed Negan’s situation was under control cause he turned around.

“Sheriff’s Deputy. And Negan’s right. You don’t know who could be lurking around here, especially in summer.” Rick felt bad making shit up, but for now he had to save his own skin. And Negan’s. And if embarrassing Carl in front of his friends is what he had to do, then so be it.

Carl let out a groan. “Come on guys, let’s go.”

“Don’t stay out too late.” Rick said, and he watched the kids leave the field.

“What the actual fuck.” Negan said.

“Carl has been doing that a lot lately, hasn’t he?” said Rick, and he sighed and sat on the bench. “We need to stop doing this.”

Negan blinked. “You mean…all of it…or…”

Rick reached a hand out to Negan. “No I mean this whole, doing shit in places we shouldn’t.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right. It’s hot as fuck though.” Negan said, rubbing his chin.

Rick rolled his eyes. “So you were enjoying yourself?” he asked.

Negan whistled. “Fuck yes. You’re a sexy motherfucker when you want to be.”

“Oh I’m not always?” Rick asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No. You’re like a hot…soft dad most of the time.” Negan said, poking him in the side playfully. “Like you don’t know what you’re doing and I just wanna corrupt you. But then you come at me with this whole other side. I’ll admit I underestimated you a little bit.”

Rick smiled. “I’ll admit it was nice hearing you whimper and whine.”

“A fluke. A total fluke.” Negan said, unconvincingly.

“No way. You’re gonna let me have that.” Rick said, holding a finger up and pointing it at Negan.

“Ok fine.” Negan smiled. “Now help me put this stuff away for real. And don’t think for a second I’m at all satisfied with not getting to-

He made an explosion noise.

“Right in your mouth.”

Rick gave Negan a glare that could’ve set him on fire. Negan fell back laughing.  

Rick drove home and walked down to Glenn and Maggie’s. He felt guilty, which frustrated him. He had been alone for two years; he was allowed a lapse or two in judgment. And they both agreed to calm the fuck down, so there was no issue anymore.

Glenn answered the door.

“How was the date?” He asked.

“Uh, fine. Fine.” Rick said.

“Uh-oh. Everything cool?” Glenn asked.

“No yeah, it’s…complicated. It’s fine though.” Rick said.

“You’ve been awfully guarded lately; you know you can tell me anything, right?” And Glenn looked at him so earnestly it made Rick feel even worse.

“I know, but I have my reasons.” Rick said. “Just trust me.”

“Ok man, don’t worry about it. Here, I think Judith is asleep.”

Rick returned home and put Judith to bed, he closed her door and walked back down the stairs; he sat on one of the bar stools in his kitchen and put his head in his hand. Five minutes later he heard the door open, it was Carl.

“You know that was really embarrassing right?” Carl asked in a moody voice.

“Carl, you can’t just roam around wherever you want.” Rick said.

“Dad it was only 8 o clock, we could have been playing a game of soccer or something for all you know.”

“But were you?” Rick asked.

“Ok, no, but we weren’t doing anything bad either. We’re just hanging around, why can’t you trust me?”

“I do trust you, Carl, it’s everyone around you mixing together that I don’t trust.” Rick said. “Teenagers do stupid things when they’re together.”

“Why were you even there anyway? I thought you were only tolerating Negan.” Carl said, a kind of resentment in his voice that told Rick this was going to be a lot harder than he thought.

“Because he’s my friend, Carl.” Rick sighed.

“But you have better friends. Like Glenn or Daryl.”

“Carl.” Rick said, a little sternly. “You might not get it, fine, but Negan’s been through the same situation as me, and it’s nice having someone I can talk about it to. An adult. He understands better than most. Okay?”

Carl gave Rick a pissy look, like Rick just pulled an unfair move by dragging Lori into it. But it was the truth, and he knew it.

“Sorry.” Carl mumbled, and it looked like he was processing something in his head. Rick tried to remember what he just said to see if he had given any accidental hints, but he couldn’t think of anything.

“Does Enid drink alcohol?” Rick asked.

“Dad! No, she was just joking.” Carl said, and Rick didn’t know if that was the truth. What if Carl was drinking? Rick had avoided that reality for a long while.

“Ok.” Rick said, figuring he had pushed Carl enough that night.

Carl went to his room, leaving Rick down in the kitchen. Rick’s phone buzzed, he opened the text.

“I miss you already.”

Rick didn’t know if that was supposed to read as sweet or flirty.


	15. Fireworks

Rick went to his mailbox that morning, and Negan must have been watching out his window, because he walked outside to his mailbox too.

“Hey neighbor.” He said.

Rick paused, one hand on the mailbox door. “Hi neighbor. You just move in?”

Negan smiled. “Yeah. I hear the guy that lives there is a total tease.” He said, pointing at Rick’s house.

Rick looked around to see that no one was outside and heard Negan. ‘Stop.’ He mouthed.

Negan laughed and grabbed his mail, he walked over.

“Am I right in assuming our next date is ol Abe’s party?” He asked, draping an arm over Rick’s mailbox.

“Well you wouldn’t be wrong per se.” Rick said. “…But…I don’t think it’s the time to…come out.”

Negan rolled his eyes. “Well fuck Rick I’m not that inconsiderate. It’ll be like our little secret you know? So when I go, ‘Hey Rick, that’s a _long, thick_ drink you got there, can I take a sip?’ You’ll know I’m really talking about your-

Rick smacked him in the stomach with his mail.

“Do not say that or I’ll fucking kill you.” Rick smirked.

“Fine daaaad.” Negan groaned.

“Get out of here. I got the pool guys coming over soon.” Rick said.

“You’re not coming to practice today?” Negan asked.

“Sorry. You know I’d love to see you dying from heat stroke in the jacket you refuse to take off, but I have to be here for the pool, so.”

“I’m not wearing it now, see?” Negan smiled, tugging at his tank top. He was wearing lounge pants and didn’t have shoes on.

“Yeah I noticed.”

“I know you did.” Negan purred.

“Can you get out of here?” Rick laughed, and Negan gave Rick a wink and walked back to his house. Rick shook his head and rolled his eyes. But he loved his banter with Negan more than he’d ever admit, and there was a part of him that wanted it all out in the open so that when Negan was making a fool of himself on the baseball field, Rick could say so right there. It would be nice.

Early in the afternoon Rick was on his deck, watching the pool guys bring in the equipment to get the excavation under way. Glenn suddenly appeared in his peripheral.

“There you are.”

“Hey Glenn, what’s up?” Rick asked.

“Can I talk to you?” Glenn seemed nervous, and Rick was preparing himself for the incoming wedding, marriage, kids conversation.

“Sure.” He smiled. “I’ll meet you out front.”

When Rick got to the porch he noticed Negan was gone, which made sense because Carl had left about twenty minutes prior. Glenn met him and the two sat down.

“So what’s going on?” Rick asked.

“I wanted to talk to you about something...” Glenn said, and Rick thought this might be the time Glenn would ask him to be one of his groomsmen.

Glenn gave a sigh. “I was…talking to Carol earlier; she said you busted Sophia and Carl last night.”

‘Fuck’. Rick thought. ‘Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck.’ And suddenly he was channeling Negan. Why would Sophia tell her mom about getting caught at the school?

Because Sophia is a good kid and that’s what good kids do, they tell their parents about their lives even if it’s incriminating. Why didn’t Carl trust Rick enough to do that?

‘Maybe cause every time Carl curses you yell at him, so why would he tell you anything else?’

Rick thought that might be Negan’s voice.

“Uh, yeah.” Rick said, wondering how he could escape this.

“I thought you were out on a date.” Glenn said slowly, like he was twisting a knife in Rick but felt really bad about doing it.

“Oh. It got cancelled.” Rick said, not meeting Glenn’s eyes.

“Rick. You wouldn’t leave Judith with us to hang out with Daryl.” And it was true. And Rick felt bad acting like he would have.

Rick shot a glance at Glenn’s eyes, trying to hide his fear. “Glenn…”

“Are you…and him…uh.” Glenn began awkwardly. “Like…is that who you’ve been going out with?”

Rick put his hands on the back of his neck and looked over at Negan’s house. “Yes.” He said. “Since, I don’t know, late May.”

Glenn looked stunned. “So this whole time…I see why it’s complicated.”

“Yeah.” Rick muttered.

“So when Maggie said Beth said Negan liked a guy, that guy was you?”

“Mmhmm.” Rick said, his temperature rising.

“Does Carl know?” Glenn asked, almost whispering.

“No!” Rick said quickly. “Not yet. Please, please don’t tell anyone.”

“I mean me and Maggie both kind of came to the conclu-

“I get that. But no one else. Please Glenn.” Rick pleaded.

Glenn held up his hands. “Dude you know I’d never do that. You could have told me, you know I’d support you no matter what.”

Rick breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t want anyone to find out yet, but in a way he was glad it was Glenn.

“Maggie feels really stupid that you let her have a full conversation about Negan liking Beth, when he…liked you.” And the words were awkward coming out of Glenn’s mouth, but he tried, and Rick appreciated it.

Rick smiled. “Yeah…sorry about that.”

“So…what is that…like…” Glenn asked. “You like him…and stuff?”

Rick wanted to roll his eyes. “Yeah, and stuff.”

“It’s just a little weird. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s a lot weird. Which is exactly why I haven’t told anyone, because I don’t know how it’s going to go.” Rick said. “It’s kind of scary.”

“At least you have experience.” Glenn said.

Rick sighed. “Not like this. With everything that’s happened, I feel more, I don’t know, vulnerable this time around.”

“It sounds like you’re taking the right precautions.” Glenn said.

“I’m trying.”

“Maybe he’ll be your date to our wedding.” Glenn grinned. And Rick didn’t want to say that he had already thought about it, imagined it, saw Negan in a suit (after having a spat about the goddamn leather jacket) holding Judith in her little dress, Carl being a little shit…

“Maybe.” Rick said, and he felt relieved Glenn had sort of invited Negan. If their relationship survived that long, anyway.

“I got your back man. Always.” Glenn hugged Rick suddenly, and Rick returned the gesture.

“Thanks man.” Rick said, feeling a part of the weight on his shoulders get lifted off.

“See you at Abraham’s.”

“See you.” Rick said.

“Oh, and Rick?”

“Mm?”

“You can be a real dumbass sometimes.” And Glenn gave him that signature smile and was off.

The truth was it was getting harder to keep their relationship a secret. It was getting more and more serious and Negan had already dropped hints he was ready to make things official. Which Rick found sweet, in a stupid way. He would have to tell Carl, after Fourth of July. He made a mental note to remind himself to bring it up to Negan.

As the fourth of July approached Rick and Negan developed a habit of sending each other flirty texts, each trying to outdo the other in humor and vulgarity. Negan had him beat, always.

“I’ve got a baseball bat that could use you.” Negan sent one afternoon.

“Ok that one fucking sucked and you know it.” Rick typed back.

“I’m out of dirty puns. You’ve sucked me dry.”

Rick got another text before he could reply.

“Well, actually you haven’t. Yet.”

“Ok that one was good.” Rick typed.

“Accidental genius. It is what it is.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “Be on your best behavior at the party.”

“You keep me in line, remember?”

“I know.”

Negan smiled and stared at the text.

“Come on Negan quit staring at your phone and teach us something.” Enid said, breaking his train of thought.

“Yeah you’re worse than us.” Carl said. And Negan wanted oh-so-bad to tell him he was texting his dear old dad, but he couldn’t.

“Where’s Beth?” Negan asked.

“She’s in the shed.” Answered Enid.

Negan walked into the shed to find Beth looking for more baseballs.

“Any luck?” Negan asked.

Beth turned around, knee deep in school equipment. “Not really.”

“I’ll put it on the list.” Negan said, and he turned to leave.

“Wait!” Beth hissed. “Come here.”

Negan turned around. “What do you want?”

Beth looked around. “Is anyone coming?”

Negan looked out the shed and saw that all the kids were preparing their own practice game, and oh God why was Beth asking if they were alone and did she really have a fucking crush on him and was it going to be this fucking awkward? But that was stupid, because all she did was gush about Daryl.

“We’re alone.” Negan said.

“Are you…really dating Rick Grimes?” She whispered.

Negan felt the blood drain from his face.

“It’s just. Glenn and Maggie sort of caught Rick in a lie and…well…I know it’s true.” She said. “And it’s okay. I had a big crush on Mr. Grimes when I was younger.”

And Negan thought that he and Beth had more in common than either of them expected to.

“Er, yeah. I am.”

“That. Is. So. CUTE!” Beth squealed. “You’re like…two cute old dudes. Aw.”

“Oh my god can you fucking not?” Negan said exasperated and embarrassed. “And keep your voice down. It’s a secret remember?”

Beth looked like she wanted to jump up and down but she was stuck amongst equipment.

“Oh my godddd.” She said, and Negan thought Beth might explode. It was cute, in an annoying way. “I can’t believe you were talking about Rick Grimes this whole time.”

“You can’t tell anyone I swear to god Beth.” Negan said seriously.

“Ok, ok. I won’t. I wouldn’t. I swear.” Beth said. “How did this even happen?”

“It just…did. I took him to the gym pool and he kissed me.” Negan grinned. “Total sucker.”

Beth laughed. “Yeah, still waiting for Daryl to make a move like that.”

“If I’ve learned anything from Rick Grimes, it’s that when he makes the first move, it knocks me fucking clean out my senses. You should try that on Daryl.”

Beth blushed. “Yeah.”

So now the Greene clan knew, that wasn’t so bad. It was a little relieving, Negan thought. He took out his phone.

“So when were you gonna tell me we had a few people in on our secret?” He typed to Rick.

“Sorry, was going to have that conversation in person. Beth brought it up?”

“Yeah. That worry you?”

“No. I trust them.”

“Ok. Beth had a crush on you.” Negan smirked.

“I know.”

Practice ended shortly after their conversation. Negan walked over to Carl and hit his shoulder at an attempt to be playful.

“Good job today.” He said.

“Uh, thanks.” Carl said.

“You need a ride home?” Negan asked when he noticed Carl’s hesitant look towards the parking lot.

“Actually, yeah. Dad will flip if he sees me in Enid’s car and I feel like I’m on thin ice with him when it comes to her so…if that’s okay?” Carl asked.

“Fuck yeah man. I get it.” Negan smiled. “You get to ride in Lucille for the first time.”

“Wasn’t that your wife’s name?” Carl asked, a hint of judgment on his voice.

“Yeah.” Negan grinned. “And she’s just as sexy, and dangerous.”

Carl rolled his eyes. “That’s gross.”

Negan laughed. “Let’s go.”

They got in the car. “Shit,” Negan said, “We should take a picture of you and send it to your dad, he’ll have a shit fit and it’ll be fuckin’ hilarious.”

Carl looked at him and didn’t say anything.

“Are you this serious all the time?” Negan asked. “Like fuck, you’re dad’s always insistent you’re more like your mom but you’re just like him.”

“You talk about my mom?” Carl asked. “And me?”

“What else would your dad have to talk about?” Negan asked.

“I just mean, I didn’t think you were that close.” Carl muttered.

“Don’t approve of your dad’s new bestie?” Negan teased.

“At this point no not really.” But Negan saw a small smirk on Carl’s face. He was sure if the kid knew it was a romantic relationship and not just a “sit and drink beer on the porch” relationship, then that smirk wouldn’t be there.

“Put your seatbelt on. You better be fucking wearing it when you’re in Enid’s car. Otherwise you, Sophia, and the others will go through the windshield and end up looking like something out of a violent videogame, got it?”

“You’re not my dad.” Carl said, but he put his seatbelt on anyway.

Negan held his tongue. “I want you to be alive for next year, that’s when I show you the horribly sad videos of teens in car accidents.”

“Mr. Jones showed us those in 10th grade.” Carl said.

“Well fuck obviously you weren’t paying attention.” Negan said.

“Why do you care?” Carl asked.

“The fuck? Cause I care about you??” Negan said, starting to lose his patience.

Carl looked a little shocked.

“Bet you thought I was a total asshole, now did ya? Well I’m not.” Negan muttered. Trying to get a moody teenager to do anything for their own good was more difficult than Negan thought, and he respected Rick’s temperament a lot more. It was also the perfect explanation for how Rick was able to handle Negan so well.

“Sorry.” Carl muttered begrudgingly.

When they got home Negan pulled up alongside Rick’s house.

“You better be careful tomorrow night.” Negan said when Carl was getting out of the car. Carl gave him a look that was a mix of confusion and a scowl, like he was wondering why Negan was trying to act like his dad all of a sudden.

“Thanks for the ride.”

Rick was on the porch, watching Carl step out of Negan’s car. Negan gave him a wave.

“He took you home?” Rick asked.

“Yeah.” Carl huffed, and went inside. Rick didn’t press him.

* * *

The next morning Rick drove the kids up to Jeffrey’s. Before he left he pulled Carl aside.

“You be careful tonight.” Rick said sternly.

Carl rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, Negan already gave me that talk.”

Rick blinked, and couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face. “He what?”

“In the car. Yesterday. He told me to be careful.” Carl crossed his arms.

“Huh.”

“What??”

“I’m just surprised.” Rick said.

“Yeah well, he better get off my case all the time.” Carl muttered. Rick laughed, trying to imagine Negan as the wannabe dad of a 16 year old.

“Have fun then.” Rick said.

“Enjoy the party.” Carl replied. “Say hi to Sophia for me.”

Rick returned home and tried not to worry about Carl now that he had two people’s voices in his head. He found Negan sitting on his porch.

“Making yourself at home?” Rick asked, keys in his hand.

“Just waiting for you.” Negan grinned. “It’s not fair, why do you have a porch and I don’t?”

“Because Merle ripped it down.” Rick laughed, thinking of the memory.

“You know, I’d be mad at him, but if he didn’t blow up his house, I wouldn’t be living here.” Negan grinned.

Rick gave him a look and opened his door. Negan followed him in like a lost dog.

“I just have to go to the bathroom and then we’ll go. There’s some wine on the counter for Rosita, why don’t you grab it?” Rick smiled, and Negan didn’t like where he was going with that.

Rick and Negan left the house and started walking up the street. Negan was holding the wine tightly.

“Nervous?” Rick asked.

“About getting my ass kicked by a girl in combat boots and a red haired giant? A little.”

“I’m sure Eugene would get a hit in there at some point.” Rick grinned.

They walked to the trio’s backyard, which was lit with lantern lights, string lights, and a few small bonfires. Everyone in the neighborhood was there, and when they arrived the trio was standing together by the refreshment table.

“Hey guys.” Rick said. They smiled when they saw Rick, but all of their faces fell when they saw Negan.

Negan held up the wine. “I come in peace.” He said.

Rosita took the wine and hid a small grin. “It is my favorite.” She made eyes at Rick, as if to ask if this was his doing. He avoided her gaze.

“Okay,” Abraham said gruffly, “But only cause it’s Independence Day.”

Rick breathed a sigh of relief, and soon found himself sitting next to Negan around one of the bonfires with Glenn, Maggie, and Beth.

“Where’s Daryl?” Negan asked.

Beth sighed. “He’s working at his other job.”

Negan looked at Rick.

“He works with the wildlife reserve.” Rick said. “He told me he might be offered a full time position soon.”

“Yeah, which means he wouldn’t be working at the school.” Beth sighed.

“More money though, right?” Negan asked.

“Yeah which is great.” Beth said. “I was just kind of looking forward to seeing him around next year.”

Maggie smiled and leaned into Glenn’s arms. “It’d have been nice to have him here.” She looked at Rick, like she was happy he was coupled up too. He smiled back when Negan nudged him with his shoulder.

“What?” Rick asked, he watched Negan take a sip of his beer.

“Nothing.” Negan smiled. And Rick thought he might have just witnessed Negan being affectionate for no reason other than to just be affectionate.

It was a nice night, Rick thought, in a way that felt like he and Negan had been together forever. Negan was behaving himself and actually made the other guests laugh.  He would try and sneak a touch here, a touch there, and Rick wondered if anyone saw or could tell how suspiciously close they were.

Eugene was fiddling with the fireworks, and Rick wanted to be the buzzkill, but decided he was retired and was just going to let whatever was going to happen happen. They watched the fireworks go off and everyone cheered. Negan pulled Rick to the side of the house, behind a tree.

“Kiss me.” He said.

Rick put his hands on Negan’s face and gave him a kiss.

“So I guess Beth let it spill that I really, _really_ , like you.” Negan said, his hands on Rick’s waist.

“Yeah your secret is out.” Rick murmured. “Don’t worry, the feeling is mutual.”   

“Wanna come back to my place?” Negan asked, nudging into Rick’s scruff, letting it scratch his cheek.

“Mm, yeah.” Rick grinned.

Negan took Rick’s hand and they snuck off down the street back to Negan’s. It didn’t take long for them to end up in Negan’s bedroom.

“I hate being here alone.” Negan said as he slid off his jacket. “It’s so fucking depressing.”

Rick took off his boots and sat on the bed. “I’m here to rescue you.” He said.

“That’s becoming a pathetic theme.” Negan grinned, kicking off his shoes and climbing on the bed to join Rick, the sound of fireworks cracking not too far up the road.

“So are we finally boyfriends?” Negan asked when he reached Rick’s face, laughing and kissing him lightly on the mouth.

“Yeah.” Rick said. “I think we are.”

“Rick Grimes is my fucking boyfriend, gross.” Negan laughed, but Rick knew he loved saying it, and hearing it.

“How do you think I feel?” Rick asked.

Negan didn’t answer, just leaned down to kiss Rick. They ended up kissing for a while, holding each other close as Eugene’s homemade fireworks threatened to set the neighborhood on fire. Rick focused on Negan’s mouth, the feeling of it on his.

“Thanks for the hickey, by the way.” Rick muttered. “I had to ask Maggie for concealer.”

Negan laughed. “Oh yeah, when I hit you with that baseball bat. Speaking of…”

But Rick was already fiddling with Negan’s belt until he and Rick’s pants were on the floor. Rick grabbed Negan’s shirt and pulled it over his head. He ran his hands down Negan’s body, constantly impressed and attracted to his physique. Negan kissed Rick again, grabbing his ass and pulling him into his hips.

“When was the last time you were fucked Rick?” He breathed.

Rick let out a shaky laugh. “Over two years ago.”

“You’re really not kidding about that are you?” Negan asked.

“Nope.”

“Damn. Guess I’ll have to be gentle.” Negan said, a sly smile across his face.

“Is that even in your sexual vocabulary?” Rick whispered.

Negan chuckled. “Don’t underestimate me Grimes. I’ll have you fucking crying at how delicate I can be.” But Rick didn’t believe him for a second. Negan grabbed Rick’s shirt and pulled it off, he dug his hips into Rick’s, heard Rick give a little gasp. He grinned and gave Rick a kiss on his chest. “Daddy will-

Rick put two hands on Negan’s chest and pushed. “What the fuck did you just say?”

Negan looked embarrassed.

“Did you just call yourself Daddy?” Rick looked disgusted but amused.

“Lucille used to say it all the time.” Negan muttered, his head falling on Rick’s chest. Negan felt Rick’s chest move up and down in laughter.

“And now you-

But Rick was already cracking up.

“Yeah, guess you’re the actual daddy huh?” Negan smirked, bringing his face back to Rick’s.

“Oh my god do not fucking go there.” He snickered. “And hey, maybe it’s me who has to be gentle with you, huh?”

“Have you ever done this before with a man?” Negan asked, but he could see the answer on Rick’s face. “That’s what I thought. I think I’ll take it from here for our first time, okay?”

The concept of it being their first time hadn’t even occurred to Rick, even though it should have. And the fact that Negan referred to it in that way made Rick think maybe he was as serious about their relationship as he claimed. Rick smiled and leaned up to kiss him again. Negan put a hand on Rick’s chest.

"Ok hotshot, I’ve been meaning to ask, what is this?" Negan asked, rubbing his fingers over a rough scar by Rick’s shoulder.

"I was shot on duty." Rick said quickly, more focused on trying to pull Negan’s underwear off.

"Are you shitting me?"

“Shane and I were called to get a carjacker. We subdued the guy, but turns out there was another man in the car. He shot me. It put me in a coma." Rick said, still fiddling.

"No fucking way." Negan said.

"Three months." Rick murmured.

"Three fucking months you were out of the world??"

"...yeah." Rick said, his hands falling at his sides, giving up.

"I guess that makes you the walking dead huh? Was it rough?” Negan asked, and Rick wondered why he was trying to start a real conversation when they were just about to fuck. Maybe for all Negan’s cockiness and confidence and building up tension, he was really nervous as shit. Rick would have thought it was cute if his topic of conversation wasn’t depressing.

Rick swallowed. "Mmhmm."

"So Carl remembers it?"

"Yeah, he was around 13, so yeah."

"He must have been stoked when you got out." Negan said, stroking a few pieces of hair out of Rick’s face.

"Yeah he was. Sometimes I think my kids should have the worst separation anxiety in the world, but they don’t. Shane..." Rick stopped, and suddenly Negan’s weight on top of him felt heavier.

"Yeah?" Negan asked, gently, knowing this had to be the moment Rick would finally tell him about Shane.

"Shane helped out a lot, with Lori and Carl. They were all there when I woke up. About 3 weeks after I got out of the coma, Lori told me she was pregnant." Rick said, his breathing the slightest bit shaky.

"That's great." Negan said.

Rick swallowed and looked up to the ceiling. "It takes six or seven weeks till you find out your pregnant."

"...shit." Negan whispered. "Shane?"

Rick had tears forming in his eyes, he had never verbalized it to anyone, he tried to say yes, but he could only nod.

"What did you do?" Negan asked, sliding off Rick so that they were lying next to each other.

"I never told her, the entire time she was pregnant I just pretended. I have no idea if it kept happening after I woke up. And when she was giving birth and she wasn't doing well, she tried to tell me. And I stopped her. I said 'stop. I know.' And she looked at me, in total shock...and I just held her and told her I loved her."

Negan didn't say anything.

"And all that time I was back at work, riding with Shane, laughing with him, and he acted like nothing was going on. And at the funeral I almost exploded when I saw him. I think he knew that I knew, because he didn't stay too long. Maybe I should have confronted her earlier. But it’s fucking…messed up it’s like, I didn’t want to hurt her or something fucked up like that. Like maybe it was my fault I got in the coma. I should have been angry, and I was and I am but…"

"Rick I..."

"And I think maybe that's why I shut off from dating. Because I don't think I could handle that again. And the thing is…I’ve almost made myself believe Judith is mine."

Negan didn’t say anything. He put his hands to his face.

"Then I need to tell you something." Negan said, his voice cracking at the last few words.

“What?” Rick asked, looking to Negan.

“When Lucille was sick…” Negan made a noise with his throat that sounded like he was going to throw up. “Oh God. I cheated on her. It was a one-time thing, and I-I told her immediately.”

Rick froze.

"How could you...do..." Rick fumbled for the words. He felt like he was watching the last few months fall apart in front of him. The person he had built up Negan to be wasn’t that person at all, and he felt stupid for letting himself believe otherwise.

"I don't know. I don't know I don't know. We were fighting a lot, stressed out, we both knew what was coming but couldn't fucking talk about it. It happened once, and I told her right after. Shit I..."

Rick put his hands to his face, hot tears burning under his eyelids. "Fuck.” His voice was shaking. "I can't handle being hurt like that again."

Negan felt his words catch in his throat, and suddenly Rick was getting up and grabbing the remainder of his clothes.

“Rick.” Negan said, voice hoarse.

“I have to be alone.” Rick said through gritted teeth, putting his pants back on with difficulty.

“Let me explain the whole story, please.” Negan begged, getting out of the bed.

But Rick wasn’t seeing straight. “No, no. I have to go.” Rick threw his shirt on and darted out of the room. Negan ran after him, their feet thudding on the stairs.

“Rick!” Negan yelled. “Please! Wait!” He tried to grab his arm but Rick whirled around.

“Maybe later but right now I need _space_.” Rick said, but each word was shaky and hurt and stung Negan. He looked at Negan, shook his head, like he was disappointed but more so in himself. “I can’t believe I almost…” Rick didn’t finish his sentence, just gave a long look at one of the framed pictures of Lucille, turned around and opened Negan’s front door. He left the house, leaving Negan in the doorway. Rick felt the grass on his bare feet and realized he left his shoes, but he didn’t care.

Rick walked into his house and slammed the door shut. His knees were shaking, so he let himself kneel down to the floor. “Fuck.” He said. He tried to imagine Negan’s reasoning, but couldn’t. What had been Lori’s reasoning? And of course this would be the case; the fucking universe was determined to fuck Rick over. Give him someone who understood what he had gone through, lost a wife, whose name started with the same letter no less, and then have that person commit the same act that had left Rick so torn up.

Rick ran his fingers through his hair. He could have been at Jeffrey’s, spending time with Carl and Judith at a goddamn carnival. But now he was in his house, alone and distraught, the pain that he had tried to suffocate was now living and breathing in his head again.  

Negan sat at the bottom of his stairs, his head in his lap. Why did he have to tell Rick? He could have gone their entire lives and never told him. But he couldn’t lie to him. Not when Rick had already been lied to before. He figured this was the part he was waiting for, the inevitable truth that he was just not capable of being in a real relationship with anybody. He had done too much in his past, like a felon with a record. The white picket fence kind of life was just not in his cards, and he didn’t know why he kept pressing fate for it. His last thought before dragging his body to bed was that he should have never bought this fucking house, and why did Merle have to go and blow it up in the goddamn first place?


	16. Baby It's You

Rick was surprised when he woke up, he didn’t realize he was capable of falling asleep. But he was still pissed. And hurt. And confused. How could someone cheat on someone else, especially when they were terminally ill? Rick and Lucille, both screwed over while lying in hospital beds. And considering everything else that fate or the universe was doing, it was certainly fitting. The weather was no better; a storm had rolled into the morning and was expected to continue all day and night.

Rick made some coffee and prepared to pick up the kids. In a way he was glad this happened when it did and not months down the line, when Carl and Judith would be affected. Rick finished his coffee and walked out the door into the rain. Negan’s car was gone, and Rick didn’t care to know where he was.

Jeffrey was in the kitchen making pizza bagels when Rick got there.

“You hungry?” he asked.

“Uh sure.” Rick said.

“The kids are downstairs eating, but I was hungry too, figured you might want a homemade five star entrée.”

Rick laughed; glad that he could still find something to smile about. “I’ll take it.”

“So,” Jeffrey said in that voice that Rick knew meant he was going to ask about his love life, “How’s it going?”

Rick sighed. “Uh…not good.”

Jeffrey frowned. “What happened?”

“It’s not important what happened. I’m starting to think it should have never happened is the thing.” Rick said.

“Jesus. So why did it?”

Rick sighed again. “I don’t know. I thought the circumstances were too coincidental not to be fate. But now I think even when it is fate it doesn’t mean it’s the good kind.”

“When did you get so deep?” Jeffrey asked.

Rick put his hand to his face. “When I started feeling again I guess.”

Rick had Judith in his arms as he and Carl were walking out the door.

“See you brother, and sorry that it didn’t work out. There’ll be more.” Jeffrey smiled.

“Yeah, thanks.” Rick said, but he didn’t want there to be more.

Rick got Judith in her car seat and started to drive home.  Twenty minutes in Carl turned to him.

“Was Uncle Jeffrey talking about your date?”

Rick gripped the steering wheel. “Yeah. Didn’t really work out like I thought.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Carl asked.

Rick smiled. “That’s ok, but thanks. I appreciate it.”

The rain was coming down in sheets. Negan was sitting in the bar, listening to the rain thud on the roof, an old song played on the jukebox, it was romantic, and reminded Negan of a movie he saw where a bunch of girls kill some asshole. He wanted to go over and punch the jukebox until it turned off.  It was an hour past noon and he had been there for forty minutes already.

“Hey buddy I’m heading out.” It was the bartender. “The other guy will be here in a minute.”

“Okay.” Negan mumbled, disinterested in anything but his glass. “Maybe you could change the fucking music.”

The bartender rolled his eyes and disappeared into the back, a new guy emerged from there a few seconds later.

“Oh fuck no.”

Negan looked up and almost dropped his drink. “Oh. You.”

It was Jesus.

“What are you doing here? It’s like 1 o clock.” Jesus asked, rolling up his sleeves and cleaning the bar.

“I had a bad night. What else?” Negan muttered.

“What did you bite someone without asking?” Jesus asked.

Negan almost choked. “What?! No!”

Jesus picked up a glass and began wiping it with a towel. “Ok, come on, we’ll do the whole bartender gives life advice to the down on his luck old guy.”

“Will people stop calling me old? I’m in my motherfucking prime.” Negan said.

Jesus smirked. “Sorry. Just letting you know we have confidentiality agreements here.”

Negan sighed. “Pour me another drink and we’ll talk.”

“What’ll you have?”

“I don’t know. Anything. But it better be strong.” Negan said, watching Jesus pour him a mix of something he was too afraid to ask the ingredients of. At this point if Jesus wanted to poison him that would be just peachy.

“So what is it? Not acclimating well to the neighborhood?” Jesus asked.

“This is confidential right?”

“Totally.”

“Because I know all you fuckers like to flap your gums in this town.” Negan said dryly.

Jesus laughed. “There will be no flapping.”

Negan gave a deep breath. “I’ve been seeing Rick Grimes since the third week of May.”

Jesus dropped the glass he was holding and it shattered on the floor, but Negan was too depressed to react.

“Hold that thought.” Jesus said, and took a few minutes to clean up the mess. Negan sighed.

Jesus put his hands on the countertop. “You’ve been in a relationship with Rick Grimes since May?” He asked slowly.

“Yup. But then I fucked it up. So.”

“Ok…how did that even become a thing? Rick is untouchable. Trust me; I’ve taken a shot or two amongst the single mom squad. I just figured he wasn’t into guys.”

Negan couldn’t help but give an automatic snort. “Well, he was into me. That’s all I know.”

“I mean that was a tough barrier. How did you break through?”

Negan thought for a moment. “It just happened. Naturally, like it was just meant to fucking be.”

“So what led you here?” Jesus asked.

Negan chugged his drink. “When you and I…met…my wife had just died.”

“Oh fuck.”

“Yeah. You wanna know what kind of person sleeps with someone a few weeks after their wife died? The kind of person that sleeps with someone while their wife is dying.” The hand Negan was holding the glass in started to shake. Jesus took the glass gently just as Negan burst into tears.

“Shit man.” Jesus breathed, grabbing a paper towel roll and putting it near Negan’s vision, but Negan just put his arms on the bar and dropped his head into them.

“I’m such a goddamn fucking piece of shit!” Negan sobbed. “I shouldn’t be allowed to live- FUCK!”

“Don’t say that.” Jesus said quickly. “Don’t. We all make…mistakes.”

“MISTAKES???” Negan gasped. “If that’s a mistake tell me how to fix it.”

“Well, did you get to explain why you did what you did?” Jesus asked.

Negan didn’t say anything for a minute. “No, he left. He said he wanted to be alone.”

“So he takes some time to himself. He’ll hear you out.”

“How do you know if he will or won’t?” Negan muttered.

“Because if there’s anything I know about Rick, it’s that he’s one of the most patient people I’ve ever met. And if he loves you, he’ll listen.” Jesus said.

“Who the fuck said anything about love?”

Jesus smiled. “Wrong choice of word, I guess.”

Negan didn’t say anything.

“So instead of getting totally shitfaced, why don’t you make today the day you break some bad habits?”

“What you don’t want my fucking money?” Negan grumbled.

“We take care of each other.” Jesus said.

Negan groaned, like he was getting real sick of everyone’s good nature in this town, and wiped his face. “Ok. Fine. I’m going to go…thanks.”

“No problem.”

Negan put the money he owed on the table and hopped off the stool. “Oh and…sorryforbitingyou.”

“What?” Jesus asked.

“Sorry for…for biting you. I thought you’d…like it.” Negan muttered.

Jesus laughed. “No…no…but thanks. I accept.”

Negan rolled his eyes and left the bar. It was still pouring rain. He got in Lucille and went to run errands, stopping at the hardware store where they first saw Shane. It felt like a lifetime ago.

Negan bought a few items and on the way out noticed Rosita was struggling to get things into her jeep.

“Need help?” He asked, walking over.

“Ew. No.” Rosita grunted, trying to haul her bags into the trunk.

“What’s in those?” Negan asked.

“Just a bunch of shit Abraham wants.” She muttered.

“Come on let me help. It doesn’t sound like you want to pull a fucking muscle for the guy, now does it?” Negan extended his hand, like he wanted to pick a bag up but didn’t want Rosita to rip off his limb.

Rosita groaned and put her hands on her hips. “Fine. But only cause I’m getting soaked.”

Negan heaved the rest of the stuff into the trunk and closed it for her.

“…Thanks.” Rosita said.

“I’m…” Negan said, and if there was any day to apologize to everyone he ever wronged, it was today, “I’m sorry I stole your trash can. It’s not that I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. It’s just that I’m a fucking dick.”

“Yeah I know.” Rosita said. “But it’s nice to hear you admit it.”

Negan held his tongue. “Like I said. I’m sorry.”

“I heard you.” Rosita smirked at him. “Alright, you did bring me my favorite wine last night.”

Negan smirked and started walking away. “That was all Rick.”

“I fucking knew it!” Rosita called.

Negan got in his car and thought about how the last time he was dripping on the seat was when he was leaving the school pool with Rick. He looked over to the empty passenger seat; saw himself sitting there all those years when Lucille would drive her car. Like a maniac too. Laughing through red lights, taking her hands off the wheel, trying to touch him when she was going eighty miles an hour. Negan thought about Rick’s nervous face when he was driving fast, and Negan finally saw what Lucille saw in his own face. Fuck. He missed her. Why did he hurt her.

Negan pulled out of his spot and left the parking lot, his windshield wipers on high and lights on. He waited in the left hand lane until the coast was clear; he pressed on the gas and began to make his turn. The next thing Negan felt was the impact of a car crashing into him on his passenger side. His car went sliding till the front side of his vehicle made impact with a car that was waiting at the other light.

It happened in seconds.

Negan groaned, his hands feeling like lead on the steering wheel. His neck was in tremendous pain and the glass from the passenger side window had sprayed and hit his face. He lifted a hand to the side of his face and pulled away, wet blood smeared on his fingers. His neck felt stiff and trembled when he looked to the side that got the initial hit. It was busted, dented; he looked back to the front, not as bad but not good either. He started choking on spit until he was sobbing. First Rick, now Lucille. Again.

There was a knock on his window. Negan jumped. He craned his neck again to see who it was. It was the driver of the second car. He rolled the window down.

“Are you alright?!” The woman cried.

Negan began to cough. “ _Did you call someone._ ”

“Yes, they’re going to be here in five minutes.” She said.

Negan rolled up his window and looked straight ahead, unable to focus his vision. The woman stood there for a moment before returning to her car. Negan didn’t know what the first driver was doing. He didn’t care. They had destroyed Lucille. They didn’t have their lights on. Negan hadn’t seen them. And there it was, that sinister lurking thing inside him that hoped the driver was hurt.

He groaned again and closed his eyes. Next thing he knew his door was being opened and someone was removing his seatbelt. It was the paramedics. They pulled him out, glass falling off him. They started to pull him onto a gurney.

“No!” He yelled. “Don’t take Lucille! Don’t take my car! Please!” He grabbed the EMT.

“Your car will be waiting for you later.” The EMT said.

“Please. She’s all I have.” Negan choked, before his head fell back onto the gurney and he passed out.

Rick sat in his living room, consumed by the memories that were replaying in his head of all the time he spent with Negan. If he had never agreed to help him with his basement, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. But there was an ache in Rick, because he had been happy, and he felt alive, and Carl saw it too. Could he forgive Negan? Was that something he was even supposed to be angry about? Wasn’t that Lucille’s fight? But Rick knew what it was like to be her, in a way. For the first time he felt truly sad about Lucille. And even though he wanted to be angry at Lori, he hoped they were together somewhere. He thought about that idea again, of the two of them orchestrating the whole thing. They must have seen this coming right?

Rick watched Judith asleep on the floor, sometimes he felt like he should resent her, but he didn’t. She was too innocent, and she was the perfect kid. And Rick loved her more than anything. He started to daydream about what would have happened if he had confronted Lori earlier. Would she have left him? Did she regret it? When did it end? Was it eating her up inside, killing her? Should he have let her tell him that day in the hospital, or was his love enough? He closed his eyes. He had locked away those feelings, prepared to never speak of it to anyone.

“Are you feeling okay?” It was Carl.

“Huh? Oh. No. I’m not.” Rick said, deciding to be honest.

“You seem…really upset over a few dates.” Carl said.

“Yeah well, it was different.” Rick said, and he watched Carl sit down next to him. He had debated for the last two years that the truth about Judith was something he should never tell his son. Now he felt like he had run so long without letting it catch him to the point where he couldn’t run anymore. “Carl, we have to talk about something.” And Rick felt his stomach drop.

“What is it?” Carl asked, sensing his dad’s tension.

“I want to tell you why we don’t see Uncle Shane anymore.” Rick said. Carl didn’t say anything at first.

“I think I know why.” Carl murmured.

“Why?” Rick asked.

Carl shrugged. “He was hanging around a lot when you were in your coma. I’m not stupid.”

Rick blinked. He hadn’t thought about what the three months he was asleep might have looked like through Carl’s eyes.

“He was really nervous when I saw him the other month, and then he asked about Judith but it just seemed…odd. So I just kind of put the pieces together. Am I…right?” Carl sounded like he was verbalizing it for the first time, just like Rick had.

“Yeah.” Rick said, his answer catching in his throat.

Carl furrowed his brows, Rick thought he might cry. “Why did she do it?”

Rick couldn’t help the tears that were starting to from behind his eyes.

“I don’t know.”

“Why didn’t she love you?” Carl asked, almost inaudible.

Rick had asked that question to himself a million times. He didn’t have an answer.

“Is it wrong I still love her?” Carl asked before Rick could say anything. “It’s just I’ve been thinking about this for so long and…”

“No!” He said, pulling Carl into a hug. “I still love her too. I never stopped.”

Carl put his arms around his dad. “You love Judith too, right?” And he sounded scared.

“Of course I do. I always have.” Rick said as he pulled away. “She’ll never go a day without knowing we love her.”

“Are we going to tell her one day?” Carl asked.

Rick sighed. “I’m not sure yet. I don’t think we have to decide right now.”

Carl sighed too. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry our family ended up being so dysfunctional.” Rick said.

Carl looked at Rick. “It could always be more dysfunctional.” He said.

‘Yeah.’ Rick thought. ‘Negan could be a part of it.’

“Well, I’m still sorry about the person you were seeing. You seemed really happy. Even if you wouldn’t tell me anything, I could see it. It was good for us, I think.” Carl said, and Rick suddenly felt very guilty. And even though this was the day of baring truths, he couldn’t tell him it had been Negan.

Rick sighed. “Even if it doesn’t work out, I still feel different. I think no matter what, us three will still be good from here.”

Carl nodded.

“I think I’m going to go to my room.” He said.

“Are you going to take another nap?” Rick asked.

“ _Dad_.”

“This is what happens when you stay up all night!”

“It’s _summer_. Judith takes naps.” Carl groaned.

Rick shook his head. “Fine. It’s a shitty day anyway.”

“ _Language_.” Carl said, mocking Rick’s voice. “See that’s what happens when you hang out with Negan all the time.”

“Mmm.” Rick replied. Well, he wasn’t planning on doing too much of that anymore, so Carl could rest easy. Rick looked out his window. Negan was still not home.

* * *

Negan didn’t know what time it was he when he woke up. He was in a hospital bed. He sat up; there was a nurse in his room.

“Nurse?” He asked. “What ha-

She turned around. Negan felt a chill run up his spine. It was Lucille; she looked like she did when they met, young and barely 25. Only she was wearing a sexy nurse outfit.

“Lucille.” He breathed.

“Mmhm.” She said, walking over. She put a hand under his hospital gown, grazing his chest with her fingers. She put her mouth to his ear. “Hey _daddy_.” She whispered, in that silky voice that Negan tried to imitate so often. “Have you been the _bad one_ these days?”

Negan closed his eyes as she kissed his neck, her hand trailing down his torso, stopping past his navel.

“You _have_ been bad.” She said, removing her hand and pulling away. “You fucking asshole.”

“Lucille.”

“And now you’re acting like a little fucking pussy.” She said, agitated. “After we did all this fucking hard work.”

“What do you want me to do?” Negan said, getting angry. “This is my fault, not his. You know he’s mad because of what I did to you, don’t you?”

“No shit.” She said. “Which I’m still fucking pissed about, by the way.” But she ran her fingers gently through his hair anyway.

“I’m sorry.”  Negan said. “I’m really really-

“Shut the fuck up. My god.” Lucille said. “That house didn’t fucking blow up for no goddamn fucking reason. You think I want you to be alone for fucking ever? Not even you fucking deserve that.”

“What are you talking about?” Negan asked.

Lucille rolled her eyes, like it should be obvious. “Me and the sheriff’s wife. Doing the lord’s fucking work over here.”

“Sh..sheriff’s deputy.” Negan said.

Lucille rolled her eyes again. “Mm. Yeah. That.”

“I miss you.” Negan choked.

Lucille kissed his forehead. “I know you do. But we were on fucking fire too long, weren’t we? We would have put ourselves out eventually.”

Negan stroked her cheek. “Probably.”

Lucille hopped onto the bed, straddling his sides; she leaned over so that their faces were inches apart. “Do you like him?”

“I love him Lucille.” He whispered.

“Good. Now fucking wake up and get my fucking car fixed.”

The last thing he saw before waking up was her grin; the one he always thought might belong to the devil.


	17. Any Old Way

When Negan woke up a doctor was waiting in the room. It wasn’t Lucille.

“Negan, right?” She asked. “How are you feeling?”

“Like fucking shit.” He muttered. “Hey…don’t you live…”

The doctor smiled. “I’m Denise, we met a few weeks ago, remember?”

“Yeah.” Negan said, rubbing his head.

“You’re lucky, that’s only going to be temporary. You must have had some car; you didn’t sustain any bad injuries. But you’ll be sore for a while.” She said gently.

Negan closed his eyes, feeling the pain in his neck. “How long was I unconscious for?”

Denise smiled. “You were only unconscious for a few minutes in the ambulance. We did some tests and you told us you wanted to “fucking sleep now”. So we figured we’d keep an eye on you while you did that.” She looked amused.

“I don’t remember getting any tests done.” Negan mumbled.

“That’s because you have a small concussion and were processing trauma.”

“So I’m really okay?” Negan asked.

“Yeah, and you’re very lucky.”

“Lucky like a black cat.” He huffed.

“What?” Denise asked.

“Nothing.” Negan said, putting his hand to his eyes. “What about the others?”

Denise frowned. “The second driver is okay. The first driver was put into a medically induced coma. But he’s expected to be alright.”

Negan pulled his hand away, but didn’t say anything. Too much fate for one day.  

“Can I go?”

“Yes, I’ll help you check out.” Denise patted his arm and left the room.

Negan gave a deep, shaky breath. Denise came back to help him leave. He picked up his leather jacket and folded it over his arm. They exited the hospital.

“Where’s my car?” He asked.

She handed him a piece of paper. “There’s a number for the place that’s holding your car and the stuff that was in it. You can pick it up tomorrow, but you’ll need a tow.”

“Thank you.” Negan said, clutching the paper.

“There’s a number for a cab service too. Unless you have someone who can pick you up.”

“I don’t have anyone.” Negan said.

Denise gave him a gentle smile, handed him fifty cents, and walked back inside. He walked over to a payphone and deposited the coins. He stood under the awning while the rain continued to fall. He wondered if this was the hospital Rick had stayed in. Maybe it was the hospital Lori died in, too.

The cab was there in fifteen minutes.

“How are you? My name is Gabriel.” The cab driver said as Negan got in the backseat.

“Don’t I know you?” Negan asked.

“Ah. You were the guy that beat up Spencer at the block party.” Gabriel said, giving a smirk like he had enjoyed seeing Spencer get his shit handed to him but didn’t want to make it obvious.

“Yeah. That’s me. I don’t remember seeing you there.”

“That’s because I was in my usual uniform, I’m a priest most days.”

Negan put his seatbelt on. “Fuck, that’s why then. Why are you driving a cab?”

“To help fund the church. We’ve been having a bad few months, admittedly.” Gabriel said.

“Sorry to hear it.” Negan mumbled.

“Are you alright?”

“Huh?” Negan asked. “Oh, yeah, I was in a car accident. But I’m fine. Sort of.”

“A miracle.” Gabriel said.

“No.” Negan said abruptly.

“Yes.” Gabriel insisted.

“Uh, no.”

“ _Yes_.” Gabriel smiled.

“Alright.” Negan rolled his eyes. “You win. It was a goddamn miracle. Happy?”

Gabriel laughed.

Negan was silent for a while. “Gabriel? Er, Father?”

“Yes?”

“Do you…” Negan fumbled for the words, “Do you think dead people can talk to us? And if we see and hear them, was it really them? Or just our imaginations?”

Gabriel was quiet for a moment. Negan thought about Rick and his hallucinations, that maybe he had asked Gabriel the same thing.

“Does it matter either way? If it was real or not, it was still them in some form, wasn’t it? And if that’s your brain making it up to help you, or it’s God, I think it works either way.” Gabriel smiled.

“Huh.” Negan said. But he had kind of wished Gabriel was more insistent on that one.

When they reached Negan’s house, he started cursing.

“Fuck, I don’t have any money.” Negan had taken his wallet out of his jacket pocket, but he had no cash. “Oh, do cabs take cards now?”

Gabriel held up his hand. “This one’s free.”

“Are you sure? I’ll go to church.” Negan said quickly.

Gabriel turned to him. “It’s better to say nothing than to make false promises.”

“Sorry.” Negan said, wondering how many times he could say that in twenty four hours.

Negan got out of the cab, he looked at his house. Depressing and dark, and now empty of Lucille. He turned and looked at Rick’s, and felt his heart ache. He heard Lucille’s (or some manifestation of her) words in his head. The rain began to drench him. When he heard a crack of thunder, he ran over to Rick’s door.

It was late, and there were no lights on in the house. But he pounded on the door anyway, desperate. There was no scenario where Negan saw himself going back into his dark lonely house, so he decided to take the risk.

Rick jumped out of bed when he heard the banging on his door. He looked out his window, but could only see that Lucille wasn’t in the driveway. He walked into the hallway and turned the light on. Carl was out of bed.

“Stay up here.” Rick said. Carl nodded, and went to Judith’s room.

Rick walked down the stairs and headed to the front door. He looked in the peephole and fumbled for the lock. He pulled the door open. Negan was standing there, dripping onto his welcome mat. The leather jacket in Negan’s hands thudded onto the porch floor.

“Please. Can I talk to you.” Negan said, but it came out like a beg. Negan’s voice was tired.

“What happened to you?” Rick asked, noticing the small bandages on Negan’s face, “Where’s your car?”

“Accident.” Negan said. “She got wrecked.”

Rick’s eyes widened. “Are you-

“Fine. I’m fine. Please Rick.” He whispered. “Please let me tell you why.”

Rick looked to his kitchen; saw on the oven that the time read 2:38 am. He looked back to Negan.

“Ok.” He said, swallowing.

Negan let out a shaky breath.

“Lucille and I were too alike. When we got angry at each other, it was like getting angry at yourself. We’d either be all over each other or fighting like fucking dogs and cats. But we loved each other, Rick. But it was getting bad, like we were on the edge of a cliff we had always been speeding towards. The day I fucking did what I did, we got into a huge fight. She was sick but she could still cut you. So I did something to hurt her, but when I told her, I didn’t tell her because I _wanted_ to hurt her, I told her because she deserved to know how horrible I fucking was.”

Rick watched Negan tell his story, fumbling over words, choking back spit.

“Did she forgive you?” Rick asked.

“Yes, sort of, in her way. She was determined to make me pay for it.” Negan gave a weak smile.

“I just…” Rick put his hands to his face.

“Rick!” Negan cried, grabbing Rick’s waist. Rick flinched. “I promised I’d never hurt her or anyone else like that again. I fucking swore to her! And I’ll never go back on my word to Lucille. _Rick_. You could be in a coma for _ten fucking years_ and I swear to God I’d be the first person you’d see when you woke up. I fucking guarantee it.”

Rick pulled his hands away from his face. If there were ways to declare your love without saying I love you, this was one of them. You don't say you'd wait ten years of your life for just anyone.

Rick caressed Negan’s face, but couldn't keep it together; he broke down in sobs and threw his arms around Negan's neck. They hugged tightly; Rick’s clothing getting wet from Negan’s embrace.

"Why didn't she love me Negan?" Rick whispered, shaking.

Negan put his head down on Rick’s shoulder; he lifted it up and placed his forehead on Rick's. He gave a deep breath. 

"Fuck Rick. She did. She did. But some of us are more fucked up than others. We can’t all be good as gold like you. But damn if the good people like you don't make us fucked up ones wanna try." Rick felt tears fall on his face, Negan was crying now.   

Rick felt something inside him heal, like he finally had a glimpse of how Lori felt even if the answer was coming from someone else. The only sounds over the next minute was their ragged breathing, they just held still there, feeling the energy radiate through them. Rick didn't know what to think, but he wanted to believe Negan was telling the truth. Hell, he did believe it. If that was a bad decision, then Fuck It. He’d blame Lori and Lucille for it, somehow.

“Please.” Negan said, shivering. “Please let me stay tonight. I don’t want to be alone.”

Rick pulled away, and then leaned in to kiss him. Negan pulled him in tightly, his hands strong on Rick’s back. Rick put his head down and Negan kissed him on the forehead.

There were footsteps coming down the stairs, and Carl was standing there with a baseball bat.

“DAD ARE YOU-

Carl stopped when he saw Rick and Negan embracing.

“So that’s where all my fucking equipment is going.” Negan muttered, his arms still wrapped around Rick’s lower back.

“Carl.” Rick breathed.

Carl looked like he was trying to process a million thoughts at once.

“Dad…excuse me, but, what the FUCK?” Carl asked, standing still by the stairs.

“This one’s all you hotshot.” Negan muttered, his hands slowly sliding off of Rick’s back.

Rick finally shut the door.

“Carl.”

“Dad.”

“ _Carl_ …”

“ _Are you fucking my gym teacher_?”

“Whoa slow down!” Negan interrupted. “Unfortunately he’s not, _yet_.”

Rick whirled around to him and gave him a glare.

“Dad! This really can’t be the person you’ve been talking about, right? He’s an asshole!” Carl said, exasperated.

“Hey! I thought we were friends.” Negan protested.

“That was before I knew you wanted to fuck my dad!” Carl cried. “So all this time you were on my case about…” Carl’s eyes grew wide. “You were on a date when we were at the school, weren’t you?”

“Yes.” Rick said. “Carl, remember you said you were glad I was happy?”

“Yeah but that was before I knew who you were seeing. And you,” Carl said, looking at Negan, “You gave me a ride home and didn’t say anything!”

Negan held up his hands. “What did you want me to say?”

Carl looked pissed. “If you think you’re going to be my ‘second dad’ or something like that, you can think again.”

“Carl! Stop it.” Rick said sternly.

“No! This is too weird. Dad, it could have been anyone else.” Carl whined.

“Would you have wanted Ron Anderson to be your brother?” Rick asked.

Carl groaned. “You know what, I changed my mind. I don’t want to talk about this right now. I’m going to bed.”

Rick sighed. “Carl.” But he was already stomping back up the stairs.

Rick turned to Negan.

“Should I go?” Negan asked.

“No.” Rick placed his hand on Negan’s cheek, fingers skimming the small bandages. “Someone has to make sure you’re not suffering any hidden trauma.”

Negan smiled. “Good. Because I really _really_ didn’t want to go home.” Negan wanted to tell him he never wanted to go home again, but he couldn’t. Not yet.

Rick led Negan up the stairs and into his bedroom. Negan took off his wet shirt and jeans.

“Here,” Rick said, handing him some sweatpants, “I won’t make you wear a shirt but you probably shouldn’t traumatize Carl anymore.”

Negan smirked. “How are you going to get out of that one?”

“I think you mean how are _we_ going to get out of that one.” Rick said, climbing into bed.

Negan hesitated, and thought he might be dreaming when he realized he was about to go to sleep next to Rick. He followed Rick and got under the covers.

“Maybe I shouldn’t be here after all. We’re springing a pretty serious relationship on him out of nowhere, right?” Negan murmured.

“Oh so it’s pretty serious?” Rick grinned.

“Well we’re lying in your bed and we’re not going to fuck, so yeah, I think it’s pretty serious.” Negan said, giving a sheepish rabbit toothed grin.

Rick sighed. “I know. He’s not going to like it. But I want you to be here tonight, and I’m the boss.”

“ _You’re the daddy_.” Negan smirked.

Rick gave Negan a small glare. “I will kick you out no hesitation.”

Negan started doing his dorky laugh, he cuddled into Rick.

“Tell me about your accident.” Rick said, putting his arm around Negan gently.

“I got fucking t boned by some dipshit who didn’t have his lights on.” Negan said, he closed his eyes. “Apparently the guy is in a coma now.”

Negan felt Rick tense up.

“And Lucille is wrecked.” Negan whispered. “Will you help me get her tomorrow?”

Rick stroked Negan’s hair. “Of course. And we’ll fix her.”

Negan buried his head into Rick’s chest. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Rick was silent, Negan had said it before, but that was when they were just friends.

“I hope that doesn’t scare you.” Negan murmured.

“It doesn’t.” Rick said quickly, “Because I feel the same way.”

“I’m sorry I’m so fucked up, Rick.” Negan said. “What if the only thing we have in common is our wives and when we move past that, we have nothing?”

“Shh.” Rick said. “Let’s stop getting ahead of ourselves, okay? I want to enjoy this.”

Negan sighed. “Ok.”

They closed their eyes and fell asleep in minutes, faces tight from crying, bodies warm under the covers. Negan didn’t know the last time he felt this kind of pure affection. He had never been with anyone like Rick before. He felt like every second he was lying in that bed, the poison inside him was seeping into the sheets and sinking into Rick’s skin. But he couldn’t leave. And all Rick knew was that Negan felt so right in his bed and fit so perfectly in his arms.

That morning Rick woke up to find that Negan had fallen asleep almost entirely on top of him, like he had him in a bear hug. He tried to push his face out from under Negan’s chest, wondering how he managed to breathe all night.

“You’re suffocating me!” Rick hissed. Negan blinked and opened his eyes.

“Oh, sorry.” He yawned, rolling over.

Rick laughed lightly, “Did you sleep well?”

“Best night of fucking sleep I ever had.” Negan murmured. “If I knew all I needed to do was get with a suburban dad to get some good cuddles, I would have done that a lot sooner.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “I never thought I’d hear you utter the word ‘cuddles’.” He said.

Negan grabbed Rick by the waist and pulled him close. “I’m not as big and fucking bad as everyone thinks.”

“They think that because you make it a point to make them think that.” Rick reminded him.

“Well, whatever.” Negan muttered. “Doesn’t sound like anyone’s awake, maybe you could-

There was an unmistakable teenage groan from the doorway.

“Why are you here?” Carl asked. “And please tell me you didn’t…”

“Don’t worry, kid. You’d be very aware if we did anything.” Negan grinned, sitting up, feeling right at home. Carl looked like he wanted to choke.

“Stop it.” Rick said, sitting up and pushing Negan back down with one hand. “Carl, we have to talk.”

Carl scoffed. “I’m not talking to you two while you’re in bed together.”

Carl turned around and walked down the stairs.                                          

“Breakfast will be interesting.” Rick murmured.

Rick and Negan got out of bed. Rick started to fix the covers, and Negan began to help, it felt ridiculously domestic. Rick picked up Negan’s damp clothing. He peeked in Judith’s room to find she was gone; Carl must have grabbed her, all trust in his dad’s judgment gone.

Rick found Judith downstairs after all, sitting in front of the TV watching cartoons. He put the clothing in the dryer. Carl was in the kitchen holding a mug. Rick thought he looked like an angry dad that just caught his son in bed with the local tramp. Which was a very accurate look, he figured.

“You couldn’t put on a shirt?” Carl asked, glancing uncomfortably at Negan.

“You couldn’t be any less like your dad?” Negan grinned.

Rick ignored the both of them. “Ok, I think we should talk.”

Carl shifted where he stood. “Dad.” He asked, like Negan wasn’t there. “Why?”

Rick sighed. “Because I-

“Cause I get that you both lost a spouse, ok, cool, but does that mean you have to, I don’t know…”

“Carl. I know how weird this is. It _is_ weird. And I know how you see him but, all the changes in myself over the past few months have been because of him. Didn’t we agree that was a good thing?”

Carl looked at Negan. “I just don’t…I don’t know. This isn’t how I thought it was going to be.”

“Kid,” Negan interjected, “I get it. You thought your dad would bring home some sweet little lady that bakes cookies and has always wanted a few kids, and maybe in another few months she’d be coming over regularly. But then you got me. That’s a fucking let down man, I know.”

And because Negan felt like Rick could use his maturity, he added, “But I really care about your dad. And not in some asshole way like you might think. You should trust him. Because even if you _think_ he doesn’t trust you, he does.”

Carl looked like he wanted to keep fighting but didn’t know what his next move could be. Rick was surprised at the way Negan was handling the situation.

“And he drove you an hour on the fourth of July because he knew you’d get to see Enid.”

Carl seemed stumped at that one. He looked at Rick, like he was trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with his dad. Rick hated how guilty he felt.

“How long has this been happening?” Carl asked.

“Late May.” Rick said.

“Not even two months? Not even two months and he’s sleeping over?” Carl asked.

“Carl. We’re not going back and forth on this.” Rick said.

“Fine. I don’t know what I’m worried about. It’s not going to last. And I’m not going to sit around in a month when you’re depressed over this fucking asshole.” Carl said, and he stormed up to his room.

Negan let out a nervous wheezy laugh. “Jesus H.”

Rick put his hand to his eyes. “Didn’t he like you?”

“Rick. He likes me as his douchey teacher, not as his douchey stepdad.” Negan said. “If I can charm you I can charm him.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “At least Judith likes you.”

Negan smiled. They stood in the kitchen for a moment.

“My body is sore as fuck.” Negan winced, looking at the bruises that had formed on his side.

Rick walked over and placed his fingers on Negan’s side. “Want to go pick up your car?”

Negan nodded. “Thanks.” And Negan remembered a thought he had when he first moved in. How he was soaking up any bit of attention from Rick he could get. He still was, although this time he was more confident it wouldn’t run out.

“Why don’t you go home, get dressed, and we’ll meet up. Maybe I can get Carl to cool off.” Rick suggested.

“Sounds good. I’ll, uh, bring over your shoes.” Negan said.

“Right.” Rick said, giving an awkward smile.

Rick walked over to Judith to see how she was doing, still preoccupied with her cartoons and toys. Carl had even given her breakfast, he noticed. The dryer turned off and Rick took out Negan’s clothing and folded it, placing it on the back of the couch.

Rick sighed when he was at the base of the steps, thinking about Carl up there steaming. He walked up and knocked on Carl’s door. He opened it.

“Dad. Go away.” Carl muttered, sitting on his bed.

“Carl.”

“Is he still here?”

“No, but we’re going to get his car.” Rick said. “He was in a car accident yesterday.”

Carl looked wide eyed for a moment. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Rick said, walking over. “Which is why he stayed over. I didn’t want you to find out that way. Really. I was trying to take it as slow as possible but, this isn’t like we’ve been on a few dates and that’s it. We’ve spent a lot of time together.”

“I don’t care.” Carl said, pissed. “My statement still stands.”

Rick sighed. “Will you watch Judith today?”

“Duh.” Carl said.

Rick knew he could explain himself more, but he needed to give Carl space. Someone downstairs was ringing the doorbell repeatedly.  

“Your asshole awaits.” Carl muttered quietly, like he didn’t want Rick to hear but couldn’t help himself.

“We’ll talk later.” Rick said.

Rick headed back down the steps and opened the front door.

“Do you have to…” Rick started.

“Be me?” Negan answered. “Yes.”

Rick smirked and walked over to Judith, Negan followed. Rick knelt down and scooped Judith in his arms.

“Daddy’s going out for a while with Negan. Carl’s going to watch you, okay?” Rick said, giving her kisses.

“Damn Rick, should that turn me on?” Negan laughed, just as Carl was walking down the stairs to watch his sister.

“Gross.” Carl scoffed, slumping on the couch.

“Neegan!” Judith said, opening and closing her hands like she wanted him to hug her too.

Negan knelt down and took her from Rick’s arms. “Hey hunny.” He said, giving her a kiss on nose. Carl made a disapproving sound from his seat. Judith giggled approvingly.

Negan set her down amongst her blankets and he and Rick rose to their feet. Rick couldn’t help but look warmly at Negan, the way he treated Judith and interacted with her was so natural. He could see Negan doing that for the rest of her life.

But Rick was getting ahead of himself, as usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are now past 50k+ words! I have never written a fanfic this long in my life! Thank you for reading <3 <3 There's still a lot to come :3c


	18. He Wears A Red Bandana

Rick and Negan headed to the lot where Lucille was being held. Negan felt a pit in his stomach beginning to form just from thinking about her condition.

“My jacket spent a night on your porch.” Negan said, holding it in his lap.

“It needed a vacation.” Rick said.

“You love it.” Negan smirked.

“Uh-huh. Right.”

A silence fell on them, and the car was starting to fill up with the built up tension. Rick rolled the windows down.

“Good call,” Negan said, “It was getting hot in here.”

Rick wanted to ask Negan why he had interrupted them the other night, but it would involve bringing up their conversation, and it’s not that they hadn’t moved past it, it was just Rick wasn’t too keen on inviting that energy back in.

They arrived at the lot. Rick thought Negan might be sick. They stepped out. A man led them to the car. Negan almost fell when he saw Lucille, wrecked, dented, her pretty paint job scuffed and scratched. Rick grabbed his hand and held it tight when Negan lurched forward. The man looked at them curiously, but didn’t say anything.

“We’ll fix her.” Rick said.

Negan closed his eyes. Rick tried to understand what was going on in Negan’s head. This was one of the last things he had from Lucille. Rick thought for a while there that it was the only thing Negan might actually care about.

Negan drifted from his hand and walked over to the car. He slid his palm across the parts of her that were still smooth. Rick thought he might burst into tears, but he didn’t. Negan walked back over to Rick.

“Okay. Let’s take her home.”

The tow dropped Lucille off in Negan’s driveway. Rick and Negan hadn’t talked the entire way home, because Negan was preoccupied with watching the tow guy in the rearview mirror to make sure “the fucker does it right”.

When the guy let Lucille drop onto the driveway, Negan almost flipped his shit. “Be careful!”

The tow guy looked at him. “Seriously?” He muttered, hopping back into the truck.

Rick put his hand on Negan’s shoulder. “Let him go.” He said.

Negan sighed. “Well. Now I don’t have a car.”

Rick smiled. “I’m retired, remember? I can drive you where you need to go.”

“Rick I couldn’t ask-

“That’s what,” Rick hesitated, “boyfriends do for each other.”

Negan looked surprised, and slid his tongue in between his teeth. “You’re gonna kill me with that fucking saccharine shit Rick Grimes. You know I’m highly allergic.”

“You said it first.” Rick reminded him.

Negan smiled. “Whatever. Thanks.”

Rick and Negan stood in the driveway for a while, unsure of what they were going to do next. Negan couldn’t imagine returning to his house. Rick was thinking the same thing, letting his thoughts settle on a daydream where he and Negan walked back to Rick’s together.

“Holy shit.” Came a voice. It was Carol. “What happened here?”

“What the fuck does it look like?” Negan said, and when Rick gave him a look, added, “Sorry. Car accident.”

“Are you alright?” Carol asked.

“I’ll be fine.” Negan said.

“Your car is…” Carol said, looking at the damage with wide eyes.

“We’re going to fix her.” Rick said.

“Oh?” Carol asked, a small grin on her face, “Summer project for the boys?”

Rick felt his face grow hot, “Was there something you needed…Carol?”

“Yeah I just came by to let Sophia know about dinner.” Carol smiled.

“Sophia’s over?” Rick asked, looking at his house. He supposed Carl deserved a few free passes at not telling him shit.

Carol smiled again, “Shall we head over?”

“Yeah.” Rick turned to Negan. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you.” Negan instinctively moved his hand towards Rick but let it fall at his side as Rick and Carol walked away. He swallowed and looked back at Lucille.

Rick felt Carol’s eyes on him the whole way into his house. Carl and Sophia were playing video games as usual, while Judith was asleep upstairs.

Carl snapped his head back like an owl, and Rick figured he was expecting to see Negan walk through the door with him. He relaxed when he saw Carol.

“Sophia, dinner is at 6.” She said.

“Can Carl come over?” Sophia asked.

“Of course, Rick, would you like to join us?” Carol said, turning her eyes on him.

Rick made eye contact with Carl, “No thank you.” He figured he needed to give Carl a place to escape to, and forcing communication wasn’t going to get them anywhere. He wondered if Carl had told Sophia.

“So,” Carol said, whirling around and clapping her hands together, “Show me the pool.”

Rick led Carol out the back door and onto the deck. There was a huge, muddy pit in Rick’s backyard.

“There it is…so far. The rain didn’t help.” Rick said, leaning over the railing.

“Uh-huh. That’s nice.” Carol said, putting her hand on the railing and turning to Rick. “Rick.”

Rick put his head down. “Wha-hat?” He said, getting really tired of everyone making it their job to get into his business.

“So I know Deanna kind of put you on Negan Duty, and I know you’re really not interested in dating, but you’ve been spending a lot of time with the man and I know he lost his wife, and I just think, that maybe…” Carol danced around the words, “Maybe if you opened up a little, you might find yourself interested in someone you never would have thought of before. Like me and Ezekiel. I mean, maybe you could look past that wolfish…evil grin and stupid leather jacket and find something you like about his face.”

Rick put his arms down on the railing, threw his head down, and started laughing. Mostly because of how dense Carol turned out to be in this situation, and partly because there wasn’t anything about Negan physically that Rick didn’t absolutely love.

Carol gripped the railing with her fingers. “It was just a suggestion, Rick. And if you ask me, it’s not the most far-fetched thing in the world. He and Sophia actually get along pretty well, you know.”

Rick tried to stop her, but he couldn’t stop laughing.

“And I know you’ve been out on a few dates, but I really think you have more of a connection with the man across the street than some random single mom like Jessie.” She grumbled.

“Carol. Stop.” Rick said, standing up, laughing between his words. He ran his fingers through his hair. “He’s the person I’ve been seeing.”

Carol blinked a few times. “Are you shitting me?”

“Sorry,” Rick smiled, “Guess you aren’t as clever as you like to think you are.”

Carol looked like she wanted to punch him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wasn’t telling anyone. Maggie and Glenn found out by accident, and Beth knows. That’s it.” Rick said. “It’s possible Daryl could know but it’s not confirmed.”

“What about Carl?” Carol asked. “He was the only hitch in my plan.”

Rick sighed. “Carl found out last night. So if he acts pissy tonight, that’s why.”

“He’s not happy, huh?”

“Not. At. All.” Rick said. “It’s a mess.”

Carol put her hands on her hips. “And here I thought you’d need my help, cowboy.”

Rick couldn’t help but grin; he was doing that every time he thought about his relationship with Negan.

“It wasn’t hard. Turns out the single dad charm works on a variety of people.” Rick said.

Carol shook her head. “Unbelievable. You know, it’s going to be really hard for you two to keep this a secret if that was your plan.”

“It wasn’t. I wanted to tell Carl and then I’d feel comfortable telling everyone else but, the Carl situation’s kind of a shitshow.” Rick said. “We really don’t feel like keeping it a secret anymore, since we’re…committed.” The word felt weird coming out of Rick’s mouth, like he was still whirling from the idea of dating at all. The entire thing had happened out of nowhere.

“Well, I’m here for you.” Carol said. “You need this. Like. You really need this.” She articulated her words so that Rick could catch her drift.

Rick rolled his eyes. “Should I put a sign on my lawn when I get laid so that everyone can know?”

Carol laughed. “It would get a lot of people off your back.”

“That’s starting to get frustrating.” Rick muttered.

“I know.” Carol sighed. “I get it. In my situation, no one was bothering me. I guess mostly because people were afraid to talk to me. Or joke with me. I think we’re all just a little excited at the idea of you finally having something for yourself that’s yours. Does that make sense?”

“It does. And I appreciate it. Really. But the last thing I want to feel is all this pressure. And just because you few have been supportive, doesn’t mean everyone else is going to be enthused by the idea. Especially not Deanna.” Rick said.

“Fuck Deanna.” Carol said.

Rick smiled. “You hated him, you know.”

“I did. But you can’t help but see parts of yourself in someone like that.” Carol sighed. “So what’s your plan?”

“I don’t know. It feels stupid to have to pull everyone aside and tell them, and I’m not going to do it. People will find out on their own accord. And I’ll just have to let the chips fall.”

Rick and Carol walked back to the porch, Negan was still standing by Lucille, he perked up again when he saw Rick.

“Does he always just…wait for you?” Carol murmured.

“Yeah. Like a lost dog.” Rick said.

Negan started walking over.

“See you two around.” Carol smiled, she walked off the porch and headed home.

Negan looked at Rick. “Does she know now too?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok. Jesus knows too.” Negan said.

Rick looked surprised. “What?”

“It’s a long story.” Negan muttered.

Rick and Negan sat on the porch and talked about fixing Lucille. Around five o clock Carl and Sophia walked out to go to her place. Carl eyed Rick and Negan and stopped, Sophia kept walking.

“Please don’t fuck while I’m gone.” Carl hissed.

“ _CARL_ , I am not going to warn you about your language _again_.” Rick said sternly.

“Fine. But. Just don’t okay? We don’t have enough disinfectant.”

Negan burst into laughter. “You are _hilarious_ , kid.”

“Don’t worry.” Rick said. “The house is safe.”

“For now.” Negan grinned.

“How about instead of actively not helping, you shut up?” Rick said, and Carl seemed less irritated watching his dad disapprove of Negan’s behavior.

They watched Carl walk down the street.

“Damn. He shut us down.” Negan said.

“Yeah.” Rick laughed. “I guess he did.”

“So did you think about it?” Negan asked.

“About coming with you to get that part for Lucille? Yeah I did.” Rick said.

“The guy says we can pick it up anytime, it’s ours.” Negan said, and he savored the “we” and the “ours” as though they might not last.

“Carl won’t be happy about it, but we only have my car, and I’m not going to let you take it by yourself, no offense.” Rick said, rubbing his chin.

“Understandable. Hell, Carl will enjoy being home alone, won’t he?” Negan said. “Let him have a taste of independence”

“Yeah.” Rick said. “Ok. What about baseball practice?”

“Beth’s got it covered.” Negan said. “She’s a pro.”

Rick mulled the road trip over in his head. It would be an 8 hour drive to Virginia, sleep over, pick up the part in the morning, drive home. No fuss. Carl would have to deal.

“Ok.” Rick said. “Tell him we’ll be there in two days. We’ll leave the day after tomorrow.”

Negan clapped his hands together. “Fucking right on!”

Rick smiled. “I’m going to go make sure Judith is okay and make her dinner. I’ll see you tomorrow and we’ll do some of the other work, ok?”

Negan got up. “I hear ya.” He caught Rick in a kiss just as Rick was getting out of his seat.

Rick didn’t hesitate, and didn’t care if anyone was outside watching. He let Negan kiss him on the porch, and for some reason, it was more electrifying than any time they had snuck around.

Negan hopped off Rick’s porch and walked back to his house, turning around halfway and winking. Rick shook his head and walked back inside.

That evening Negan sat on his couch and ate a frozen meal, he flipped through the TV mindlessly and found himself wondering how many nights like this he had to endure.

Carl wasn’t happy with the road trip, but he didn’t put up a fight. The next day Rick had taken Judith with him over to Negan’s, and set her down on a blanket on the lawn with some toys. Negan walked out of his garage, wearing a white t shirt and a red bandana Rick had never seen before.

“What’s this?” Rick asked playfully, tugging at the bandana.

Negan smirked and pushed Rick’s hand away. “What do you like it?”

“Yeah I do.” Rick said. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?”

Rick looked down and shook his head; he looked back up at Negan, his tongue in between his teeth.

“Do what??” Negan asked, a grin sliding across his face.

“Look the way you do all the time.”

“And how do I look, ‘all the time’?” Negan said, giving spectacular air quotes and doing a little lean.

“ _Sexy_.” Rick grumbled.

“HM? I didn’t catch that Rick Grimes.” Negan said loudly. “Can you repeat it?”

Rick rolled his eyes.

“How about this?” Negan whispered, leaning forward into Rick’s ear. “You wear that electric blue underwear, and I’ll just wear this, and we’ll call it a fucking night.”

Rick gritted his teeth. “Sounds like a fucking plan.”

Negan leaned back and laughed. “Want to help me get this glass out now?”

Rick smirked and they cleaned up the interior of the car.

“So what parts are we picking up?” Rick asked.

“God Rick, don’t you listen? Lucille is a convertible from 1954; did you know Marilyn Monroe had this kind of car?”

“How would I know that?”

“Fuck I don’t know. Lucille loved Marilyn Monroe. Huh. They were both the same age, just about.” Negan cleared his throat. “Anyway. We need a new top and fender skirt. And a fucking mirror.”

Rick watched Negan sliding his hand across the Cadillac. Something inside him stirred, and he realized he was angry at the driver for doing this to Negan. Even if it was an accident.

“Did you find out who hit you?” Rick asked.

“Not yet. I’m supposed to get a call when they wake up.” Negan looked at Rick awkwardly. “But obviously now I feel like a fucking douchebag.”

“It will work out.” Rick said, and he thought about who might be blamed. The driver could easily sue for being put into a coma, but he didn’t have his lights on. It would be up to a judge. Rick hoped the driver was forgiving.

Negan looked at the sides of the car that were busted. “How are we going to fix this? I feel like we’ll have to take her in, which I don’t want to do. I just don’t trust anyone to fucking do it right.”

“I know someone that can help.” Rick said. “Actually, I know three someones.”

Negan looked up. “No.”

“They’ll help.”

“No they won’t. Why would they help?” Negan started to protest.

“Let’s go ask them.” Rick said. “And see what they say.”

Rick picked up Judith, who had fallen asleep, and took her inside his house. He laid her on her little blanket bed on the floor, grabbed the baby monitor, and he headed out the door. Rick and Negan started walking up the street.

“They’ll be happy Lucille’s bashed in.” Negan muttered.

“Eugene!” Rick called; Eugene was outside standing by the mulch in his yard. He jumped when he saw Negan.

“Yes?” He asked, taking a step back.

“Are Abraham and Rosita around?” Rick asked.

“Abraham is in the back getting a pitchfork for the mulch, was there something I could assist you with?” Eugene said, looking from Rick to Negan.

“Yeah. We,” And Rick tugged on Negan’s sleeve, “were wondering if you guys could help with a car problem.”

“Car problem? Certainly. Is it the engine, the speedometer, the exhaust, the tire pressure, the emergency brake, the bumper-

Negan rolled his eyes. “She got fucking wrecked okay?”

Just then Abraham returned with a pitchfork. “Who got wrecked?”

“Negan’s car.” Rick said. “We were wondering if you guys could help us fix her.”

Abraham’s hold on the pitchfork tightened, “Why would we do that?”

Rick sighed. “Because you’d be doing me a favor.”

Rosita must have seen what was happening outside, because she appeared from the garage.

“You better not be fighting.” Rosita said, walking over.

“We’re not!” Negan said. “We’re trying to ask for your fucking help.”

Rosita crossed her arms. “Rick?”

“Negan was in an accident and his car is wrecked, since you three are car savvy, we were hoping-

“Why not take it to a shop?” Rosita asked.

“Those people wouldn’t know what to do with her!” Negan growled.

Abraham scratched his chin. “Alright. Fuck it. I’m down. Eugene?”

“I’ll do it.” He said.

“Rosita?” Abraham asked, turning to her.

Rosita sighed, “Okay. I’ll help too. For you, Rick.” But she gave Negan a look like she was remembering their conversation in the parking lot.

“Thank you.” Negan said. “We’re leaving tomorrow to get some parts, so in a few days we can get to work.”

“When did you two become best buds?” Abraham asked.

Negan grinned that devilish grin and before Rick knew it, Negan had thrown his arm around Rick’s neck and pulled him close.

“Me and Rick Grimes are fucking boyfriends, _didn’t you know_?” Negan said, practically choking Rick.

The trio stood there dumbfounded.

“Whu-

But Rosita was cut off when Negan started dragging Rick down the street. Rick tried to look back but couldn’t escape Negan’s hold.

“I fucking hate you.” Rick muttered, trying to walk.

“It’s about time we got ahead of the fucking curve, wouldn’t you agree?” Negan said, letting Rick go and laughing when Rick stumbled.

Rick turned around to look back and saw the trio was still standing on their lawn staring at him and Negan. He gave a weak wave and a shrug and turned back around.

“I guess. But-

“So now we have those three to help us with Lucille, it will be less awkward now that they know.”

Rick looked at him. “You realize how blunt you were, right? Then you put me in a chokehold.” Rick rubbed his neck.

“Ahh, they get it.” Negan smiled.

Just then a voice came over the baby monitor. “Daddy.”

“She knows to talk into that thing?” Negan asked.

“Yeah, she’s two so we barely use this, but she knows how it works now. Like the phone.” Rick smiled. Rick pulled the baby monitor out of his waist just as Judith was saying more words.

“Daddy.” She said again. “Neegan.”

Negan blinked. Judith started singing their names together, waiting for them to show up.

“See?” Rick said. “There’s one person we don’t have to worry about.”

Negan gave a nervous laugh. “Y-yeah…”

They walked inside Rick’s.

“Was someone singing on the monitor?” Rick sang when he opened the door. Judith clapped her hands. Rick turned to Negan, “Don’t tell anyone I left her alone, she was asleep, and she’s fine.”

“Rick, it’s cool. We were up the street. She’s okay. You’re good. I’m not going to call the fucking cops.”

Rick gave him a wide eyed glare when he cursed and Negan put a hand to his mouth.

“Sorry hotshot.”

“Neegan!” Judith sang, bouncing up and down.

“Hey hunny!! How’s my favorite Disney princess?” Negan grinned; he sat on the floor with Rick.

Rick smiled and watched Negan interact with Judith. He never got tired of it. Rick laid on the floor and Judith crawled on top of him.

“Down, down!” She said, looking at Negan.

“She likes to crawl on people.” Rick said. “We call it ‘doggies’. Carl and her do it all the time.”

“Doggies! Woof!” Judith started barking. Negan smiled and laid on the floor next to Rick. Judith continued her little barks and pretended to sniff them and dig into them. Rick slid his hand over to Negan’s and held it gently. Judith fell back in between them.

“Do you like Negan?” Rick asked her, nuzzling his face into her.

“Yes!!” She giggled, she rolled over to Negan and hugged him around his neck. “I like him!”

“And I like _you_ hunny.” Negan said, giving her a kiss on the nose. She laughed, sat up, and crawled over to her toys.

Rick glanced at Negan, hands still entwined; they stared at each other for a few seconds. It was the warmest way anyone had ever looked at Negan before, and that included Lucille. Negan didn’t know if it was really possible to tell someone you loved them with just your eyes, but he thought Rick had come pretty damn close.

Negan felt himself choking up; all those terrible romantic emotions he had tried to suppress were spilling out of him without his permission. He couldn’t stop it. But he didn’t necessarily try, either.

The next day Negan was standing outside Rick’s with an overnight bag in his hand. He put it down and sat on one of the chairs on the porch. He slid his hands across the arms and imagined again the scene he had daydreamed weeks ago. It was the day Rick had shaved Negan’s face. He felt his face; it felt like a million years ago. But there he was, on Rick’s porch, daydreaming again about sitting there next to him. Judith would be playing in the yard and Negan would tell Carl to get him lemonade. Carl would put up a fight, of course, but Rick would want some too, so he’d order Carl to do it. Then Carl and a girl, maybe Enid, would go inside, and Rick and Negan would look at each other and take a deep breath. Rick would shake his head and Negan would bust a gut laughing, throwing his arm at Rick, hitting him in the side. They’d stare at each other until their fingers met. Rick would blink, do that smirk of his when was going to say something that would make even Negan blush. But he’d just lean in and kiss him instead. This time Negan let himself imagine the kiss, he didn’t try to shut it down.

Rick opened the door and Negan jumped out of the seat faster than lightning.

“Holy fuck!” Negan cried.

Rick looked at him. “Sorry. That’s vengeance for when you scared me the day we met. You ready?”

“Yeah.” Negan smiled, scratching his head. He picked up his bag. “Can I use your bathroom first?”

“Sure, I’ll go start the car.” Rick said.

Negan handed Rick his bag and walked inside.

“Dad?” Came Carl’s voice.

“ _Yes_?” Negan asked in a singsong voice. Carl groaned from the couch.

“What are you doing in here?”

“Gotta take a piss.” Negan said. “Got a problem with it?”

“Prob _lems_.” Carl muttered. “Plural.”

“Which one of these doors is the commode?” Negan asked, opening up random doors.

“Down the hall to your left.” Carl said.

Negan opened the door to the bathroom and stepped inside. There was a small laundry basket with clean clothes on the floor. Negan finished up, washed his hands, and noticed a blue shape catch his attention in the mirror. He turned around and saw that it was a pair of Rick’s electric blue boxer briefs. He slid his tongue in between his teeth and shook his head.

“See you later kid.” Negan said. Carl didn’t say anything.

Negan got into Rick’s car and buckled his seatbelt.

“Carl give you trouble?” Rick asked.

“Nah.” Negan said.

Twenty minutes into the drive, Rick turned to Negan when they were at a stoplight.

“Ok, I swear you keep looking at me. What is it?” Rick asked.

Negan squinted at him and gave a side smile. He threw something at Rick. Rick looked down in his lap.

“I thought we had a deal, hotshot.” Negan said.

Rick picked up the underwear. “These really aren’t safe from you are they?”

“No.” Negan grinned.

Negan watched Rick toss the underwear in the back and slide two fingers down the side of his pants; he pulled up slightly to show Negan that he was wearing a pair of them already.

“You have no faith.” Rick said, letting his fingers go. He shifted in his seat. Negan whistled.

“You’re killing me, Grimes.” He said. “Did you buy those just for me?”

“Just for you.” Rick said. “You keeping up your part of the deal?”

Negan pulled his red bandana from his back pocket and waved it in Rick’s face. Rick shooed it away as the light turned green.

Rick and Negan had been driving for about six hours. The ride had been filled with laughter, flirting, and arguing over music. Finally they reached Virginia.

“Ok, stop the car.” Negan said.

“What?” Rick laughed.

“Stop. _The car_.” Negan said.

Rick pulled to the side of the road. “What’s your issue all of a sudden?” He asked, turning to Negan.

Negan couldn’t hide his smile. “It’s a surprise. Let me drive.”

“Aren’t we here to pick up car parts?” Rick asked.

“Obviously. But I’m not going to waste a road trip with you on just car parts.” Negan rolled his eyes and exited out the passenger side. Rick gave a deep breath and stepped out to let Negan take over.

Negan drove the rest of the way and pulled into the parking lot of a quaint restaurant.

“Ready for date number three? Or four? Or whatever?” Negan asked.

Rick smirked. “How’d you find this place?”

“The internet.” Negan said. “Apparently it’s fucking great okay?”

Rick smiled and let Negan lead him into the restaurant. They were seated at a small table in the back. There was a candle in the middle of the table.

“Romantic.” Rick said. “I’m impressed.”

Negan grinned that rabbit toothed grin. “I might not be Prince motherfucking Charming, but this court jester knows a thing or two.”

Rick rolled his eyes, amused at how often Negan brought up past conversations, but he also found it sweet how much Negan paid attention. He imagined that Negan had outdone himself once or twice with Lucille too.

“Ok,” Rick said halfway through their meal. They were drinking wine, and Negan swirled his glass. “Tell me the first thing you remember.”

“The first thing I remember about what?” Negan asked.

“You know, your first memory.” Rick said.

“Are you shitting me?” Negan scoffed.

“No,” Rick said. “I want to know.”

Negan put his glass down. “Uh...shit…I was in daycare, I think. And I was crying because some kid wouldn’t give me his toy.” He grinned.

“So nothing’s changed, is what you’re saying.” Rick said, taking a sip of wine.

Negan chuckled. “That’s right. Ok, hotshot, what’s your first memory?”

Rick thought for a moment, “I was on a boat. In Florida.”

“Florida?” Negan asked.

“Yeah, it was my grandfather’s boat. And there was an alligator-

“Oh shit.” Negan said.

“Uh-huh,” Rick continued, “And I remember watching it, but I wasn’t afraid. It was dangerous and exciting.”

Negan huffed a laugh. “So moral of the story is I want things I can’t have and you never know when something’s bad for you.”

Rick shook his head. “Nah. I know you’re my alligator. I just don’t care.”

Negan smirked and took a drink. “Yeah, and you’re the thing I can’t have.”

“You have me now.” Rick reminded him.

“Yeah,” Negan said, “I do.”

“You got lucky.” Rick smiled.

Negan blinked and watched Rick for a moment. “You’re telling me.”

After dinner Rick got back in the passenger side upon Negan’s request. They drove for another twenty minutes down backroads until they reached a small cabin.

“Are you planning on axe murdering me out here?” Rick asked, leaning forward to look at the surrounding area. There was a large creek flowing through, with kayak equipment by a dock.

Negan laughed. “Definitely.”

“Let me guess, the internet?”

“Yep. I was looking for hotels but…this seemed more…you know, _romantic_.” Negan muttered the last word, like he was embarrassed he had gone through all the trouble.

Rick smiled to himself in the dark of the car, it was unexpected, but totally Negan, he thought.

“It’s perfect.” Rick said, and he felt nerves in his stomach when he thought about being completely alone, isolated with the alligator.

They got out of the car and walked up to the cabin. Negan felt around for where the owners had left the keys. He found them and unlocked the door. The cabin was cozy and warm; Rick dropped their bags by the door.

“Cute.” Rick said, inspecting the space after Negan found a light.

“The bedroom looks out to the creek.” Negan said.

“Oh?” Rick asked. “I’ll have to see that.”

“Do you want to see it now?” Negan asked, leaning down a little to grab his bag.

“Mmhmm.” Rick said.

Negan walked over to Rick and took his hand. Rick could swear he felt a shock in his fingertips, and he let Negan lead him into the dark room. Negan put his bag down on the nightstand. There was a large window that did indeed face the creek. Moonlight drifted into the room. It was very very quiet. Rick held his breath and stood still until he felt Negan’s hand on the side of his arm. Negan stood behind him and put his face into Rick’s hair; he breathed in Rick’s scent, and slid his fingers up Rick’s arms. Rick shivered, and he tried not to let his mind wander. He wanted his thoughts coherent; he was in a cabin in Virginia with Negan, the neighbor he had met in late April. The neighbor he had only known for two and a half months. The neighbor he had spent countless hours with already. The neighbor he had met through what often felt like divine intervention.

He turned around and kissed the neighbor he had fallen in love with.

Negan put his hands to Rick’s face, held him there and kissed him with enough passion to blow up the universe. It was a different kind of love, he thought, so different from what he had with Lucille. Their love had been beautiful and real, but it had also been a battle. With Rick there was no battle; Rick was like a pure force, and with every kiss that poison inside Negan didn’t feel like poison anymore.

Rick put his arms around Negan’s waist and pulled him in close, Negan’s hands falling on Rick’s chest.

There was no one else in the world, Rick thought, the only things that existed were them and the cabin they were in. Hell, Mother Nature outside might as well be a projection. Every feeling Rick had suppressed in the last two years was surging inside him like electricity.

They fell on the bed and kicked off their shoes. Rick was on top of Negan, and he pushed him down and kissed him hard.

The first real thought Negan was able to string together was that this was so much different than any hookup. It was as though he could feel all the parts of himself merging with everything that was inside Rick with every kiss and touch.

Negan slid his fingers through Rick’s hair, pulling as Rick kissed his neck.

Rick’s heart was beating outside his chest. He pulled off his shirt, grabbed Negan’s, and pulled it over his head. They unbuckled their belts and tossed them onto the floor, pants sliding off next. Negan put his arm over the side of the bed and grabbed his red bandana. He waved it silently in front of Rick.

Rick grabbed it and kissed Negan again.

Negan watched as Rick blindfolded him with the bandana. He laughed under his breath, like he was worried about disturbing the silence in the room. He leaned his head back as he felt Rick make his way from his neck to his navel. Negan wanted to shake his head, stop Rick and tell him that for all the differences he and Lucille shared, this scenario wasn’t one of them. But Rick was busy, and Negan figured it’d be rude to interrupt him.

Electric fire was burning between them, like a fuse might blow and leave them unrecognizable versions of themselves. Negan gasped and arched his back when Rick reached his destination, felt his underwear slide down his legs. Rick eventually returned to Negan’s face, kissing him gently. Negan pulled the blindfold off of himself and flipped Rick on his back.

Rick felt his head collide with the pillows, Negan flashed his bunny teeth. Of all the contexts he had seen Negan’s smile in, this was his favorite. Negan toyed with Rick’s underwear; he kissed Rick and sunk down, pressing his face into Rick’s boxers. Rick could feel his head spin as he felt Negan breathe in, and he closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath.

Negan pulled down the electric blue boxer briefs that had caused lightheadedness so many times, whether he was looking at them in person, or thinking about them when he was alone. They were no longer safer on Rick’s skin.

Rick shivered, and Negan brought his face back to Rick’s, pressing his body into him. They hadn’t gotten this far the last time, and Rick thought he might combust when Negan grinded his body against him. Negan leaned over and grabbed something from the nightstand.

Negan looked into Rick’s eyes, moonlight reflecting out of them in a way that made Negan want to pause time. He had never thought about it before, but Rick was a very pretty man. What was it he had claimed Rick wasn’t, so long ago when he was battling his thoughts? A delicate beauty with soft lips and pretty eyelashes? Scratch that one off the record, that was Negan’s bad, and he’d admit it any day.

Rick watched Negan’s eyes, nervous when Negan finally flipped him over gently on his stomach. Negan murmured something about this being easier for their first go. But Rick didn’t mind, Negan made sure to kiss his back, lean in close, breathe into his hair. Negan’s hand trailed under Rick’s stomach, and he closed his eyes as he thrusted slowly, paying close attention to the way Rick’s body responded under him.

Rick winced, but it wasn’t nearly as painful as he imagined. They breathed together, moved together, Negan’s hands finding their way all over Rick’s lower body. And when they finally had a rhythm, Negan started moving faster.

Negan was a nervous wreck, he wondered if Rick was pretending, if Rick was disappointed; he had talked a big game for weeks and now they were in the home stretch. But Rick seemed to be enjoying himself, and he had to trust him. He wondered if Rick felt the same amount of ridiculous, uncontrollable love that was radiating out of Negan’s core in his own. Negan could only hope.

Rick felt like he was submerged underwater. The rushing feeling of the water in his dream was very akin to what he was feeling now inside him. A white hot intensity flowed through his veins and he felt his body shaking beyond his control. Rick felt sweat drip from his forehead, he swung his head down and breathed in as Negan moved inside him. It was everything he had wanted and nothing he expected.

Negan hung on to Rick as though for dear life, bodies moving and shaking and learning. Negan took note of every inch of Rick’s skin, memorizing it so he’d never forget. He wanted to remember the way the moonlight cascaded on his back, the way it filtered into his hair, dripped off his skin. He felt like he could see Rick’s soul; faceted, scarred, and beautiful. He wondered if Rick could see his soul too; dark, forged by rough hands and endlessly empty. He imagined what their souls looked like tonight, joined together for the first time.

Rick couldn’t remember the last time he felt this much pleasure. He couldn’t remember anything, come to think of it; maybe he only ever existed in this moment. That wouldn’t be such a bad realization, he thought. He gasped, a fire burning in between his thighs, and if there wasn’t a ringing in his ears, he thought he might’ve heard himself beg Negan to put it out.

Negan tried to speak and tell Rick he was finishing, but he was at a loss for words. Didn’t Rick say that when they were in the dugout? “Cat got your tongue?” Negan wanted to mutter a “motherfucking Rick Grimes” but he couldn’t. Negan just gasped, hips shaking. Rick didn’t last long after that.

Negan slid his hands off Rick’s body. Rick rolled over as Negan collapsed at his side. They took a few minutes to catch their breath, deep, rough breathing; Rick thought it was what love sounded like, when it was allowed to be raw and real and alone.

Negan leaned over so that his face was hovering above Rick’s. They stared at each other.

“I’m in love with you.” Negan said, his words unsteady. Rick felt a tear fall from Negan’s face onto his own. For some reason it had made Rick emotional too. Rick exhaled the kind of shaky breath that comes before you cry.

“I’m _so_ ,” Negan whispered, “ _so in love with you_.” 

And he sounded scared. Rick felt his body start trembling, he blinked away tears and situated himself so that he and Negan were lying side by side. Rick put his hand on Negan’s chest and leaned into his face, eyes meeting again. They were the same eyes, Rick thought, the same eyes of someone who had lost so much love and never expected to find it again.  

“The crazy thing is,” Rick murmured, a tear trailing down his nose, “is that I find myself in love with you too.”

“Hm.” Negan said, his breath steadying, “You know what that makes us, don’t you?”

“What’s that?” Rick whispered, giving Negan a gentle kiss, his hand caressing Negan’s face, wiping away tears and sweat.

Negan kissed him back, his body warm and melted against Rick’s.

Rick smiled. “ _Mm_? What does it make us?” He asked again.

“ _It makes us_ ,” Negan gave a satisfied sigh, “A couple of very lucky black cats.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL. I sincerely hope you liked this chapter, considering I made you wait over 52,000 words for it. What can I say, I'm a sap.


	19. Out The Window

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh I keep forgetting to mention I made a tumblr dedicated to my regan thirst and I made a little graphic (which is such a throwback for me cause I used to make these all the time in the Hannibal days) that for some reason ISN'T showing up in the tags???? @ God why won't you let me sin   
> So here's the link if you want another regan blog to follow B)   
> https://sinners0prayer.tumblr.com/post/155326829156/lucky-like-a-black-cat-ricknegan-read-on

Negan woke up a few hours later, unaware that he and Rick had fallen asleep. His face was tight from crying, and he stretched his legs and looked at Rick sleeping beside him. Rick’s face looked tired and red, but peaceful. When they were lying there awake, they began to kiss again, tears still spilling. Negan had never experienced that before, and he would have felt embarrassed if he didn’t feel so close to Rick. They must have fallen asleep there, suspended in a haze of sweat and love. He shifted his body closer to Rick’s until he was lying against his chest. Rick stirred and put his arm around Negan, running his hand through Negan’s hair.

“Rick?” Negan whispered.

“The zombies are coming.” Rick whispered back, Negan felt Rick’s fingers on his face.

“What??” Negan asked, flinching when Rick poked him in the eye.

“Shhhhh.” Rick pushed his fingers on Negan’s mouth. “The zombies the zombies. Where’s Negan?”

“Ok-ay.” Negan said, gently pushing Rick’s hand away from his face.

“Where’s Negan!”

“I’m right here dumbass. I’m Negan.”

“Oh…I love you.” Rick said.

Negan didn’t say anything.

“I LOVE YOU.” Rick said, smacking his hand back on Negan’s face, almost waking himself up.

“Ok ok. I love you too.” Negan said, stifling a laugh and dragging Rick’s hand away again.

“Ok. Good. Don’t forget about the zombies.”

“You know I got them.”

Rick muttered something incoherent and fell back asleep. Negan laughed softly to himself and rolled to the edge of the bed.  He stood up and walked over to the large window, leaning against the wall. He looked out to the water and breathed deeply, letting himself know that this was real. He and Rick were real. Their love was real. He closed his eyes and couldn’t help the smile on his face.

Rick opened his eyes and saw Negan standing by the window, his body outlined by moonlight. Rick thought he looked like an old Roman statue.  He leaned up and stretched his arms over his head.

“Hey.” He said.

Negan turned around and smiled. “Hey.”

Rick grinned. “You were right.” He said, and his voice was tired.

“About what?”

“About basking in some serious afterglow.” Rick said.

“Did I say that?” Negan asked.

“Yeah,” Rick yawned, “When we were in your car after the pool.”

“Mmm.” Negan smiled. “Good. I was nervous.”

“ _You_ were nervous?” Rick asked.

“Fucking duh.” Negan said. “You gotta take the car for a test drive off the lot before you know if you wanna buy it. So.”

“Mm.” Rick said, rubbing his eyes. “Where do I sign the lease?”

Negan smiled. “So, you’re a sleep talker huh?”

“What?”

Negan walked over and got back in the bed, he pulled the covers back and got in, pulling them back over him and Rick. He caught Rick in an embrace and they rolled to the edge.

“Yeah, you’re a violent one, too.” Negan murmured.

Rick laughed. “What did I do?”

“You were going on about zombies, too much video games?” Negan asked. “And you smacked me, but you didn’t know what you were doing.”

Rick thought for a moment. “Maybe I remember that. What did you say back?”

“I told you I’d kill the zombies.”

“Well, thank you.” Rick said, and he gave Negan a little kiss.

“And you told me you loved me.”

“No, I remember saying that.” Rick said.

“You said it again.”

“Mm, well if my subconscious says it, it must be true.” Rick murmured. “It’s funny, I’ve never moved this fast in my life.”

“How long were you and Lori dating?” Negan asked.

“We dated for six years then we got married and had Carl.” Rick said.

“You dated for six fucking years!?” Negan gasped, shocked anyone moved that slow.

“Yeah. We were cautious. Why, how long did you date before you got married?”

Negan laughed. “We dated for three months, got engaged, and were married by six.”

“What the hell?”

“Yeah, and it was all her. She wanted me all to herself I guess.” Negan said.

“When did you start trying to have a kid?” Rick asked, and he felt the question would bring up painful memories, but he wanted to know.

“Not until the last two years. She was really young when we got married, she was 25 and I was 40, so she wasn’t interested. Then when she turned 32 we started trying.” Negan sighed. “Maybe it was for the best. Me and her combined would have made a very fucked up kid. I…”

They were quiet for a minute. Rick waited for Negan to speak.

“God damn it.” Negan put his head down on Rick. “She really hated me for it.”

“Did she tell you that?” Rick asked, stroking Negan’s hair.

“No but her parents did, at the funeral.” Negan gave a deep breath.

“Then you don’t know for sure.” Rick said. “Clearly that wasn’t something she wanted you to know. So even if she did, she loved you enough not to hurt you. She probably saw you hurting too.”

“We had shit communication skills. We should have talked about it. We should have talked about a lot of things.” Negan suddenly choked back a sob. “I don’t know what her first memory was.”

Rick put his arms around Negan and hugged him tight.

“I saw her Rick.” Negan whispered. “In the hospital. I swear it was her.”

“I believe you.”

Negan figured he would.

“What did she say?” Rick asked gently.

“She…” Negan breathed a small laugh. “She said I fucked up…she said her and…”

Negan shifted in Rick’s arms.

“Her and Lori.” He said. “They worked too hard for me to fuck it up. And then she asked if I loved you. And then she told me to fix her car.”

Rick wondered how many times he and Negan were going to have emotional conversations. Probably for the rest of their lives. He had been delivered a best friend who understood better than most, hand-picked perhaps.  

“Do you think they really…” Negan began.

“I hope so.” Rick whispered, and he thought about how it would be just like Lori to pair him up with a lonely foul mouthed fucked up school teacher. She would find it hilarious, but she’d know what she was doing. She always did. Most of the time.

He imagined it if it were true. Maybe Lori was there when Lucille passed away, holding her hand out, telling her they had work to do. That a lonesome sheriff’s deputy needed a kick in the ass and maybe she could help. Lucille would smile and roll her eyes; boy did she have the fucking guy. Maybe Lori looked at Negan and went ‘no fucking way’, Lucille would get pissed and tell her that ‘was her fucking husband she was talking about’, and they’d have a fight. Maybe a few months down the line Lucille would get tired of watching Negan wanting to die, and she’d find Lori again. It would turn out Lori was frustrated at Rick’s lack of romantic motivation, and they’d resume their work. And maybe, somehow, Lori’s skeevy neighbor would finally blow up his meth lab, and maybe, somehow, the House For Sale sign outside the neighborhood would catch Negan’s eye on a random drive.

And maybe, somehow, a moving van would move out of the way, and Rick and Negan would make that fate-sealing eye contact.

“I still love her.” Negan said.

“Why wouldn’t you.” Rick said, and it wasn’t a question. “Love is different and meaningful every time. I don’t love you the way I loved Lori, but it’s just as much. I think, anyway. Like I said, I’ve never moved this fast. It scares me a little.”

“You’re making up for lost time.” Negan murmured.

“Hm. Then maybe we shouldn’t waste anymore.” Rick grinned.

Negan smiled and kissed Rick; he situated himself on top of Rick and started to grind into him.

“Hmm.” Rick said, closing his eyes, he pulled away. “I’m going to fall asleep.”

Negan stopped, “What.”

Rick yawned and pushed Negan so that he rolled off of him. “Yeah, I take it back, I’m about to crash.”

Negan gave an exasperated laugh. “You really are a tease Rick Grimes. You know that?”

“You zapped my energy.” Rick said.

“Is my dick that fucking magical you need to take some recovery time?”

Rick gave a tired laugh through his smile, his eyes closed.

“Rick.”

Rick muttered something and was out again. Negan rolled his eyes.

“Jesus fucking Christ. I’m older than you!”

“Two kids.” Rick muttered, half asleep.

“God, get on my fucking level Rick.” Negan muttered, and he sighed, but let Rick slide up next to him and fall asleep against him. Negan smirked.

Rick opened his eyes, it was morning. He blinked and looked at the sleeping man next to him. He smiled and grinned to himself, yeah, serious afterglow. He thought Negan looked like a whole different person when he was asleep, gentle and nonthreatening. Lucille could have the Negan that barked and growled, he’d take this version. Rick couldn’t help himself and ran his fingers through Negan’s hair gently.

“Hmm?” Came Negan’s voice.

“Hey. What time are we picking up?” Rick asked.

“Three.” He mumbled.

“Okay.” Rick got up and walked into the shower. It was small but quaint, he thought, and more than enough. He turned the water on and waited for it to get hot before stepping in. He picked up the small bottles of shampoo and body wash and thought about how the owners leave these for guests; and where they possibly go to buy hotel amenities.

As Rick was deep in thought about what it would be like to run his own cabin, the glass door opened. Rick turned around and Negan stepped inside, squeezing in and closing the door behind him. He flashed his rabbit teeth; Rick smirked, and put the bottles back on the small ledge just as Negan grabbed him into a kiss. Rick’s back was pressed against the tile and he felt like he could stay there for hours. Negan kissed Rick rougher than before, memories of being in a position like this with Lucille floating through his mind. As he kissed Rick, and as the water hit them, he wondered if the two years Rick had to wait for him had been worth it. He figured he’d always feel unsure; Negan had always been very insecure.

Rick grabbed Negan’s hair, and they stood there pressed together into the corner of the small shower. Finally, Rick pulled away.

“Ok,” He said, “We really need to wash up.”

Rick felt Negan’s teeth on his neck, “Ok hotshot. You’re the boss.”

Rick pushed Negan into the other corner and kissed him harder than he had ever kissed anyone. Negan almost slipped.

“That’s right.” Rick breathed, “I’m the daddy.”

Negan burst into laughter and caught Rick just as he was cracking up himself.

“Shut the fuck up.” Negan laughed, holding Rick, who was now doubled over in laughter. “It was sexy as fuck when she’d say it.”

But Rick was practically in tears.

“I just…..” Rick gasped in between laughter. “Can’t….imagine….”

“Fuck you Rick Grimes.” Negan wheezed, and he grabbed the shampoo and poured some over on Rick’s head, running his fingers roughly through his scalp. “There you fucking go.”

Rick pulled away and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m just fascinated is all.” He stuck his head under the water.

Negan smirked, “That’s ‘cause you’re vanilla as fuck. Maybe we’ll change that.”

Rick gave him an unamused look and turned around, but Negan saw the smirk forming on his face.

Rick and Negan walked outside after getting dressed and cleaning up the room. They walked over to the small dock.

“Let’s go swimming.” Negan said.

“We just showered.” Rick reminded him.

“Right.”

“Well, I guess we’re in it now.” Rick said.

“Huh?”

“We’re together. Everyone will know now.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Negan asked, feeling slightly hurt.

“No. Of course not. I’m just a little wary. You never know how people are going to react. I don’t think anyone expected me to…well, it’s not like I’ve ever shared my entire dating history with people.” Rick said.

“They won’t say anything to your face. You’re the fucking golden boy of the community; they’ll just talk behind your back.” Negan said.

“Sometimes that’s worse. I just don’t want Carl to resent me, us, this.”

Negan laughed. “Trust me, that kid might hate you, us, this…but I’m telling you, he hears anyone say shit about you he’s going to punch them out.”

Rick sighed, but it was his life and he was going to live it how he wanted, especially considering the last two years were spent in a haze. If the fog cleared and it was Negan standing there, he wasn’t going to question it.

They drove to the stranger’s house, parking at the curb. They walked up to the front door and knocked.

“Hey,” Negan said when the guy answered, “I’m Negan.”

“Good to meet you,” The man said, “I’m Dale.”

“Dale, great. You got some parts for me?”

“Sure do. Here, I’ll open the garage.” Dale disappeared.

The garage was nice, and there were car parts organized on shelves, a half-worked on Jaguar Mark 2 was sitting in the middle.

Negan whistled. “Nice.”

“Thank you, well, here’s what I can offer you.” Dale said, showing him the Cadillac parts.

“Perfect. It’s just what Lucille needs.”

“Great. Yeah, still looking for parts for ol Irma here.” Dale said, putting a hand on the Jaguar.

“She’s beautiful.” Negan said.

“Yeah. My wife always wanted a Jaguar Mark 2, but she passed away before she could see that dream realized. She was the original Irma.” Dale smiled sadly.

Negan froze.

“That was your wife’s name?”

“Yeah, I guess maybe that can seem disrespectful to some.” Dale shrugged.

Negan didn’t know what to say.

“His wife,” Rick said, speaking up, “her name was Lucille.”

“Oh?” Dale said, looking at Negan surprised, “Well, look at us. Two saps.”

Negan smiled. “Yeah. The Cadillac was hers. She’d be pissed if she knew what I did to her car.”

“She knows, and she’s pissed. Trust me, wives always know.” Dale said.

“Rick lost his wife too, but he didn’t name a car after her, cause he’s not a freak.” Negan grinned.

“I don’t think Lori would want to me to name my Toyota Camry after her.” Rick said. They all laughed.

Negan took out his wallet.

“Wait wait,” Dale said, “Considering the circumstances, I want to help you fix your Lucille, take the parts, no charge.”

“No fucking way!” Negan said, “I want to help you fix Irma. This cash will help, won’t it?”

Dale sighed. “Alright. But I want to see pictures when you get her all fixed.”

“Of course,” Negan said, “And I want to see what this Jaguar looks like when you’re done with her.”

Rick stood there and watched Negan actually make a friend, it was good to see. They said goodbye and began their drive home.

“I’m going to miss that cabin.” Rick said.

“We’ll take the kids there one day.” Negan said, without thinking.

Rick didn’t say anything, he let the words linger in the car and soak into his skin so that he could feel for a moment what it would be like to have that kind of relationship. If Negan was already more than happy to view Rick as a three-part package, maybe it would work after all.

“Yeah.” Rick said with no hesitation. “Maybe in September, before summer ends.”

Negan smiled. “Guess we’ll have to strap Carl to the roof.”

Rick sighed. “Yep.”

They were halfway through their trip, but the traffic was getting so bad that Rick had to put his car in park.

“What the fuck?” Negan said, trying to look out the window at what was happening.

“I’m going to call Carl, tell him we might not get home tonight.” Rick said, taking out his phone and dialing.

“Dad?” Carl’s voice said on the other end.

“Hey Carl. We might not make it home tonight, the traffic is ridiculous and there’s not really an end in sight.” Rick said.

“Ok. That’s fine.” Carl said quickly.

“Really?” Rick asked. “Cause I know you’re not really happy with everything.”

“It’s fine.” Carl said. “So you’re going to, like, stay at another hotel or something?”

“Yeah probably, I don’t really feel like sitting here, you know how I hate that.” Rick said.

“Mmhmm. Ok. Well, have fun with that.”

“How’s Judith?”

“She’s good.”

“Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks Carl, I owe you one.” Rick said.

“Yeah.” Carl said, and Rick could feel his eye roll.

“Tell the kid I say hi.” Negan said.

“Negan says hi.” Rick said.

“Whatever.” Carl replied.

Rick smiled, “Ok, see you tomorrow.”

“Bye.”

“Well, that was easy.” Rick said, looking at the traffic ahead.

“Well duh, he’s probably enjoying all that alone time with Enid.”

Rick gripped the steering wheel. “Carl wouldn’t do that; he’d feel too weird about Judith being around.”

Negan laughed. “Either way, I’m sure he’s living it up.”

They sat in traffic for another hour, inching forward slowly, Rick trying to find an exit. Suddenly the traffic started moving. They cheered.

“Oh darn, looks like we won’t be spending another night alone.” Negan said.

“Looks like it.” Rick smirked.

“Well, you already told Carl we’d be staying at a hotel, maybe…”

“No, no.” Rick said, interrupting Negan’s very tempting train of thought. “I don’t want to make Carl take care of Judith for too long. She’ll start ruling the roost.”

Negan sighed. “Alright. That’s fine. I’ve been panicking this whole time that I might have forgotten to turn off the stove.”

“Carl would have called if your house burned down.” Rick said.

“Would he have, though?” Negan asked.

Rick smiled. “Hopefully.”

At around one in the morning Rick and Negan pulled into their neighborhood. Rick could hear muffled music coming from down the street.

“What. The. Fuck.” Rick said when they turned down their street. There were cars parked outside Rick and Negan’s houses, and music was coming from inside Rick’s.

Negan didn’t say anything, like he was holding his breath for Carl’s sake. Rick had to park down the street. Negan watched Rick get out of the car, slam the door shut, and start marching up to his house. The kid was having a full blown house party, and Negan didn’t know whether to laugh or get pissed as well. He followed Rick.

Rick stepped onto his porch, there were a few kids sitting on the chairs making out. Rick didn’t say anything, and they didn’t notice his presence; he practically ripped the front door down and walked inside.

The party wasn’t as crazy as it could be, furniture wasn’t broken, there wasn’t glass anywhere, but it was still a party. Rick noticed a small variety of booze on the kitchen counter. He took a deep breath and looked around for Carl.

Negan was still making his way up the front lawn.

“Sophia!” He yelled when he realized one of the kids on the porch was her. She was kissing a girl, and looked mortified when she broke free and saw her gym teacher standing there.

“Wha---What are you doing here?!” She cried.

“Sophia what the fuck is happening here?!” Negan yelled. The other kids all jumped.

“Is that your dad?” The girl asked, establishing herself clearly as someone Sophia didn’t know all that well.

“No!” She cried.

“You are in SO MUCH TROUBLE.” Negan said, “Get over here.”

“Mr. Negan-

“NOW.”

“ _MR. NEGAN-_

“Sophia. I’m not asking again.”

Sophia gave an embarrassed groan and got off the chair and walked over. Negan put a hand on her shoulder and pushed her inside the house.

“Mr. Negan I can explain-

“Shut. Up.”

Negan looked around and saw everything that Rick had seen thirty seconds earlier. Kids were starting to catch the drift that the party was being busted. Negan watched a few stoner-looking kids box up the booze and run out the door. He rolled his eyes and led Sophia through the house until they found Rick.

Rick found Carl outside on the deck.  There were kids dancing in the pit from the pool, holding red solo cups and laughing. Carl was sitting on the ledge of the deck, making out with Enid.

“ _CARL_.” Rick growled just as Negan and Sophia joined them.

Carl jumped. “DAD?!”

“Yeah, hi, enjoying yourself?” Rick asked.

One of the kids in the pit seemed aware that adults had joined the party, and he got everyone in the pit to start panicking, trying to crawl out. Rick ignored them.

Enid looked wide eyed, and she looked from Rick to Negan.

“ _What the fuck is happening here_?” Rick asked.

“Dad – it’s just a party.” Carl started to plead.

“Where the fuck is Judith!?” Rick screamed, suddenly realizing.

“Dad chill out, she’s at Maggie’s.”

“You dumped her at Maggie’s so you could throw a party?!” Rick cried.

“You dumped her at Maggie’s so you could spend time with him!” Carl yelled, pointing an accusatory finger at Negan like it was somehow all his fault.

“That’s different.” Rick said, “I’m with Judith 24/7, I ask you to take time out of your social life to watch her and this is what you do??”

Sophia tried to tiptoe backwards out of the situation, but Negan put a hand on her shoulder and held her there. She gave a nervous groan.

The house and backyard were quickly emptying as word had spread.

“Sophia, give me your phone.” Negan said.

“What? No!”

“GIVE. _IT_.” He growled. She handed it over. Negan found Carol’s number and started calling her.

“Mr. Negan,” She pleaded, “Please don’t.”

“I’m not,” He said, handing the phone to Rick, “He is.”

Rick took the phone and waited for Carol to pick up. Once she picked up, he told her to walk outside her house and come down the street and meet them in the backyard. She didn’t know what he was talking about, but said she’d be over.

“Mr. Grimes I-

“Go over there.” Rick said, gesturing for her to stand with Carl and Enid.

“Oh my god…” Sophia mumbled, she walked over to her friends.

Negan had never seen Rick looked so pissed. It scared him a little.

“You are beyond grounded.” Rick said, looking at Carl.

“For how long?!” Carl asked.

“Indefinitely.” Rick growled. “No video games, no friends, _no driving permit_ , no Enid…”

If Enid was disappointed, she didn’t show it. She looked like she wanted to bail and leave Carl high and dry. Rick didn’t blame her.

“What about baseball?!” Carl protested.

“Oh you’ll still play baseball.” Rick said. “I’m not going to let you sit on your ass. Negan can come up with some ways to keep you moving. I’m sure Abraham knows some great workouts from the military.”

Carl looked at Rick with fire in his eyes, but didn’t fight back. Just then, Carol burst through the door.

“What the fuck is happening here?” She asked, having seen the tornado of solo cups and pizza that was now decorating Rick’s house.

“ _Mom_.” Sophia started.

“Don’t. Start. With me.” Carol said. “Rick-

“Carl decided to throw a party while we were gone.” Rick said, folding his arms. “And I get the feeling Sophia was his partner in crime.”

Sophia looked like she wanted to die.

“SOPHIA!” Carol yelled.

“Mom, I’m SORRY.” Sophia said.

“You’re coming with me. NOW.” Carol looked at Rick, “We’ll talk later.”

Rick nodded and let Carol lead Sophia away. He turned back to Carl and Enid.

“Enid,” Rick said, “Can you go so I can talk to Carl alone?”

Enid looked at Carl sympathetically, but still got out of there faster than lightning.

“Carl. Seriously.” Rick said.

“I thought you wanted to talk to me alone?” Carl said, glaring at Negan.

“This is what I meant.” Rick said.

“Don’t be mad at me kid. I didn’t tell you to throw a party.” Negan interjected.

“Is this because of Negan?” Rick asked.

“N-no!” Carl said. “It’s not!”

Rick put his hand to his brow, “Carl. You’ve really disappointed me.”

He turned around and walked back through the house to pick up Judith, leaving Negan and Carl standing there awkwardly.

“Ouch, kid. Hearing that never gets easier. Just so you know.” Negan said.

“Do you ever shut up?” Carl grumbled, and he brushed past Negan.

“Kid-

But Carl was already in the house, and he returned outside with a trash bag.

“Good idea.” Negan said. Carl ignored him and walked down to the pit. He started picking up all the trash in the backyard.

Negan sighed and walked inside; he found the trash bags and took one for himself. He began to clean up the cups and pizza boxes, shoving it in the trash bag. He walked upstairs, afraid of what he might find, but there was nothing up there. Carl must have had at least laid _some_ ground rules.

Carl came inside and saw Negan walking down the steps.

“No one was up there.” Carl said quickly.

“Yeah I got that.” Negan said.

“You don’t have to help.” Carl said, eyeing the full trash bag in Negan’s hand.

“Relax, kid. I’ve been in your shoes. Cleaning up a party by yourself isn’t fun. Then again, the ragers I threw were insane compared to this little get together.”

“You threw parties?” Carl asked.

“Fucking duh. Don’t get why you’re surprised. I was bad. Really bad, actually.”

Carl sighed. “It’s just…I don’t think my dad’s ever done anything rebellious in his life.”

“So your mom was the rebel, huh?” Negan asked.

“Yeah. From what I know, anyway.” Carl said. And Negan finally understood why Rick was so adamant about he and Carl’s differences. “What happened after you threw a party?”

“When? The first time or the seventh time?” Negan asked. “I got my ass fucking handed to me. You’re getting off easy.”

“He’ll never trust me again.” Carl muttered.

“Yeah he will, if you act mature.” Negan said, but he knew teenagers, and he knew Carl wouldn’t behave forever. Eventually the effects of tonight would wear off, and Carl would go back to being stupid.

Carl sighed again and showed Negan where the outside trash cans were. They heaved the trash in and sat on the porch, waiting for Rick.

“What did you tell Maggie anyway?” Negan asked.

Carl put his head back and closed his eyes. “I told her Dad told me to ask her to babysit, since he didn’t want me watching her for so long. And she believed me.”

Negan gave a sympathetic whistle.

Rick was walking back up the lawn, empty handed.

“Where’s Judith?” Carl asked.

“She’s fast asleep,” Rick said, “So I didn’t want to wake her up to come back to this mess.”

“We cleaned it up.” Carl said.

“We?” Rick asked, looking at Negan.

“Sorry _dad_ ,” Negan said, giving a small smile, “Bad kids stick together.”

Carl didn’t say anything; he got up and walked back into the house, presumably going to his room.

Rick gave a deep breath and took the seat Carl had been occupying.

“God…” He said.

“Take it easy, Rick, I did way worse shit.” Negan said.

“That isn’t comforting.” Rick said.

“My point is, I turned out fine.”

“This still isn’t comforting.”

Negan smirked. “Well, I’m going to head home. I figure the last thing Carl needs is me staying over.”

“Oh?” Rick said, his mood improving, “I don’t remember inviting you to stay.”

Negan laughed, “Well…” But Rick could tell he was a little embarrassed.

“You’re right.” Rick said. “You stay over and we’ll find Carl escaped through his bedroom window.”

Negan gave Rick a goodnight kiss. “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow. Good luck.”

Negan stepped off the porch and headed back to his house. Rick watched him slide a hand across Lucille on his way up to the door. He got up and went back inside. Carl was already in his room, but the house was clean, and that was all Rick cared about. He locked up the house and went to his bedroom, wondering what the hell happened to Carl’s judgment. But then he remembered.

It escaped out the window. Just like his dad’s.


	20. Out On Me

Tensions were high in the Grimes household over the next few days. One early afternoon Judith found herself once more on a blanket on Negan’s lawn as Rick and the newly formed gang were working on Lucille. Carl walked over; he and Rick had discussed the other night many times over the last 48 hours, and while Rick was still pissed, he wasn’t going to make things worse by shutting Carl out.

“Hey kid.” Negan said. “Come here, I’ll show you around an engine.” He looked at Rick, who seemed appreciative that he was trying to teach Carl something. Carl walked over to Negan and looked at the engine in silence, he hadn’t talked much since the party, Rick figured he’d tuck his tail out from under his legs soon enough. But he was glad Carl at least felt awful about his actions.

“Take this and turn it clockwise.” Negan said, handing Carl a wrench and explaining a few details. Carl took it and did as he said. “Good job kid.”

Negan left Carl to tweak some things for him and stood by Rick, inspecting the car’s progress.

Rosita was under the car while Eugene was sitting on the ground giving the replacement mirror another shine. Abraham had just returned from grabbing some items from his own garage, he looked at Rick and Negan.

“So,” Abraham said, his voice almost nervous, “…Are you two really pouring bisquick?”

Negan slapped a hand on Rick’s shoulder, leaned back far, and started cackling like a hyena. Rick had never heard him laugh that hard before, and unlike his charismatic counterpart, Rick’s face had turned beet red.

“It’s just; we couldn’t really tell if y’all were serious.” Abraham said. “And we kinda got money on this now.”

Negan was now leaning forward, wheezing. Rick made eye contact with Carl, who quickly put his head back into the engine, wanting no part of this conversation, or universe.

“FUCK.” Negan wheezed, “Oh yeah. Me and Ricky are mixing the bisquick. Or…what did you say? Pouring? I guess any word works.”

“Rick?” Abraham asked.

“Yeah. We are. But I mean…I wouldn’t put it like that.” Rick said.

Negan burst into laughter again and fell to the ground, unable to contain himself. “WHY NOT?! _RICK._ WE’RE POURING BISQUICK.”

Rick cleared his throat. “Get up. Or we won’t be mixing anything anytime soon.”

Negan got up and wiped tears from his eyes. “Abe – you are one hilarious motherfucker.”

Rosita rolled out from under the car. “You’re really serious?”

“Yeah.” Rick said. “Really. We’re dating.”

Eugene didn’t say anything, but he gave a shocked look, Rick thought he heard him mumble something about ‘those two owing him some money’.

“I mean,” Abraham said, “I just didn’t think you swung that way.”

“Well…” Rick began.

“It’s not a big deal.” Carl said, suddenly appearing from his hiding spot in Lucille.

“Oh, of course not.” Abraham said. “I’m sure you’re just as surprised as us though.”

Carl looked at Rick. “I mean. Yeah. But who cares. You can’t help who you fall in love with.”

And Rick suddenly felt like this was Carl’s way of waving the white flag, or extending the olive branch, or any combination of the two.

“Geez,” Rosita said, “I guess there’s something about Negan I’m missing.”

Negan stepped over to Rosita, who was lying on her back on her creeper, the skateboard type of device that mechanics use to get under cars. He leaned over and looked at her.

“Ouch.” He grinned. “Like you, I’m more than just a pretty face with a bad attitude.”

She squinted her eyes at him. “Just try not to be a sack of shit to him.”

“DAMN!” Negan said right in her face. “Is every woman in this neighborhood a certified badass?”

Rick sighed. “Don’t worry Rosita. He’s more genuine than you think. He just doesn’t want anyone to know it. For some reason.”

“Defense mechanism.” Eugene said, speaking for the first time. “Insecure people do that.”

“Whoa whoa, when did this become a fucking therapy session?” Negan asked.

Rosita gave a dry laugh and rolled back under the car.

“Hey,” Carl said, “Practice is starting soon.”

“Oh shit!” Negan said, “You’re right.”

Carl looked at Rick. “Do you need to drive us?”

“No ride needed.” Negan said. “Beth’s picking us up.” And Beth pulled up alongside the house right on cue.

“Bye hotshot.” Negan said, giving a dangerous grin and kissing Rick on the cheek.

“Bye.” Rick smiled.

Carl didn’t groan like he usually did, he just turned around and got into the backseat of Beth’s car.  Negan got into the passenger seat.

“Hey.” He said, greeting Beth.

“You and Rick are so cute.” Beth said.

“Yeah I know. It sickens me sometimes.” Negan said. “Carl knows the feeling, I’m sure.”

“Accurate.” Carl mumbled from the back, but Negan could sense Carl’s tone was becoming more along the lines of bantering than arguing.

“The trio is getting really far on Lucille.” Beth said.

“Hell yeah, Carl helped a little too.” Negan said.

“Not really.” Carl said.

“Well I think you’ve earned a chance to take her for a spin when she’s all fixed up.” Negan said.

Carl gave a confused look that neither Beth nor Negan could see. “What? You’re not serious.”

“Why wouldn’t I be serious?” Negan asked.

“Cause she’s like, a really nice car. And like…she’s like your wife. Dad will barely let me drive the Camry.”

Negan laughed. “Here’s the thing I need you to start getting, kid. I’m the cool one.”

“What?” Carl asked, his words a little bitter. “Parent?”

“What? Shit no.” But Negan sounded a little caught off guard.

“Guys, we should really be discussing the championships. They’re only a month away and we only have a few more games till we get there.” Beth said, figuring now was a good time to interrupt.

“Don’t worry,” Negan said, “We’re gonna bash the brains in all of those fuckos, they won’t know what hit ‘em.”

They pulled up to the school; Carl unbuckled his seatbelt fast and dashed out of the car to meet up with Enid. Who he was forbidden to see for the indefinite future, but not at baseball practice.

“God I really hope they don’t go in the dugout.” Negan muttered.

Beth laughed, “What?”

“Nothing.” Negan said, “So how are things with Daryl?”

“Uh good.” Beth smiled. “Really good. He’s got that new job now, so he’s making a lot more money. He’s happy.”

“You seem a little down.”

“It would have been fun to see him around the school, is all.” Beth said. “But this is a good thing, I know it is. Plus now I have you. So I’m not totally alone.”

Negan felt that painful feeling in his heart when he knew it was about to grow three sizes like the fucking Grinch.

“No.” Negan said. “You’re not. But you would have been fine if you were. You’re strong. You know that right?”

Beth smiled, “Considering you’ve made it a habit of reminding me, yeah, I know.”

“Alright, let’s go kick some ass.”

“Wait.” Beth said.

“What?”

“I need you to know something about yourself too.”

“And what’s that?” Negan asked.

“That no matter what anyone says, you belong here. With us.” Beth said.

Negan felt his eyebrow twitch. “Jesus kiddo are you trying to make me fuckin’ cry? Goddamn.”

Negan stepped out of the car and shut the door.

* * *

“So Negan’s a real genuine guy, huh?” Abraham asked as they were finishing up for the day.

“Yeah.” Rick said. “I know it’s hard to believe. But because of everything we’ve been through, we just work. Really well.”

At this point word about Lucille had spread to pretty much everyone, there wasn’t much secret keeping happening anymore.

“Hey that’s great. I’m happy for you.” Abraham said, giving Rick a pat on the back.

Rosita tossed a rag into the open garage where they were keeping all their stuff. “So am I. Really.”

Rick smiled. “Thanks. And thanks for helping us with this. I know it means a lot to him.”

Rosita put her hands on her hips and sighed. “Yeah, well. It’s no problem.”

Rick picked up Judith and walked inside Negan’s house through the garage. He hadn’t spent much time in Negan’s house, and he set Judith down on the couch to sleep. Rick walked into the kitchen and noticed a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. He rolled his eyes and went to start up the dishwasher when he realized Negan didn’t have any detergent and was probably washing them by hand this whole time. Rick took a few minutes to wash the dishes himself and find where they went.

He dried his hands and started walking through the house, coming across all the picture frames that were scattered about. He gave a silent laugh when he saw one of Negan as a young kid. He looked to his right and saw a photo he had never seen before. It was Negan and Lucille’s wedding photo. She was wearing a very traditional wedding dress, and based on what he had gathered of Lucille, her choice surprised him. Negan was wearing a white tuxedo, and it looked really good on him, Rick thought. They looked happy, and Rick couldn’t help but smile when he saw Negan’s same old rabbit toothed grin smiling at him from ten years in the past.

Rick looked down and saw a photo album peeking out from the bottom shelf of the table the picture frames were resting on. He kneeled down and pulled it out. It was full of photos from the wedding. Rick sat on the floor and started looking through it.

The entire day had been documented. Lucille was in her dressing room, looking pissed but amused, a drink in her hand. There was a picture of a bunch of bridesmaids shoving Negan out of the door; he must have been trying to sneak a peek of the bride. There were pictures of the ceremony, but no tears from either bride or groom. Rick grinned when he came across a picture of Lucille and Negan shoving cake in each other’s faces, it reminded him of his own wedding photos.

Rick flipped the page and felt something tug at his heart. There was a picture of Lucille and Negan sitting on the floor of the dark reception hall, legs spread out, backs against the wall, both of them with their eyes closed and shoes off. They were leaning against each other, and Rick took notice of how it was the same sleeping Negan he had laid claim to the other night. But Lucille must have looked at this photo a thousand times, and he was hers, forever and always.

“Thanks for sharing him with me.” Rick said quietly.

Rick closed the photo album and put it back where he found it. He stood up and continued his tour through Negan’s house. It was pretty bare, he thought, but it made sense. He walked up the stairs and looked in Negan’s bedroom. There were clothes lying on the floor and the bed wasn’t made. It all seemed so temporary, as though maybe Negan was afraid to make himself too comfortable.

Rick walked down to the basement and noticed that it seemed as brand new as it did when they had finished. There was a projector hanging from the ceiling, a makeshift movie theater. Rick wondered if Negan had spent any time down here, or why he had bothered to buy a house that needed fixing to begin with. Maybe he needed something to fix, and a reason to stay put.

* * *

Negan was standing on the pitcher’s mound, and he ducked out of the way just as a baseball went whizzing towards his head.

“JESUS CHRIST LIZZIE. You join the team late in the game and you’re trying to take out the coach.”

“SORRY!!” Lizzie shouted.

“Cold blooded killer.” Negan muttered.

Sophia was laughing from the third base.

“Where did you find this girl?” He called to her.

“Rival high school.” Sophia grinned.

Lizzie ran awkwardly to first base, shouting sorrys with each step.

“Don’t I know you?” Negan asked, turning around to face her.

“Uh. Sort of.” Lizzie looked awkwardly over at Sophia, who had made it back to home plate.

Negan turned to Sophia.

“She’s from the other night.” Sophia said, looking embarrassed.

“Oh right,” Negan said, “When all of y’all were using Rick Grimes’ house like your fucking personal party palace.”

“Hey Negan!” Beth called from the dugout. “Uniforms are here!”

“Great.” Negan called back. He ordered everyone to head to the dugout and get their uniforms. After a small pep talk about the upcoming games, everyone had dispersed and were waiting for rides or leaving in their own cars. Negan watched as Enid and Carl walked behind the bleachers. He sighed and looked at Beth.

“I guess we should let them hang out for a little bit.” He said as the sun was starting to lower in the sky.

Beth laughed. “Yeah, not really sure if you’re exactly allowed to tell him what to do.”

Negan smirked and started helping Beth put away equipment. Negan finally gave a whistle towards the bleachers and Carl appeared.

“Ready to go?” Negan asked.

“Yeah.” Carl said, walking past him towards Beth’s car.

They arrived back in the neighborhood, and Carl and Negan said goodbye to Beth. Negan followed Carl into Rick’s house.

Carl looked at him suspiciously.

Negan huffed a laugh. “I let you sneak off with your makeout partner I think you can let me inside to see mine.”

Carl rolled his eyes and looked around. “Huh. Dad?” He called, there was no response.

“I guess they’re over at my place.” Negan said. “Do…you want to come over?”

“Uh, sure.” Carl said, and he followed Negan across the street.

“Rick?” Negan called when they got inside his house.

“Right here.” Rick said, and they followed his voice into the living room.

“Making yourself at home?” Negan asked when he saw Rick and Judith on his couch. He walked over and gave Judith a kiss on her head when she said hi to him.

Rick smiled. “How come you didn’t tell me you made a home movie theater in your basement?”

“Oh shi-shoot, yeah, well, I don’t know, I kind of forgot about it. Didn’t realize I’d be spending so much time above ground.”

“You have a home theater?” Carl asked.

“Hell yeah I do and it’s pretty freaking sweet. You like movies about people getting revenge?”

“Uh I guess.”

Negan walked over to a bookshelf and picked up a cd case. “John Wick 2, you interested?”

“Uh, _yeah_ , but that doesn’t come out for months.”

Negan smirked. “It’s about who you know.”

“Who the hell do you _know_?” Rick asked.

“This guy named Gareth.” Negan said. “He used to hook up me and Lucille with all the good movies. He’ll send me stuff on occasion. I was looking forward to this one.”

“Is it good quality?” Carl asked, skeptically.

“Of course it freaking is! What do you say, movie night?” Negan asked, spinning the case in his hand.

“Dad can we?” Carl asked.

Rick blinked, shocked that Negan had managed to come up with a way to get Carl to actually want to hang around them.

“Uh, yeah, I saw the first one right?”

“Yeah remember? His dog gets killed. You were sad.” Carl reminded him. “We almost got a dog cause of it.”

Negan laughed.

“Right.” Rick said, “Sounds good. Judith is just about to go to bed, does the spare bedroom work?”

“Of course.” Negan grinned.

Rick smiled and took Judith upstairs. He let her know that they were having a sleepover at Negan’s and she was more than happy to do her part by sleeping in the spare bed. He walked down and saw Negan and Carl in the kitchen. He hung back.

“Can we get extra toppings?” Carl asked as they peered over a menu.

“Sure fucking thing, kid.” Negan said. “What does your dad like?”

“Plain, so we need to get a separate pie for him.”

“God your dad is so boring.” Negan said, giving that goofy laugh. Rick smiled and watched as Carl laughed along.

“Oh, and fries.” Carl said as Negan was dialing. Rick joined them.

“Ordering food?” Rick asked.

“Yeah, I hear you’re even more boring than I thought you were.” Negan said, giving his infamous rabbit toothed grin.

“Cheese pizza is classic, you don’t mess with classic.” Rick said.

“Oh so that’s you, huh? The classic model.” Negan grinned, then started talking to the person on the other line.

Carl rolled his eyes. “Which door is the basement? You can get me when the food comes.”

Negan laughed and pointed to the door straight ahead. Carl walked down and closed the door behind him.

When he got off the phone Negan turned around and caught Rick giving him an odd look.

“What’s that for?” Negan asked.

“It’s just…really nice to see you two getting along.” Rick smiled.

“What did I tell you? No one can resist my charm for too long. Not even moody teenagers.”

“Makes me feel weak for falling for it so fast.”

“Nah. You just know what you wanted and didn’t want to play games.” Negan grinned.

“Sure. We’ll go with that.” Rick smirked, and Negan grabbed his hands and pulled him into a kiss. They hung upstairs waiting for the delivery guy.

“So, you sleeping over tonight then?” Negan asked after a while.

“That was my plan.” Rick murmured.

“Hot diggity _dog_.” Negan whispered, emphasizing his words with his usual hip thrust that always made Rick roll his eyes. “You’ll have to excuse the state of my bedroom though.”

“I might have already taken a peek.”

“You motherfucker.” Negan grinned, leaning in and kissing him slowly. “You know, one of these days when we’re here alone, we can recreate our first little movie date.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, except maybe it’ll be _your_ hand wrapped around _my_ -

Just then the doorbell rang, and Negan and Rick were both starting to believe they were in the goddamn Twilight Zone where no matter where they were or what time it was, someone was interrupting them. But Negan had called for delivery, so it was all his fault.

Downstairs Carl sat on an armchair while Rick and Negan sat next to each other on the couch. Carl seemed displeased when Negan put his arm around the couch, over Rick, but he didn’t object verbally, so that was progress in Rick’s eyes. And Negan was right, the quality was good for an illegal bootleg, and he tried not to think about the people Negan kept in his company too much. Someone who was providing Negan with illegal tapes might be into other business practices. Like drug dealing or cannibalism. Okay, maybe not the last one, but it didn’t sit well with him. Old law abiding habits die hard.

Rick found his conscience caring less and less about the way in which Negan acquired the movie when he saw it was becoming a real bonding point between him and Carl. And it was sweet, he thought, the way they both cheered when Keanu Reeves shot another dude in the head.

After the movie Rick and Negan walked Carl out; he wasn’t keen on staying over with them when his own house was 50 feet away.

“Thanks.” Carl said before he left. “It was awesome.”

“No problem kid, maybe we can watch another one down there, God knows I’m not using that space a lot.”

“Yeah that would be cool.” Carl said, and he gave Rick a look that pretty much solidified their truce. “I’ll see you tomorrow, bye Dad.”

“Bye Carl, make sure you lock the door.” Rick said.

Negan closed the door behind Carl and turned around. Rick stretched his arms over his head and yawned.

“Oh _fuck_ no, _no no no no no_.” Negan said, jabbing at Rick’s sides. “You are not fucking falling asleep on me.”

Rick laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ve just been sitting for two hours, gotta stretch.”

“I saw that little motherfucking yawn you just did hotshot.” Negan said.

“That’s actually what they call a reflex.”

Suddenly Negan grabbed Rick and hoisted him over his shoulder.

“Holy shi-

He started taking him up the stairs.

“ _Negan_.” Rick hissed. “What the fuck.”

“I’m getting tired of your smart little mouth, Rick Grimes.”

“Oh really?” Rick hissed. “What are you gonna do about it?”

Negan took Rick into his bedroom and let him fall onto his back on the bed. Rick let out a little groan.

“I’m too old for that.” He muttered, he looked as Negan loomed over him, giving him a dangerous look. “What’s that look for? Are we finally gonna _wrastle_?”

Negan gave a crooked smile and slid his tongue in between his teeth. “Gee Rick, I’d love nothing more.”

Rick propped himself up on his elbows and scooted back as Negan moved towards him.

“Oh, _my boyfriend’s nerv-ous.”_ Negan said in a voice that made Rick lose his breath. Negan would never know it, but he had finally figured out how Lucille was able to make something sound so dangerous but so sexy at the same time.

Rick pulled his shirt over his head so that he could find a moment to regain his confidence. It didn’t exactly work. Negan leaned down to kiss him hard, and Rick grabbed at his sides and pulled his shirt over his head. They tossed the rest of their clothing on the floor amongst Negan’s laundry. Rick sat up on his knees and climbed on top of Negan before he could toss him into any pillows. He leaned his face down and kissed Negan, whose hands were running across his back, making Rick shiver. He didn’t know when he’d be able to think clearly with Negan, but it wasn’t going to be tonight.

“ _When are you going to fuck me, Rick_?” Negan asked in a raspy whisper.

Rick balanced himself over Negan’s lap, realizing that he had the upper hand in whatever aggressive little game they were playing.

“ _When I goddamn feel like it_.” Rick hissed, and he felt Negan’s hands on his ass as he kissed him, bodies grinding close.

“ _You’re in a mood_.” Negan smirked, but Rick grinding on his cock was his number one fantasy, so he technically wasn’t mad about it.

“ _I’m stressed_.”

“Then please,” Negan began, “ _Take it out on me_ _hotshot_.”

Rick grinned and grabbed Negan’s face in his hands and kissed him. He slid his hands down to Negan’s shoulders and began to suck at his neck with the intention of leaving a very large and obvious bruise. But that was what Negan’s red bandana was for. Rick leaned over to Negan’s nightstand and opened it, finding what they needed to continue.

“How much fucking lube do you keep?” Rick asked in between their banter, because he was genuinely impressed at Negan’s inventory.

“Gotta be prepared.” Negan grinned. “Never know when a sheriff’s deputy is gonna dom you.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “Is that what’s going on here?”

“Careful. I might just call you daddy.” And Negan couldn’t help but give that cute goofy laugh in between his words. Rick leaned his head down and laughed.

“Stop stop, we have a mood here.” Rick said.

“Mm, yes, please, keep going. I’m excited.” And once Rick saw that terrible rabbit toothed grin, it was over for Negan.

Negan grabbed Rick’s ass again so that he could get inside, but he couldn’t help but give a snort.

“I thought it’d be the other way around tonight hotshot.”

Rick arched his back and thrusted down on Negan’s cock, giving a sharp exhale. He leaned his face forward into Negan’s ear.

“ _I think I can fuck you from right here_.” He breathed.

“ _Fuck_.” Negan hissed, breathing hard as Rick took him for all he had.

Their banter dissolved into a focused silence; Rick ran his hands through the top of Negan’s hair, keeping his arms outstretched as he rocked his body on top of Negan’s. He slid his hands down to Negan’s shoulders, clawing at them with his fingernails when he felt Negan doing the same to his ass.

Negan let out a shaky breath. “I’m gonna-

“ _No_.” Rick said. “Not until I say.”

Negan drew in a breath and closed his eyes, “ _Fuck_.”

Rick felt his body giving out soon, “Ok,” he whispered. “Now.”

Negan felt his entire body shake, and Rick gasped when he felt Negan’s hand suddenly around his cock. Rick swung his head back and came onto Negan’s torso, which clearly seemed to be the man’s intention.

They breathed heavily for a minute, waiting for their body spasms to stop and for them to regain control of their whos, whats, whens, and wheres. Negan slid a few fingers across his stomach and put them in his mouth. He laughed when he saw the look on Rick’s face.

“What? _I love it._ ” Negan whispered, his voice raspy again.

And even after everything, Rick’s body found a way to shudder.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u liked this :3c   
> theres still a lot to come so i hope ur all interested in being here for the lonnngggggg haulllllll hahahaha


	21. Cherry Ice

Rick felt his forehead fall against Negan’s, and they breathed together for another while before either of them said anything.

Negan grinned, “Damn. Where did that come from?”

Rick smirked. “Still think I’m boring as fuck?”

“Shit. No. No.” Negan said in an astonished voice.

“Good.”

“If this is what happens when I call you boring, I can’t wait to see what you do to me when I call you chicken.”

“You’re not ready for that.” Rick murmured.

“Damn Rick, wake me up in 20 minutes and I’ll be ready as fuck.”

“We should shower.” Rick said, and it wasn’t so much a suggestion as it was a demand.

“Well, yeah, that would probably be for the best.” Negan said, giving a laugh and getting up once Rick got off him. Rick followed Negan into the shower.

“This is becoming one of my favorite parts of our routine.” Rick said, sliding the door to the shower shut.

“And we have more room in here than that cabin.” Negan grinned, turning the water on.

Since they were a lot messier this time (primarily Negan), they didn’t say much as they showered. Negan gave him another dangerous look.

“What?” Rick asked, wondering if Negan was going to try to go for round two already.

“Nothing.” Negan said, “Don’t worry about it.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “Tell me.”

“Just thinking about our second date.”

“Our second date?”

“In the dugout.” Negan said, and even though they had already fucked each other’s brains out, Rick still felt his face flush.

“I’m just saying,” Negan said, “It’s really taken control of my fantasies. I can’t sleep.”

Rick felt another eye roll coming on.

“Okay fine,” Rick said, “Is now good?”

Negan look flustered. “Fuck uh, I mean-

Rick stuck a finger in his face. “Cause I’m not swallowing that shit, so since we’re in a place with a drain, now is a good time.”

“Shit.” Negan said. “Uh-

But Rick was already getting on his knees. Negan felt the wind get knocked out of him and he clawed his fingers in Rick’s hair. He couldn’t help but thrust his hips when Rick was getting close, and he almost slipped and fell when he finished in Rick’s mouth.

Rick hacked on the floor, but Negan had fallen against the tile wall, breathing hard, his head lost in space to notice Rick spitting on the ground next to him.

“Too much?” Negan said breathlessly, sliding down to the floor.

“I’m surprised you can’t have kids.” Rick muttered, and he thought it might hit something in Negan, but he just grinned like a fool. “Don’t have a taste for it, unlike you.”

Negan grinned again, his chest heaving up and down, “Lucille didn’t like it either. Maybe I’m just poison.”

“It’s worth it to see that stupid rabbit toothed grin of yours.” Rick said, sitting up on his knees.

“Rabbit teeth? You saying I have big teeth Rick?” Negan scoffed.

“Yes. Because you do.” Rick said, sliding over to Negan so that their faces hung a few inches apart. “And you better be thankful for them, because way back when they helped your case.”

“Mmm, there’s a conversation for my dentist. Hey doc, my teeth seduced my neighbor. He sucked my cock and everything. Be careful when you clean them.” Negan mused.

Rick leaned forward and gave him a kiss, and suddenly they were kissing tenderly on the shower floor.

“God I really love you.” Rick said, and he was glad he was able to say it first this time.

“So we _do_ have a shot?” Negan asked. “Cause I’ll be real, Eugene wasn’t far off when he said I was insecure.”

“I’ve never been more confident.” Rick said.

“Cause maybe you’re just enjoying the sex and it’s clouding your brain.” Negan said.

“No. I loved you before that.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, after our first date when we were sitting by the lake.” Rick said. “I thought I was an idiot for falling in love with someone I had only known for a little while.”

“Shit.” Negan said. “I was thinking the same goddamn thing.”

Rick kissed him again, “I’m so glad you’re in my life.”

Negan put his head down. “Rick, I just need you to know, I’ve never been in a relationship like this. Me and Lucille didn’t do this touchy feely shit. Maybe once in a blue moon. It scares me that I’m going to just end up ruining you.”

Rick ran his fingers through Negan’s hair. “Why does no one think it could be me that ruins you?”

“Because you’re just too goddamn good.” Negan said.

Rick frowned. “Look, this scares me too. But let’s have a little faith in ‘us’ okay?”

Negan nodded, and they got up and went back to bed. Rick wrapped his arms around Negan’s back.

“Lucille loved being the big fucking spoon.” Negan whispered. “Wrapped her legs around me like a goddamn anaconda.”

Negan felt Rick breath a laugh on the back of his neck. “I figured you needed some premium ‘suburban cuddles’.”

Negan smiled, and he wanted to say that all he ever wanted these past months was someone soft, gentle, and kind. But he didn’t want to bother Rick with his corny sad shit anymore, so he kept quiet and let Rick spoon him.

Negan woke up to a phone call.

It was Denise.

“Yes?” Negan asked, squinting at the sunlight filtering in through his blinds. He got out of bed, careful not to wake Rick. He slid on a pair of sweatpants with one hand and walked into the hallway.

“I just wanted to let you know the man that hit you woke from his coma yesterday.” She sounded nervous.

Negan peeked into the spare bedroom and saw Judith sleeping soundly. He walked back towards his bedroom door.

“Okay, well, is he pursuing anything?” Negan asked. “I mean, I’m glad he’s awake, but that worries me a little bit.”

“As far as I know from what he was saying, he’s not interested. I think he and his family are just glad he’s alright.”

Negan gave a sigh of relief. “Well, thanks for telling me.”

“That’s not…why I called.” Denise said.

“What do you mean?” Negan asked.

“The man you hit is Deanna’s husband.”

“Shit.”

“Don’t worry, Deanna took it surprisingly well, and like I said, they’re not coming for you. The thing is…Spencer was here earlier, and he left very angry. I just wanted to give you a fair warning that he might come to talk to you. He’s certainly not about to let this go.”

Negan sighed. “Alright, thanks for the heads up.”

Rick put on a pair of boxers and one of Negan’s t shirts; he walked out to the hallway. “Hey, Rosita just texted me, she needs some of her supplies for a job today, I told her she could come over.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Negan said.

“Something wrong?” Rick asked, noticing Negan was distracted.

“Uh…yeah…turns out the fucker that hit me is none other than Deanna’s fucking husband. And now Spencer is pissed.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “We don’t need to worry about him.”

Negan sighed. “I’m just getting tired of all this bullshit.”

“It will be okay. Come on, Rosita will be here soon.” And Rick took the lead down the stairs.

Negan and Rick walked into the garage and picked up the supplies Rosita had asked for. Rick took the box they had gathered and they were just about to head back inside when they heard a commotion out front. It sounded like Rosita was screaming.

“What the fuck now?!” Negan said exasperated, and he bolted back inside. Rick followed him and they headed out the front door.

“STOP!” Rosita shrieked, and she was grabbing on to Spencer who had taken to smashing Lucille’s windows with a crowbar.

“WHAT THE FLYING FUCK!?” Negan shouted, and Rick dropped the box at his feet.

Spencer turned around, looking pissed, and he gave a confused, angry, and suspicious look when he saw the way Rick and Negan were dressed.

“ _What the fuck is this shit_?” Spencer scoffed.

“You’re going to pay for those windows you little fuck!” Negan cried, but Spencer was too busy gawking.

“ _What the fuck is this shit_?” He said again, but this time he was laughing. “Rosita – are you seeing this shit?”

Rosita grabbed the crowbar out of Spencer’s hands and yelled in his face. “ASSHOLE!”

Rick grabbed onto Negan’s arm when he saw him start to charge forward.

“You put my dad in a fucking coma on your way to fuck Rick Grimes?” Spencer hissed.

“Your dad hit _me_ you little shit!” Negan growled. “Tell him to turn his fucking lights on next time it’s raining like a goddamn monsoon!”

Spencer seemed to come back down to Earth, and he looked at the damage he had done to the car.

“You’re going to pay for that.” Rick said.

Spencer glared at him. “I’ll send you a check.” He muttered, and he started walking away when he turned around. “Geez, Rick, I knew you were out of your mind but I didn’t realize you were this crazy.”

Rick felt his skin burn.

“Go choke on your own fucking dick Spencer.” Rosita sneered.

Spencer glared at her and walked away without saying anything else.

Rosita turned to them. “What was I thinking seeing him?”

“Trust me, doll,” Negan said bitterly, “We all make those kinds of mistakes.”

* * *

Abraham almost lost it when he heard what had happened, but he didn’t go kill Spencer, so at least the drama could subside. They fixed Lucille’s windows and after another week, she was looking perfect. Negan took a picture and sent it to Dale. Apparently there was a small car show happening in August, and Dale invited Rick and Negan to showcase Lucille.

Rick was enjoying his summer with Negan, Judith loved him, and Carl was warming up to him faster each day. And as the days past, Rick saw a real, actual future with Negan forming. Snapshots of summer were being recorded in Rick’s brain. He didn’t want to forget how Carl laughed when Negan let him drive Lucille around the block, or how they all went to the movies together, the four of them, to see a new Disney movie. He wanted to remember the way Negan’s skin looked when the summer sun set on it as they sat on Rick’s porch. And he definitely didn’t want to forget how Negan was getting along with his neighbors and forming real friendships with them, melting in seamlessly as though he had always been there.

A week and a half into August Rick noticed a change in Negan.

“What’s wrong?” Rick asked one night, his bedroom windows open, moonlight casting small shadows. Negan was lying next to him.

“Hm? Nothing.” Negan said.

“Well…you’ve been staying over these past few days and every time we get in bed, you just seem…tired.”

“I’m sorry.” Negan said.

“You can tell me what’s on your mind.” Rick said, and Negan cursed to himself, because he knew it was true.

“Tomorrow is the one year of Lucille’s death.” He said, and he looked at Rick with the saddest eyes Rick had seen on him yet.

Rick found Negan’s hand under the covers and squeezed it. Negan closed his eyes.

“Would you…” He began. “Would you come with me to the cemetery tomorrow?”

“Of course I will.” Rick said.

Negan gave a deep breath. “It’s hitting me harder than I thought.”

“It always does.” Rick murmured.

“Does it get any easier?”

“No, well, sort of,” Rick said, “But the pain never goes away, you just make room for it. And at first, it’s the size of a fucking mansion, but eventually that room becomes smaller. Until it’s like a closet. And the door isn’t as tempting to open after a while. And what replaces it are the happy memories, and you’ll feel a swell of love where you used to feel pain.”

“You just make all that up?”

“No, my friend Andrea told me that years ago. I didn’t believe her at first, but it’s the truth.” Rick sighed.

“If I never moved here I don’t think I’d be alive to see tomorrow. How can I be so weak?”

Rick shifted in closer to Negan. “You’re not weak. How is anyone supposed to survive when they’re all alone? That’s not how we operate.”

“If you had told me a year ago that I would be lying in bed with the second…fucking love of my life, and I’d have actual friends, and that I’d have…” Negan stopped, and he desperately wanted to say ‘kids’, but how could he? That would be too much.

“And I’d have happiness, I would have laughed in your goddamn fucking face.”

Rick smiled gently.

“And I’m so fucking happy it’s you, Rick. I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else.” Negan said, and they looked at each other before leaning in to kiss.

Rick didn’t think he’d ever get tired of it. He didn’t realize how badly he missed physical affection until he had it again.

Carl had gotten used to the idea of Negan spending the mornings with them, and when Rick mentioned what he and Negan were doing that day, Carl asked to come.

It had shocked Negan, and he didn’t know what to say until Rick stepped in and said sure. Negan just blinked, and he hid his state of shock as he and the Grimes family piled into Lucille.

Negan tried not to let his hands shake on the steering wheel, but it had to be a dream. Was he really bringing his new family to see Lucille? He thought if he swerved off the road he would wake up for sure. There was no way this was his reality, he didn’t deserve it, no way.

But it was real. He knew it was real, because he told himself that every night and every morning.

Rick carried Judith and they walked through the cemetery until Negan stopped at a beautiful headstone.

The inscription read ‘Lucille Velcoro; Beloved Daughter’.

“Yeah, look at that crap. That’s her maiden name, and you can see I’m accidently left out. She’d be pissed.” Negan said. “She’d be so pissed. She might not have liked me all the time, but she was proud of herself, always. She’d want ‘wife’ on there.”

“Who?” Judith asked.

Negan looked at her. “My wife Lucille, she died one year ago.”

“Like Mom.” Carl said. “Negan lost someone like Mom.”

“Oh, sad.” Judith said.

“Yeah hunny. It is sad. But you being here has made me feel a lot better.” He said, kissing her on the forehead, and she smiled.

Negan turned to the headstone. “Lucille…ah…sorry, hang on.” He unzipped his leather jacket, and Negan removed a crushed up bouquet of flowers.

“When did that get there?” Rick scoffed, Negan gave him a smirk.

“Lucille, first of all I know just what you’d say, that these flowers are fuc-

He stopped himself.

“They’re crap. You’d say they were crap. Cause they are. Cause what more would you want from me ok? And I just wanted you to know that…” He blinked and looked at the three people standing next to him. “I want you to know that I’m happy. Sometimes it’s hard to believe but, I, well, I think you already know all this, don’t you? So I’m just going to say thank you. I love you.” Negan breathed deep and felt himself start to cry.

Negan felt someone grab his hand.  He wiped his eyes and looked over, expecting to see Rick. But it was Carl. And it made Negan cry even harder. Rick didn’t want Judith to get upset seeing everyone else upset, so he let Negan and Carl have a moment and walked away.

“You weren’t around for it.” Carl said, clearing his throat. “But we had a really hard time a few years ago. And my dad really needed me. And now you need my dad. And…I’m glad you have him. Because he’s really great.” Carl took his hand away awkwardly, because holding the hand of your would-be pseudo stepdad is just weird after a few seconds.

“”Shit kid.” Negan said. “I’m sorry if I fucked up your life.”

“You didn’t. I think…I think you might have made it better. Strong emphasis on _think_.” Carl said.

Negan sniffed.

“Thanks kid.”

* * *

The last weeks of summer were drawing near, and Rick found himself spending one of the last weekends on the bleachers surrounded by his neighbors. Judith was asleep in his arms, bored to death by the championship baseball game.

“You haven’t needed me in a while.” Maggie said, sitting down next to Rick.

“No,” Rick said, “I’ve been having help from Negan.”

“I miss spending time with her.” Maggie grinned. “But it’s real sweet how much Negan cares about the kids.”

“Yeah,” Rick said, “It is. I’m a pretty lucky guy. Speaking of lucky guys, how is Glenn feeling about the wedding? Where did he go off to?”

“He went to get me a corndog, I’ve been packing those puppies in all afternoon.” Maggie said. “And he’s feeling great about it, and I am too, but I’m still super nervous.”

“It’s going to be amazing.” Rick said.

“Mm,” Maggie said, and she gave him a curious look, “Rick, we actually wanted to ask you something.”

“Yeah?”

“Glenn and I were planning this trip to the Caribbean, it’s a cruise, and then they stop in a resort. Nothing super fancy. But we spend every day together and we kind of thought it’d be fun if…maybe you guys would want to come with us? You, Carl, Judith, and Negan.”

Rick blinked. “You’re inviting us on your honeymoon?”

Maggie laughed. “Yeah, we think it would be fun to have another couple to come with us. Beth is currently convincing Daryl. When was the last time Carl and Judith went on a vacation?”

“We haven’t.” Rick said. “I mean we used to go to Florida to see my parents but lately we’ve all been going to Jeffrey’s…”

“See? It’s a good idea.”

“I mean, I don’t know, Carl is going to be in his senior year and Negan has work…”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “It’s only a week. They’ll both survive. Look at your face, Rick! I know you want to come.”

Rick smiled. “Alright, ok? I’ll talk to Negan about it.”

“Ok.” Maggie said. “That’s a satisfying answer. Now where’s Glenn with my goddang corndog?”

Negan was hollering in the dugout, embarrassing as usual, but this time Beth was yelling alongside him. It made Rick laugh, but Maggie still looked a little skeptical.

“At least she’s getting more assertive.” Maggie muttered after Glenn had returned.

In the dugout, Negan was giving their final pep talk before the last inning.

“Ok, now we’ve done too much to lose now.” He said.

“Mr. Negan, are you going to get emotional?” Sophia asked, smirking at him.

“Hey! I might.” Negan barked. “We’re a ragtag team of underdogs here; this team we’ve been playing has been playing together for years. It’ll be a miracle if we win. So yeah, _Sophia_ , I might get goddamn emotional if you pipsqueaks manage to actually pull this off.”

“Do your best guys and have fun!” Beth added.

 Negan watched nervously the entire time, and by the time Sophia was up, they already had two outs.

“Sophia. I need you to do this.” he said.

“That’s a lot of pressure.” She said, looking nervously to the field.

“You got this.” Negan said.

Sophia gave a deep breath, “Okay.”

Carol was sitting next to Ezekiel, hopelessly nervous. She clambered down the bleachers until she was next to Rick. Ezekiel followed her.

“Oh god.” She said, chewing on her nails as her daughter stepped up the plate.

“She’s got this.” Rick said.  

Negan watched Sophia get her first strike and he wanted to run out there and grab the bat himself, but he had to trust that his kids could pull out the win. Beth was gripping the sides of her baseball cap.

Sophia pulled the bat back and waited for the next pitch. Once the ball neared her, she swung with all she had. Negan watched the ball make impact with Sophia’s bat, and he and Beth both watched in astonishment as the ball went soaring to the outfield.

“Holy shit.” Negan breathed. “SOPHIA! RUN!”

Sophia snapped back to her senses and took off; scoring the final homerun they needed to win the championship. Negan practically screamed, and the team all came running towards each other. Negan lifted Sophia into the air and put her on his shoulders.

“That’s my fucking champion!” Negan hollered, and his voice cracked. “Every last goddamn one of you!”

Sophia cheered from her spot in the clouds, and when Negan set her down, Beth took her place and gave Negan a big leaping hug. He wrapped his arms around her and twirled her until they both fell over. Carl and the rest of the team dogpiled their coaches. The competing team looked at them all like they were freaks.

Rick and the rest of the crowd on their side of the bleachers jumped up and cheered. After the game, they all stuck around on the field and ate ice cream and water ice. Carl and Sophia had walked to the edge of the field with Enid and Lizzie, and Rick decided Carl’s punishment was officially over. Even if he was pretty bad at enforcing it in the first place.

Rick sat in the dugout with Negan eating water ice. Maggie and Glenn were playing with Judith by the pitcher’s mound, and he watched Maggie point ahead to the ice cream man and make Glenn go get them some.

“Get me an extra one!” he heard Maggie call.

“Hell of a game.” Rick said.

“Yeah.” Negan said, sticking his spoon into Rick’s cup. “I should have gotten cherry.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “We can switch.”

“Those kids really fucking won.” Negan said, swapping their cups, “I’m so goddamn proud.”

Rick smiled. “You know, you make a really great teacher.”

“Do I hear a little past doubt in there?” Negan inquired.

“Well, yeah. When I first met you, the thought of you educating masses of children terrified me.”

Negan slapped his knee and laughed his goofy laugh.

“I’m going to miss you when you go back to work.” Rick said.

“Yeah,” Negan said, “No more getting done at 11 this time around.”

“So…uh.” Rick started. “Maggie mentioned something interesting to me earlier.”

“What’s that?”

“I don’t think we’ve talked about their wedding. Will you come with me?” Rick asked.

“What? Fucking duh!”

“And another thing. Maggie invited us on vacation with them. It would be a cruise and then a stay at a resort. It would be early October, for a week. I just figured that it would be nice to go on a vacation.”

Negan couldn’t suppress his smile. “So we’re going right?”

Rick looked up at him. “You want to?”

“Hell fucking yeah! I don’t remember the last time I went anywhere. Besides that cabin.” Negan grinned. “And a cruise? Sounds romantic as fuck.”

Rick smiled and leaned in to kiss Negan, it was slow and passionate, and Negan brushed his fingers against Rick’s scruff.

“Yeah,” Negan said after pulling away, he made an unsatisfied face, “that’s not a good flavor.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “Give me my cup back then.”

“No way.” Negan said, pulling his hand with the cup in it out of Rick’s reach. “If you’re dumb enough to give me half of your shit, I’m gonna be smart enough to take it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another thank you to all my readers and thank you to everyone checking out my new fic, updates for that won't be as rapid (by rapid I mean LLABC was updating almost daily because I'm a FREAK), so the new fic will update tomorrow and have a few days in between the way LLABC has been getting <3 I keep saying this but there's still a lot to come lol so thanks for sticking around! <33


	22. Something About That

The last bit of summer vacation was spent at the car show, where Negan was able to bond with Dale and their fixed-up cars. September rolled in quickly after that, and both Carl and Negan were back at school. A series of late summer storms had rolled into town.

It was a rainy Sunday afternoon. Carl was out, Judith was asleep, and Negan was lying on top of Rick on the couch, making out with him like the fate of the world depended on it.

“Four months.” Negan said in between kisses.

“Hmm?”

“It’s almost been four months since we got together.” He grinned.

Rick closed his eyes and smiled wide. “Feels like years.”

Negan kissed Rick’s neck. “Isn’t your birthday coming up soon?”

“September 14th.” Rick said.

“Mm,” Negan hummed, “I’ll have to plan a special surprise.”

“And what would that entail?”

Negan slid his tongue in between his teeth. “I can’t spoil anything.”

Rick rolled his eyes.

“ _But_ ,” Negan said, “It’s going to make you feel _so good_.”

Rick laughed, and they smiled at each other, staying suspended in the moment.

The next morning Negan was standing before his senior gym class, they were in a classroom instead of the main gym. It still felt weird, not having Beth there. She was a space that could never be filled, and everyone noticed.

“Ok pipsqueaks, today is the day I show you all the sad videos of your peers dying in car accidents.” Negan said. Rain thudded on the roof.

Negan fiddled with the computer.

“Negan…” Carl said. “You gotta…pull the cursor away.”

Negan opened up another video.

“You have to pause…” Carl sighed as two videos played at once.

“I got it.” Negan said, finally figuring out how youtube worked. He turned off the lights.

Negan had seen the video a hundred times before, but for some reason, the kids all just looked like Carl, or Judith, even Sophia. Hell, even Beth.

When the documentary was over, some of the students looked visibly upset, Negan cleared his throat.

“So. Wear your seatbelts. And don’t text.”

The bell rang, Negan went to his office. Beth was sitting in one of the chairs with her back to him.

“Beth,” Negan said, “Hey.”

He sat down at his desk. Beth looked out of it.

“Are you ok?” He asked.

She looked up at him and shook her head.

“Whats…wrong?” Negan asked, his stomach dropping.

“Just…one of the staff.” She said in a monotone voice.

“What do you mean?” Negan said, his words tight.

“Just…these past few weeks…” Beth’s voice trailed off. “He’s been coming on to me more and more and I don’t know what to do about it. Finding me when I’m in the music room alone…and Gregory is about as useless as…most people.”

“Who is it?” Negan asked, rage boiling inside him.

“Owen Wolf.” She said. Owen was an English teacher.

Negan was silent for a moment.

“I told him to fuck off. But he won’t.” She said. “I don’t know what to do.”

Negan realized he was holding his breath.

“Can you…” Beth said, her voice low and serious. “Do something?”

“What do you want me to do?” He asked.

“Whatever you want.”

The last thing Negan needed was permission.

Rick sat on the porch watching the rain fall. Judith was inside, lulled to sleep by the raindrops. He was getting used to his and Negan’s schedule, and now Negan was over more often than not. Things with Carl were better, and life was started to feel relaxing. And Maggie and Glenn’s wedding was coming up in a few weeks, and Rick was looking forward to seeing Negan wearing something that wasn’t a leather jacket.

Negan stood outside his office at the end of the day. A lot of faculty passed him on the way to the parking lot. Negan finally saw Owen Wolf walking by.

“Owen.” Negan said.

“Yes?” Owen asked, turning around.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” Negan asked, stepping into his office. He closed the door when Owen walked in.

“What’s up?” Owen asked.

“You know. There’s this lesson I teach the kids about what to do when someone makes them feel uncomfortable. It’s to tell an adult or someone that can help.”

“Ok…?”

“And yeah, it’s a good plan. But when the person in charge is a dipshit and you can’t get that ‘someone’ to stop by telling them to, you need to figure out some alternatives. Do you know what I’m saying, Owen?”

“No,” Owen said angrily, “I don’t.”

“I think you do. So how about it, are you going to stop harassing the female faculty?”

“I’m not.”

Negan rolled his eyes and leaned his back against the door. “I don’t think you understood the question. That’s called bad comprehension. Not good for an English teacher.”

“Negan. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re a bad fucking liar, Owen.”

“What’s going on here? Are you threatening me right now?” Owen asked, exasperated.

“I just need you to understand what I’m telling you.”

“Alright. I understand. Can I go?”

Negan stepped away from the door.

Owen stopped when he walked towards the door.

“You know, all you had to do was tell me that music girl was yours, and I would have backed off. She seems like the kind to put up a fight, so I was going to give up any-

Owen didn’t get to finish his sentence; Negan grabbed him by the shirt and punched him in the face, sending him to the ground.

“What the fuck!?” Owen gasped.

Negan grabbed him and pulled him up, he punched him again.

“You think I’m not going to tell Gregory about this?” Owen cried, trying to block Negan’s hits.

“You’re not going to tell him anything you little shit.” Negan growled.

“Why’s that?” Owen hissed.

“Because then I’ll tell him exactly why I punched you’re fucking lights out.” Negan snarled. “Or, you could get the goddamn message. You’re lucky I respect women’s wishes enough not to drag your ass to Gregory myself. So what’s it going to be?”

“Fuck, fine.”

Negan let go of him and let him stumble.

“If I hear anything else.” Negan said.

“I got it.” Owen muttered.

Negan grabbed the door and opened it.

Negan pulled Lucille into his driveway, got out, and ran over to Rick’s, trying to avoid the rain. He skidded when he saw Rick on the porch.

“Oh, waiting for me huh?” Negan grinned, taking a seat.

“Yeah,” Rick smiled, “You’re in a hurry to get over here.”

“It’s raining, Rick.” Negan said. “Don’t think you’re that special.”

“Wasn’t I a…special guy?” Rick asked.

“Fuck, yeah you are. I almost forgot.” Negan laughed.

“I’ve been thinking about shaving.” Rick mused.

“If you shave I’ll kill you.” Negan said.

Rick laughed. “So you like the beard?”

“Is that even a fuckin’ question?” Negan said, scratching at his bare face.

“What’s up with your knuckles?” Rick asked, noticing the scrapes that were leftover from punching Owen.

“Uh…fuck Rick...something happened today.” Negan said.

“What happened?” Rick asked, his voice serious.

Rain thudded on the porch roof.

“Beth was being harassed by some fucking…” Negan sighed. “I punched the guy, all but killed him to be honest. I try not to be that guy but…sometimes an asshole just has to get fuckin’ punched out. It’s the only way they learn. Except someone like Spencer. That kind of prick you just gotta disembowel.”

Rick blinked. “Can you…get fired for that?”

“Hell no, the administration at that school is fucked for one. Two, that guy is pissing himself right now at the thought of me finding out he tattled.” Negan said.

Rick didn’t say anything.

“I don’t want to be that guy, Rick, really. But it was Beth.” Negan said.

“No, I know, I get it. I just have a hard time not…abiding by the law.”

Negan huffed a dry laugh. “Yeah well, truth be told, it didn’t even have to be Beth. It could have been anyone, a stranger, and I still would have beaten the shit out of that guy.”

“How’s Carl in class?” Rick asked.

“One word. Senioritis. And it’s September.” Negan said. “But I got ‘em all today with those damn fucking car accident videos.”

“Did you cry?” Rick asked.

“Well fuck. It’s a horrible thought, isn’t it? Any one of them…even the shitty ones like Ron fucking Anderson.”

“You know, when I first met you, I really didn’t think you were the kind of teacher that…well, cared. Don’t take that the wrong way I just…”

“Nah I know, I know. But I do. A lot. Even if they don’t know it.” Negan said. “That’s what I’ve loved about my job. It’s like, I got all the kids in the world. But I don’t have to raise them. You know, ever since I transferred here, this is the first time I thought that maybe those kids are gonna remember me.”

Rick smiled and stared at Negan, he was full of surprises sometimes. And it made him want to kiss him and ask him all sorts of crazy things, like if he’d move in, if he’d be Judith and Carl’s second parent, if he’d marry him. All sorts of crazy things.

“They will.” Rick said.

* * *

It was still raining on Wednesday, and Rick found himself on his porch again, waiting for Negan to come home, letting Judith sleep inside. He breathed in the scent of the late summer storm and closed his eyes. He looked at his phone. Ten minutes until Negan got home. Carl would already be out with friends working on a school project. Lots of time to enjoy each other’s company before Judith woke up.

Rick shivered when he thought about his birthday; Negan could keep a guy in suspense, that was for sure. He closed his eyes again.

When he opened them a car was turning down the street, lights on, Rick perked up. But it wasn’t Lucille. It was a squad car, and when it slowed down to a gentle halt in front of Rick’s house, his stomach turned.

He stood up.

Shane got out of the car, shut the door, and turned to look at Rick, who was standing dead center on his porch.

“Rick.” He called over the rain, he walked over, stepped on Rick’s porch, Rick didn’t remember inviting him to come up.

“What are you doing here.” Rick said. And it wasn’t question.

“I think we need to talk.”

“No.” Rick said. “We don’t.”

“Yes, _we do_.” Shane said. “Rick, we have to talk about it.”

“What is there to say?” Rick asked, hurt in his voice. “You fucked my wife while I was sleeping.”

“It wasn’t just me, Rick. She’s guilty of it too.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Rick spat. “You think I haven’t lied awake at night for years thinking about just that? Fuck you.”

“I just think if we talked about this-

“No,” Rick growled, “We’re done. And we’ve been done.”

Rick went to turn.

“ _Rick_.” Shane said, grabbing his wrist. Rick whirled around and threw a punch, brushing against Shane’s jaw enough to send him stumbling backwards. Shane grabbed his face.

“Rick what the fuck?”

But there were years of pent up rage bursting through Rick’s skin, and he pushed Shane off his porch onto the lawn. Shane fell onto the grass and scrambled to his feet. Rick slammed into his torso and they flew backwards, Shane gasped. They rolled around, Rick landing the most punches as Shane tried to stop him.

Negan’s Cadillac pulled up to the house, stopped at a halt, and Negan was exiting the vehicle faster than lightning.

“RICK.” He cried, running over.

Rick was on top of Shane, knuckles making contact with jaw.

“You fucker!” Rick screamed, and his voice cracked. “I have to live with this for the rest of my goddamn life, do you even realize that?!”

And Shane was crying too.

“Rick, _I’m sorry_. I’m so fucking sorry. And she was too. More than you know.”

Rick screamed over the rain, making Shane flinch underneath him. Rick looked like he was going to attack Shane again, so Negan scooped his arms under Rick’s and pulled him back, falling down into the grass with him. Rick was fighting it, so Negan held him there, everyone breathing hard.

Shane sat up. “Rick. I’m sorry for what I did to you.”

Rick stared at Shane, then closed his eyes. “I just…”

“It’s okay to be angry at me.” Shane said.

“I’m not angry at you.” Rick cried. “I’m angry at myself because I forgive you. I forgive you.”

Shane blinked. Negan held Rick tight.

“I forgive you.” He repeated. “But that doesn’t mean you’re going to be a part of my life. Please understand that. Our relationship is done.”

Negan watched Shane process Rick’s words, and he almost felt bad. He could imagine Rick saying those same words to him. It would kill him.

Shane looked down, but then nodded.

“I’m sorry brother.” He said.

Rick sighed. “Me too.”

Shane stood up, swayed a little, pushed his hair back with his hand, and turned to go back to his car. He gave one last look at Rick, and left.

Negan held Rick there for a while, rain soaking them. Rick closed his eyes and let Negan hold him.

“Looks like both our knuckles got bruised this week huh?” Negan said in a gentle voice.

Rick leaned his back on Negan’s chest. “When do I get my birthday present?”

Negan chuckled. “On your birthday. It’s not your birthday.”

“Close enough.” Rick said, closing his eyes.

“I need you awake for your present,” Negan said, “But I think I can give you something else for the time being. Why don’t you go upstairs and I’ll put Lucille in the driveway?”

Rick nodded, and Negan helped him up, giving him a wink.

Rick stood in his bedroom and stretched his neck, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He and Shane understood each other, finally. But his thoughts were interrupted when he felt a hand on his waist.

“When does Judith wake up?” Negan murmured.

“She always sleeps a lot when it rains.” Rick said. “She’ll probably be asleep for another few hours.”

“Perfect.” Negan said, lifting Rick’s shirt off gently. He stepped back and removed his own. “Give me your clothes.”

Rick took off his pants and had a finger in his underwear when Negan stopped him.

“Just the wet stuff.” Negan said, taking him and Rick’s wet clothing and tossing it in the bathroom so that it didn’t dampen the carpet. “Get in the bed.”

Rick smirked and got under the covers. Negan climbed in.

“So what’s the sneak peek?” Rick asked.

“No sneak peek. I told you I was giving you something else.” Negan said.

“And what’s that?” Rick grinned, facing Negan.

“Turn around.”

Rick blushed. “Why?”

“Just do it hotshot. Christ.” Negan muttered. “You’re gonna ruin it.”

Rick turned around and felt Negan’s arms around him, pulling him in close. Negan nuzzled into his hair.

“What’s this?” Rick asked.

“I’m giving you some premium suburban cuddles Rick Grimes.” Negan said, “So set your alarm for two hours.”

Rick closed his eyes and huffed a laugh, falling asleep quickly to Negan’s warmth and the sound of rain.

* * *

That weekend Rick woke up to breakfast in bed.

“What’s this?” Rick grinned when Carl handed him a card. Negan was standing by the wall, arms in his pajama pants’ pockets.

“It’s your gift.” Carl said. “Happy birthday.”

Judith was bouncing up and down on the bed.

Rick opened up the card, he squinted at it. “What is this?”

The card said “Congrats! You’re 4!” And next to the four was another four scrawled on it.

Carl rolled his eyes. “It’s supposed to be funny. God.”

“Oh, L O L.” Rick said. “I get it.”

“Ohmygod.” Carl muttered.

There was a gift card to a restaurant inside.

“It’s so you two can go out.” Carl said.

“Hey thanks.” Rick said, pulling Carl into a hug. He’d have to thank him again later for how cool he had been the past few months.

The kids left Rick to eat his breakfast, and Negan walked over and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

“Carl’s going out tonight and Maggie’s watching Judith.” Negan said.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Cause we got plans.” Negan smiled. “I’m going to go drop her off now.”

“Oh?” Rick repeated. “Plans start early?”

“Yeah, you got a lot going on today.” Negan grinned. “So get dressed and be ready when I get back.”

“Get dressed?” Rick said, a touch of disappointment in his voice. “Are you sure?”

Negan smirked. “Yeah I’m sure.”

Rick was waiting outside for Negan. The weather was sunny and warm, one of the summer’s last hurrahs before fall.

“Let’s go.” Negan said, swinging his keys in one finger as he walked back from Maggie’s.

“Ok.” Rick said, following Negan to Lucille.

Negan drove him to the high school field. It was empty.

“What are we doing here?” Rick asked.

“Enjoying the early afternoon. Come on.” Negan grabbed a small cooler and left Rick to follow him into the dugout.

“Ah, the dugout huh?” Rick smirked.

“Yeah, the dugout.” Negan said, giving a goofy laugh. He sat down on the bench, legs over either side. He gestured for Rick to do the same.

“Ok hotshot,” Negan said, taking out a small bottle of champagne and two shot glasses from the cooler. “Let’s-

“Negan.” Rick said. “We can't keep bringing alcohol here.”

“Chill out.” Negan said. “There’s nobody here.”

Rick sighed and took the glass.

“Happy Birthday.” Negan said. “You don’t want me to sing, do you?”

“Only if you do it like Marilyn Monroe.” Rick teased.

“Yeah, not happening. You’d have better luck with Daryl.” Negan laughed.

Negan clinked his glass against Rick’s and downed the whole thing in one go. Rick was more conservative, as usual.

“So what _are_ we doing here?” Rick asked, a small smile forming on his face. “Unless you’re interested in a repeat performance of-

Negan cut Rick off suddenly by loudly coughing.

“SURPRISE!” came the sound of several voices.

Rick jumped when his friends and neighbors appeared from either side of the dugout.

“What is this?” Rick blinked.

“A surprise party.” Negan grinned. “I figured I couldn’t keep you for myself _all_ day. So I’m graciously letting them see you for a few hours until I whisk you away again.”

“Happy Birthday Rick!” Maggie said, stepping into the dugout and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Judith was in her arms and Rick took her and gave her a hug.

“And there’s cake.” Carol said, holding a tin while Daryl dragged over a few small trestle tables.

Rick gave Negan a look and stepped out of the dugout, shaking his head. Before Negan could climb out too, Beth had joined him.

“Thanks.” She said. “For dealing with Owen.”

“No problem.” Negan said, but he wished he could have done a lot worse.

Rick walked over to Carl, who had left his friends to make his way to the cake station.

“Carl,” Rick said, “I just wanted to thank you for how cool you’ve been these past few months. I know it was strange at first.”

Carl looked at his dad. “No problem, I mean, yeah I guess I was kind of pissed at first, but, I kind of like what we have now. In a weird way.”

Rick pulled him into a hug.

After the party, Negan drove Rick to the highway.

“Where are we going now?” Rick asked.

“You’ll see.” Negan said, and ten minutes later they were pulling into the dine-in theater.

“What are you up to today?” Rick mused.

“Early dinner.” Negan said, but couldn’t help but give a goofy laugh.

Rick rolled his eyes, but let Negan take him inside.

“You should get that suspicious look off your face.” Negan whispered when they were in their seats. “You’ll ruin it.”

“Ah.” Rick said. “Okay.”

Rick sat there while Negan once again put his hand on his thigh, but he didn’t do anything else. They watched the movie in silence, hands finding each other in the dark.

“Ok,” Rick said as they were walking back to the car, “What’s going on?”

“We’re not just celebrating your birthday Rick; we’re celebrating our four month anniversary.” Negan said as they got in the car.

“I didn’t think you were the kind of person to celebrate months.” Rick said.

“I am now.” Negan said. “You never know how much time you’re going to have; it’s all worth celebrating, isn’t it?”

Rick closed his eyes. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Negan leaned in and kissed him, slow and soft.

“Moments like this I can’t believe I’m all yours.” He said, pulling away. “I still feel special for beating out all the soccer moms.”

Rick laughed. “Yeah well, who can resist a jackass in a leather jacket?”

“Good point.” Negan grinned.

“Ok, where are you taking me now?” Rick asked.

“The bar.”

“Surprise surprise.” Rick said, catching on.

“Shut up.” Negan said. “You’ll ruin it.”

Rick and Negan sat at the bar and drank, laughing and talking. Rick thought about how different his life was, and how it had really only been four months since they kissed each other. It felt like a lot longer, but that’s how it goes when you spend almost every day with someone.

“Thanks for holding me back the other day.” Rick sighed. “I just lost it.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Negan said. “I’ve always known that rage was inside you, Rick. You needed to get it out. Shane certainly doesn’t blame you.”

“I just don’t get why he showed up.”

“It’s not always easy to accept someone is out of your life.” Negan said.

“I know but, after everything that happened, I just want to move on.”

“Now you get to.” Negan said. “And now it’s verbalized.”

“You’re right.” Rick said. “I finally feel like the next part of my life is starting.”

Negan smiled. “I’m glad I get to be a part of it.”

“Is there somewhere you wanted to take me now?” Rick asked.

“Yeah hotshot, there is.”

It was no surprise to Rick when he found himself in the dark parking lot of the high school. Negan led him silently through the hallways until they arrived at the pool.

“So no one’s here? Are you sure? What about new maintenance?” Rick asked.

“No one’s here.” Negan said. “Did you see any cars?”

“No.” Rick said.

“Then no one’s here. So chill out.”

Negan looked out to the silent water. The only light coming from the pool.

“So you’re just interested in replaying all our illegal activities huh?” Rick asked.

Negan grabbed his boot and took it off, followed by the other.

“Just get in.” Negan smirked, removing the rest of his clothes until he was in his underwear.

Rick watched Negan step in and followed shortly after. Negan dove down without saying anything, and came back up to the surface quickly.

“Why did you take me here that night?” Rick asked, drifting towards Negan until there was little distance between them.

Negan brushed his wet hair back. “You really want to know why?”

Rick blinked. “Yes. I do.”

Negan sighed, almost like it was too stupid to say.

“When I met Lucille, she was 25 and a student at the college I taught gym at.”

“I thought you always taught high school.” Rick said.

“I did, this was just a temporary thing. Adjunct teaching. It wasn’t even supposed to happen. And it did. And that’s how I met Lucille. She was in her last semester.” Negan said. He put his head back and started to float. “One night I’m locking up in the gym, and she’s there. And the security is gone, and she’s just standing there in the locker room. Scared me half to death. We had been flirting a lot already, but the way she was standing there. I thought she was gonna jump on me.”

Negan stood back on his feet.

“So I’m like, ‘what are you doing here?’, and she goes,” Negan’s eyes fluttered to the ceiling, like he wasn’t even talking to Rick anymore, “she just says, ‘how about a swim, hotshot?’, and she goes to the pool, gesturing for me to follow, and she just takes off her shirt and pants, and I’m standing there like, ‘what the fuck?’, and she jumps in, and before I know it I’m jumping in too. And then she kissed me for the first time in the college pool.”

Rick didn’t know what to say.

“And I guess I just thought, if this is gonna be the real deal, I need to know. The only way I could think of how I was going to know was if I brought you here. Cause I’m cautious, and I get scared, and I just thought…if we came here, maybe I’d feel her spirit more, and I’d get the goddamn fucking nerve to ask you. Of course, I still didn’t exactly tell you how I felt but…it all worked out.”

“She called you hotshot?” Rick murmured.

Negan cleared his throat. “Yeah. She did. I guess inside, I just wanted to be more like her. She also cursed like a fucking pirate, so her influence runs deep as shit. To be fair, ‘hotshot’ didn’t last long before she started calling me something else.”

Rick groaned and sunk into the water, returning with a grin on his face. “You really want to call me daddy don’t you?”

“It wouldn’t work,” Negan sighed, “You’re too young.”

Rick rolled his eyes and swam away, turning around as Negan was on his heels.

“So how come you kissed me huh?” Negan asked when they stopped by the wall.

Rick thought for a moment. “I don’t know. It felt right. I wanted to. And I could tell you wanted me to.”

Negan smiled, “Yeah, well I was about to kiss you first, but that’s kind of your thing Rick, you’re always fuckin’ surprising me.”

“Well, this time I’ll let you kiss me, since it’s my birthday and all.”

Negan grinned and grabbed Rick’s face in his hands, kissing him as chlorine soaked into their skin and dripped off their hair.

“Alright.” Negan breathed, “Now that our trip down memory lane is coming to an end, how about we go make a new one?”

Rick shook his hair out of his face. “Sounds good to me.”

Negan took Rick back to his place, a space he hadn’t inhabited all the much in the past few months. Rick told Negan he would be right back, ran across the street, and was back within a minute.

“What were you doing?” Negan asked.

“It’s a surprise.” Rick said, but he wasn’t holding anything.

Rick put one foot on the stairs before Negan interrupted him.

“Don’t be so eager, Rick.” Negan said, “We’re going downstairs.”

Rick rolled his eyes and let Negan lead him to the basement.

“Candles and rose petals?” Rick scoffed, looking at the pull out couch. “Geez. You’re more sentimental than I thought.”

“Shut the fuck up Rick.” Negan said. “I’m trying to make this day romantic as fuck and you’re ruining it.”

Rick laughed. “Sorry.”

“If you’re in such a feisty little fucking mood, maybe you want to call the shots tonight?” Negan asked. “You know, I like our little routine, but I’m still waiting for you to take me for all I got.”

Rick blushed. “I just…I’ve never done that before. Plus, it’s my birthday. I don’t want to work that hard.”

Negan rolled his eyes and slid his tongue in between his teeth. “Ok. Then are you gonna let me be romantic or not?”

Rick fell onto the futon. “Ok.” He stuck a foot in the air. “You can take off my shoes.”

Rick heard Negan sucking air between his teeth, but then felt his boots sliding off. Negan took a moment to pull his own shoes off, then stepped onto the futon, climbing over Rick until he was hovering over him. He kissed Rick’s neck, fiddling with his belt with one hand until it was on the floor. Rick felt Negan’s teeth on his neck, Negan’s hand now on his belt until it was off. He let Negan unbutton his shirt and shimmied out of his pants until their clothing was scattered.

“You motherfucker.” Negan said, tugging at Rick’s electric blue boxer briefs. “I haven’t seen these in a while.”

“Figured I shouldn’t be the only one getting presents today.” Rick smirked. “Surprise.”

Negan brought his hand back up to Rick’s face and kissed him hard, hips digging into Rick’s until he was breathing rough. He slid Rick’s underwear down, Rick kicking them off to another spot in the basement that they had built together.

Negan breathed a laugh.

“What?” Rick asked.

“Just thinking about the first time I saw you in that underwear. You were standing right here.”

Rick smirked. “Yeah I remember that.”

“You’d have needed a fucking laserbeam to cut your way through that tension.” Negan murmured. “You know what I did as soon as you left?”

“Mm, what?” Rick breathed as Negan resumed kissing his neck.

Negan dug his hips into Rick’s again, grinding slowly, “I did something about _that_.”

“Well,” Rick whispered, “What are you gonna do about it now?”

Negan pulled away from Rick’s neck, slid his tongue in between his teeth, and pulled off his underwear. He placed a hand behind Rick’s back, grabbing his ass and pulling him up closer. Rick gave a shaky breath, wrapping his legs as far around Negan as they could go. Negan gave a devilish grin when he heard Rick whimper as he thrusted inside him, watching Rick loll his head back like this was the first time he had experienced this. Rick couldn’t help himself, and as Negan thrusted his hips forward, Rick’s hand slide down his torso until it was wrapped around his cock.

Negan grabbed Rick’s wrist and pushed it forcefully into the sheets. He grabbed Rick’s other wrist and held them both so that Rick’s arms were up by his head.

“You’re not doing any work tonight Rick.” Negan breathed, a hint of aggression on his voice. “So leave it to me.”

Rick blinked and nodded, letting out a deep staggered breath as Negan resumed his work. Negan tightened his grip on Rick’s arms, using them as an anchor as he pushed deeper into Rick harder than he had ever tried before. Rick let out a gasp, legs already shaking and falling from their place around Negan’s back. He felt like a rag doll, legs spread to the side uselessly as Negan’s cock threatened to rip him in two. Negan did as he promised and dragged a hand away from Rick’s wrist, closing around him gently; doing the opposite of what the rest of Negan’s body was intent on doing.

Rick’s free hand dragged across Negan’s chest, clawing until he managed to clasp his fingers on Negan’s shoulder. Rick wasn’t sure how long candlelight casted shadows on their bodies before he gave in, but it always felt like time stopped. Even since the beginning. Rick felt the hot wetness on his torso, and he gave a deep breath as though he had been holding it the entire time. And based on his gasping for air during the whole thing, he knew that wasn’t accurate. Negan gave a sharp hissing ‘ _fuck_!’, and a few seconds later was collapsed on Rick.

“Fuck.” Rick breathed.

“Good?” Negan asked, trying to regain control of his breathing. “Best fucking birthday present ever?”

Rick closed his eyes and nodded, somehow they had gotten to the point where Rick’s head was hanging off the edge of the futon. Negan gave him a shaky kiss, and Rick pulled his head back and opened his eyes, his vision now on the wall behind him. Negan pulled him back up.

“Shower.” He said, still breathing hard. Rick nodded and stood up, his legs almost giving out beneath him. Negan seemed shaky too. They walked upstairs.

Rick swung the shower door open, hitting Negan square in the nose. Negan stumbled back and cried out.

“ _What the fuck?!_ ”

“Shit.” Rick said. “Sorry.”

“Jesus H. The Grimes boys are just determined to break my fucking nose.” Negan hissed, and Rick couldn’t help but laugh.

“Does it hurt?”

“Not as much as you will tomorrow.” Negan said, giving an extra evil rabbit toothed grin.

Rick smiled and went to say something but yawned.

“God Rick, how come every time I bang you into the next life you have to sleep for ten years?”

“’Cause.” Rick replied, looking at Negan with sleepy eyes.

Negan pushed Rick lightly into the shower.

“Judith staying at Maggie’s for the night?” Rick asked when Negan got into his own bed.

“Yep.” Negan said as Rick joined him.

“Guess you don’t sleep here much anymore, huh?” Rick asked, wondering how he ended up in a situation where he was sleeping beside someone every night; it was something Rick had barely imagined being in his future.

“No. I hate being here, to tell you the truth.” Negan said. “I always have.”

Rick didn’t know what to say. He knew what he wanted to say, “Then never sleep here again.” But it seemed too soon.

Rick buried his face into Negan’s neck instead.

“You gonna fall asleep right now?” Negan asked, petting Rick’s wet hair with his hand.

“Mmhmm.” Rick said, wrapping an arm around Negan’s waist.

Negan kissed him on the top of his head. “Happy Birthday, hotshot.”

“Thanks, love.” Rick murmured, drifting into sleep.

Negan had never heard Rick call him a pet name before. Maybe jackass, asshole, idiot, but it was usually Negan who gave everyone in his life a little name. And out of every option, the one Rick chose for him was ‘love’. Negan sighed, and he drifted off to sleep in a daydream about never sleeping in his own house again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has to be the longest time thats passed between updates! almost a week! sorry, this chapter was pretty big >3< i hope you like it!!


	23. From the Best

Rick was packing their stuff away into Lucille. Him, Negan, and the kids had just spent a weekend at the cabin in Virginia, using the last bit of summer to kayak, swim, and enjoy the stars. Rick remarked on how Carl actually enjoyed his time out in nature, and Judith was thrilled to see all the animals on their hikes. It was a small test before they went on vacation with Maggie and Glenn, and they had passed. Negan was putting away some plastic chairs that had been sitting at their bonfire. Rick watched Carl help.

He smiled to himself, remembering how he had told Negan they should bring the kids here, in September, and how it had actually happened. Rick hadn’t been much of a planner, but now all he wanted to do was plan the rest of their lives.

It was October 1st, and Negan found himself standing inside the house of Hershel Greene. The wedding was taking place in a barn, and Maggie was locked away somewhere getting ready for the big day. Rick was standing next to him, and Carl and Judith were sitting on a couch with Sophia.

“Have I mentioned I like your suit?” Rick asked.

“A hundred times.” Negan grinned. “You look pretty sharp yourself.”

Rick smiled and was about to say something when a nervous voice called his name. It was Glenn.

“Glenn,” Rick said, “What’s wrong?”

“My stupid cousin just called and said he can’t make it because he got a flat tire, he was one of the groomsmen. Rick…could you fill in?”

“I mean, I-

“It’s just, Maggie has been pretty temperamental lately, between eating everything and snapping, I think the wedding stress has gotten to her, and she NEEDS the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen to match. Rick, could you do it?” Glenn pleaded.

“Of course.” Rick answered. “Just tell me where I need to be.”

Glenn hugged him, “Thanks man.”

“How come you get to be a groomsman?” Daryl asked, he and Beth appearing from the other room.

“Sorry Daryl, I knew him first.” Rick smiled.

Beth gave him and Negan a hug.

“So you’re the maid of honor?” Negan asked.

“Yes.” Beth said, a hint of frustration in her voice. “And Maggie’s being such a bitch.”

Negan laughed. “Ouch. That’s harsh.”

“Well she is. I don’t know what’s up with her, it’s a barn wedding. At our family home. It’s not that big of a deal.” Beth said.

“She’s just nervous and stressed.” Daryl said, “Don’t take it personally.”

“When I get married I’m not gonna be that crazy.” Beth muttered, and an awkward look crossed Daryl’s face.

Rick couldn’t help but think about what it would be like to get married again. An image of Negan in a white tuxedo flashed in his mind, but he shook it away.

Glenn dragged Rick away to talk about where he would have to stand and when, and Negan went to look for the bathroom. A hissing voice called out his name.

“Hello?” Negan asked.

“Negan!” It was Maggie, peering out from behind a door, “Get in here!”

“Uh-

Maggie pulled him inside.

“Whoa what’s-

“I need you to help me.”

“Where are your bridesmaids?” Negan asked, looking nervously towards the door.

“They’re already getting in line.” Maggie said. “But I unzipped the dress and now I can’t get it to zip back up.”

Negan hesitated as Maggie shoved her back at him.

“I need you to zip it.” Maggie said.

Negan stared awkwardly at her back and put his hand on the zipper that was too low for Negan to feel comfortable. He tried to pull it up.

“It’s not-

“ _Pull harder_.”

“I _am_.”

Maggie groaned and put her hands to her face.

“ _Idon’tknowwhythisisntfitting_.” She said quickly, the sound of tears in her throat.

“Whoa whoa, it’s okay.” Negan said. “Don’t cry. You’ll ruin your makeup.”

Maggie sniffed.

“Just…suck in.” Negan said.

“I literally cannot.” Maggie said.

Negan sighed and grabbed the zipper again.

“Okay, let’s just-

The next twenty seconds were comprised of Negan pulling the zipper as Maggie jumped up and down, and finally, it zipped back up. Maggie let out a deep, frustrated breath.

“Thank you.” She breathed.

“Maggie…do you think you could be…” Negan said.

“Be what?” Maggie asked.

Negan blinked. “Nervous.” He said. “Do you think you could be nervous?”

“Of course.” She said. “I wouldn’t be this pissy if I weren’t.”

“Right.” Negan said.

Thirty minutes later Rick was standing in his spot among the groomsmen, and he almost got emotional when he saw Maggie walking down the aisle with Hershel. Negan sat with Carl and Judith in fold out chairs a few rows back.

Rick looked at Glenn, who looked like he might faint. Maggie’s dress had a white sweetheart neckline, lace covering the top of the dress and her shoulders, coming down in three-quarter sleeves. At her midsection, the dress flared out in a creamy tulle like fabric, and her hair was styled in an updo, a small tiara on her head. Glenn looked at a loss for words.

Rick found himself tearing up through the ceremony as Maggie and Glenn got emotional, laughing and crying. Everyone in the barn was feeling it too, and Rick felt a swell in his heart when he thought about how he had waited to see this happen for them for years.

“Maggie,” Glenn said, starting their vows, “From the moment I met you I knew you’d change my life. You’ve believed in me, defended me, and loved me every day since. I can only hope to give you an ounce of what you’ve given me.”

“Glenn,” Maggie said, “If I had known the life we would have had on that day we met, I would have kissed you right then. So for the rest of our days, that is what I intend on doing. When you wake up, and when you go to sleep, and I expect the same.”

The crowd laughed. Rick tried to focus on Glenn and Maggie, but his thoughts drifted away for a second when he thought about what sort of vows he would write about the man sitting thirty feet away.

“You may now kiss the bride.” Gabriel said.

Glenn kissed Maggie, dipping her back and pulling her up into a hug. Everyone cheered.

“Let’s party!” Maggie shouted.

Rick and Negan stood close as they watched Maggie and Glenn during their first dance as a married couple. Rick felt Negan’s hand on his waist. He took his hand as they walked out on the dance floor for the first slowdance. Rick had never danced with Negan before, and it felt more natural and fun than he expected it to.

“You’re pretty good.” Rick murmured.

“Me and Lucille did a ton of dancing.” Negan said, spinning Rick around playfully and pulling him back in close.

Rick and Negan sat down at a table with Carol and Ezekiel when the song was over.

“So I hear you guys are going on the honeymoon?” Carol asked.

“Yeah, Carl’s looking forward to it.” Rick said.

“He’s just happy to be missing school.” Negan said.

“Oh god, don’t even tell me how bad Sophia’s senioritis is.” Carol muttered.

Negan laughed. “Yeah, they’ve all got it bad.”

“Sophia is looking into the University of Georgia.” Carol said.

“That’s where Carl is interested in going.” Rick said.

“It’s kind of scary.” Carol said. “But at least they’ll be in state.”

Negan hadn’t thought about what Rick must be feeling. Come this time next year, Carl would be in college. It had to be nerve-wracking.

“Yeah.” Rick said. “He’s already looking forward to the grad party, since the pool will be open.”

Carol lit up. “Right, you’re our resident pool guy now.”

Rick smiled. “Maybe Sophia and Carl can combine their parties?”

“That would be great.” Carol said.

After a few hours, Rick found Carl half asleep on some hay. He nudged him with his foot.

“You ready to hit the hay?” He grinned.

Carl rolled his eyes and got up, wiping his pants. “We going?”

“Yeah, Judith is out cold. You’re not too far off yourself.”

Negan had Judith in his arms, and he froze when he saw Glenn and Maggie, half asleep, slumped against the wall, leaning on each other, legs spread out. He cleared his throat.

“Hey photog.” He said, gesturing to someone who must have been related to Maggie. “Get this shot.”

Negan watched as the young man kneeled down and snapped a photo.

“They’re going to love that one.” Negan said.

Maggie blinked her eyes open and yawned.

“Hey.” She said. Glenn woke up next to her.

“We’re about to head out.” Negan said. “Congratulations again.”

“Thank you.” She smiled. “We’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

Negan grinned. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Rick and Carl joined him. They said their goodbyes and got into the Camry. Carl was already falling asleep again. Rick had one hand on the wheel; the other one was open, waiting for Negan. Negan looked down and took it; he looked back out to the road.

‘Marry me.’

But that was too fast a thought. Rick cleared his throat. Negan shook his head.

* * *

Rick woke up in a daze, glad to have packed the days previously. He yawned and stretched, feeling Negan next to him. Rick looked at him, and while Negan wasn’t the big bad wolf he used to be, he still looked unnaturally peaceful and tame when he was asleep. Rick nuzzled into his neck.

“Vacation time.” He murmured.

“Mm.” Negan said, waking up. “Fuckin’…sweet.”

Rick rolled out of bed, and before he knew it he was standing in the airport, boarding a plane with his family, Glenn, Maggie, Beth, and Daryl.

“Woohoo!” Beth said when they sat down in their seats.

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those people that claps when the plane lands.” Negan muttered.

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those people that gets sick on planes.” Beth teased, noticing Negan’s demeanor.

“Are you okay?” Rick asked.

“I fuckin’ hate planes.” Negan said.

“Language.” Said a passing flight attendant.

“And flight attendants.” Negan growled.

“I just hope Judith doesn’t freak out.” Rick said. “Never thought I’d be one of those people on the plane with a baby.”

“I’ll punch ‘em.” Negan said.

“Me too.” Carl said, chiming in.

“Good influence.” Rick muttered.

“Hey, I have never advocated for violence.” Negan said, giving a grin before going back to feeling woozy.

“You’re so full of shit.” Rick laughed.

“What about you Daryl?” Maggie asked, leaning back in her seat. “First time on a plane?”

“Yep.” Daryl said. “Trying not to think about it, thanks.”

“If either of you two throw up I’m jumping.” Glenn said.

“When do we get peanuts?” Maggie asked.

“Later.” Glenn said.

Maggie leaned over into the aisle. “Who’s got food.” She clawed her hand at a bag of chips in Negan’s bag.

“What gives?” Negan scoffed.

“You want to be a part of the family, you gotta accept a few rules.” Maggie said.

“And those rules are I let y’all steal my shit?”

“Yep.” Maggie said, hooking a finger on the plastic enough to grab it.

“Geez Maggie.” Beth muttered.

“That small bag cost me five fuckin’ dollars in the airport.” Negan muttered. “But sure. Take it.”

Rick smirked and nudged Negan so that he could show him another pack of chips in Rick’s bag. Negan nodded.

Ten minutes from landing there was turbulence.

“Holy shit fuck we’re gonna die.” Daryl said, gripping the armrests.

“No we’re not.” Beth said. “Relax.”

“I’m gonna be fuckin’ sick.” Negan said, trying to unbuckle his seatbelt.

Rick put a hand on his thigh. “You’re fine.”

“Rick motherfuckin’ Grimes I’m gonna-

Negan freed himself and ran to the bathroom.

“And then there were seven.” Glenn said.

“Soon to be one when I eat you all.” Maggie muttered, she looked over at Judith, who was sleeping. “Okay, soon to be two. I can’t eat Judith.”

Negan returned a few minutes later.

“You ok?” Rick asked.

“What’s it like barfing in an airplane toilet?” Beth asked from across the aisle.

Rick watched Negan turn to look her. He couldn’t see the expression on his face, but Beth shut up, looked wide eyed, and turned away. He watched Negan close his eyes and put his head back.

“This is like an hour flight.” Rick said.

“I can hear the smirk. And I don’t appreciate it.” Negan muttered. “You know. No one will find your body at sea.”

Rick huffed a laugh and shook his head. “City boy can’t handle some turbulence.”

“City boy?” Maggie asked. “Atlanta?”

“No,” Negan said, “I hail from the north. Philly. Although we moved to the Poconos when I was a teenager. So I’m part Mountain Boy. So yeah, I know my way around a Country Boy, whose also part Florida Redneck, from what I know.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “Not by blood.”

Negan grinned. “I can’t wait to meet ‘em on Thanksgiving.”

“You guys have a lot of plans for the holidays?” Beth asked.

“Yeah,” Rick said, “Thanksgiving at my brother’s, and Christmas…”

Negan sighed. “Possibly my parents’ house in the mountains. But I have to see. I need to call them and-

“You still haven’t told them.” Rick said, but it was more of a reminder.

“I know.” Negan said. “I’m working on it.”

The plane touched down in Florida, and soon they were boarding the cruise.

They split up to take their luggage to their rooms.

“So Judith will be ok with you?” Rick asked Carl as they stood in the kids’ cabin.

“Yeah, she’ll be fine.” Carl said, crossing his arms as though he could just tell why he was on babysitting duty. Rick tried not to blush.

“Sick ass window!” Negan said, pressing his face against the porthole.

“You know, once we start moving you’re going to get seasick.” Rick said.

“Fuck you.”

They walked out of the cabin, and Rick hung back to talk to Negan.

“Why haven’t you told your family?” He asked him.

“Fuck, I don’t know. I mean. My sister in Oregon, she’s gay, they don’t fuckin’ care. But you never know. Sometimes people have other expectations for you and not others. I know they’d probably just be happy to see my life together. I just need to make the call. Hell, it’s your family I should be more worried about right?”

“Not my brother.” Rick said. “And it’s at his place, so we’re welcome. I think once my parents see how happy we are they’ll be fine. It took a while to explain to them that this wasn’t some sort of lapse in…whatever. Once my extended family starts shit they’ll turn around real quick, I know that for a fact.”

“You got some judgmental relatives?” Negan asked.

“Florida and Georgia don’t always breed the most open minded folks.”

“Well, it bred you. So hope isn’t entirely lost.” Negan grinned. “And fuck, we’ll just make out on the turkey and they can starve.”

Rick laughed, and he knew no matter what happened during the holidays, he’d still be lying next to Negan at night.

Rick found himself lounging by the pool a few hours later. Negan was in the water with Judith, and Rick felt bad that he thought it was hot as fuck. Now he knew what all the soccer moms were getting wet about.

Carl had disappeared, off to chatsnap Enid or whatever he was always doing. Beth jumped into the pool, splashing Daryl who seemed hesitant to get in.

“Hm.” Daryl said, lying next to Rick, “We’re sitting by a pool that’s sitting on top of the ocean.”

“Yeah?” Rick replied, turning to look at him.

“Yeah.” Daryl said, adjusting his sunglasses but not saying anything else.

“You got anything to add to that little bit of insight?” Rick asked.

“Nope.”

Rick shook his head, “Guess you and Beth fill the time with something other than conversation.”

Daryl blushed. “N…no. We talk.”

Rick laughed. “How’s the new job?”

“It’s good. Great actually. Finally making money.” Daryl muttered. “Could have afforded that house.”

Rick gave him a sympathetic look. “Sorry but…I’m kind of glad you couldn’t.”

“I get it.” Daryl smirked.

Maggie and Glenn were enjoying a couple’s massage, and Rick and Negan had an appointment in an hour. He closed his eyes, he needed it.

“So we get completely naked?” Rick asked when he and Negan were standing in a small locker room.

“Yeah. And you put the robe on. It’s not that difficult a concept.” Negan said, taking off his pants.

“I’ve never done this before.” Rick muttered.

“Are you serious? You never got a massage with your lady?”

“No, I never thought about it.”

“Damn. You should have. Lucille would always be horny as fuck after a massage. All relaxed and shit.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “I don’t think the average person gets turned on by letting strangers touch them.”

Negan smirked. “I guess you’re right.”

After the massage Rick and Negan walked back into the locker room.

“Nice noises, Rick.” Negan laughed, letting his robe fall.

“Shut the fuck up.” Rick said.

“Make me.” Negan said, opening his locker door and getting dressed.

“Maybe I will. Later.”

Negan swung the door shut. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Negan flashed his rabbit teeth. “I’ll be waiting. You can jump on me anytime. Told you that massage would make you horny as fuck.”

“Who said it was the massage?”

Negan drifted closer to Rick until he was grazing his arm with his hand. “Then what was it?”

Rick blushed. “It’s ridiculous.”

“Tell me.”

“When you were with Judith in the pool.”

Negan laughed. “You like seeing me being all paternal?”

“Yeah, it’s a big turn on.” Rick whispered.

Negan smirked and leaned in to give Rick a kiss.

That evening they were all seated at a big round table enjoying dinner as the waves rolled by in front of them.

“Thanks again for coming.” Maggie said as the dinner was winding down. “And I wanted to say something.”

Rick watched her take Glenn’s hand.

“I’m pregnant.”

Beth nearly choked on her lobster, and Negan thought she might burst into tears. Nobody said anything.

“It’s just…Negan said something to me yesterday and kind of confirmed that I should…check. And well, yep, I’m pregnant.”

“Oh. My. GOD!” Beth shrieked. “Are you fucking serious?!”

“BETH.” Glenn said, trying to hide laughter.

Rick looked at Negan, who shrugged.

“Congratulations.” Rick said, grinning ear to ear.

“Judith will have a friend.” Carl said.

“Yeah.” Maggie said, beaming.

“That’s great. You two should be proud.” Daryl said.

“Well. It wasn’t difficult.” Glenn blushed.

“It can be.” Maggie said, catching eyes with Negan. “We’re lucky it was so easy.”

“You two are going to be great fucking parents.” Negan said. “Seriously.”

“Thank you.” Glenn said.

“Well, let’s toast then.” Rick said, picking up his glass.

Negan looked around as they toasted, he had never thought he’d find anyone to be with, let alone someone whose friends cared about and liked him. And even though they weren’t Rick’s real family, they were still family. And Negan felt too lucky to be a part of it. A little wave of fear went through him when he thought about what it was going to be like to meet Rick’s real, actual family. And hell, vice versa. The holidays were approaching and he still hadn’t told his family about Rick, but Negan shook that thought off for now.

That night Negan stood outside their room and leaned against the railing, smoking a cigarette and watching the moonlight reflect in the waves.

“What are you doing out here?” Rick asked, wrapping his arms around Negan’s torso.

“Contemplating.”

“Bout?”

“My life.”

Rick removed his arms and joined Negan by his side.

“What about your life?” Rick murmured.

“How I got to be so goddamn lucky.” Negan said. Rick took the cigarette from his lips and drew it to his own, inhaling.

“You smoke?”

“Used to.” Rick said.

Negan took the cigarette from Rick and flicked it into the ocean.

“That is so…environmentally damaging.” Rick said.

“Write me a ticket for littering.” Negan grinned. “Or better, handcuff me. Take me in. Punish me.”

Rick rolled his eyes. “You know, I feel lucky too.”

“Yeah, but you’re a good guy, good things were bound to happen to you.” He grinned.

Rick sighed. “You’re good too.”

“Come on Rick.” Negan whispered, ignoring him. “Drag me into that room and take me already.”

Rick looked out to the sea. How could something be so rough and so calm at the same time? It was just like them, he thought. Rick looked back to Negan, a serious look in his eyes that made Negan blink.

“Okay.”

Negan smirked, and Rick watched his eyes widen and he swayed.

“Negan-

Negan leaned over the railing and starting to throw up. Rick groaned and put his hand on Negan’s back and started rubbing.

“God.” Negan muttered, coughing.

Rick huffed a laugh. “You know what this reminds me of?”

“What?” Negan said, taking a fist and wiping his mouth.

“The block party. When you first moved in.”

Rick felt Negan’s body shake from laughter under his hand.

“Jesus. Yeah. Almost feels like another lifetime doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it does.” Rick said, and he felt Negan was right. He almost couldn’t believe there was a time he spent without Negan. He had never thought about the idea of falling in love again. It seemed too difficult, and in a way, he didn’t want it to happen. But it did, and Rick didn’t know what he was doing before. Living like a zombie. Breathing but not being aware. Now it was all clear to him.

“I need to lie down.” Negan muttered.

Rick led Negan back into their cabin. Negan flopped on the bed, and Rick took off his shoes for him and pulled his pants off.

“Thanks.” Negan said, rolling over onto his back and lifting his head to look at Rick.

Rick looked at him from the end of the bed. “You better get your sea legs soon.”

Negan grinned and dropped his head back onto his pillow. “No shit.”

Rick climbed into bed and put an arm around Negan, trying to hold him so tight that not even the waves could move him.

The next day they were all on the sand of the Bahamas, enjoying the beach day. They had all planned to stay close and not do too much exploring, determined to relax as much as possible. After swimming with Rick and Judith, Negan took a walk down to rocks where Carl was sitting.

“Hey kid.” Negan said. “What’s up?”

Carl was watching some marine life in the tide pools, and he looked up when he heard Negan.

“Just chilling.”

“Not interested in going back to school huh?”

“No.” Carl said.

“Excited for college at least?” Negan asked, taking a seat on the rock next to Carl.

“Not really.”

“What? Why not?” Negan asked.

“I don’t know. I’m kind of…” Carl looked out to the ocean.

“What?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Kid,” Negan sighed, “You can tell me.”

“I’m just kind of scared about it.” Carl said. “I’ve never really been away from home like that and I just don’t know if I’m ready to grow up.”

“I’ll let you in on a secret,” Negan said, scooting closer, “College isn’t as big and bad of a wolf as it sounds. It’s basically high school, except you have freedom to skip class, and your professors don’t give a shit what you do. Trust me, I went to college and I taught it.”

“Did you have fun? Being at college?”

“Fuck yeah. For the most part.” Negan said, shifting in his seat. “I had a rough few semesters, but I made it out alive. You will too, no matter what your experience is.”

Carl nodded.

“And look, these next few years don’t have to be the best four years of your life. Why would you want them to be, anyway? It might suck; it might be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But you’ll make it out on the other side and you’ll be a motherfucking badass because of it. But hey, why count chickens before they hatch?”

“Negan…”

“Yeah kid?”

“I’m sorry. About…when I said you and my dad’s relationship wouldn’t last because you’re an asshole. You’re not. And I was wrong. I should have trusted you and your intentions.” Carl said.

“Hey kid, it’s alright. I wouldn’t have trusted me either. And I would have held out way longer in the pissy department too.” Negan said, giving a big rabbit toothed grin. “But thanks.”

“I’m just glad you’re in his life.” Carl said. He swallowed and then added, “And in ours. Me and Judith.”

Negan blinked, and his grin softened into a smile. “I’m glad I’m in yours too.”

“VOLLEYBALL!” Came a yell.

They turned around to see Beth yelling.

“Looks like we got a game to play.” Negan said.

Maggie sat with Judith as Rick, Glenn, and Carl stood on one side of the net. Negan, Daryl, and Beth took the other side.

“Come on people!” Negan shouted when his team was losing.

“It’s you dude.” Daryl said. “You’re making us suck.”

Negan scoffed but didn’t say anything. Rick gave him a smirk from the other side of the net. Negan caught his glance and softened his gaze, but there was a dangerous look in his eyes that excited Rick.

“Jesus!” Beth groaned. “I’m teamed up with my two boys and we suck.”

Daryl gave Negan a look that Negan couldn’t entirely figure out, something like a mix of confusion and humor that Negan and Beth had managed to become good friends.

“Sorry kiddo.” Negan muttered. “Volleyball isn’t my thing.”

“It’s all about communication.” Glenn said from the other side of the net. “Me and Rick don’t even have to say anything, we just know. Telepathically.”

“Isn’t that cute?” Negan mocked. “Just serve.”

After another five minutes Negan found himself face first in the sand, his team having lost after all.

“Come on.” Rick said, nudging him with his foot.

Negan got up begrudgingly. Before it was time to get back onto the cruise, they packed themselves into a souvenir shop. Negan held up a shirt that said “Somebody in the Bahamas loves me” and gestured for Rick to come closer. Rick rolled his eyes and walked over, looking surprised as Negan held up the shirt to block their faces.

“You gonna kis-

But Rick was interrupted when Negan said, “When you gonna fuck me Rick Grimes?”

“What?” Rick laughed.

“Goddamnit Rick. When are you gonna fucking top me already?”

Rick blinked.

“I’ve just, I’ve never done that before and-

“You’ll do fine.” Negan said quickly.

Rick stared at Negan in disbelief that he was asking this in a souvenir shop where his extended family was shopping.

“Look Rick, I’m into the suburban dad thing. Like a lot. Like a fucking lot. But you got me all repressed over here.”

Rick couldn’t believe that, out of the blue, Negan was talking about their sex life. In a souvenir shop.

“I want you.” Negan whispered darkly. “When are you gonna fucking give it to me already?”

“ _Alright_.” Rick hissed. “Just shut the fuck up would you?”

“I’m not trying to pressure you,” Negan said, “But I know there’s an animal in you.”

Rick had never had conversations like this with Lori, and he was starting to believe that he and Negan’s relationship was this weird blend of their former relationships. And that’s why they worked. Rick was teaching Negan to be a family man, and maybe Negan was teaching him to be something else. Something that he desperately needed to be, even if just for a moment.

Rick bore into Negan’s gaze, “Maybe if you didn’t get fucking seasick all the time I would.”

Negan gave an extra sly rabbit toothed grin and let the shirt fall back on the rack.

* * *

Rick stared at Negan the entire time through dinner, and Negan felt himself getting a little nervous. Regardless of what was going to go down later, Negan knew he was in trouble either way. Carl was tired from a day of swimming in the ocean, so he took Judith back to their cabin before dinner was truly over. Negan scooted over to sit in Carl’s seat, next to Rick.  

“Ok you two, any baby names?” Negan asked, draping an arm around Rick’s chair.

“Oh!” Maggie said. “No, not yet.”

Negan smirked. “Bullshit. You got ‘em. You just don’t wanna say.”

“Don’t pester a pregnant lady, Negan.” Maggie said, giving a playful grin. “I have a short temper these days.”

“See that?” Negan asked, pointing his drink at Maggie. “Dangerous. You’re all dangerous, and I don’t even know if you fuckin’ know it. Carol, Rosita, Abe…”

Negan’s hand found its way to Rick’s neck. “And you…I’m still waiting for you.”

Rick felt a shiver go down his spine.

“Well,” Rick laughed, nervously, “I don’t know what you’re waiting for.”

“Oh,” Negan said, shifting his glance to their friends, “You know what I’m waiting for.”

Rick stared at Negan incredulously; shocked he was trying to bring this up at the dinner table. Negan was making it painfully obvious that there was only one thing that was going to make him shut up.

“Looks like everyone is calling it a night.” Glenn interrupted, watching the room empty. “I think we’ll head out too.”

“Same here.” Beth said. “See you guys tomorrow morning.”

Rick found himself abandoned, sitting next to a hungry wolf that he was supposed to somehow tame. Negan’s hand slid off Rick’s neck.  

“So-

“I’m going to the bathroom by the golf course.” Rick said plainly, getting up. “Meet me there if you want.”

Rick walked away, leaving Negan to throw down the last of the tip before following him.

It was late in the night, and Rick found himself walking much too fast to the bathroom. The sea breeze blew into his hair, and he shivered even though it was warm. There was no one else outside, and if there were, they were up to the same sort of deviant things Rick was.

Rick pushed his way into the bathroom, having chosen the golf course because it was truly and utterly empty at this time of night. And this bathroom had a second countertop that wasn’t occupied with sinks. He looked in the mirror and brushed his hair back with his fingers, not that Negan would see it. Two minutes went by, too much time for Rick to process why he shouldn’t be doing this in this place. But Negan dug under his skin, challenged him, how many times had he called him boring? Not anymore. He nearly jumped when Negan opened the door.

“What did you do? Sprint here?” Negan scoffed.

Rick turned around and grabbed Negan’s face with his hands, kissing him roughly and pinning him against the counter. Negan’s hand flew back, grabbing onto the granite, trying not to fall as Rick grinded into him. Rick slunk a hand down Negan’s jeans, fingertips dragging roughly down Negan’s boxers. He pulled his hand out and worked the button of Negan’s jeans.

Negan felt his pants drop to his ankles, and next thing he knew Rick had flipped him over. Negan drew in a sharp breath, he tried to come up with something snarky to say, but he was speechless. And Rick wasn’t saying anything either, like he meant business and he had a job to do and Negan better shut the fuck up. Maybe that was Negan’s imagination, but Rick was making it difficult to think otherwise.

Rick pressed on Negan’s back with one hand, pushing him down onto the counter. And just as Rick undid his own pants, Negan found the line.

“ _Am I under arrest Sheriff?_ ”

Rick pulled down Negan’s boxer briefs.

“ _Sheriff’s Deputy_.” Rick said through his teeth, grabbing Negan’s arms and pulling them behind his back.

Negan gave a wheezy, hoarse laugh. “Well fuck.”

Rick took a hand off of one of Negan’s arms so that he could guide his cock into Negan. Negan made a sharp hissing noise but didn’t complain, and he felt the cold granite on his face as Rick thrusted into him. Rick took his other hand off Negan’s arm and put both on his waist, trying to grab his hips so he could work his way in better. Negan closed his eyes and let Rick fuck him hard, feeling his cock already dripping onto the tile.

Rick inhaled sharply, feeling himself starting to lose control, a ringing sounding off in his ears. Negan was moaning now, and he wondered how long that had been going on and if it was as loud as it sounded.

“FUCK!” Negan gasped, fingers sliding against the countertop, wondering when the last time he felt this dominated was. A quick, short memory flashed in his mind, of all the dirty thoughts he had of Rick before they got together. And now here they were, and Rick was behind him, fucking him into the next life.

“ _Fuuuuuck._ ” Negan whined, fingers shaking now on the countertop. And Rick was being silent, focusing on his work. Negan opened his eyes, his torso dragging across the granite.

Rick felt his focus slipping until all he could do was move his hips faster, and then he was gasping, hands slipping off Negan’s waist when he was done. Negan moaned again, closing his eyes as he came onto the floor.

Both of them were shaking, Rick stepped backwards and swayed a little, sweat dripping off his face. Negan put his arms under his torso, holding himself up on the counter as his body shook.

“Fuck.” Negan whispered. “Fuck.”

Rick dragged his pants back up around his waist and zipped, feeling the aftershocks running through his muscles like lightning.

Negan put a hand on the counter and leaned down so he could grab at his underwear and pants. He tried to pull them up with one hand and struggled until they were up around his waist. He didn’t know what to say. He grabbed some paper towels and cleaned up the floor. Rick was leaning against the bathroom stalls, watching as Negan shoved the paper towels into the trash can.

Rick leaned over to the sink and splashed water in his face; he looked up to see Negan doing the same.

“Fuck,” Negan breathed, glancing up to look at Rick in the mirror, “Where’d you learn to fuck a guy like that?”

Rick met his gaze and gave that suburban smile that Negan would have bet didn’t exist anymore, and he’d be wrong, of course.

“From the best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the ridiculously long time between updates! There are only four chapters left (at least that's the plan) after this one so I'm tying to make sure I don't leave anything out!!! I hope you enjoyed this tho >:3c And 'Another Life' will update later today!!


	24. The Trouble with Yankees

Rick took Negan’s hand and they walked back to their cabin quickly, trying not to get caught by any members of the night shift. The sea was calm and relaxed, and a full moon hung in the sky. Negan let Rick lead the way back, watching the back of his head, wondering how he ended up on a cruise with the next great love of his life, a series of events that had all transpired within one year of losing his first.

Rick woke up the next morning and stretched, feeling an ache in his bones. Negan opened his eyes, gave a Rick a smirk, got up, and immediately fell over into the bed.

“Holy fuck I’m in pain.” He hissed. “Jesus H motherfucking Christ.”

Rick laughed, “What’s the matter with you?”

“Uh,” Negan said, “Gee I wonder.”

“Can’t handle it?” Rick purred. “Or are you just old?”

“Neither.” Negan muttered. “It’s from volleyball.”

“Now we both know that’s not true.” Rick grinned.

“Well don’t you look fucking pleased with yourself?” Negan scoffed.

“Yeah, I’d say I am pretty pleased with myself, actually.”

Negan smiled, flashing his rabbit teeth, “Ok, hotshot. You win. You decimated me with your dick.”

Rick laughed. “You’re never going to stop being embarrassing are you?”

“Nope.”

Rick and Negan met up with the others for breakfast, standing around a buffet.

“What’s wrong with you?” Carl asked, noticing Negan’s walk.

“I slipped and fell on something hard last night.” Negan said, and he looked at Rick, who was just about to give him a stern look when a huge shit-eating grin appeared on Negan’s face.

“Are you freaking serious right now.” Carl muttered, grabbing a plate and heading to the table.

“Sorry kid. Couldn’t help it.” Negan called, he looked back to see Rick staring him down, his face red with embarrassment. “Why lie?”

“There are a lot of answers to that question.” Rick said.

Besides embarrassing Carl half to death, the rest of the trip went smoothly, and before they knew it, they were back home to normal, regular life. Negan had spent the rest of October decorating the outside of his house and his garage for Halloween, creating a small haunted house in the garage equipped with lights, fog, and creatures.

“Looking good over there.” Rick said one evening when he was sitting on the porch with Negan.

“Fuck yeah it is.” Negan said. “I’m gonna be the cool one in the neighborhood. All those little fuckers are gonna be telling all their friends about this street. Thanks to me.”

Rick rolled his eyes, but it was cute how Negan always seemed determined for kids to think he was cool.

“Beth and Daryl are going to come help manage the ‘stand’ while we trick or treat with Judith.” Negan said.

Rick smiled. “You sure? You don’t have to.”

Negan scoffed. “Of course I fucking do. Judith is gonna be dressed as goddamn Belle and you think I’m gonna miss an opportunity?”

“What do you mean?”

“To be Gaston.”

Rick laughed. “Are you sure you don’t want to be the Beast?”

“It’s a good chance to remind everyone I’m fuckin’ jacked. Besides, you got the beard. You’re already fuzzy.”

“She’ll love it.” Rick smiled.

“So Carl’s going to a party.” Negan said.

“Yep.” Rick sighed. “You hearing about it at school?”

“A little. It seems relatively tame. It’s hosted by some theater and bands kids. I mean. Those kids get in trouble but…not nearly on the same level as some of the other kids he could be hanging with.”

“And then there’s college.” Rick muttered.

“Rick. Don’t worry. He’s a good kid. He’ll be fine.”

“I hope you’re right.”

By Halloween, Maggie had the tiniest baby bump, and she and Glenn had walked down the street to sit with Beth and Daryl. Rick and Negan were turning everything on before they took Judith out.

“Daryl keeps looking at the house.” Negan muttered quietly as he and Rick plugged in the electronics.

“Don’t take it personally, he was really pissed he couldn’t afford it. He spent a lot of time here, so it holds some memories.”

“Not cooking meth I hope?”

“No.” Rick said. “But it was probably one of the more stable places he had crashed.”

“Makes me feel like a dick.” Negan said.

“It’s not your fault. Besides, I already told Daryl I was glad he couldn’t afford it.” Rick laughed guiltily.

“Shit you said that?” Negan smirked.

“Yeah, he gets it. I wouldn’t have met you if he had been able to.” Rick said, giving him a little playful smile.

“No way hotshot, you and me are bound by fuckin’ destiny, we would have met in any lifetime.” Negan said matter-of-factly.

“Eyyy Gaston.” Beth said when they walked out of the garage. Beth was dressed up like Rapunzel from Tangled, and Daryl was dressed like Flynn Rider. Judith was in Daryl’s arms, head over heels at all the Disney characters.

“I guess the Beast isn’t her favorite anymore.” Rick said, putting two furry paws on his hips.

“It took me forever to get Daryl in that costume.” Beth said. “And to convince Maggie to dress up as Ariel.”

“I’m a pregnant Ariel.” Maggie said. “A pregnant. Ariel.”

“Ariel is like, pregnant in the second movie.” Beth said. “I already told you that. Plus look how cute of a Prince Eric that Glenn makes.”

“I’m digging the red wig.” Glenn said.

Maggie rolled her eyes and pulled up the tail she was wearing. “It just means I get to sit and make you all get me anything I need.”

“Isn’t that what we already do?” Glenn asked.

“You ready to trick or treat?” Rick asked Judith, picking her up. He smiled at Negan and they started walking down the street.

Carol was sitting outside on her driveway with the trio, and they talked for a little bit before they headed to the other side of the neighborhood where Aaron, Jesus, and Michonne lived. Michonne was outside with Andrea, and they talked for a while before Judith started to fall asleep. It felt natural, Negan being there, and it was almost like he had always been a part of their life.

“You seem quiet.” Rick said on the walk back, positioning Judith in his arms better.

“Yeah, no, it’s nothing.”

“Negan.” Rick said. “Come on.”

He was surprised when Negan sighed.

“Nothing nothing. I’ll tell you later. I don’t want to talk about it now.”

“Ok.” Rick said, they turned down the street and walked back to Negan’s.

“How did it go?” Negan asked. “What the hell did you guys do?”

Maggie, Glenn, Beth, and Daryl were covered in fake blood.

“Ask Glenn.” Daryl muttered.

“All I said was how scary could this be if they came up and there were Disney characters greeting them? That’s not scary! I tried to make us zombies, but nobody had the patience.”

“Otherwise, it was a hit. You did a great job decorating this place.” Maggie said.

“I’m going to take Judith in, meet me?” Rick asked, turning to Negan.

“Of course.”

Rick had taken off his costume and put on sweats when he heard Negan come in the front door, dressed in a t shirt and lounge pants. He walked down the steps.

“Hungry?” Rick asked, gesturing to the pile of candy on the kitchen counter.

“No thanks.” Negan said, and he watched Rick sit on the couch.

“Ok,” Rick said, “Tell me why you’re down.”

“It’s really fucking stupid.” Negan said, he laid on the couch so that his head was in Rick’s lap, legs dangling off the arm of the couch.

Rick put a hand in Negan’s hair. “Tell me.”

He watched as Negan closed his eyes.

“Seeing Glenn and Maggie. It just makes me wonder why that never got to be a part of my life. Then I have these stupid thoughts like, why couldn’t Lucille have just had an affair and gotten pregnant, and then just didn’t tell me about it?”

“That would have eaten you alive.” Rick said. “You know it would have.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for thinking it. It’s just not fair. There are these people that don’t want kids who can, and all these people who do and can’t. Lucille would have been the most beautiful pregnant woman too.”

Negan put a hand to his eyes.

“I still don’t understand why bad things happen to good people. Her dying I mean.”

“Neither do I.” Rick said. “I guess that’s something we’ll never figure out.”

“That room in my heart isn’t a closet yet; I don’t really want it to be.”

“That’s okay.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah. You can’t force it. It will just happen. You won’t even know it when it does. And it doesn’t mean you’re forgetting about them, you cultivate a spot in your heart, dust it every once in a while, but you can’t live in it…You can’t.”

“Yeah.” Negan murmured.

“You want to go to bed?” Rick asked.

“Mmhmm.”

Negan woke up a few hours later to his phone buzzing beside him on the nightstand. Rick’s arm was around his waist, and he gently moved it and got out of the bed. He picked up the phone, it was almost 3 in the morning, and Carl was calling.

Shit.

Negan looked at Rick, who had turned around in his spot but didn’t wake up. He tiptoed out of the room and went down the stairs, he pressed the answer button.

“What’s wrong?” Negan asked immediately.

“Hey…” Carl said, and it was a little difficult to hear him. “I need your help.”

“What do you mean…”

“Is my dad there?” Carl asked.

“No he’s asleep. Why?”

“Good.”

“ _Carl_.”

“Look I can explain when you get here; can you just pick us up?”

“Pick who up?”

“Me and Sophia.”

Negan closed his eyes. “Why? Where are you?”

“We’re…in a police station.”

Negan thought he was about to lose his mind, but he just breathed and let Carl tell him where they were. He made sure to leave a note, with a made up story, and quietly closed the front door behind him. He couldn’t believe he was doing this.

Negan pulled into the station forty minutes later, and he could tell it was going to be a long drive back.

In the station was a large group of kids in costumes, college-aged, and it was easy to pick out Carl and Sophia amongst them. He walked over, and Carl and Sophia jumped up when he approached. There was an officer standing there.

“Sir?” The officer started.

“Th-that’s him.” Carl said. “That’s my stepdad.”

The word hung in the air moment, catching Negan off guard.

“Isn’t that right?” Carl said under his breath.

“Yes.” Negan said, turning to face the officer. “That’s me. What the fuck happened?”

“College party.” The officer said.

“Are they in…trouble?” Negan asked.

The officer sighed. “There’s a fine. $50 dollars each.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Negan gasped.

“Sir.”

“Sorry.” He muttered, fishing out his wallet.

When the fines were paid, Negan practically dragged the two kids into the back of Lucille. He got in and turned around in his seat to face them.

“What the flying fuck.”

“Sorry Mr. Negan. I’ll pay you back.” Sophia said.

Negan squinted and turned on the interior lights. “Wait a minute. Are you two fucking high right now?”

“No.” Carl said.

“Were you high?” Negan growled.

“Maybe.”

“WHAT THE FUCK!”

“You know you did worse than us!” Carl protested.

“Yeah no shit, which is WHY I’m guessing you called me instead of your dad. You know, you’re really lucky nobody in that place knows him or your name.”

“Yeah, I know.” Carl muttered.

“Tell me what the fuck happened and please tell me what the FUCK you were thinking.” Negan yelled. “Did Enid and Lizzie put you up to this?”

“No!” Sophia cried. “They tried to stop us.”

“And you didn’t let them?” Negan asked. “You didn’t think that would be a good idea?”

“We wanted to go to a college party.” Sophia sighed.

“Well I hope you fucking had fun!”

“Are you gonna tell my dad about this?” Carl asked.

Negan sighed and put his hands on his face.

“No,” He said, pulling his hands away, “But only if you fucking swear you’ll never do shit like this AGAIN.”

Carl and Sophia hastily swore.

Negan pulled up to Carol’s house and put the car in park.

“I’m sorry Mr. Negan; really, I’ll pay you back ASAP.” She said hurriedly.

“Yeah. You will, I won’t forget either.”

“Are you going to tell my mom?”

Negan sighed. “I should. I really fucking should…but I won’t. But this is the only time I cover your asses.”

Sophia thanked him and hopped out of the car. Carl was still in the backseat.

“So…you’re really not gonna tell my dad?” Carl asked again.  

Negan gripped the steering wheel and pulled Lucille back into his driveway.

“No.”

“Thanks…”

“Your dad is really freaked out about you going to college. So do us both a favor and don’t get involved in any shit, ok?”

“Yeah…” Carl said. Negan turned the car off.

“I only said that stepdad stuff so the cop would let you come.” Carl said suddenly.

“What?” Negan said quickly. “Y-yeah, I know that.”

Carl unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car, closing the door quietly. Negan sighed, was this a parental decision? Should he be hiding this from Rick? But Negan couldn’t count the times his own dad bailed him out of trouble without worrying his mother, so he figured it was for the best.

Negan walked over to the kitchen counter and grabbed the note, scrunching it up and throwing it in the trash. He watched Carl tiptoe lightly up the stairs. Rick was still sleeping soundly when Negan walked into the bedroom. He breathed a sigh of relief and flopped back down into the bed.

The next few weeks were uneventful, and Negan felt a rumbling anxiety in his stomach when Thanksgiving break was approaching. On the last day before break Negan sat down next to Beth in the teacher’s lounge, his tray clattering on the table.

“I could get used to all these breaks.” Beth said, wiping her hands on a napkin.

“Oh yeah, it’s awesome. Especially summers.” Negan said.

“You anticipating meeting Rick’s family?” Beth asked.

Negan sighed. “Have you ever met them?”

“No, only his brother.” Beth said.

“Apparently they can be…judgmental.” Negan felt stupid saying it, he was fifty years old and he was afraid of other people. But until now, all his relationships with men were never shared with anyone else, and it made him nervous that while his family was open, he would be the black sheep amongst Rick’s. He could see himself standing there, everyone looking him up and down, wondering what he had done to make their golden boy do a complete 180.

“How does your family feel about Daryl?” Negan asked.

Beth smiled sheepishly. “They really like him, sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Negan said. “I’ll be fine. I’m just not…very good at first impressions.”

“I kinda caught that.” Beth said. “But once the initial shock wears off, you’re very lovable.”

Negan huffed a laugh at the word.

“You are.” Beth said.

“Maybe.” Negan grinned. “But sometimes I think if I don’t laugh or brush it off, I’ll start to believe it.”

“Would that be so bad?” Beth asked.

“I’ve never been a gentle person.” Negan murmured.

“For long time I wasn’t a strong person.” Beth replied. “But I changed.”

Negan rubbed his chin. “Jesus why the fuck are you all goddamn therapists in this town? It’s like none of you want me to be an asshole.”

“The town’s position of unruly asshole was taken by Spencer Monroe, so now you have to fill a different position.” Beth said.

“Ah so that’s it.” Negan muttered.

On Thanksgiving morning, Negan stood awkwardly in Rick’s kitchen, holding a bottle of wine and wearing a light sweater.

“So I hand this to them and say ‘Please don’t talk about me’ and then it will all work out?” Negan asked.

Rick was tucking in his dress shirt. “Something like that.”

“Aren’t you nervous?” Negan asked.

“Of course.” Rick said. “It’s not like it is today, I didn’t have some moment where I went ‘Hey Mom, Dad, and entire extended family, I’m bisexual. That’s when you’re not straight and you’re not gay’. Yeah, didn’t happen like that. Pretty much thought I’d never have to think about it again, then Lori died and you showed up and kind of ruined my genius plan.”

Rick looked up at him and gave a small smile, making Negan relax.

“Sorry about that hotshot. Told you I’d ruin you.” But he caught his breath again, unable to shake his nerves. “They at least know I’m coming right?”

Rick hesitated. “Through word of mouth…Jeffrey told them. I thought my parents would at least call me but…looks like all of us are determined to delay conversations.”

Carl appeared from the stairs.

“Is mom’s side of the family going to start any shit?” He asked. Lori’s parents, her sisters, sisters’ husbands and each of their teen daughters would be there.

“They’re all gonna start shit.” Rick muttered, opening the fridge and pulling out some pies.

“Are they really?” Carl asked. “Cause I’ll go off. Especially on Great Aunt Sally.”

Negan laughed, but he was even more nervous to meet Lori’s family. Rick was the kind of guy he’d love to shove in Lucille’s family’s faces, but on the flip side? Negan didn’t think he was anything to brag about, and he was pretty sure Lori’s family wouldn’t approve of who Rick picked to be in her place. Sleeping in her bed, raising her kids. Well, sort of.

“Let’s just all relax okay?” Rick said. “Carl, can you please put on nicer shoes?”

Negan picked his leather jacket off the side of the couch.

“Are you…wearing that?” Rick asked.

“Hey,” Negan said, slipping it on, “No matter what, I gotta be me.”

Rick softened his gaze; he didn’t care what his family thought. He was proud of his relationship, proud of who it made him, proud of who he made Negan, and he wasn’t going to hide it.

Rick pulled down Jeffrey’s long driveway. Negan gave a whistle.

“That’s a big Georgia house if I ever saw one.”

“Yeah,” Rick said, “Jeff lives there with Jacqui’s parents, Jacqui, and their three kids.”

“Full house.” Negan said, counting them off. “Three sets of old folks, your aunt, three of Carl’s aunts and uncles, and…a lot of kids. And then us.”

“Yup.” Rick said, putting the car in park. He took a deep breath.

“Let’s go kick some ass.” Carl said.

Carl held Judith as they walked to the front door. Negan clutched the bottle of wine. Rick held the pies in one hand and pressed the doorbell. The door swung open, Rick breathed a sigh of relief when it was Jeffrey.

“Hey brother!” He said, pulling Rick into a one armed hug. He pulled away and looked at Negan.

“You must be Negan.” He grinned, holding out a hand.

Negan shook his hand. “You must be Jeffrey.”

“The one and only.”

“How are they in there?” Rick asked quietly.

“They’re…anticipating.” Jeffrey said.

Rick walked inside, Negan and Carl trailing behind him. Jeffrey shut the front door and quickly caught up. Rick put the pies down on the table.

“Not there dear.” Came a voice.

“Hey Mom.” Rick said, giving his mom a hug when she appeared from the kitchen.

Negan ignored that Rick’s parents were now in the vicinity, and he turned to Jacqui and handed her the bottle of wine.

“Thank you.” She said. “Negan right?”

“Yep.” He said, his breath catching in his throat. “Do you need any help with anything?”

Jacqui smiled gently. “No, but thank you.”

Negan tried to scream with his eyes but she had already walked away to put the wine down. He turned around to face Rick and his parents; Rick was currently ending a hug with his dad.

“Uh, Mom, Dad, this is Negan.” Rick said, and he made a waving motion with his hand to indicate Negan should come closer.

“Heyy,” Negan said, extending a hand, “Mr. and Mrs. Grimes, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Rick’s dad took his hand first, then mom.

“Are you…a biker?” Rick’s mom asked, eyeing his leather jacket.

“Uh…haha…no.” Negan said. “Just an asshole.”

But they didn’t laugh. Negan cleared his throat, “I’m a teacher, actually.”

“Ah a teacher, what do you teach?” Rick’s dad asked.

“Physical Education.” Negan said.

“So you work with kids…in that kind of setting?” A voice said from behind them. It was Rick’s aunt.

“Aunt Sally,” Rick said dryly, “I’m sorry, were you saying something?”

Negan could only stand there, a hotness burning on his face; it made him feel like a chickenshit that all he wanted to do was run away.

“Where’s Judith?” She asked, ignoring Rick’s question.

“With Carl somewhere.” Rick muttered. She eyed Negan up and down and walked away.

“So you get along well then?” Rick’s mom asked.

“Yes.” Negan said. “Yeah we do.”

“Jus’ kind of interestin’.” Rick’s dad said.

“Oh, is it?” Rick asked, feeling a rush of electricity up his spine.

There was a knock on the door, and suddenly Lori’s family was piling into the foyer.

“This isn’t going too well.” Negan muttered.

“I know.” Rick sighed. “We’ll make it through.”

Negan shook the hands of Lori’s family, and he could tell that certain members of the party weren’t as thrilled, but Lori’s sisters seemed okay, and he made sure to seat him and Rick down by them when they sat at the table. Jacqui’s parents kept quiet, it wasn’t like Rick was particularly close to them, so there was little to be awkward about.

“How are you feeling these days Rick?” Lori’s dad asked, giving a long glance at him and Negan.

“What do you mean.” Rick said.

“Just, you know, you’re mental state.”

Rick thought the fork in his hand might snap.

“Where do you live Negan?” Rick’s mom interrupted.

“Across the street from Rick.” Negan said. “But I guess I spend more time on the other side now.”

“You’re living together?” Aunt Sally asked.

“No.” Rick said.

Rick’s aunt sat back in her chair; clearly neither answer would have pleased her.

“How did you two end up dating?” Lori’s older sister asked.

“Um, it sort of just happened.” Negan said. “I asked him out and he said yes. Or something like that.”

“We’ve been dating for six months.” Rick said.

“How do you feel Carl?” Lori’s dad asked.

“Feel?” Carl asked, attitude on his voice.

“I can’t say we’re not all shocked…I mean…it must be weird to see your dad…”

“Well I think what’s weirder is how y’all are sitting in your seats like someone put superglue on them.” Carl said. “That’s what I think is weird.”

“It just seems an interesting…phase…after all this time…” Lori’s older sister’s husband said.

“WHAT?” Rick shouted. Everyone looked over at him. Carl’s cousins jumped in their seats.

Rick slammed his fork down.

“ _Am I not right here?_ ”

“Rick…” Negan said, his hand instinctively resting on top of Rick’s.

“No!” Rick growled. “What do you people want from me? This is my goddamn motherfucking boyfriend. What do you want to know? Do you want to know that he lost his wife too? That we’ve cried to each other about it? Would that make you fucking feel better? Huh? No? What do you want to know, I’ll tell you! You certainly seem all interested. So what is it? Does the thought of us fucking bother you that fucking much? Is that what’s on your mind?”

Rick was shaking. Negan stared at him in shock. The table was silent.

“Fuck yeah Uncle Rick!” One of Carl’s cousins yelled through the tension.

“Ho-ly shit.” Negan said.

Rick looked at Lori’s side of the family. “You think I just replaced Lori with some random man? Fuck you!”

“Rick that’s not…” But Lori’s mom didn’t know what to say.

“This is who I love.” Rick said. “I don’t care if you have a problem with it. But you’re not going to side eye each other and ask questions dancin’ around shit.”

“We’re sorry honey.” Lori’s mom said. “I’m sorry Negan.”

“Yeah son,” Lori’s dad said, “Really. It’s just a little confusing. But...yeah. It’s ok.”

“We love you sweetheart.” Rick’s mom said from the other end of the table. Rick made eye contact with his dad.

“Well I’m sorry to have confused you all so much.” Rick said, his words getting caught in his throat. “Sorry that it took a man to drag me out of whatever hell I was living in and that some of you can’t wrap your heads around it. But I’m the happiest I’ve been since Lori and I think I goddamn deserve it.”

“…I support you.” Rick’s dad said. “I support you.”

Rick sighed. “Thanks Dad.”

“Well I don’t know about the rest of you,” Rick’s mom said, “But I don’t think Jeff and Jacqui worked all day for us not to finish eating. And those pies look a lot more interesting to dig into than my firstborn’s love life, which looks very happy from where I’m sitting.”

“Agreed.” Jeffrey said. “And no more cursing. I don’t care if the kids are all teenagers.”

Negan smirked, speaking up for the first time. “That’s usually my job.”

Rick smiled and looked down. The conversations changed and separated, leaving a stream of chatter around the table. Negan nudged Rick and flicked his head to the carved turkey.

“You wanna make out on that thing or what?”

Rick sighed. “Sorry for that.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Negan whispered. “I’m used to people judging me for way worse. Plus it’s pretty hot as fuck watching you defend my honor.”

Rick tried to hide his grin, at the end of the day, he’d still have Negan. That’s all that mattered.

After dinner everyone was dispersed on the first floor.

“I didn’t know you were a badass Uncle Rick.” Carl’s older cousin Paige said. She was Lori’s older sister’s daughter.

“Yeah I’m pretty cool.” Rick said.

“Well, I think Aunt Lori would approve.” She said. “At least he’s hot right?”

“I’m sorry,” Rick said, “How old are you again?”

“Nineteen.” Paige said. “It won’t be weird until you’re married.”

“Sounds like a great family reunion.” Rick muttered.

“Hell yeah.” Paige laughed.

Negan had somehow gotten caught into talking to Rick’s parents. They seemed to have warmed up a lot after watching other people come for their son.

“You were married?” Rick’s dad asked.

“Yeah.” Negan said, fishing out his wallet and handing them a photo. “Her name was Lucille.”

“Oh,” Rick’s mom said, “She was beautiful. No kids?”

“No,” Negan said, “We tried, though. All my fault.”

Negan gave a defensive laugh, but Rick’s mom handed him back the photo and said, “That sort of thing isn’t anybody’s fault.”

Negan swallowed.

“Yeah…anyway she passed away from cancer and that’s when I moved into the house across from Rick’s. Your son is…a really, really fuckin’ good person. His choices might confuse you but, you raised the best person I’ve ever met, so I guess I have to thank you.”

“Thank you.” Rick’s mom said, giving him a gentle smile.

“I don’t have a problem with you bein’ a man,” Rick’s dad said bluntly, “but being a yankee might yield some problems.”

Negan laughed. “If it makes you feel better, I haven’t lived up north in a long, long time.”

Rick watched Negan from the corner of his eye, and when he saw them all laughing, he breathed a sigh of relief and walked over.

“What’s going on?” Rick asked.

Negan put his hand on his hips, “They’re grilling me for not being from the great state of Georgia.”

“I’ll allow it.” Rick grinned.

“Well, spend one day in ol’ PA and you’ll be wishing you grew up there too.” Negan said. “I’ll introduce Carl and Judith to snow. They’re deprived.”

Rick found the next few hours with his family to actually be enjoyable, and Negan was starting to fit in sooner than he expected.

“He seems great.” Lori’s younger sister Bree said as they watched Negan play football outside with all the kids.

“Yeah,” Rick said, “He is.”

“FUCK ME.” Negan groaned from the backyard.

“I think she would like him.” Bree said. “I mean, I don’t know how I feel about the cussing but, I think she would find it funny.”

“I think so too.” Rick smiled.

“And don’t worry about everyone, they’re coming around.” She said, giving him a kiss on the cheek and walking back inside.

“Thank you.” Rick said.

“Hey!” Negan called. “You gonna join in?”

Rick sighed, rolled up his sleeves, and walked out to the yard. Things were going to be just fine, and while he ran around the large backyard, the sun setting on his back, he could feel the new chapter of his life starting.

That night Negan wrapped his arms around Rick and nuzzled into the back of his neck.

“Looks like we survived.”

“Looks that way.” Rick said.

“They weren’t so bad.” Negan said. “But geez, that’s a lot of heavy southern accents in one place.”

Rick stifled a laugh. “Yeah.”

“I’ve known you how long and I’ve never told you how much your accent turns me on.” Negan murmured.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, you’ve got the sexy drawl.” Negan giggled.

“You’re family is up next.” Rick said.

“They’re cool. I told them. They’re not surprised.”

“What are they like?” Rick asked.

“Fuck-in hilarious.” Negan said. “Kinda wish I hadn’t isolated myself so much after Lucille but, you can’t help those things sometimes.”

“I’m going to miss you when you go back to school.” Rick said, his arms wrapped around Negan’s.

“Christmas Vacation.” Negan said. “It’s not that far away. Besides, one of us has to be the workin’ one.”

And there it was again, that little extra domestic slip of the tongue that made Rick almost believe they were already married. Six months. It had only been six months. But how many hours? Rick fell asleep to the feel of Negan’s arms wrapped around him and the thought of six months turning into the rest of their lives. As usual, Negan was doing the same.


	25. The Pocono Coven

Negan and Rick were standing in the kitchen, suitcases by the door.

“Are you going to get airsick again?” Rick teased.

“Fuck you Grimes,” Negan growled, “I’m a pro now.”

Rick smiled. “I’m actually pretty excited to see where you come from.”

“Really?” Negan huffed a laugh.

“Yeah, it will be interesting to find out what made you…you.” Rick smiled nervously.

Negan scoffed. “Why does everyone think my parents made me this way? I fucked myself up all by myself, thank you very much.”

Rick could only laugh.

“Well it’s true,” Negan said, “They were all busy being eccentric hippie artists and I was focused on playing sports, getting into fights, and throwing huge parties while they were gone.”

“Maybe you should have joined their drum circle.” Rick said.

Negan barked a laugh. “You know that’s their plan, right? They really have drums. They’re gonna indoctrinate Carl into their cult. Just watch. He’s gonna major in ceramics and you’ll be sorry.”

“They sound great.” Rick argued.

“They are!” Negan said. “But they’re still eccentric and weird as fuck. Don’t be surprised when they talk about the Winter Solstice.”

Rick shook his head and called for Carl, and then they were heading up the east coast to the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. They picked up their rental car and made the drive to Negan’s parents’ house. It was a large mountain lodge style home perched on a steep hillside, with a nice wraparound porch and an excessive amount of pine trees. Snow covered absolutely everything.

“Now I just know Judith is ready to romp around in this snow, aren’t you hunny?” Negan said from the driver seat.

“Yes!” Judith cried, bouncing in her car seat.

Rick felt his stomach do nervous flips for the first time. He was going to be spending the next week with Negan and his family, what if they didn’t get along?

They carried their suitcases up the steps to the door, and Negan pounded a fist on it.

Negan’s mom answered the door. She had long grey hair, big wire frame glasses, and was wearing clothing that looked handmade in the 1960s.

“Negan!” She said, throwing her arms around her son’s neck.

“Hey mama.” Negan said, using his hand that wasn’t holding a suitcase to hug her back.

“And these are the kids!” She said excitedly, putting her arms around Carl, who was holding Judtih.

“H-hi.” Carl said.

“Oh aren’t you two just the fucking cutest?!” She cried. “Oh, sorry.”

“They’re used to it.” Negan muttered embarrassingly.

“I bet they are.” Negan’s mom mused; she looked past the kids at Rick, who was standing in the back. “And there he is.”

Her smile was wide and welcoming, and a little, Rick thought, emotional. Negan stepped out of the way to let her approach him.

Rick put his suitcase down and accepted her embrace. She hugged him tightly and pulled away.

“And you are far more handsome than Negan described.” She said.

Rick laughed. “Oh yeah?” He looked to Negan. “Couldn’t do me justice?”

Negan looked sheepish. “Well I’m not a poet, which I’d have to be to explain just how blue your eyes are hotshot.”

“Ok I don’t need you two tussling on the porch, come inside.” Negan’s mom held the door open for them as they walked inside.

The house was huge, and covered in all sorts of decorations for what looked like every winter holiday rolled into one. Negan’s mom, whose name was Andromeda, led the way to their side of the house. Rick and Negan took a bedroom in the south end, and Carl took the room across the hall. There was a small bedroom setup for Judith the next door down. Andromeda left to check on the food she was cooking, leaving Rick and Negan alone.

“This house is…” Rick started. “You grew up here?”

“Yeah.” Negan said. “Well, I was 13 when we moved here. Trust me; you probably would have had a much better time than I did.”

“You can’t say that.” Rick said. “This is amazing.”

“I guess so.” Negan said. “Needless to say, I can enjoy it now.”

“Your mom is nice.” Rick said.

“Yeah she is.” Negan said, walking over to Rick and placing a hand on the back of Rick’s head. “And I told her you were gorgeous, by the way. She just likes to start trouble.”

Rick grinned and let Negan slide his fingers into the back of his hair.

“I figured that.” Rick teased.

“Maybe one day I’ll find the words to describe your eyes.” Negan said, suddenly serious.

Rick blushed.

“Negan, there you are!” It was Negan’s dad, whose name was Rowan. He had thick grey hair that went to his shoulders, half moon glasses, and looked like he was about to grab a guitar and put on the best Neil Young tribute concert this side of the Mason Dixon. He and Negan hugged, and Rick held out his hand just as Rowan grabbed him into a hug.

“Hey son! Heard a lot about you.” Rowan said, patting Rick on the back as they pulled apart.

“Oh,” Rick said, “Yeah I bet.”

Rick stood there, trying to suppress his shock. It was the complete opposite reaction he had experienced with his own family. And Negan had to have been right, there was no way this family was responsible for any of the unsavory sides of the man. Rick was ready to sign the papers joining the cult.

“Is Cressida here yet?” Negan asked.

“Not yet.” Rowan said. “She and Rainey should be arriving in an hour just in time for dinner. And tomorrow the rest of the family comes in.”

“Great.” Negan said.

“Well,” Rick said as Rowan left the room, “Take me on the grand tour.”

Negan led Rick and Carl around the house, showing them all the hidden rooms and amenities a mountain lodge had to offer. It was a gorgeous house, and Rick could only imagine what it was like to grow up here.

“This is sweet.” Carl said as they walked back into the main room. The kitchen was visible where they were standing, and Negan’s parents were working on dinner when the doorbell rang.

“Negan honey, get the door, it’s your sister!” Andromeda called.

“I got it.” Negan said. Rick watched him walk to the front door.

Cressida was standing there; she had long red hair, and was wearing a simple sweater and jeans. Around her neck was a crescent moon necklace. She was with her wife, Rainey, and their daughter Leda, who was Judith’s age.

“Hey,” Cressida said, “Long time no see.”

“No kidding.” Negan said, and they hugged.

“So this is Rick Grimes and Co.” Cressida grinned, walking over to Rick and giving him a hug. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Rick said. “I’m excited for our daughters to meet.”

“Yes!” Cressida said, clapping her hands. “When Negan said Judith was two, I got so excited.”

Negan smiled as he took Leda from Rainey, and he couldn’t help but imagine how perfect it would be for Cressida’s child and Judith to be cousins. The idea that his sister could be an aunt after all made his heart ache. He tried to fight the thoughts, but it was hard when he was already so involved in Rick’s kids’ lives. He couldn’t imagine not being a part of them, and he didn’t want to. For the first time in his life, Negan was the closest he had ever been to being a father, and he was terrified at the thought of it not panning out.

They had set up Judith up in the living room with her new obsession, Disney’s Hercules, and Rick thought for a moment it was like putting two cats in the same room and hoping they’d get along. But Judith and Leda were more like dogs, and they quickly became friends.

Negan, Rick, Cressida, and Rainey hung around the kitchen island drinking some homemade juice that Rick was afraid to ask the ingredients of.

“So what is your technique for naptime?” Cressida asked.

“Oh she just falls right asleep.” Rick said. “She never fights it.”

“Geez,” Rainey said, “Trying to get Leda to take a nap is the biggest challenge of the day.”

“Sorry, she’s pretty easy. I think she knows for a long time I was doing things by myself, and she’s just considerate like that.” Rick laughed.

Negan couldn’t help but catch the past tense in Rick’s words.

“Yeah but her naps are getting shorter these days.” Negan said. “I think you’re gonna be entering a new age.”

“Well we’ll find a way to get her to sleep.” Rick said. “You can just chase her around the yard till she gets tired.”

Negan took a sip of his drink, he had specifically used the word ‘you’re’, and then Rick had come right back with the ‘we’. Negan didn’t know why it was so hard for him to solidify his place in the Grimes family within his own head. It was like he was holding his breath, and if he made any mention of being a permanent member then that would be that, and he’d be out.

He and Cressida made eye contact, and she smiled at him in a sweet way that said they’d probably have a deep conversation later.

“Okay you kids, out of the way.” Andromeda said. “Go take your seats.”

Rick sat down opposite to Negan around a small wooden table. There was a large dining room one room over, but there wasn’t a need for it now.

“Ok,” Andromeda said, looking right at Rick, “Tell me how my son got so lucky.”

Rick swallowed. “Uh…I guess it was just the perfect time.”

“Fate.” Andromeda said.

“Yeah, maybe.” Rick smiled.

“There’s lots of energy around you two.” Rowan said.

“Dad please.” Negan said.

“We’re going to do a Yule ceremony tomorrow when everyone gets here.” Rowan said. “It would be beneficial of you to join.”

Negan rolled his eyes.

“Sounds like fun.” Rick said.

Negan’s mom made a little excited gasp.

“Fine.” Negan said. “We’ll join you.”

“How do you celebrate Yule?” Carl asked.

“Yule celebrates the sun’s rebirth in the sky.” Rowan said. “Each day after the Winter Solstice, the days get a little longer. The half of the year that is usually encompassed by darkness is giving in to the half of the year that’s dominated by light. It’s a celebration of coming back to life.” Rowan explained.

“You have to get the log.” Andromeda said. “Maybe you can take Negan and the boys.”

“The log?” Rick asked.

“The Yule log comes from the owner’s land or is given as a gift. It’s never purchased. So we go out and we find a nice tree and we harvest the log from it.” Rowan said, and he looked to Negan. “So maybe for once you’d like to join us to get it.”

Negan sighed. “Fine. I’ll participate.”

“You are a gym teacher; participation is kind of a requirement.” Rick said, grinning.

“You’re just loving this.” Negan muttered.

Rick and Negan settled into bed early that night.

“So who’s coming tomorrow?” Rick asked, snuggling up next to Negan.

“Ok,” Negan began, “Pay attention this time. My aunt and uncle, Zelda and Finnian. Their three kids, Matilda, Tristan, and Declan, my cousins. Tristan’s wife Kiera. Matilda’s husband Leo and their son Caspian.”

“Wait a minute.” Rick said. “Are your names…”

“Let me stop you right there Grimes.” Negan said. “If you’re about to ask if all the men in my family’s names end in ‘an’, and all the women end in ‘da’, then I’ll cut you off to say yes, yes they do.”

“Are you serious?” Rick asked. “But I don’t get it, who named your parents? Your aunt and uncle?”

Negan gave an embarrassed sigh. “Zelda is my mom’s sister. And Finnian is my dad’s brother. Their parents started it within their own families, and then they merged.”

Rick didn’t say anything.

“I told you. Eccentric as fuck.” Negan said. “It’s like some sort of…”

“Negan,” Rick scoffed, “Is your family a result of a…coven of witches?”

Negan groaned and put his hands to his face. “Allegedly…Basically…Technically. Yes. I come from a coven of witches.”

Rick started to laugh.

“I knew there was something magical about you.” Rick teased.

“Oh shut up.” Negan muttered.

“How did Lucille’s family feel about them?”

Rick felt Negan stiffen.

“They fucking hated them, fucking assholes.” Negan muttered. “But Lucille loved them. A lot. She was into it. I’d be in this room watching that TV and she’d be out there dancing naked around the firepit with them.”

“You’d be in here?” Rick asked.

“Ok no. I’d be out there watching. But I wasn’t dancing.” Negan said. “She was a wild person. It didn’t matter if she believed in their…whatever you want to call it. But she was so open minded she just ran with whatever you gave her. It wouldn’t surprise me if she really was one part of this entire scheme.”

Rick smiled.

“And now here you are, hotshot, joining in too. Only you do it out of your sense of humor.”

Rick laughed. “I’m just interested. I’m a good southern boy, remember? I ain’t never met witches before.”

Negan rolled his eyes. “I don’t know how I ended up so normal.”

Rick gave a barking laugh. “Negan.”

“What?” Negan hissed.

“You are not the normal one out of them. I can guarantee it.”

Negan grabbed at Rick’s sides. “Why are you so feisty today huh?”

Rick twisted out of Negan’s hands. “I just like picking on you.”

Negan smirked and grabbed Rick around the waist and pulled him in close. “Well now it’s time for bed.” Negan turned around for a moment and flicked the light off; he put his arms back around Rick.

“Negan?” Rick asked.

“Mm?”

“If you had kids…” Rick started. “What would their names have been?”

Negan smiled softly. “Vivian for a girl. Dakoda for a boy.”

Rick furrowed his brow

“Yeah,” Negan said when he heard Rick’s silence, “I would have switched the endings. Because I’m that much of an asshole.”

Rick laughed. “And Lucille was cool with this?”

“Oh yeah,” Negan grinned, “It would have been the funniest shit ever.”

The next day Rick met the rest of Negan’s family. They were all warm and welcoming, a common theme. Rowan took Negan, Rick, and Carl to get the Yule Log. Negan’s cousin Declan and his cousin Matilda’s son Caspian joined them. Caspian was Carl’s age, and they found that they had a lot in common and were getting along pretty well.

“Ok,” Rowan said, “Which tree does the Yule log come from?”

Rick looked around. “Uh, that one?”

Rick pointed to a thin looking pine.

“No.” Rowan said bluntly.

“Yeah, that one is weak.” Negan said. “This one right here.”

Negan patted a larger pine tree, brushing snow off its branches.

“That’s it!” Rowan said. “Good job son. You’re really connecting to the spirit here.”

Negan looked a little bewildered, but didn’t make a smart comment. Rick wondered if by the end of their trip Negan would return to Georgia a hippie warlock. He watched Negan smirk and help his dad with the axe.

Negan took a swing and failed miserably.

“You suck.” Carl said.

“You’re no good with an axe.” Rick said. “Here, give it to me.”

Negan muttered something incoherent and handed the axe to Rick.

“Let’s see what you got son.” Rowan said from behind him.

“Be careful.” Declan said.

Rick started to chop at the tree, and in a few good hits, the tree came down.

“Damn.” Negan said. “You’re good at that.”

Rick gave a smile and twirled the axe in his hands.

“This is going to be great.” Rowan said.

Negan hung back to walk with Rick. Carl was helping Declan and Caspian carry the tree, they were going to finish chopping it up back at the house.

“You’re turning into a real mountain man Rick.” Negan mused.

“Oh yeah?” Rick asked.

“Yeah.” Negan said. “You just need to put on some plaid. I’m excited to see how you handle the slopes tomorrow.”

“I’m just excited to go to a resort. Not that your family’s house isn’t resort-like enough. But it will be fun.”

“Fuck yeah it will be.” Negan said. “Maybe we can get another massage.”

“Or find another bathroom.” Rick murmured.

Negan shoved Rick playfully, and soon they found themselves sitting on the floor in a circle with what Rick had deemed the Pocono Coven.

“Today this Yule log was gathered by the joint spirit of my son Negan and his twin flame Rick.” Rowan said.

Rick watched as the family looked at Rowan apprehensively. There were murmurs amongst the circle.

“Dad.” Negan said. “I don’t…”

“What?” Rick said. “What’s a twin flame? Is it like a soul mate?”

“No, well, sort of, but…” Negan shook his head. “I don’t…”

“What?” Rick asked again and looked at Negan’s parents.

“Are you sure?” Finnian asked, looking at Rowan.

“I’m sure.” Rowan said.

“Does someone want to explain this to me?” Rick asked.

“There are soul mates, and then there are twin flames.” Rowan said. “Soul mates are separate souls that join together to benefit each other for a specific purpose. They may only stay in your life for a while before leaving.”

Rick thought of Shane.

“Twin flames are different.” Rowan said. “And extremely rare. They are not separate souls; they’re two people who share the same soul. They mirror.”

Rick felt a chill run up his spine.

“It’s no mistake that your lives parallel each other so well.” Rowan said. “Twin Flames don’t often share much time together in their lives, so your history may seem different at first. But then you’ll find those parallels that are too eerie to ignore.”

Negan didn’t know what to say. Of course he had thought about it, but that was buried inside him. And now his parents were determined to not only bring it up, but bring it up in front of Rick. It was almost like a public proposal. Hell, it practically was.

“Negan and Rick are twin flames?” Cressida asked.

“Yes.” Rowan said.

“Positive.” Andromeda added.

Cressida looked slightly miffed, as did the rest of the family. But Andromeda and Rowan were like the elders, and what they said went. Rick came to the quick conclusion that the concept of  Twin Flames wasn’t thrown around loosely, and the idea of Rick appearing out of the blue and taking the title might be a little annoying.

Negan looked at Rick apprehensively. “You’re not…fuckin…weirded out by all this are you?”

“What? No.” Rick said.

Negan looked at Carl. “Carl, anytime you’re done just-

“No.” Carl said. “I’m cool.”

“Don’t fight it.” Andromeda said. “This is a wonderful thing. Think about how much time your soul spent apart.”

Negan felt his breath catch in his throat. He had been running from his family’s history and their beliefs his entire life. But leaving them behind had led him to Georgia. And Georgia led him to Rick. And now they both had returned to the mountains. Together.

Negan looked down to find Rick had taken his hand. He looked up and caught Rick’s gaze.

“Maybe they’re right.” Rick said.

“Well. Shit.” Negan said. “Maybe.”

Rick leaned in and gave Negan a gentle kiss. Negan felt his cheeks go hot when his entire family sat and watched. The fireplace flickered behind them.

After the ceremony, Negan walked outside to the wraparound porch and found a quiet spot.

“Hey.” Came a voice. Negan jumped.

Cressida was sitting on the railing, and he hadn’t noticed her.

“Cigarette?” She asked.

“No,” Negan said, “I’m off them.”

“Suit yourself, Twin Flame Number One.” Cressida said, flicking her lighter.

“Don’t tell me you’re fuckin’ bitter about that.” Negan muttered.

“Hey, you grow up hearing about how Mom and Dad are twin flames you kind of expect to find yours. So when you get married and have a child and you’re not twin flames it’s kind of like, what the fuck?”

Negan rolled his eyes. “Twin flames are rare, remember? Rainey is still a soul mate. Just like Lucille was a soul mate of mine.”

“Well to top it off, you don’t even believe in this shit. You found your twin flame and you weren’t even thinking about it.”

“Hey I’m sorry, okay? But I think I kind of deserve it.” Negan said.

Cressida sighed. “No you do. You do. And it makes a lot of sense, even if you don’t believe in it. I mean, the mirrors in your lives…”

“I do believe it.” Negan said.

“What?” Cressida asked. “You do?”

Negan sighed. “Yeah, I do. Deep down I’ve always believed in what you guys were smoking.”

“Then why did you run from it?”

“Because I needed to find my own life. Because even if I don’t think you’re all lunatics, I’m still different from you. And I didn’t run away. You’re across the country for Christ’s sake.”

“I moved long after you left us.” Cressida said.

“Well. Sorry bout it. But it led me to Rick. And…” Negan sighed, wishing he was taking a long drag of a cigarette. “I needed to find where I belonged. I’m not saying I don’t belong with you guys but…well, you know me. I don’t. In a way. I needed to find a place where I fit in seamlessly.”

“Did you find it then?” Cressida asked.

“Yeah. Yeah I think so.” Negan said. “And not just with him. But with his friends. Our friends. I think I belong there.”

“I’m proud of you, you know.” Cressida said. “You’ve really come back. I guess I mean that in a lot of ways.”

“Yeah,” Negan said, “What can I say. He brought me back. I owe it all to him.”

“You love him?”

“God yes.” Negan breathed. “I love him so much it fucking destroys me inside.”

Cressida smiled. “Negan. I’m happy for you. I mean that. I’m not bitter or jealous. Out of all us, I’m glad it was you.”

“Thanks sis.”

That night Rick cuddled into Negan under the covers.

“Hey flame.” Rick whispered.

Negan breathed a laugh. “What do you think about that?”

Rick looked into Negan’s eyes, and suddenly Negan remembered the words he had once used to describe those blue eyes. They were like pool water. And Negan had dived in head first and was happily drowning.

“I think it sounds real.” Rick said.

“You don’t think we’re all Satanists then?” Negan grinned.

“Only you.” Rick said.

Negan gave a sweet rabbit toothed smile and put his hand on Rick’s waist.

“I thought about our souls once before.” Negan whispered.

“When?” Rick asked.

“In the cabin in Virginia.” Negan said. “The first time. That was nothing short of fucking magic, right? You felt it too?”

“Of course.” Rick said. “I felt it in my soul.”

“Then maybe they’re right after all.” Negan said. “Kind of crazy isn’t it?”

“No.” Rick said. “It makes perfect sense to me.”

“Sometimes you’re so sure of yourself. How do you do that?” Negan asked.

“I don’t know.” Rick said. “Maybe I’m the part of us that’s just a little more…”

“Confident?” Negan laughed.

Rick smiled and leaned in to kiss Negan. He wanted to ask him something, but he didn’t know if this was the right time. Negan rolled over on top of Rick and kissed him back, his hands drifting down to tug on Rick’s boxers. Ten minutes later Negan and Rick laid tangled in each other.

“Hey, love.” Rick whispered.

“Yes?” Negan asked. He hadn’t yet gotten tired of Rick calling him ‘love’. He never would.

“I’m going to kick your ass on the slopes tomorrow.”

Negan gave a wheezy laugh. “Sure hotshot.”

The entire family had driven a few miles to the resort and slopes. Rainey wasn’t interested, and instead was staying home with Judith and Leda. Some members of the family had split up, and Rick was standing at the top of a hill with Negan, Carl, Cressida, Matilda, and Caspian. Matilda and Caspian had already started skiing down the slope.

“Are you ready for this!?” Negan cried, placing his foot in the skis.

“Do you always have to be competitive?” Cressida asked.

“Of course he does.” Rick said.

Rick put one of his feet in a ski and immediately fell over. Negan started to laugh like a hyena.

“Ouch. Shit.” Rick muttered.

Negan stopped laughing. “Are you okay?”

Rick grabbed his ankle. “I think I sprained my ankle.”

“Are you shitting me?” Negan scoffed. “You sprained your ankle putting on a ski?”

“Dad are you serious.” Carl muttered.

“I think I did.” Rick said. “It really hurts.”

“I’ll take you to the first aid.” Cressida said.

“Don’t worry Ricky. I’ll be the father to your children.” Negan said as Cressida helped Rick back on his feet. Rick gave him a glare, but it eased into a smirk.

“Bye Dad.” Carl sighed.

“Looks like it’s you and me kid.” Negan said. “And now isn’t the time for you act like your dad. It would be really embarrassing.”

“Shut up.” Carl said. “Are you going to show me how to do this or not?”

Cressida led Rick back inside the resort. Rick had twisted his ankle after all, and skiing was out of the question.

“This is…pathetic.” Rick said.

Cressida laughed, and it sounded just like Negan. It made Rick laugh too.

“Do you want to do something cool?” Cressida asked.

“What?” Rick asked.

“It’s a surprise. But it’s going to be really fucking cool. I promise.”

And Rick thought that sounded just like something Negan had said a long, long time ago.

Cressida led Rick to a quiet part of the resort.

“What is this?” Rick asked when they walked into a dim room.

“Have you ever experienced a sensory deprivation tank?” She asked.

“No.” Rick said. “Do I want to?”

Cressida smiled. “It’s really relaxing. And one of the things you can do with a busted ankle. You have to try it.”

“Is this part of your initiation? After this I get to be a witch?”

“Ha! Yes. That’s exactly it.” Cressida smirked. “I signed us up for an hour session.”

“Is it safe?”

“Of course, you’re just going to float in a small chamber. It’s going to be awesome.”

“Okay.” Rick said. “Yeah. I’ll do it.”

Rick stood apprehensively over the door that led into the small chamber Cressida had mentioned. An instructor was standing behind him and encourage him to get in. Rick climbed in and laid down, the water was filled with epsom salt and he floated on his back with ease. It was a little scary at first, the instructor had closed the door and he was in pitch darkness. Rick thought he might panic, but floating was easy and relaxing, and he closed his eyes.

Rick didn’t want to fall asleep, he wanted to be awake to try and experience the tank in full. But he couldn’t help it, the stillness of the water and salt mix guided Rick into a sudden deep sleep.

Rick jolted awake. He wasn’t sure how long he had had his eyes closed. Long enough for the salt to disappear out of the water, he thought. He sat up and looked around; there was a light in the distance. A thought flitted through Rick’s mind that this was a dream, and he didn’t know how it was possible that he was standing.

Rick walked over to the light, the water was just below his knees, and it glided through his legs with ease. He didn’t know how long he walked for. The light had started to take shape, and he paused when he saw who it had formed.

“Lori.” He breathed.

She was sitting in the water. He sat down behind her, putting his arms around her waist and pulling her in between his legs. He put his head down on her back.

“Hey you.” She said gently, placing her hands on his forearms.

“I missed you.” Rick said.

“I know.” She said.

“Do you know about Negan?” He whispered.

“Of course I know about Negan.” Lori said.

“Did you bring him to me?” Rick asked.

“Yes.” Lori said. “You were a pain in our butts.”

“Our?”

“Mmhmm.” she said. “I told her you’d make the first move. She didn’t believe me.”

Rick felt a tingling sensation in his nerves, but it wasn’t negative. It was a positive force. Like he was holding onto something more than human. Something he couldn’t contain in his arms.

“Thank you.” Rick whispered. “Thank you for bringing him to me.”

Lori glided her fingers over his arms. “Of course.”

“Why him?” Rick asked.

“Because he’s the only one.” Lori said. “No one else was going to move you. No one else could. I love him for what he is to you.”

Rick closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Lori said. “I’m so sorry.”

Rick kissed her back. “I don’t care.”

“I’m still sorry.” She said.

“I know.”

“When will you ask him Rick?” Lori asked.

Rick picked his head up. “What?”

“When will you ask him?”

“Ask him what?”

“Don’t be afraid.” Lori said.

“I don’t…” Rick started, but stopped. “I won’t be.”

Lori stood up and helped Rick to his feet. She stood up on her toes and kissed him.

“Goodnight, love.” She said.

Rick felt her hand drift away, but it wasn’t a sad goodbye. It was beautiful, peaceful, and it felt right.

Rick woke up from his dream; the tank was once again filled with the water and salt mix. He floated there, and he figured the tank must have worked. He was more at peace than he was before he got in.

Negan and Carl were taking their stuff back to the rental shop.

“That was pretty good kid.” Negan said. “You’re a natural.”

“Thanks.” Carl said. “Your family is pretty cool.”

Negan barked a laugh. “Thanks kid. Yeah they’re…something.”

“Do you think that stuff is legit, like what they said about you and my Dad?”

Negan hesitated. “What do you think about it?”

“I don’t know,” Carl said, “I guess it could be real. So are you like, you’re not…going anywhere, I guess?”

“I don’t know kid, do you want me to?”

“No.” Carl said. “I don’t.”

“Then I guess I’m not going anywhere.” Negan said, shrugging his shoulders.

Negan watched Carl take out his phone and look at it. He sighed.

“Something up?” Negan asked.

“Yeah,” Carl said, “I’m not sure what to get Enid for Christmas. I don’t know what’s too serious of a gift. Do you have any ideas?”

“Take her somewhere, do something fun. Jewelry is pretty serious, so maybe you two could go have fun at like a go kart track or something.”

“That’s actually a pretty good idea.” Carl said.

“You know you could ask your dad this stuff, right?” Negan asked.

“Oh, I know.” Carl said. “I already talked to him about it.”

Negan blinked, somewhere along the way, he had stopped being the adult Carl went to when he couldn’t talk to Rick. Now they were on an equal level. He confided in both of them in the same way. Maybe he saw them in the same way too.

Rick and Cressida met back up with Negan and Carl.

“How’s the big bad Sheriff’s Deputy?” Negan mused.

“He spent some time in a sensory deprivation tank.” Cressida said.

“What? Really?” Carl asked.

“Yeah,” Rick said, “It was pretty cool. How were the slopes?”

“Kid’s a natural.” Negan said. “Doesn’t take after you.”

Rick smirked. They spent the rest of the day enjoying the resort’s amenities. Rick thought about his discussion with Lori. It didn’t feel like a hallucination, but it still felt real. The following days were some of the most relaxing Rick had had in a while. Every evening Negan’s family did spells, which was strange, but all families were strange in some way.

On Christmas, Rick and the family went down the road to a series of hills to go sledding. Rick went down a few times with Judith till Negan took over. Carl was learning how to snowboard. Rainey took Judith from Negan and placed her in a toboggan sled with her and Leda. Rick sat down on a sled and turned when he felt someone sit behind him.

“You ready to do this?” Negan asked.

“This could end badly.” Rick muttered.

“Shit, you ever read Ethan Frome in school?” Negan asked.

“No, what’s that?”

Negan cleared his throat. “Nevermind.”

Rick pushed off in the snow and they took off down the hill. Negan wrapped his arms around Rick’s waist. They laughed hysterically the whole way down, hit a handmade ramp, and flew into the snow. Rick felt his sides hurt from laughing and he rolled on his back, Negan rolled over on top of him.

“I can’t breathe!” Rick cried.

“I’m too old for this!” Negan groaned. “I can’t get up.”

“Move.” Rick sighed.

“I think I’ll just live here.” Negan said.  

Rick pounded on Negan’s back with his fists. Negan finally rolled off.

“You’re carrying the sled back up the hill.” Rick said.

“You’re the boss.” Negan grinned.

That night Rick found himself sitting on a lawn chair around a bonfire. Negan’s parents and his aunt and uncle were playing drums on the one side with Carl, while their children danced around the fire.

“What do you say hotshot?” Negan said. “Want to get in on this action?”

Rick stood up and took Negan’s hand and they joined the dancers and circled the fire. Cressida started to sing. As Rick held on to Negan’s hand, he figured that this had to be the closest thing to magic.

“Merry Christmas.” Negan said in his ear. “I have a present for you.”

“Oh do you?” Rick said back.

“Yeah, I’ll give it to you later.”

The bonfire drifted to the sky, Rick didn’t know how long they danced and sat by the flames.

Later that night, Rick was drying his hair off with a towel after a shower. When he looked up, Negan was standing in the doorway.

“Do I get my present now?” Rick grinned.

“Yeah.” Negan said, he pulled a box from behind his back.

Rick took it. “You actually got me something.”

“You think I was just being dirty? You have no faith.” Negan said.

Rick smirked and took the box. “What is it?”

“Jesus fuck Rick, why do you hate surprises so much?”

Rick tore at the wrapping and opened the box. He stared at the contents.

“Wellllll?” Negan asked, doing a little lean.

Rick pulled out a beautiful silver watch.

“Wow.” He said.

Negan walked in and leaned against the counter. “Yeah there’s a little engraving underneath there.”

Rick flipped over the watch.

‘To my best friend for life. –N’

Rick rubbed his thumb across the engraving.

“Sometimes I don’t know what’s going to happen to us.” Negan murmured. “But I know no matter what, you’ll always be my best friend.”

Rick looked up into Negan’s eyes. “You don’t have to worry about us. Ever. Thank you.”

Rick stood on his toes to kiss Negan.

“Here’s your present.” Rick said, he handed Negan a small box.

“I thought you might’ve forgotten about me.” Negan smirked.

“I could never forget you.” Rick smiled.

Inside the box was cologne. Negan picked it up.

“Geez, I haven’t gotten one of these since Lucille…” Negan trailed off. He took off the cap.

“If you don’t like it, I have the receipt.” Rick said. “But _I_ liked it, so.”

“It smells great.” Negan said. “Admittedly, I always hated the ones Lucille would get me. But this one is actually really nice. Thank you.”

Negan wrapped his arms around Rick and picked him up into a hug.

“Oh God, my body hurts from sledding.” Rick grunted, feet off the ground.

Negan set him down. Rick put the watch down on the counter and looked at Negan.

“I got you something else, if you want it.” Rick said.

“And what’s that?”

Rick pulled his pants down slightly, electric blue fabric peeking out.

“Christ. You know if I ever write that poem about your eyes, remind me to mention those.” Negan grinned.

Rick smirked and left the bathroom, letting Negan follow him to bed.

The next five days were filled with more activities and relaxation. Negan’s family went overboard on New Year’s Eve with the festivities, and when it was approaching midnight, Rick snuck out to the porch.

He put his arms on the railing and stared out into the forest. The moonlight shone off the snow.

“Hey, drum circle is starting soon.” Negan’s voice said behind him.

Rick didn’t turn around. “Oh, hey love. Yeah. Yeah I know.”

“It’s beautiful out here.” Negan murmured, walking over and standing next to Rick. He put his arms on the railing too.

“Mmhmm.”

“Ok Rick, what’s on your mind.”

“When I was in the sensory deprivation tank, I saw Lori. In a dream. We talked. It was good. It felt real.” Rick said.

“Maybe it was.” Negan said.

“Either way, I…we need to talk.” Rick wrung his hands together.

Negan looked out to the pines. “…Shoot.”

“Look, I know we’re only seven months into this but…if we’re really…twin flames or…”

Rick took a deep breath.

“New Year’s Eve is all about making a wish for the New Year right?” Rick said. “And I know you don’t ever want to sleep in your house again. And I don’t think I ever want to sleep alone in mine again. So maybe…maybe we could do something about that.”

“What are you…” Negan stopped. “What are you saying?”

Rick turned his head and looked at him. “Maybe you should move in.”

Negan felt his breath catch in his throat. “I...”

“I love you. And I love your family. And I want you to be a part of mine. You belong in it. You belong in my house and you belong in my bed.” Rick said.

“Rick…” Negan said, he tried to stop his hands from shaking. “Y-yes. Yes. That’s all I want.”

Rick caught Negan in a hug and held him tight. He could hear Negan sniffling into his shoulder.

“And don’t worry,” Rick said, “I already talked to Carl about it.”

“You did?” Negan asked.

“Yeah, and he wants you to move in too.” Rick said. “Judith was a hard sell.”

Negan laughed and pulled away. “Guess Deanna’s getting what she wants.”

“See?” Rick smiled. “Everybody’s happy about it.”

Negan grinned, a great big rabbit toothed smile on his face. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Rick said, and he kissed Negan just as cheers erupted from the house.

“Happy New Year hotshot.” Negan said.

“Happy New Year love.” Rick said.

Less than a year, Rick thought. Less than a year ago he was a zombie, just trying to come back to life. And now he was alive. And not just alive, but happy.

And lucky. Too lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lowkey worked my butt off on this chapter so i reallllyyyy hope you liked it x3x i loved writing it. im kind of in love with the concept of negan coming from a family of witches and hopefully youre cool with it cause it was super fun to write lol. there are only two chapters left after this one !


	26. Jinx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient with this update! We only have one chapter left after this ;3;  
> <3 I hope you enjoy this chapter <3  
> Also we've officially hit 100k!!! Tbh I'm so proud of myself, I honestly can't even fathom that this has happened...when I wrote the first chapter I had absolutely no idea it would become what it has become. I've fallen in love with this story, thank you for reading it <3

Negan was on a high when they returned home. He would never have to sleep in his house again. He’d never have to leave Rick’s, go back to his own home, and climb the stairs to his lonely bedroom. Rick didn’t want Negan to rush into selling the house, he told him to take his time and they’d focus on it closer to the spring. Negan was fine with that, so long as at night, he’d be sleeping next to Rick.

"I just want to let you know," Negan said over coffee one morning, "That they're having me coach track at the middle school. It's every day."

Rick put his mug down on the table. "Every day? What do you mean?"

Negan scratched his head. "Every week day till 6."

Rick tried to suppress his look of disappoint. It had been hard enough for him to get used to Negan coming home around 3 instead of 11. Which was dramatic. Rick was a goddamn grown man, he could wait a few extra hours. Not everyone was retired like him. But till 6? At night? Every day?

"Sorry hotshot." Negan said sheepishly. "But they really needed someone."

Rick sighed and smiled. "You'll find ways to make up for it, I'm sure." But Rick was swallowing his sadness. He had, in a lot of ways, become addicted to Negan's company. It would be hard to share it with something else.

"I'll see you tonight." Negan said, and he approached Rick for a kiss.

"Wait, it starts today?" Rick asked, holding a hand to Negan's chest.

"Yeah." Negan said.

Rick didn't want to be mad at him, it was stupid. It wasn't a big deal. He let Negan kiss him and then he was standing alone in his kitchen.

Negan had to park in a different space today, so he entered the high school through the Art side. As he walked down the halls, he heard singing coming from one of the music rooms.

Negan stopped. It was the voice of a girl. Negan found the source, and he leaned in the doorway when he found Beth standing by the room's whiteboard, a dry erase marker in her hand.

"Well holy shit." Negan scoffed, loud enough for Beth to hear. She turned around.

"Oh! Hey." She said, a shy smile on her face.

"I didn't know you could sing like _that_." Negan said, walking into the room.

Beth just gave an awkward smile.

"Wow." Negan said. "You could be like, the next Taylor Swift or something."

Beth laughed. "I don't know about that. But I'd like to make music one day."

"You should." Negan said.

Negan watched Beth's eyes light up out of nowhere. "Hey, you know what we should all go do with everyone?"

"No." Negan said.

"Yes." Beth said.

"Absolutely not!"

" _Yesssssss_."

And Negan wondered how he had gotten so in sync with a 22 year old girl that she didn't even have to finish her though for him to know exactly what she had in mind.

"No fuckin' way you're dragging me to fuckin' karaoke."

Beth howled with laughter. "You know you're gonna end up there, singing your heart out with Rick. Think of all the duets!"

Negan rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh.

"Yeah, because Daryl's _really_ gonna fucking sing." Negan said.

Beth seemed stumped at that one. "We're still going."

Negan gave a smile that said he had given up fighting.

"I think I might have made Rick a little mad at me." Negan said.

"What?" Beth asked. "Why?"

"'Cause I'm coaching track now at the middle school and I'll be home later than usual."

"Oh yeah, you're moving in together!" Beth said.

"Yeah," Negan smirked, "End of February, early March."

"Are you excited about it?"

"Of course." Negan said. "It's funny, I've been eyeing his house up the day I moved in. It was the first thing I looked at. All I did was wish that could've been my fuckin' house. Well, at first it was cause of that sweet ass porch. But then it quickly became for different reasons. And now I'm actually...getting what I wanted. It feels weird. Sometimes I don't think I deserve to..." Negan didn't know how to finish that sentence. To have his dreams all come true? It felt too corny to say. And fucking stupid.

"Yeah you do." Beth said. "I know you, and you do."

"Thanks kiddo." Negan sighed.

Beth continued to write on the whiteboard. "And don't worry; Rick won't be mad at you forever. You have to have a little spat every now and then."

But they hadn't fought yet. Well, they did, technically. The night of the fireworks. But they had avoided stupid fights. Negan had a feeling they were approaching their due date.

If Rick was mad about Negan coaching track, he didn't let on. At least, not for the first week. Sometime during Negan's second week of coaching, his stomach dropped.

He was standing in the locker room when a woman walked by. Negan immediately ducked away.

"Hey Jim, you got my keys?" The woman's voice said from out of his view. Jim was one of the middle school's gym teachers, he was sitting in a small office inside the locker room.

"Yeah here you go."

"Great. Thanks bunches." The woman's voice was dry.

"See you around." Jim said.

"No you won't." The woman said. "I'm outta here."

"How many schools are you going to hop around till you find one that will keep you?"

"Ouch Jim. Jesus."

"I'm just saying. Keep your pants on, wherever you go next."

"Fuck you." The woman said, but her voice was emotionless. "I'll do whatever I want."

"Don't get mad at me. You keep doing this to yourself."

"God Jim. You my therapist?"

"Think about your daughter."

"Don't you fucking give me that shit." The woman said, getting agitated.

"Look, you shouldn't even be in the boy's locker room. So why don't you get out of here before you get into more trouble."

"Fine. Thanks for being one of the good ones Jim." The woman said. "Who you got working with you now?"

"No one yet. But we got a guy helping with track."

"Oh yeah? Who?"

"Some guy named Negan. Gym teacher from one of the high schools. He's pretty chill actually."

Negan felt himself holding his breath. He had a pretty good feeling the woman was too.

"You ok?" Jim asked.

"Yeah," The woman's voice finally said, "I'm fine. I'll see you around."

"But you just said you wouldn-

Negan froze when he heard the woman's feet walking quickly out of the locker room. Negan let out a deep sigh. Holy motherfucking flying fuck.

But that was Negan with his goddamn bad luck.

Rick tried to brush off his growing feelings of resentment towards Negan's absence. It was childish, definitely. Negan couldn't help that he had to work. And he couldn't help that he was successful enough at his job that he was asked to do things outside of it.

But Rick didn't know why Negan was acting distracted during that second week. And it pissed him off. Negan had basically promised he'd be making up for lost time. And now he was looking out into space all the time.

It was late January, and Negan couldn't help but feel like Rick was acting icy. His feelings were affirmed one night when they were lying in Rick's bed. Negan had rolled over to Rick's side and slid a hand on his waist.

"Hey." Negan murmured.

Rick didn't say anything.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, is now a good time?" Rick asked. "Is this when you're not busy?"

"Rick," Negan said, a hint of shock in his voice, "are you serious?"

Rick was silent again.

"What, you don't want me to move in now or something?" Negan asked.

"What?" Rick hissed. "Of course I do."

Rick gave an immature sounding sigh and turned over to face Negan.

"I just miss you."

"Can't get enough of me."

"Shut up."

Negan sighed. "I don't know what you want me to do."

"How about be present when you're actually here?" Rick asked. "I feel like you've been in outer space these days."

"I'm sorry." Negan said "But I won't be anymore. I can't fucking stand the idea of you being mad at me."

Rick closed his eyes, he wanted to hold on to his anger, but he just couldn't.

"No," Rick said, "I'm sorry. I'm just being stupid."

Negan smirked and grabbed Rick in his arms. "You just want me all for your fucking self hotshot. Well, all you have to do is ask."

"What? You'll retire?" Rick teased.

"You know that's not what I was talking about." Negan mused.

"Look, I'll stop being mad at you if you promise to make it up to me on Valentine's Day."

"Oh, that sounds like a challenge." Negan said.

"Speaking of challenges," Rick said, "This weekend your schedule better be open for me, cause we got plans."

"And what plans would those be?" Negan asked.

"Karaoke." Rick said.

Negan groaned. "You're killing me here. What's our song?"

Rick looked at Negan inquisitively.

"Well fuck Rick, we gotta have a song."

"Um, I don't know."

"We'll think of something." Negan said. "But for now..."

Negan leaned in to kiss Rick, who turned his head just in time for Negan to kiss him on the cheek.

"Rick are you for real?"

Rick turned his head back and smirked.

"I'm just kidding."

"You little shit." Negan muttered, a sly smile on his face. He was about to say something else but then Rick caught him in a kiss.

"Oh fuck Rick," Negan breathed, "Are we about to have make-up sex?"

Rick tried not to laugh. "Love, you got to stop talking so much."

"Well what do you say?" Negan murmured. "Or did we get all boring now that we live together?"

"It's a Thursday night." Rick said.

"Oh? I missed the nationwide decree that sex was banned on Thursdays. We can add that to our other illegal activities."

Rick rolled his eyes. "What I'm saying is, you're week must have been pretty stressful."

"Yeah it was actually." Negan said.

"What happened?"

"Nothing too important, and not anything you can't fix." Negan gave a rabbit toothed smile. "Come on Rickkkkk."

Rick rolled his eyes again. "You're so annoying."

Their conversation dissipated immediately after that, and was replaced by quiet but heavy breathing.

"Feel better?" Rick asked not too much time later, breathless.

"Yep." Negan said.

"Good. Get ready to sing your heart out this weekend."

Negan gave a muffled groan.

Rick stared up at Negan, a sweet smile on his face.

“What’s that about?” Negan said, rubbing a thumb over Rick’s smile.

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.” Negan growled quietly.

“I just love you a lot.” Rick said, brushing his fingers through Negan’s hair.

Negan dipped his head down onto Rick’s chest and smiled. He looked up and kissed Rick on the nose.

“I love you a lot too hotshot.” Negan said. “I can’t wait to live here.”

Rick rolled Negan over onto his back and hugged him, nestling his head into the taller man’s chest.

“Are we on the make-up cuddle part now?” Negan teased.

“Shut up.” Rick said.

That weekend Rick and Negan headed to the karaoke bar. It turned out that Beth’s idea was to have a large party with almost everyone from the neighborhood, and they took up almost half the bar.

The trio was sitting together with Jesus and Aaron, while Michonne and Andrea sat at a table with Glenn, Maggie, Denise, and Tara. Rick and Negan sat down in two empty chairs at a table with Beth, Daryl, Carol, and Ezekiel.

“Okayyyy!!!!” A man shouted, walking forward on the stage with a mic in his hand. “I’m your MC tonight, you can call me Phillip.”

Phillip was Rick’s age, but Rick didn’t know where the guy got the energy. His charisma was just barely on par with Negan’s, he thought.

“Okay first up we have group competitions! So get into groups and put your team name and your song on this clipboard and we’ll see which team is the champion!”

Phillip handed the clipboard to Maggie.

“Wait, how many times do we have to sing?” Negan asked.

“Quit whining.” Beth said. “What’s our song going to be?”

“Dancing in the Dark.” Rick said.

“Yeah, ok, I like that song.” Negan said. “Put it down.”

“I ain’t singing.” Daryl huffed.

“Fine,” Beth said, “You won’t sing in _this_ round.”

“What’s our team name?” Ezekiel asked.

Beth looked over at Maggie. “Yo, what are you guys writing down?”

Maggie looked up from the clipboard. “We’re The Dream Crushers.”

“Yeah right!” Negan said. “We got Beth on our team, she’s our ace.”

“You realize Maggie’s a Greene too right?” Glenn smirked and handed them the clipboard.

“ _Tubthumping_?” Rick laughed. “You’re singing Tubthumping?”

“It’s a classic.” Michonne said.

“Ok team name.” Beth said. “What do we got?”

“The Best Team.” Daryl said.

They looked at each other.

“Well,” Negan said, “That works for me.”

The trio was up first, alongside Jesus and Aaron. Their team name was just “The Crew” and they started doing a rendition of “Heart of Glass.” Rosita was the only girl and took the lead while the boys sang behind her. Rick was actually pretty impressed, and also wondered if Rosita was taking the opportunity to sing out her feelings.

There were several groups to go before either Maggie’s group or Rick’s could battle. Negan took the opportunity to down as many drinks as he could.

“Nervous?” Rick teased.

“I don’t see what you’re so thrilled about, didn’t take you to be a karaoke man.”

“I like to have fun with my friends.” Rick said. “It’s pretty simple.”

“At least I’m going to go up there.” Negan said. “Daryl over here’s just gonna sit back and eat.”

“I ain’t a singer.” Daryl huffed.

“He sings really well.” Beth said, giving him a guilty smile. “Maybe we can sing our song.”

Daryl threw a fry at her.

Finally it was their turn, and they walked up to the stage and grabbed their mics. Rick was pleasantly surprised to see Negan actually getting into the song, and he thought by the end that maybe they had a chance at winning the group round.

Maggie and her group walked up to perform ‘Tubthumping’, and Rick and his team watched as they delivered what could only be described as nothing short of amazing and hilarious. Negan groaned into his hands when Glenn had managed to get everyone in the audience to clap along.

By the end of their performance, it was clear they were the champions, so it came as no surprise when Phillip announced them the winners.

“Ok, you got us.” Rick muttered when The Dream Crushers returned to their table.

“Told you.” Glenn said.

“We’re moving into our duet round, same process.” Phillip said, handing them a new clipboard.

“Ok hotshot, now’s the time. What are we singing?” Negan said.

Rick took the clipboard from Negan’s hand and scribbled a song down. Negan looked at it and laughed.

“I love it.”

“Ok Daryl,” Beth said, “Are we gonna sing our song or not?”

“…Fine.” Daryl said. “Just write it down and make sure I have a guitar. None of that background audio crap.”

“YES!” She cheered, taking the clipboard from Rick.

Maggie and Glenn were up first, and they sang along to “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”, doing a choreographed dance from their wedding.

“That’s SO cheating.” Beth muttered, but she couldn’t help but smile at how cute they were.

Denise and Tara were up next, singing passionately, and terribly, to “Dancing in the Street”, but it got the crowd laughing and that was really the point anyway. Jesus and Aaron sang “Burning Down The House”, and Rick wondered if they were on a date. Abraham and Rosita sang “You’re So Vain”, which once again, Rick thought might have had a meaning behind it.

The duet round was winding down until it was just Rick and Negan left before Beth and Daryl closed out the round. Carol and Ezekiel had just got done singing "Dance Me to the End of Love", which was actually surprisingly well done. Rick didn’t know either of them could sing, and he thought they had a good chance at winning, unless Daryl pulled sudden talent out of nowhere.

Rick and Negan were up. Negan gave a Rick the slyest rabbit toothed grin Rick had seen on him yet.

“Ready hotshot?” Negan asked.

“Let’s do this.” Rick said.

Rick and Negan walked up to the stage and took their microphones. Rick gave Negan a small smirk and the music started.

“ _Listen baby_ ,” Rick crooned, “Ain’t no mountain high…”

Rick and Negan began to sing to “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”, with Rick singing the male vocals and Negan taking the traditionally female vocals. They danced around each other on the stage, belting like their lives depended on it.

Negan couldn’t help but keep his eyes trained on Rick, the way he moved and sang and was an overall goofball. It was a side of Rick he absolutely loved, the kind that made him want to see what sort of songs they’d play at their wedding. Negan wondered what they’re first song would be, some sort of disastrously weepy love song.

Rick couldn’t help but watch Negan’s body under the lights, the same body he had eyed up so many months ago. Negan knew how to surprise him, and he wasn’t a bad singer, come to think of it. He could see them having this kind of fun on another night, one where Negan was in a white tuxedo and not his goddamn leather jacket. And as fun as this song was, Rick felt his thoughts drifting into wondering what song would play during their first dance.

By the end of the song, everyone in the crowd was singing along to the last repeating lines. Rick and Negan looked at each other when they finished, rushing into a hug and a kiss.

“What the fuck!” Maggie cried when they headed back to their seats. “That was amazing!”

“Just a little something we pulled out of our asses.” Negan said. “No big deal.”

Rick grinned.

“You ready?” Beth asked, turning to Daryl.

“You got a guitar?” Daryl asked.

“Yeah, the MC’s gonna get one.”

Everyone watched inquisitively as Beth and Daryl got up on the stage and sat on stools. Phillip had brought out a guitar for Daryl, who slung the strap over his shoulder and rested the instrument on his knees. He began to play.

Daryl led the song at first, singing the first line to “Can’t Help Falling in Love with You.”

Rick felt himself get chills when Beth joined in, and they sang slowly together in a harmony that made everyone in the crowd go silent. Rick watched Maggie rest her head on Glenn’s shoulder, and he turned and looked down when he felt a touch on his hand. Negan had laced his fingers in Rick’s, and Rick squeezed his hand.

This was it. This was the song.

Daryl and Beth’s voices trailed away, and everyone erupted into cheers. Daryl looked embarrassed and immediately left the stage, followed by Beth who seemed to be enjoying the positive response.

“Shit kiddo,” Negan said, clearing his throat, “That was fucking beautiful.”

“It’s just something we sing together, sometimes.” Beth said, giving a shy smile.

“I mean fuck, can you play that at our-

Negan stopped. What the fuck was he about to say? At their wedding? They weren’t engaged. Slow down. Slow it the fuck down.

But Negan’s words had been drowned out anyway by MC Phillip, so he didn’t have to think of a way to recover. And Rick was looking off into space, so he was good.

Rick was looking ahead, trying not to let a smile break out onto his face. He didn’t know if he was just being stupid, but he could have sworn he heard Negan imply that he wanted Beth and Daryl to sing that at _their wedding_.

When the night was over, Rick and Negan held hands on their way to their car. Rick sat in the passenger side of Lucille. Negan turned on the radio, an old crooner song was playing. Negan felt like he was a rebel teenager in the mid 20th century, sitting in his Cadillac while the town sweetheart sat next to him. Rick shuffled closer and put his head on Negan’s shoulder, which was very appropriate, considering that was the title of the song.

They sat like that till the song ended, fingers entwined, just feeling a calm love radiating out of the radio and into their skin.

Negan leaned over and put the car in drive with his other hand so that he wouldn’t have to let go of Rick’s. They drove home in a shared silence.

During the next four weeks Negan found himself acclimating to the Grimes household. Carl stayed up way too late and hated being told to empty the dishwasher, because “he was just about to do it”. Judith loved Negan, which he found almost deathly sweet, but she was starting to hate naps.

“Come on hunny, one day you’ll be an adult and then no one will let you take a nap.” Negan would say.

Negan discovered that while Rick did the laundry and was great at folding, he’d let it pile up to almost dangerous levels. Which was also bad because of Negan’s habit of doing the exact same thing.

Negan came to realize that no one wore shoes in the house, almost ever, and he was the weird one for wearing them while they watched TV. But Negan came to like the feel of his feet on the carpet.

Sharing a bathroom with Rick was an entirely different story. Rick refused to let Negan leave anything on the counter, and was constantly showing him how to put a cap back on a tube of toothpaste. But at the end of the day, it was working. It felt right, and it felt natural. And Negan had never felt like he had blended in anywhere so seamlessly.

It was Valentine’s Day. Negan was driving Carl and himself to school.

“So you’re…cool with this whole situation?” Negan asked.

“What? You moving in?”

“Yeah.” Negan said.

“Yeah, I am.” Carl said. “I like having you here. For the hundredth time.”

Negan smiled.

“Besides,” Carl continued, “My dad’s probably gonna have some empty nest syndrome or something like that when I leave so, you can be there for him.”

Negan laughed.

“So jewelry is ok?” Carl asked.

“Yes.” Negan said. “Enid will love it.”

Carl nodded. “What did you get my dad?”

“What did I get him? I let him fucking sleep in, that’s his gift.” Negan said. “But I also got him that puppy back there.”

Negan jerked his thumb behind him.

“Oh,” Carl said in a disappointed tone when he saw the box for a new fancy coffee maker, “I thought there was really a puppy back there.”

“Sorry kid.” Negan smirked. “I’m more of a cat person.”

“Dad hates cats.” Carl said.

“What?!” Negan cried. “Who the fuck could hate a little cat?!”

“He thinks their assholes.” Carl said.

“Well,” Negan scoffed, “I’m an asshole, and your dad _loves_ me.”

“Look I don’t know,” Carl said, “All I know is he’s never been into them. Or pets in general. Hence why we don’t have any.”

“Wait wait wait,” Negan said, “You have never had a pet in your life?”

“No.” Carl said.

“That is a goddamn fucking travesty.” Negan said. “What the fuck.”

“I didn’t realize you were so passionate about animals.” Carl said.

“Everyone should get to experience the bond with a pet. What the fuck, kid, you’ve been deprived.” Negan said, exasperated.

“Well pops, maybe you can change that.” Carl said.

Negan blinked.

“What?” Carl asked. “You refuse to call me anything but ‘kid’ right? Figured you should get a nickname too.”

Negan didn’t know what to say.

“You don’t have to get so goddamn emotional about it.” Carl muttered. “You’re worse than my dad.”

“Shut up _Carl_.” Negan said, clearing his throat.

“Okay _Negan_.” Carl said. “All I’m saying is, Judith’s still pretty young, don’t be surprised if my dad asks you about what she should call you.”

“Wh… _what?_ ” Negan asked. “Are you serious?”

Carl shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s the one that’s serious. I could see it happening.”

Negan pulled into the school and parked. He stared out the windshield.

“I have to go meet Enid before the bell.” Carl said.

Negan didn’t say anything.

“Earth to…nevermind.” Carl muttered, getting out of the car. Negan heard the passenger door close.

Was Rick really going to ask him about raising Judith to call him some variation of father? Did Carl really refer to him in that way? The answer to the second question was yes, the answer to the first was still a mystery.

Negan finally left his car and walked into the school.

“Could you maybe just…ask him about it?” He heard a voice say around the corner. It was Daryl.

“I mean. I don’t know, I’ll see if it comes up.” Beth said.

“Okay. I’ll see you later.”

“Thanks for the gifts.” Beth said.

“Of course.”

Negan heard Daryl walking away. He turned the corner.

“Oh, hey Negan.” Beth smiled, she was struggling to hold a huge bouquet of flowers, heart shaped boxes, a large stuffed tiger, and several balloons. Negan couldn’t help but smile.

“I’ve never had a Valentine like this before.” Beth said.

Negan smiled, taking some of the things from her.

“What are you and Rick doing?” Beth asked.

“Carl got Rick a gift card to a restaurant back during his birthday, we’ve never used it, so that’s what we’re going to go do. And then from there I’m not sure.”

“So I think I’m going to be offered a job here next year.” Beth said. “Like an official spot.”

“Holy shit. Really?” Negan asked, walking with her to the teacher’s lounge.

“Yeah,” Beth said, “I’m going to take it.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“Because Maggie still tries to talk me out of staying here. But I don’t want to leave. I like my life. I like the people in it. Love the people in it. Some of them.”

Negan sighed. “Kiddo, it’s your life. You choose what you do with it. Not anyone else.”

“I know. That’s why I’m staying.” Beth smiled. “So, are you putting your house up for sale soon?”

“Soon, yeah.” Negan said, “Early March.”

“Ok.” Beth said, but she didn’t say anything else. Negan gave her a curious look, but kept walking.

Negan said goodbye to Beth and walked to his classroom, his classes were doing another series of videos about sexual health. Which was awkward as fuck, if Negan was being perfectly honest.

“STD’s.” Negan said. “STD’s are…not good.”

Sophia snorted from the back row.

“Valentine’s Day is a perfect day to contract a very popular sexually transmitted disease. And no, it’s not love.”

Enid rolled her eyes from her seat next to Sophia.

“Can anyone guess what that disease is?” Negan asked.

“Syphilis.” Carl said.

“Gonorrhea!” A kid from the front row said.

“HERPES.” Another kid shouted, which led everyone else to start screaming STDs too.

“ _CHLAMYDIA!_ ”

“GENITAL _WARTS_.”

“OK EVERYONE SHUT UP.” Negan yelled as the kids howled with laughter. “Jesus Christ. You’re all wrong. It’s fucking pregnancy.”

“BOOO.” Sophia said.

“Pregnancy.” Negan repeated. “What are ways to avoid pregnancy?”

“Being gay.” Sophia grinned from her seat.

Negan rolled his eyes. “Ok, I guess that’s right.”

“Not having sex.” Enid said, and Negan tried not to let a grimace cross his face when he thought about his could-be would-be son and what he could be up to. And now how it was somehow his responsibility to make sure Carl didn’t knock up anybody. And how did Rick do this?

“Yeah.” Negan said. “But let’s pretend like you’re not all good kids.”

Negan pulled out a cardboard box and took out a box of condoms.

“Are those yours?” Sophia asked.

Negan looked like he wanted to just give up and leave. “Can you let me get through this fucking lesson. You think I want to show you any of this? I’d rather watch one of those car videos, but someone has to talk to you about this shit besides the internet.”

Negan took out a pill bottle, but it was just filled with candy.

“We’re gonna pretend this is birth control.” Negan said.

Carl closed his eyes and laughed sympathetically.

Negan got through the pregnancy and birth control portion of his lesson, and could only hope that the kids were listening.

“And just remember all this when prom season comes around.” Negan said. “Ok, next thing we’re discussing is really simple. The concept of the word ‘no’. No is a word that isn’t always verbalized. Sometimes it’s in body language. It’s your responsibility to get your head out of your ass and recognize when someone isn’t reciprocating. It’s always okay to say no. It’s okay to say no before you do anything and it’s okay to say no during anything you end up doing. You’re allowed to change your mind. And no one is allowed to make you feel bad about that.”

This time no one had any smart remarks.

“Just be careful.” Negan said. “There are a lot of people out there who want to take advantage of you. Especially in college. I know you all think you’re hot shit because you’re seniors, but in college, you’re the little fish again. And people will use that. If you feel something in your gut, whether it’s from another student or a professor, you need to listen to it. Your instincts are there for a reason. I’m not trying to scare you. Hopefully none of you will have to worry about that. But it’s a possibility. And I’m not just talking to the girls here.”

Negan didn’t know when the topic of conversation had gotten so heavy. But it was important. And if these kids were going to remember anything, hopefully it would be this conversation.

“Well.” Negan said as everyone was packing up their things. “Happy Valentine’s Day. Don’t get pregnant.”

Negan looked at his watch. He still had to coach track, but all he could think about was getting home to Rick.

Negan felt his phone buzz, the name on the screen read ‘Hotshot’.

“Hey,” Negan said when answered his phone, “What’s up?”

Rick’s voice spoke from the other end.

“Would you be able to meet me at the restaurant?” Rick said. “I think that would be easier.”

“Sure thing.” Negan said. “I’ll see you there right after I’m done track.”

“Great,” Rick said, “Love you. Thanks for letting me sleep in.”

“Anytime hotshot.” Negan said. “Actually that’s a lie. This was the only time.”

Rick laughed. “Ok, I’ll see you later.”

“I love you.” Negan said.

Negan put his phone in his pocket and walked out of the classroom. He looked outside, it had started to rain. Track wasn’t cancelled. Track was never cancelled. The kids would be running through the halls like animals.

After track Negan walked into the middle school parking lot. Rain fell. There was nothing worse than rain in fucking February.

Negan was about to get into his car when he heard a sound at his feet. It was high-pitched mewing. Negan looked down and his heart melted.

It was a little black kitten.

Negan crouched down. “Hey baby.” He said, he held out his hand.

The kitten immediately rubbed against his hand. Negan picked up the little cat and cuddled her to his chest, his leather jacket draped over the kitten, blocking her from the rain.

“Rick’s gonna hate you so fucking much.” Negan cooed, opening the car door and getting inside.

Negan put the kitten in the back seat, she immediately curled up.

“Yeah I know baby,” Negan said, “It’s hard not to love Lucille.”

Negan drove to the restaurant, when he parked and looked back at the seat, the kitten was asleep.

“Okay baby,” He said, “Just stay like that for a little while and I’ll be back.”

Negan figured the kitten would be fast asleep while he had dinner with Rick. She seemed tired already.

Rick was already inside, and Negan watched him standing by himself for a moment. There was something about Rick that still made his heart flutter. Watching him doing his own thing was always intriguing to Negan, like he couldn’t believe he inhabited the same timeline as this man. Rick turned and saw him, he smiled.

“Hey.” Rick said.

“Sorry I couldn’t change.” Negan grinned. “Look at you all dolled up.”

Rick rolled his eyes; they sat down at their table.

“How was your day?” Negan asked.

“Well actually, I ended up taking Carl and Judith to Jeffrey’s, there’s some sort of Winterfest happening. So…we have the house all to ourselves.” Rick smiled.

“Ohh, we do, do we?” Negan asked.

“Mmhmm.” Rick said, resting his elbow on the table and his hand under his chin. “You still have some making up to do.”

“I’ll have to get right on that.” Negan teased.

Thirty minutes into dinner Rick seemed distracted.

“Now look who’s in space.” Negan said.

“Sorry,” Rick said, “It’s just; I kind of wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What?” Negan asked.

“Well,” Rick started, “It’s not like you’re moving in here for a month. You’re… _we’re_ …in this for the long haul, right?”

“Of fucking course we are.” Negan said.

“That’s what I figured…and I don’t know I just kind of…” Rick sighed. “Back before we got together, I was this single parent. And there wasn’t anything wrong with that. I know Judith would have been fine. But for me…I just wanted someone else there. Someone that could be there for her. I guess what I’m trying to say is…maybe that person could be you. Maybe it should be you.”

Negan looked stunned.

“And because of that,” Rick continued, “Maybe she shouldn’t call you Negan anymore. I mean, hell, it’s not like I’m her real parent either.”

Negan gripped his wine glass so hard he thought it might shatter in his hand.

“So. Yeah. That’s my question. Would you be her second parent?” Rick looked at him with expectant eyes, his irises the color of an indoor pool.

“Yes.” Negan said. “Yes. Fuck. _Yes._ Rick I…are you sure?”

Rick smiled. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

Negan closed his eyes, his hand drifting from his glass to the table. He couldn’t believe it. Rick had really asked him, invited him, wanted him, to be a parent with him. Negan thought he’d never have the chance.

“Thank you.” Negan whispered. He felt Rick’s hand rest on top of his own. A candle flickered between them.

“Of course,” Rick said, “But it wasn’t all me. Judith referred to you as papa one night.”

“What?” Negan asked.

“Mmhm,” Rick said, “Out of the blue. She asked if you were gonna be her papa. I don’t know why she picked that name.”

Negan put a hand to his face.

“Beauty and the Beast.” He said.

“What?” Rick asked.

“That’s what Belle calls her dad in Beauty and the Beast.” Negan rubbed his chin and huffed a laugh.

Rick could only smile.

After dinner Rick met Negan back at the house. Negan was carrying a box in one arm; his other arm was against his jacket.

“Is that for me?” Rick asked.

“Sure is.” Negan said. They walked inside.

Negan set the box down on the kitchen counter and watched as Rick opened it.

“No way!” Rick said, opening the fancy coffee maker. “Thanks love.”

Rick walked over and kissed Negan on the cheek, bumping into him lightly. There was a little mew.

“What was that?” Rick asked, pulling away.

“Uh,” Negan said, “About that. I just want you to know…it’s okay if you say no…but I would be really, really, _really_ sad if you did. And no amount of fucking hot furious make-up sex could fix it.”

“ _Negan._ ”

“You could offer all sorts of dirty wonderful-

“ _Negan._ ”

Negan relented and pulled the kitten out from his jacket. Rick closed his eyes.

“What is that?” Rick sighed.

Negan looked offended. “This is a beautiful little baby and our souls are locked forever.”

Rick scoffed. “Where did you find it?”

“ _She_ was hiding for cover under Lucille, using up her eighth life. I want to make her ninth one a good one.” Negan held the kitten up, moving her paws up and down.

“Come on Rick,” Negan said, doing what Rick could only assume was his little cat voice, “I’m a rough and tough little baby and it’s gonna take two dads to take care of me.”

Rick closed his eyes again and laughed through his nose.

“Are you shitting me?” He asked.

Negan held the cat down. “No. Rick. Please. Look at her. _She’s a black cat_.”

Rick sighed and scratched at his face. “You really like her don’t you.”

Negan held the little kitten up to his face and pressed her into his cheek. “Rick, I love her.”

Rick felt his heart do flips when he saw Negan with a kitten up against his face. It was a ridiculous image, but stupidly cute. Negan gave a very small and shy rabbit toothed smile that made Rick give in completely.

“ _Okay,_ ” Rick sighed, “We’ll keep her. Jesus.”

Negan gave Rick a hug and put the kitten on the floor. Rick put a bowl of water on the ground.

“What should we name her?” Rick asked.

“Jinx.” Negan said.

Rick laughed. “Okay. I guess we’ll get supplies tomorrow. Hopefully she doesn’t piss and shit everywhere.”

“She’s a cat, Rick. She’s only gonna piss and shit in _one_ _spot_.”

“You’re cleaning it up if she does.”

“Judith is gonna freak out.” Negan grinned. “You’ve deprived your children of animals all this time.”

“So you’re gonna be the fun dad huh?” Rick asked, crossing his arms.

“Not my problem if you’re a fucking square.” Negan said.

Rick pushed Negan playfully. Jinx wandered over to some blankets in the family room and curled up.

“So what did you get me?” Negan asked.

“What makes you think I got you anything?” Rick scoffed.

Negan rolled his eyes. “I buy you a fancy ass coffee maker that would literally suck your dick if you asked and you-

“Oh it can do that?” Rick asked, walking back over the coffee maker and draping an arm over it. “I guess you can leave then.”

“You’re such a fucking ass.” Negan said, trying to hide his grin.

“Of course I got you something asshole.” Rick said, rolling his eyes. “Here.”

Rick handed him an envelope. Negan took it, a suspicious look on his face. Inside was a card with a heartfelt message on it, something fell out and clanked on the floor. Negan looked at his feet and picked up what had fallen.

It was a key.

“This the key to your heart?” Negan mused when he bent down and picked it up.

“Something like that.” Rick said. “Figured you should have a house key.”

Negan smiled, “Thank you.”

“Yeah you can use it to lock the door on your way out,” Rick said, “I think me and this coffee maker have a date.”

“You’re getting feisty.” Negan said, tickling Rick’s sides.

Rick laughed and pulled away. “S-stop!”

“No way hotshot.” Negan purred, and Rick laughed as Negan started chasing him around the house.

“Go away!” Rick called behind him, a stupid grin on his face.

“I’m going to get you Grimes!” Negan growled.

“STOP!” Rick laughed as Negan chased him up the stairs and into the hallway. “Oh my god!”

“You all nervous?” Negan asked when Rick trapped himself in the corner. Rick put his hands on the wall.

“What are you going to do now that you’ve caught me?” Rick asked, out of breath.

“Hm,” Negan mused, “I’m not sure. I can’t seem to think of anything.”

Rick closed his eyes and tried to catch his breath, but suddenly Negan was kissing him. Rick breathed twice as hard. Negan pressed him harder against the wall, and Rick felt his stomach do nervous flips.

“What do you want me to do Rick?” Negan whispered, pressing his hips into Rick’s.

“ _Everything_.”

Negan grinned and kissed Rick again, sliding a hand down his pants. Rick gave a small gasp when Negan began to palm him through his boxers.

“I can’t believe you didn’t use that for two years.” Negan murmured into Rick’s ear. Rick shivered.

“Help me make up for lost time.” Rick said breathlessly.

“I think I’m already doing that.” Negan said.

Rick grabbed onto Negan’s arm when he pulled it out of his pants. Negan pulled away from Rick’s face.

“You’re so fucking beautiful when you’re turned on.” Negan whispered.

Before Rick could say anything back, Negan grabbed Rick’s waist and flung him over his shoulder. Rick let out a small scream of shock. Negan walked them into the bedroom, dropping Rick onto the bed. Rick flopped into the blankets.

“You’re going to murder me.” Rick muttered.

Negan gave a sly grin. “Just about.”

Rick blushed. “Go easy on me.”

Negan leaned down and put his arms on either side of Rick. “You _really_ want me to go easy?”

“No.” Rick said.

“Are you sure? Cause you know I can be gentle as fuck.”

Negan felt Rick lean forward and whisper something in his ear that made Negan want to melt. He looked at Rick and smiled that devilish smile that still made Rick nervous. Negan practically tore Rick’s clothes off, grabbing him and stuffing him face first into the pillows at the top of the bed. Negan watched Rick shift his head so that he could breathe, and he felt Rick gasp when he grabbed his hips and lifted him up.

Rick grabbed the bedsheets in his hands when Negan entered him, wincing and gasping. But he wanted it rough, there was so much pent up energy inside him these days and Negan was the cure. He figured Negan might have some things to work out too.

Rick felt Negan’s fingernails dig into his sides, grabbing Rick up at one point so that his knees lifted off the bed. Rick felt the breath get knocked out of him.

“Fuck!” Negan hissed a few minutes later, and he was dropping Rick back down onto the bed.

“I’m not done.” Rick breathed, turning around.

“No shit.” Negan said, sighing. “But I’m gonna take care of that myself.”

Rick felt Negan’s mouth on him, and he grabbed the taller man’s hair in his hands, pulling and clawing and gasping.

“ _Jesus_.” Rick whispered when Negan had finished getting him off. Rick lied there; face pale, eyes pale, his hair near-drenched in sweat.

“You always look like the soul was sucked out of your body when you get off.” Negan laughed. “But it’s hot as fuck.”

“Isn’t that what happens?” Rick breathed.

Negan grinned and grabbed Rick in his arms, falling to his side. Rick draped a leg and an arm over Negan’s side, kissing him hard, his other hand sliding behind Negan’s head and grabbing his hair. Rick wasn’t sure how long they kissed, their bodies entwined so closely together, it always felt like forever.

Rick gave a small laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Negan asked.

“Just thinking about how you were when I first met you. If you had told me we’d be all tangled up like this I would have laughed my ass off.”

“What are you saying?” Negan scoffed.

“That you were a huge asshole.” Rick teased. “But now you’re like a tamed lion.”

“Pretty sure what I did to you wasn’t tame, Rick.” Negan said.

“You know what I mean.” Rick said.

“What can I say? You bring out the best in me.” Negan murmured.

“You bring out the best in me too.” Rick said.

“Do I?”

“Yes, before you I was a zombie. I woke up and went to bed and in between I wasn’t sure what I was doing. You’ve made me feel alive again.”

Negan looked into Rick’s eyes and smiled gently. “Sometimes I think all that pain was worth it if it led me to you. I want to spend the rest of my life in your arms.”

Rick nuzzled closer to Negan, all he wanted to do was talk about making that official. But he was too afraid. So he just let the conversation drift away until they were both asleep.

Rick woke up to something soft in his face.

“Negan, get your hair out of my face.” He mumbled, but all that responded was a little meow.

Jinx must have found them upstairs and crawled into the bed. And she had picked Rick to sleep on. He sighed, picked her up, and plopped her down on Negan. Negan didn’t wake up. The kitten immediately stood up and walked back over to Rick, cuddling into his chest. Rick tried to get Jinx to sleep on Negan several times, but she was relentless, no matter how many times he put her on Negan’s side of the bed, she crawled over to his.

“Fine.” Rick sighed. “But this ain’t gonna be a thing.”

It was early March; Negan was busy putting a For Sale sign on the front lawn of his house, while Carl carried boxes back and forth. Rick was inside Negan’s house making sure they were grabbing everything. It was easy, there had never been much. Rick recalled the day Negan moved in. Just furniture and some boxes. Negan could have easily done it all himself, but no, he had to force Rick to help him.

And even though Negan was no longer that breed of asshole, Rick was grateful for his mean-spirited nature. It was what started their entire relationship.

Today, however, Negan had both Rick and Carl’s help. Carl was mostly interested in sorting through Negan’s extensive DVD and CD collection, and Rick let him go back into their house to organize it in the basement.

Negan’s furniture was staying, he didn’t like it anyway and he figured he’d let the new owner have it if they wanted. A housewarming gift for a friend.

Rick was currently pushing the one sofa they had decided to keep for their basement. He got it into the hallway, but that was all he could do.

He took a moment to catch his breath and walked outside, the oncoming Spring had provided them with a nice day, and Negan had just finished putting the sign in the lawn.

“We should move this thing out before the open house.” Rick called.

Negan dusted off his hands and followed Rick inside, where they each picked up an end of the sofa.

Negan grinned stupidly at Rick as they walked the sofa across the street.

“What’s the look for?” Rick asked.

“I was thinking about your curse.” Negan said.

“My curse?”

“Yeah,” Negan said, “Your curse that says you’ve always got to help me move my fucking furniture, remember? That second time when you helped me move my furniture into the basement.”

Rick smiled. “I like this curse.”

“Me too.”  

After they had moved the sofa into the basement, Negan walked back over to the For Sale sign and put a “Sold” sign over it.

“Time for the ‘open house’.” He said when Rick joined him at his side.

“Thank you selling him the house.” Rick said, putting a hand on Negan’s lower back.

“Of course.” Negan said. “He can afford it, and he deserves it. I’m sure he’ll get a good use out of that basement we built.”

They smiled at each other, not saying anything, but both recounting the memories of renovating the basement together. It was before they had gotten together. Did that time even exist? Weren’t they together from the first moment that moving van pulled away? Weren’t they locked in from the moment Negan stepped on Rick’s porch that day in late April? Or was it when Lucille and Lori had mutually decided on their fate, months before they’d meet?

Or maybe they’d been together for far earlier than that. Maybe they had always been, through dozens of centuries, across endless lifetimes, together. A flame that could never go out. Maybe they were cursed. Or jinxed.

Or maybe they’d both deny that, and call it luck instead.


	27. Happiness, It Followed Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter. Wow. What can I say here that I won't say in the end notes. Thank you, I hope you enjoy this.

“I think my new favorite color is red.” Rick said, tugging on the bandana around Negan’s neck when they were standing close together in the kitchen. It was the mid afternoon.

“Mine’s still blue.” Negan murmured, setting a bowl of food at their feet. Jinx hopped off Rick’s legs and began to eat.

“Those claws have to go.” Rick muttered, rubbing at his leg.

“No fucking way,” Negan scoffed, “Don’t you know that’s inhumane?”

Rick slid a finger down the scratch on Negan’s cheek. “And that’s not?”

“She knows not what she does.” Negan said.

Jinx sleeping on Rick’s head had most certainly become a thing, but Rick had warmed up to the cat a lot sooner than he thought. Very similar to his situation with Negan. He didn’t know how many lions he’d let into his home.

Rick and Negan jumped when the front door burst open. Carl was sprinting into the house.

“Whoa!” Rick said. “What’s going on?”

Carl was holding a letter in his hand. “It’s the letter telling me if I was accepted or not.”

Rick held his breath.

“Well come on kid, open it.” Negan said.

Carl ripped open the letter and proceeded to read it.

“What does it say?” Rick asked.

Carl didn’t say anything.

“ _What does it say?_ ”

Rick and Negan watched Carl sink to the floor in despair.

“Carl…” Negan started.

Carl jumped up and started to laugh. “I’m just messing with you, I got in.”

Rick rolled his eyes and gave a frustrated sigh. Negan started laughing too.

Carl walked over and hugged Rick.

“Good job son.” Rick said.

“Thanks.” Carl said, and he let go of Rick and immediately hugged Negan.

Negan returned the hug, “Congrats _Carl_.”

“Thanks _Negan_.” Carl smirked.

“FUCK YEAH!” Rick shouted, jumping up and down.

“It’s not that big a deal.” Carl muttered.

“Yes it is.” Rick said.

Just then Sophia burst through the still open door.

“UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA?!” She cried.

“YES!!” Carl shouted, and they jumped into the air and ran outside.

Rick laughed, and sighed. “Not a big deal?”

Negan smiled.

“He’s growing up huh?” Negan asked, leaning against the counter.

Rick was silent for a moment, Negan watched him dip his head.

“Rick…” Negan said, and he put a hand on his shoulder. He could hear Rick sniffling. “It’s okay.”

“I know.” Rick said. “It’s just like yesterday he was Judith’s age, that’s all.”

Negan turned Rick around and pulled him into a hug.

“You’re gonna experience this with Judith one day.” Rick said, his head buried in Negan’s chest.

“Fuck Rick.” Negan said, feeling tears behind his eyes.

“I wish Lori could have been here.” Rick said quietly.

Rick felt Negan squeeze him tight.

“She is.” He said. And Negan couldn’t help but wonder if Lucille was watching too. He had kids now, and he had a feeling she was well aware of that.

Rick pulled away and Negan smiled, wiping a thumb under Rick’s eye to catch a tear.

“That kid is going to be okay. He’s got all your best qualities.”

Rick smiled, hadn’t he thought something similar so long ago? That Carl embodied all the best parts of Lori? Maybe he was a perfect blend of them after all. And he couldn’t help but trust Negan, always.

March was getting busy warming the weather up, and Rick was never more excited for Spring. But Negan had made the winter bearable, and he almost didn’t notice the landscape turning green until it was time to buy flowers for the yard.

“I remember watching you garden, hotshot.” Negan said on their way into the gardening store. “Covered in dirt.”

Rick huffed a laugh through his nose. “Ok.”

“You’re just one of those guys.” Negan said

“What’s ‘one of those guys’?” Rick asked, tilting his head.

“You know, the earthy handy guys that just know how to do shit and don’t realize how sexy they are when they do it.”

Rick laughed.

“What’s your favorite flower?” Negan asked.

“Hm.” Rick said, thinking for a moment. “Laurels.”

“That was fast.” Negan said.

“Yeah.” Rick said. “It’s what ‘Lori’ means.”

Negan smiled.

Rick and Negan spent the afternoon putting flowers and shrubs on a dolly and wheeled it through the store. They rounded a corner and ran into the trio.

“Hey you two.” Abraham said, setting a lion statue on the ground.

“Are you getting that for your house?” Rick asked.

“Oh this? I mean, if I can convince the others but…I don’t think it’s going to happen.” Abraham shrugged.

Rosita and Eugene came walking over from another aisle.

“When’s the pool opening?” Rosita asked immediately.

“Late April.” Rick said, crossing his arms. “Why do I have a feeling I’m about to get really popular?”

“You’re already popular.” Rosita smirked.

“You gonna get your hands dirty for once?” Abraham asked, looking at Negan.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Negan asked.

“Jus’ the way you had us handle all the heavy work on your car, and you had Rick fix your basement.”

“That’s not fucking true!” Negan sputtered. “I get dirty.”

Rick laughed. “Vulgar language doesn’t count.”

Negan mumbled something Rick couldn’t make out, and then they were on their way to the checkout. They could hear the trio arguing about the lion statue behind them.

Rick pointed to a small building on the way home and said, “That’s where Judith’s going to go to preschool.”

“Wow,” Negan said, “I can’t believe it.”

“I know.” Rick said, and he couldn’t help but worry about what life was going to be like when Negan, Carl, and Judith were all out of the house and he’d be all alone. But that was dramatic, Judith was only going to be going three times a week for 2 and a half hours. Still, there was something changing, and if change wasn’t hard, it was certainly bittersweet.

“You’ll be fine.” Negan said, patting Rick’s thigh. Rick nodded.

Back at the house, the two got to work on the landscaping. They were both kneeling in the grass at the base of the mulch, digging in to uncover dirt. Rick watched Negan plant some flowers. Negan looked over.

“What? Am I doing this wrong?” Negan asked.

“No,” Rick smiled, “You’re doing it sexy and you don’t even know it.”

They both laughed. Negan tossed dirt at Rick’s shirt. Rick looked surprised, and Negan watched as a devilish smile formed on Rick’s face. Next thing he knew, Rick was throwing dirt at Negan’s white t shirt. And then they were both going at it, covering each other in dirt and scrambling and rolling on the lawn. They could hear Denise and Tara cheering from their porch, and it made them laugh even harder. Negan was shocked to find Rick had pinned him, his legs straddled at his sides. Dirt covered their bodies, Rick’s palms on Negan’s chest.

“You done?” Rick grinned, breathing heavily.

“For now.” Negan sighed, a smile on his face, he held up his hands in surrender. “You got me hotshot.”

Rick gave Negan a wink before climbing off of him. He helped him get back up and they tiredly finished the landscaping, escaping inside for some water and a shower. Rick didn’t know he could laugh so much, and if there was a daily quota, Negan made sure he reached it.

The next day Negan was walking through the school hallway with Beth.

“You up for coaching baseball again this summer?” Negan asked. “I understand if you don’t want to.”

“Of course I do!” Beth said.

“Ok, good.” Negan said. “You gonna be here next year?”

“Yeah,” Beth said, “I still have a job. Don’t worry.”

Negan smiled. They passed by the Seniors board on the wall. It was filled with photos of the graduating class.

“Fuck, I’m going to miss those kids.”

“I know.” Beth said. “This place won’t be the same without them.”

“That’s the part that sucks.” Negan said. “They leave. And 90% of the time they don’t come back.”

Beth smiled gently. “That’s very sweet.”

“Bittersweet, more like it.” Negan sighed. “Anyway, what am I saying? I teach the class everyone hates.”

“That’s a lie.” Beth said. “They like going because of you. And I didn’t pull that out my ass.”

Negan smirked at her language.

“I’ve heard them talk about you.”

“You have?” Negan asked.

“Yeah,” Beth said, “They look forward to your class.”

Negan swallowed.

“Guess I’ll be seeing a lot of you huh?” Negan asked, switching the subject.

Beth laughed. “Oh, yeah, maybe.”

Negan gave a snort. He wondered how long it would be before Beth was moving in across the street too.

“He really appreciates it, yknow.” Beth said. “That house means a lot to him. He’s really happy.”

“It was never meant to be mine.” Negan said. “I was just holding it for him.”

“I’m really glad you moved here.”

Negan looked up to the ceiling. “Yeah kiddo. So am I.”

That afternoon he found himself in the middle school locker room again, leaning against the wall of Jim’s office.

“You know,” Negan said, “I think they’re looking for some more gym teachers at my high school for the next year, you would be great.”

“That sounds nice,” Jim said, “But they kind of rely on me here. I couldn’t do that to them.”

Negan shrugged, but didn’t push it. He couldn’t help but scratch nervously at his face. While the high school appreciated his hard work, they still wanted to hire another gym teacher. It wasn’t even close to being the next school year yet, but Negan was already nervous about who might be filling that space. If he could control it, he would. But Jim wasn’t biting, and the only other person Negan knew of was the one person he didn’t want to get the job.

He had a feeling he was fucked.

Rick was sitting at home, looking at his calendar. April was almost there, and he was planning a party for Negan, which happened to be the perfect time for the pool opening party. He started drafting the invite, April 22nd, a day before their one day anniversary of meeting. It was Negan’s birthday. Rick thought maybe Negan would rather just spend the day with Rick, but he had spent so long making these friends, he might as well enjoy their company.

April rolled in with rain, but by the middle of the month, the weather was warm and beautiful, and marked a theme for the rest of the following weeks.

Rick woke Negan up on the day of his birthday, warm sunlight filtering in through the bedroom windows.

“Happy Birthday love.” Rick said, rubbing Negan’s arm gently.

Negan blinked his eyes open and smiled. “Mm. Thanks. I’m old as fuck now.”

“Maybe I like older guys.” Rick teased.

Negan slid his tongue in between his teeth. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Rick said.

Negan grabbed Rick in his arms and pulled him across the sheets, sending Rick into fits of laughter.

“What time can I expect everyone?” Negan asked, nuzzling his face into the back of Rick’s neck.

“Mm,” Rick said, stretching, “Two o clock.”

“Sounds like just enough time to take a long hot shower.”

Rick turned around in the bed to face Negan. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Negan said.

Rick grinned and followed Negan into the master bathroom. Negan turned the water on hot and grabbed Rick into the shower.

“Shouldn’t I be leading since it’s your birthday and all?” Rick asked.

“I’m not stopping you.” Negan purred.

Rick smiled and leaned up to kiss Negan. Negan put his hand on Rick’s neck, digging his fingertips in enough for Rick to feel the pressure. Rick backed Negan up into a corner, steam swirling around them.

A knock on the door made them jump.

“Yeah?” They both said in unison.

There was a pause.

“D…Dad?” Carl asked.

“What?” Rick called.

“ _Are you both in there?!_ ” Carl cried from the other side of the door.

“Carl what do you want?” Rick asked.

There was an audible groan from the door.

“My friends are coming over early.”

“Great.” Rick said. “They can help set up.”

Carl gave a loud sigh and Rick heard him walk away, from in the bathroom they could hear their bedroom door close.

Rick turned to face Negan. Negan just smirked.

“Guess you’re no longer compromised about him going to college?” He asked.

Rick rolled his eyes. He’d give Negan a shove but he didn’t want him to slip and crack his head open.

They got dressed for the party and walked downstairs. Carl, Enid, Sophia, and Lizzie were sitting in the family room playing video games while Judith watched. Cause growing up watching violent videogames was a surefire way to create a well-adjusted adult.

“Thanks for all your help.” Rick said sarcastically.

“You’re welcome Mr. Grimes.” Sophia said from the couch.

Negan gave Rick a little rabbit toothed smile and shook his head, trying not to laugh. He followed him out to the deck. They set up some tables and Rick worked on getting the grill ready.

Negan gave a whistle. “I hope you have an apron that says ‘kiss the cook’.”

“Nope, but I’m not cooking. Abraham is.” Rick smiled. “So you can ask him if he has one.”

Negan smirked. They finished setting up just as everyone started to arrive. Abraham and Eugene immediately started tending to the grill, while Rosita came dressed in only a bikini, ready to swim. Rick had a feeling his pool was now everyone’s pool. He found he didn’t mind.

Glenn and Maggie showed up with Daryl and Beth, and they wished Negan a happy birthday. Beth handed him a huge gift bag.

“What the fuck is this?” Negan asked.

“It’s a present.” Beth said.

“No shit.”

“You can open it later.” Beth said.

Negan put the gift inside, and couldn’t help but try and peer in through the tissue paper. He couldn’t see anything. And he didn’t want Rick to catch him peeking; after all, Negan was always teasing him about how much Rick seemed to hate surprises.

Rick was standing by the pool with Carol. He saw Negan come back out of the house and look around. He smiled softly, Negan couldn’t find him, and he watched as Negan settled by Beth and Daryl, giving up on locating Rick.

Carol sighed next to him.

“College blues?” Rick asked.

“Yeah.” Carol said. “It’s going to be hard.”

“I know.” Rick said.

“You never know if they’re ready. I don’t remember being ready.” Carol said.

“Yeah, neither do I.”

“I’m just glad a lot of them are going to the same school. Makes things a little easier.”

“And you’ve got Ezekiel.” Rick reminder her.

Rick watched Carol blush.

“Yeah well…”

“Is that going good?” Rick asked.

“It’s going great. Guess we both got lucky this year.” Carol grinned. “And we both got cats.”

“You have a cat?” Rick asked.

“By association.” Carol said. “Ezekiel’s got a big orange cat named Shiva.”

Rick laughed. “Yeah, the cat came from Negan. He’s a sucker.”

“The only sucker I see is standing right in front of me.” Carol said.

Rick huffed a laugh. Just then he saw Deanna and her husband Reg walk into the backyard. He excused himself and walked over.

“Deanna, Reg.” He greeted.

“Hi Rick.” Deanna said, and there was a warm smile on her face.

“I’m sorry I never checked in with you after the accident…” Rick trailed off.

“It’s fine.” Reg said. “No hard feelings.”

“So, I guess you took care of that Negan problem after all.” Deanna said, giving him an understanding smile that surprised him.

“Yeah,” Rick said, smiling shyly, “I guess I did.”

“I’ve always trusted your judgment Rick. Maybe not _always_ , but definitely these days.” Deanna said.

“Well, thank you for putting me on Negan duty.” Rick said.

Deanna gave him another smile and handed him a bottle of wine. Maggie was sitting by the pool, 8 months pregnant; she looked like she was ready to explode. But she also looked like she was glowing. Glenn sat next to her, looking just as happy. Rick figured he didn’t have to worry about feeling lonely; the new baby would probably take up a lot of his free time.

Negan was sitting at a table with Beth and Daryl, who had just gotten up to go swimming. Jesus sat down across from Negan with a plate of food.

“Hey.” Jesus said.

“Hey.” Negan said. It was still weird, dating someone who was close friends with someone you hooked up with…and it had been awkward. Rick walked over and sat down next to Negan with his own plate.

Jesus shook his head. “I’m still pissed.”

“Bout what?” Rick asked.

“That I had a shot at you and I didn’t even know!” Jesus said exasperated.

Rick burst out laughing.

“Sorry Jesus,” Rick said, “I’m kind of into older guys. Not younger.”

Negan grinned.

“Well,” Jesus said, crossing his arms, “Still.”

Rick watched Jesus glance across the way at Aaron, who had just arrived.

“That going anywhere?” Rick asked. “You guys seem…”

“I don’t know.” Jesus said. “He just got out of a breakup, and I don’t want to be a rebound.”

Jesus looked awkwardly at Negan.

“Besides,” Jesus shrugged, “Sometimes it’s good to just have a friend.”

Rick and Negan exchanged small smiles. Sometimes it was good to have a friend. But sometimes unexpected things happened too. And all for the best.  

“I wouldn’t count out that relationship just yet.” Rick said.

“I’m still getting over my crush on Daryl too…” Jesus said, giving a shy smile.

Rick and Negan started to laugh.

“ _Daryl?_ ” Negan asked.

“Yeah, you know, gruff asshole brooder-ish types. Guess it’s a habit.” Jesus stared at Negan. “Rick knows.”

Rick smirked. “Difference is Daryl isn’t an asshole. He just comes off that way sometimes. This one right here is an actual asshole.”

“That hurts.” Negan said, but he gave Rick a devilish smile.

By night, everyone was either relaxing by the pool or sitting on the deck. Rick disappeared inside and returned with a large cake. A big FIVE and ONE sat in the icing, already lit. Negan was sitting with Michonne and Andrea, and he looked embarrassed when he saw Rick carrying out the cake. Everyone crowded around Negan’s table and started to sing Happy Birthday. He didn’t know what to do with himself, so he just sat there and let everyone sing to him. There was a big dorky smile on Rick’s face, and he was staring at Negan with so much joy Negan almost felt guilty for some reason. Like he wasn’t worthy of someone that pure and good loving him.

But maybe he was.

Rick held the cake out and told Negan to come make a wish. Negan stood up and walked over. He picked the numbers out of the cake, still on fire, and tossed them into the pool.

Rick looked wide eyed at Negan.

“I made a wish last year on my birthday.” Negan said. “It came true the next day. I don’t need to ask for anything else.”

Negan watched Rick’s eyes soften.

“You just threw candles into the pool.” Rosita muttered, breaking their moment.

“Yeah, you did.” Rick said sheepishly.

“We’ll get them later.” Negan said, smiling down at Rick.

The party started to wind down, neighbors drifted away until Negan found himself floating alone in the pool, looking up at the stars. Someone swung their legs over the side of the concrete. Negan looked over. Rick was sitting there in his electric blue swim shorts and a black t shirt, his hands gripping the side of the pool. He smiled. Negan thought he looked straight out of an editorial magazine. Maybe an article about being in your 40s and living your best fucking life. Something like that.

They could hear the kids inside, playing video games and ordering a pizza, even though Abraham had cooked more than enough food that day. Rick had just put Judith to bed. His face was illuminated in blue lighting. Negan swam over and hopped up next to Rick.

“You got your phone on you?” Negan asked.

“Yeah.” Rick said, handing his phone over.

Negan opened the camera and took a picture of them.

“What are you doing?” Rick asked.

“Capturing my birthday.” Negan said, and he took another when Rick was more prepared.

Negan looked through Rick’s photos, realizing that he had spent a large part of the day taking candids of the party; many of the photos were of Negan. He thought about the photo albums that now rested alongside Rick’s on the shelves. Now they could make one together, capturing every memory so they’d never forget.

“This was probably one of the best birthdays of my life.” Negan said, handing the phone back to Rick.

Rick looked down at the puddle coming from Negan, who was dripping on the concrete.

“You’re soaking my ass.”

Negan bit his lip. “I’ll do worse to it if you don't stop ruining the fucking moment.”

Rick smiled and rested his phone down on a dry spot beside him. “Sorry. But you are.”

“If that’s how you feel…” Negan said before grabbing Rick at the shoulders and hauling him into the pool. Rick flew in face first.

“What the fuck!!” Rick cried when he came up from under the surface.

Negan laughed and dropped into the water, grabbing Rick again and sinking to the bottom. Rick kicked away, turning around and looking at Negan with wild eyes. Negan breathed out and sank to the bottom, a big stupid rabbit toothed smile on his face.

Rick watched him sit at the bottom of the pool, illuminated by the lights, thinking just how familiar he looked encompassed in chlorine.

Rick sank down to join him. Negan pushed his feet against the bottom of the pool and rose back up to the surface. Rick closed his eyes and smiled before doing the same.

Negan was holding the candles in his hand. They looked around at the mess, cups and streamers everywhere, and started cleaning up. Inside the kids had moved to the basement, and Rick and Negan sat on the couch and kicked their feet up. Negan was holding the gift bag Beth had given him.

“God I wonder what this is.” Negan said.

“Let’s see.”

Negan pulled away the tissue, tossing it in Rick’s face. Rick pushed it out of the way and looked unimpressed at Negan’s shenanigans.

Inside was a big card from his senior students, wishing him a happy birthday and also giving their early thanks for a great year. Enid, Carl, and Sophia had scrawled messages inside the card amongst their other classmates.

“Those little fuckers.” Negan sniffed.

He pulled out another card from Beth and read it.

_“Dear Negan,_

_It’s almost been a year since we met properly. I didn’t know I needed someone like you in my life. When I met you, I was kind of scared. But you’re not nearly as bad as you think you are. I think you know that now. I hope you do. Anyway Happy Birthday_

_Love Beth”_

“God fucking dammit.” Negan muttered, putting his hand to his eyes.

He felt Rick hold his free hand.

“You’re such a sap.” Rick said.

Negan gave a big sniff. “Shut the fuck up.”

“That’s what I love about you.” Rick murmured.

Negan turned his head and looked at Rick. How anyone on earth could have such delicate blue eyes, he didn’t know. He figured he was at the bottom of them now, drowned and devoured by the siren that lived in them.

“It’s been one year.” Negan whispered. “Feels so much longer than that.”

“Remember when we had only known each a week? Felt like a decade had passed.” Rick said.

“I felt like I had been pissing you off my whole fuckin’ life.” Negan grinned.

“If we’re Twin Flames, maybe you had.” Rick murmured.

Negan gave a deep sigh out of his nose.

“Yeah maybe.” Negan said.

Jinx hopped up and settled in between them.

“Guess we’re stuck here for a while.” Negan said.

Rick laid his head back. “What a horrible fate.”

Negan closed his eyes and thanked Lucille, again and again.

Negan and Rick eventually retired to their bedroom, getting into bed, feeling a little drained from swimming all day.

Negan flopped on the mattress, and looked surprised when Rick got on top of him.

“What are you doing?” Negan asked, a small smile on his face.

“You’ll find out.” Rick said, leaning down to kiss his neck. Before Rick could do anything else, Negan was closing his eyes.

“Ah, fuck Rick. I’m tired.”

Rick leaned back up and stared at him. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

Negan lifted Rick up and pushed him so that he fell onto his side of the bed.

“God,” Rick said, “Get on my fucking level.”

Negan smirked, eyes still closed.

“Hey wait a minute.” Negan said, opening his eyes. “Where’s my birthday present? My real present?”

“Who says I got you anything?” Rick scoffed, a sly smile creeping on his face.

“Because if I’m a sap, so are you. So what did you get me?” Negan asked, jabbing Rick in the sides.

Rick flinched away, then rolled into Negan.

“You’ll get it tomorrow. Aren’t you tired?” He asked, batting his eyes up at Negan.

Negan smiled and closed his eyes, wanting Rick’s face looking up at him to be the last thing he saw on his birthday.

* * *

The next day was warm and sunny, a spring breeze flowing through the neighborhood. It was also the day Daryl was finishing moving in. The air smelled like butterflies and flowers and life, maybe it smelled like love too.

Rick sat on the porch, things were quiet.  Jinx sat a few feet away, she was one of those cats that didn’t want to run away, just wanted to sit and enjoy the sun so long as you kept an eye on her. Rick thought she was perfect. Maybe Negan was a judgmental person, but it just meant he had good judgment. Rick almost felt like he had been deprived of animal company too. But that was Negan, always making sure to give Rick what he didn’t know he needed.

Judith was playing in the yard, engrossed in her game. Daryl waved from across the street before going back inside his new house, moving the last of the boxes. Beth was there with him. Rick closed his eyes and felt the warm April air on his skin. It had been exactly one year since that day he found a moving van pulling to a stop across the street. And a sleek black Cadillac. Which was now sitting in his driveway in its new forever home. Black Cadillac. Black Cat. Rick thought maybe there was something to that.

He gave a deep, contented sigh.

Negan stepped out the front door and sat down quietly next to Rick. The sound of wicker creaked. He looked across the street and smiled, the house over there no longer his. One year. How much things can change in one year. He never would have believed how different things could be given a little time.

Negan thought about the first night he spent in that house. The day he had met Rick and forced him to help him move his shit in. That night he had slept on the couch in the living room, the box of picture frames and albums at his feet. How empty that house felt. How full of ghosts. Negan felt like sometimes he could envision his future. Little things he could imagine, like the summer, or the new school year. But in that moment, he could see nothing beyond that night. There was nothing there. Nothing he could see worth sticking around for.

And yet he did nothing about it.

He held on.

Closed his eyes.

Went to sleep.

Let the sun return in the morning.

And he did that over and over with difficulty, until he could see something beyond the night. And now he was here. In love. Content. Happy.

Negan didn’t know the last time he could say that word. It was something he hadn’t been able to say in so long. It was something he was afraid to verbalize. Almost like he was superstitious, like it would be ripped away from him if he dared to acknowledge it. But it was the truth, and he didn’t want to be afraid of it anymore. He was happy. And it felt so goddamn fucking good. And deserved.

And that mansion of grief in his heart was now a closet. A small little space that no longer felt suffocating or overwhelming. In fact, it almost felt good to visit. Rick had been right about that. And it would still be painful, he knew that. It would hit him randomly throughout the rest of his life. He wasn’t naïve. But in moments like this, that closet felt warm. It felt comforting. Negan had hope. Not just happiness, he realized. But hope. He was going to exist in the days to come whether he felt it was fair or not. And for once, for the first time in a long time, he actually looked forward to the future. Because it turned out he had blended in so seamlessly after all. 

Carl came outside.

“Enid’s coming over.” Was all he said.

“Okay.” Rick replied.  

“Hey kid,” Negan said, a fluttering feeling in his stomach, “Get me some lemonade.”

“What?” Carl scoffed. “No.”

“Actually I’d like some too.” Rick said. “Carl, go be a good son.”

Negan looked over at Rick, who didn’t meet his eyes. For the best, Negan thought, because the look on Negan’s face would raise too many questions. Negan held his breath. Carl rolled his eyes and went back into the house. He returned less than a minute later with two glasses.

“Shit you even put ice in them.” Negan said. “Thanks.”

Just then Enid pulled up to the side of the street. She got out of her car, said hello, and then she and Carl had escaped into the house. Rick and Negan gave each other a glance, Rick taking a deep breath through his nose. Negan burst into laughter, hitting Rick’s arm with the back of his hand. They stared at each other, eyes darting back and forth, until their fingers met.

Rick gave Negan a smirk, like he was going to say something snarky, the kind of thing that always surprised Negan.

But Rick just leaned in and kissed him instead.

Negan thought he was dreaming. He’d be sure of it too. No fucking way was this coming true before his eyes. This scenario. This exact fucking scenario. And it was happening for him. All his dreams. After so much pain.

Negan savored the senses that flowed through his body when he felt Rick’s lips on his own; he didn’t know how someone could be so addicting. And in a healthy way too. Lucille was a drug, and even she’d admit she could be toxic. Rick was different. If Negan had really been filled with poison, then Rick was the antidote.  He brushed a hand on Rick’s scruff, the feelings of softness registering to his brain through his fingertips.

Rick thought it would be impossible to get tired of kissing Negan. He felt like he had finally made up for lost time, and now they were right on schedule. And Rick never wanted to slow down. Ever.

The next thing they tasted was lemonade.

“Fuck.” Negan said. It tasted just how he always imagined it would. And it looked just how he imagined it would. Like it would refresh your whole body just by taking one small sip.  

“What?” Rick asked.

“I had this exact daydream.”

“What?”

Negan closed his eyes.

“Judith on the lawn. Carl inside with Enid, getting us lemonade. Me sitting here, next to you.” Negan rubbed his chin. “Kissing. I had that daydream the day after my sump pump broke. That was after I saw you in those electric blue briefs.”

Rick smiled, recalling the memory. “That was the day I admitted to myself that I liked you.”

Negan dipped his head down, trying to suppress the smile on his face, for some reason it embarrassed him.

“I never thought it would come true.” Negan said. “I imagined it hundreds of times. I used to look over at your house and just wish to God that I could live there too. It looked perfect. Come to find, it is perfect. Thank you for letting that daydream come true.”

Rick looked at Negan, their eyes dancing again.

“I want to tell you something.” Rick said slowly. “Something I should have told you a long time ago.”

“Yeah?” Negan asked.

Rick closed his eyes, and opened them. “I had a…dream. It was a few days after the block party. I was at an indoor pool with a man. He was clean shaven, this was before you shaved. But he was in your clothes. And he felt like you. Now I know it was you, _known_ , it was you. And the water, it was unreal. Like it was raging but so contained at the same time. And I felt safe. And it felt right. And it was you. All of it. So when you took me to the school pool…”

Rick trailed off.

Negan heard Rick’s breath catch.

“That’s the real reason I kissed you. When you asked me why I did, I didn’t know how to say that. I didn’t know how to tell you about some…strange dream I had. Now I know that that’s just the way our lives are, huh? We’re bound by something, I think.” Rick said. “But your goddamn stupid rabbit toothed grin didn’t help either.”

Negan blinked, stunned, a small smile crept onto his face.

Negan felt Rick’s hand still wrapped around his. He squeezed Rick’s hand and looked down at his fingers.

“What is that?” Negan asked, holding Rick’s hand up to look at the unfamiliar ring on his finger, it was where he usually wore his wedding band.

“Oh, that’s new.” Rick said, he pulled away, the ring sliding off with ease and hitting the porch floor.  

“Doesn’t fit you hotshot.” Negan said.

“Oh?” Rick said, as though he didn’t realize, as though he had just found it on his ring finger by accident. He slid off his chair and knelt to the ground. He picked up the ring and looked at it. “You’re right. It doesn’t fit me.”

Negan felt his heart drop into his stomach suddenly before bouncing back into his chest. Time seemed to slow down around them; at least, that’s what was happening inside Negan’s head.  

“It doesn’t fit me,” Rick repeated, holding the thick bronze and golden band up, “ _But maybe it fits you_.”

Negan felt his mouth go dry, his hands started to shake. He blinked rapidly, blood pounding in his ears.

“Negan,” Rick said, “For the rest of my life…”

Rick watched Negan’s eyes go wide.

Rick continued.

“…I don’t want to go it alone.”

Rick cleared his throat.

“I don’t want to sleep by myself, you’re there now. I don’t want to raise my kids by myself, you’re there now. I don’t want to go to the fucking bathroom by myself, you’re there now. Even when I yell for you to get out.”

A grin spread across Negan’s face, and he blinked away tears.

“I don’t want to see Carl go to college by myself, you’re there now. And I definitely, definitely, do not want to walk down that aisle by myself.”

Rick stared up into Negan’s eyes.

“So my question is,” Rick said, “…will you be there?”

Negan looked up to the sky, tears falling past his bottom lashes, sliding down his face. He nodded.

“I’m there.” He whispered.

Rick dipped his head down, when he lifted it back up; tears were swirling in his eyes.

“Will you marry me?” Rick asked.

Rick was holding his breath, he didn’t remember being so nervous in his life. Even though he was sure Negan would say yes a thousand times over. It was still like walking the plank. But Negan was Rick’s alligator, and he was sure even if he did fall over, Negan wouldn’t tear him apart.

Negan wiped the tears from his face and nodded again. “ _Yes. Fucking fuck. Yes._ ”

Rick smiled, tears breaking from his eyes. He took Negan’s hand and slid the ring on, it was a perfect fit. Rick pulled something out of his back pocket. It was a ring for him.

Negan hadn’t worn his first wedding ring. He had never been one of those guys. Not even after Lucille’s death. But fuck, he was one of those guys now. And he was never going to take this band off.

“Hold up there hotshot.” Negan said. He took the ring out of Rick’s fingers.

Rick watched as Negan held out his hand. Rick gently placed his own hand in Negan’s open palm. Rick let Negan slide the ring on him.

“We have to practice don’t we?” Negan asked.

“Yeah,” Rick said, “Yeah _we do_.”

Rick stood up just as Negan did, and he wrapped his arms around him and they stood like that, just hugging, for what felt like a long while.

“I love you.” Negan said.

“I love you too.” Rick said, feeling the softness of Negan’s t shirt on his face, trying to avoid getting a face full of that goddamn leather jacket. The one he stopped hating far earlier than he’d ever realize. He gave in and let his face meet the leather, inhaling deeply.

Rick and Negan looked at each other again. Eyes dancing back and forth.

“What did I do to get so fucking lucky?” Negan asked.

“Nothing.” Rick said. “You just walked over. That’s all it’s ever taken.”

Negan smiled. Rick was always right.

“You’ve made me a better person.” He said quietly.

Rick smiled.

“Save something for our vows.” Rick said.

“Oh, don’t worry about that hotshot. I’ll have you fucking crying with how good my vows are gonna be.”

Rick smirked. “Sounds like a challenge.”

“In that case, don’t hold back on me.” Negan said, grinning. 

"So you like your present then huh?" Rick asked. 

"You sneaky little shit." Negan murmured.

Rick could only smile.

“So when we doing this thing?”

“What?” Rick laughed.

“When are we getting married?”

Rick blinked. “What? When do you think we’re getting married?”

“I don’t know, like. Tomorrow.” Negan said plainly.

Rick laughed. “No. No no no. I’m not doing some fucking Las Vegas wedding. We’re going to be engaged. I want to call you fiancé for at least half a year.”

Negan made a low growling noise in his throat.

“Fine.” Negan said. “ _Fiancé_.”

Negan pulled away and unzipped his jacket. Rick watched as Negan revealed a few slightly crumpled flowers from inside. He held them out to Rick.

They were laurels.

Rick looked up into Negan’s eyes, wondering how he got so lucky to find someone that always just _listened_. He would have to thank Lori for that one, again and again. He took the laurels in his hand, an image of them against their wedding bands stamping itself onto Rick’s brain.

“Thank you love.” Rick whispered, his pale blue eyes a watery mess that Negan would only ever describe as containing dangerous levels of chlorine.

“Thank _you_ , hotshot.” Negan murmured, revealing his soft rabbit toothed smile that Rick would only ever describe as terrible, maybe awful, maybe dreadful, sheepish, big, stupid, extra evil…sly, sweet, sometimes very small and shy, but always beautiful.

Rick smiled, returning into Negan’s arms. He never wanted to leave them. He’d never have to. And he didn’t know that love could exist like this again. That it could be new and exciting and fulfilling. That it could make him feel alive. Clear. Happy. Rick didn’t feel like a zombie, walking through life, one day to the next. He didn’t have to think about navigating life alone, whether on his porch or in his bed. He didn’t feel empty. He didn’t feel tired. And if Rick or Negan had ever thought of themselves like black cats, they didn’t anymore. Or maybe they did, and it was just no longer a bad thing. After all, there was a very satisfied one purring at their feet.

Negan scooped Rick into his arms, spinning him around on the porch, slowing down to kiss him unsteadily. Love radiated from their skin. Rick just wanted night to fall; sleeping beside Negan was one of his favorite parts of the day. Some days he expected to wake up and find no one there, but those days were over.

After all, Rick no longer hated getting up in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a really long probably embarrassing corny and sappy spiel about this experience. But what else would you expect from someone who wrote an entire story with no real conflict? 
> 
> 110k words later and almost 3 months later here we are. This has been an incredible experience. I have never written anything like this in my life. My fic history is short and sweet, completed projects that were 14k words, abandoned projects that reached 25k. I didn't expect to ship Rick and Negan, it just happened (Regan is a powerful entity), I looked up the ship on AO3 by random, read a fic, admittedly didn't enjoy it, left, and came back a week later. That's when I read 'Confidant' by edy, and 'Good Feeling' by nagem, seriously, those fics are the OGs for me. Give them some love if you haven't already. 
> 
> Meanwhile I was also reading a fic called 'The Working Dead' by Arcade_Android, it's a one-side unrequited love (Negan to Rick) and it's about the characters working in a department store, it's amazing. It's underrated imo. Read it if you love seeing these characters interact, it's heartfelt and beautiful and it was a huge inspiration to me. And then of course 'Shelter from the Storm' by sodium_amytal was a few chapters in at the time, and by that point, I just had to join in this whole fandom too. So I thought of an idea and I went with it. My first chapter is barely over 1,000 words. Now I don't like to post anything under 4,000. So never doubt you're writing stamina/ability, you will improve so much faster than you ever expected.
> 
> This fic has been a blessing in disguise. In mid December, I was in desperate need of another outlet in my life. I was having consuming thoughts (a relatable feel, I'm sure) that were getting really hard to manage. And then bam. Adding writing as an outlet for me filled that spare time that was used for bad thoughts. Like that sounds maybe strange and dramatic, but the truth is I haven't felt those thoughts as strongly since starting this fic. That was months ago. In a way, this fic rescued me from something that was really debilitating to me. 
> 
> But also all of you did. Because you read it and commented and gave it love and gave me love. You guys have made me laugh with your comments, you've made me cry, and the warmth I feel in my heart from you is unmatched and so real. The amount of times you have cheered me up and made my heart swell is too many to count. This has been a journey I will always carry with me. I'll never forget these times. I know they won't last forever. Maybe this fic will fade, but it's here forever. Maybe you're reading this and the year is 2022. 
> 
> I had no idea it would become this. I wasn't even sure that I would finish it, because I didn't know what my intentions were starting this fic. I just knew I wanted to join in. I don't think it could have became this if not for you. I know now that I'm capable of telling and finishing stories. That's a really comforting thought, because all I want to do is tell stories and this has taught me I can. 
> 
> And I'm kind of proud of myself. All this time I didn't know this kind of thing was in me. I'm going to try and not doubt myself anymore. 
> 
> I love this fic. There's a part of my soul in it. It was at times, extremely cathartic to write. Thank you for giving me that space and a place in this fandom. Thank you for reading a story about two people falling in love in the sappiest, romantic, cliche-est way possible. (I've written a long story I can make up a word now) If you've been here since the beginning, wow, thank you so much. If you joined in later or are reading this for the first time when it's all completed, thank you, you're readership means so much to me <3 
> 
> ❤❤❤❤❤❤ Thank you thank you thank you ❤❤❤❤❤❤  
> I can't say that enough. 
> 
> Here's one of the original songs that inspired this fic, and where the last chapter title comes from:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCB_MbYyCYQ
> 
> And I can only hope you will stick around for the sequel :3c Which I think will debut in May. For now I am going to be focusing on my second fic 'Ready For Another Life', and maybe maybe I will be able to finish my third darker au that I'm working on too. 
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr if you'd like: https://sinners0prayer.tumblr.com/
> 
> I hope you liked this last chapter too. I've been sitting on this porch scene since the beginning, so it feels so good to have finally reached it and that I got to write it! This experience has been incredible and I love being creative with these and mapping them out and working on them and sharing them. Thank you for being so kind. It means the world to me. All I can describe my emotions is as everything sappy in this fic x1,000. And that's it. 
> 
> Thank you ❤  
> Love, Sinners0Prayer ❤


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